Wow , it has been my wont since 2000 to run away from lonliness, i had been searching for ways and means of travelling , meeting new friends, seeing new places, or brooding over while shedding tears, for my unacceptable, unnecessary, imposed lonliness, i did shopping , i tried to purchase useless things and clothes just to make myself busy busy hey busy like bee. But in heart of hearts i know, bee has purpose of life but me no purpose, being very busy for nothing... all through the life. The goal i cherished, the life opted for , the people i moved with all became very vague all in a sudden, and useless all the way.
Well, for that matter what is life? all is myth, but we strongly believe that we are doing something for the benifit of family or society, but once you loose ur partner who shared ur dreams, who supported u in every effort to reach that goal, everything seems to be just a myth, just maya, wow , that was mine, and i tried to fill that void in life by doing many a things, which are uselesss, even i tried social service, along with the people whom i never had anything in common, which has given me stress and frustration, instead of realy satisfcation or mirth in the soul, so i am doing the same work all alone, taking the rule that what i do with my right hand should not be known to left hand. But still i feel i should have some invisible supporters, if not the real negative minded fellas as my team members.
well now i have 4 days of holidays, its a festival that comes in october every year, so what i am going to do, hey what i did before, i travelled a lot, visited friends, and relatives, for nothign, only to be hurt and experience the curtailed freedom, along with tiredness, and spending of enrgy and money for useless stuff, but this time i determined to enjoy my lonliness in my own little Ac room infront of Tv and computer and in the presence of my beloved friend, who is available all the time every time, anytime... atleast i can pour out all my stupidity and agony for nothing, at His feet, i can talk and talk and talk just pouring out my heart at His compassionate presence. Let me how this new experience of accpetance of my lonliness would fetch me the joy of not running away from my self. Runnign for what, Running to where, Running after whom, Running for what use.... these and many more questions would be answered by the end of these 4 days , i am sure. God Bless this time of my lonliness.. this october ... bye freinds,..
