Spiritual House

The other day I heard a voice in my dream  1 Peter 2:5  .... When i read the verse, I found that  this is the answer to the question I have deep down in my heart, in my subconscious mind... sleeping inside the folds of my brains. I was astonished How could this be possible.
I read this chapter many times since my conversion, in fact the 1 st verse of this chapter was the one all ways I remember and learnt it by heart.. and there after the verses were read and reread many a times. But never I remember this verse , or never it took my attention, never in my life.
Even after reading it, it took quiet a time to get the essence of the verse, and slowly I found the inner meaning of it , and recognized  that this is the answer to my innermost question  which I never expressed to any one, nor even uttered loudly to my self too.
The inner thoughts go like this...." God has given me so much light in the life, He taught me how to walk with Him, How to recognize His voice, How to be neutral in my thoughts and actions, to understand His will , His thoughts His way at every turn and twist of life.   It was mere grace of Him, that I could His WILL, His THOUGHTS, His WAYS  in my life. If I did not know His thoughts I did not have courage to go forward, I was scared to death. Life was mere confusion and sorrow.  So many a times I sought His instructions, His support and His guidelines  just to escape misery, wast of time and money, waste of energy and shame and agony.  His ways were wonderful, sweeter, and gave me strength...Out side, people think that I make much ado over nothing, they think that I was waiting for long time to take even smallest decision in life, they think that some times I do not keep up my promise, but take back a step which they never expected that I would take,  they think that I am crazy one who all ways speak of God's will, so weak and meek that never could think properly all by myself to take up one single step in life immediately   They also think that I am PROUD enough to say NO to certain things in life even after much coaxing and requesting me to follow them.
       Oh yes, this has had been my pattern of life all these years.  But ultimately I saw that all my decisions though look foolish, has had fetched me much PEACE,  in my innermost being, And I never turned back and  felt regretted for those decisions  which stood on the moral ground of HIS PROMISES AND GUIDELINES.  I can say  now that is the LIGHT God has given me. But after the demise of the dear husband, I do not have the chance to build a church in physical sense, though I wanted to have one . But as a woman and culture of the country, and the very disposition of mine did not allow me to take lead and construct a Church , a visible Church such as the one we did before.  so I was contemplating on an issue day and night. and wondering why I am deprived of what I wanted?/ and what shall I do with all the light He has given ito me. How stupid I am for I am exactly hiding that light under the bush and and under the cot and sleeping over it. God would ask me for my laziness. This and many other thoughts gnawing my inner soul.
Now the verse I got in my dream .goes like this.
  1 Pet  2:5  You yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.'
     I read and read this verse again and again, not understanding what it mean, and why it has come into my dream.... slowly it was understood and revealed step by step.   I need not worry about my Church, God is calling me to be a living stone and to be a holy priesthood, and I here after need to give spiritual sacrifices  to build up a spiritual house. Not the house which could be built with cement pillars, or tin sheds..  I am shocked for this direct answer.. from God.   God  is calling me to be His Holy Priesthood, to build a Spiritual house . This spiritual house would be with living stones any where in the whole world. it may be in uSA or Australia, or Delhi or Hyderabad.. Eluru or Vizag or a small village like Penumakalanka... Great God all I need to do is just give the light He has given to me at his season of my life... the leaves are falling down, the branches are being withered, life is at its wits' end. But they that wait upon the Lord will shall  renew their strength ...

Jerusalem Trip..Promise of God

         Since I joined Air India, it was my deep desire to visit  Jerusalem and Bethlehem and Rome..But I resigned that job and returned back and got an appointment as Lecturer in an esteemed College for women. Never I regret for I quit my job in the International Airlines.  Never , Never I   thought of those days past in Air India.  But  along with my children I too applied for Pass port, just to have it, without giving any second thought. When my daughter got married, I had least idea of going to USA, until she asked me to apply for visa to visit her. 
I was in the shadow of the death, and in the shock of the death of my husband, for many years. And even when I joined my daughter in IOWA  I had least idea of what the life abroad would be. All that I know was taking Life as it comes. Little hopes of joy were pestering me after a long period of depression occurred in my life due to the loss of my beloved husband. How I went to stay with her, how I came back home was a dream. and a life of confusion.  Dark curtains of sorrow and depression were engulfing me those days, and I was not ready to welcome any  hope in life.
 After that visit in 2006  I visited her many times for a period of 3 months,  but never it occurred to me to go to Jerusalem just because I dared not to make a touring trip with a group of strangers. I was hoping for on acquaintance to go with , if not a friend .
in 2009 I thought of going along with my principal, but it was not possible some how.  Since then I was thinking   of going on a trip, but dare not go alone with any strange group for fear of my feeble knees, and weak feet aftermath of chikengunie 
I asked many friends who are a little bit rich to meet the expenses and who has passport, but none of them were ready to make a trip due to various reasons. I was fully at the bay's end, not knowing what to do, but enquiring every one about the trip.My son abruptly told me that he would come along with me. but keeping on post poning the trip due to leave problems.
I tried every way possible, but in vain.  
That night I got a dream.  I heard " Jacob, Jacob , Jacob thrice in my dream. then somebody was unfolding the story of Jacob's dream of the ladder in the wilderness, and was telling me about his promise of one tenth of his earnings to God and about the Rock where he had his House of Prayer.  Then suddenly I heard  a voice in my dream which was insisting me to look at the   15th  verse.The a next morning the first thing what I did was,  searched for the story of Jacob and his dream, I immediately found the story in Genesis 28th chapter, and my eyes gripped the sentence 15th...   it goes like this " And, Behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all Places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have doe that which I have spoken to thee of."   Can any body imagine my shock and my joy mixed feelings and emotions.?  Any one can imagine how light was my body and how I was walking in the clouds. All fear and doubts about my inability to travel with strange group on a tour was vanished. I called the TV channel which was arranging the trips like this. The person who was in charge informed me the next trip would be in the next fortnight, and the date I called 28th June was the last take to apply for Visa to Israel.  And he enquired me whether I could make it within such short period of time. I said, " Praise God, sir, as early as possible, it would be far better for me." he was Happy with my answer and instructed me to send passport details by email and deposit 10000 in his account.  John, my son usually calls me at the week ends, but that day on Thursday he called me to enquire of my welfare, which was very unlike of him. I told him" John I am going to Jerusalem trip, just now I talked to the organisers, and tomorrow and I am going to deposit the amount they asked me to." I told him about the last date of opting for the trip, and the dates of trip.. He was shocked and asked me why I am in so hurry, I told him about the promise God has given me in my dream. He rejoiced along with me at once. and shouted, " oh mom,.. that is fantastic, wonderful, what else you need mom, nothing else..." he was giggling along with me, while saying so.   Then he expressed his inability to come along with me.. When I asked about his job, and the leave he answered me leave he can get even on loss of pay but financially he need some more time to make this trip. I said " if that is the only reason , do not worry, by God's grace I can meet your expenses, even Annie's if you both could make this trip. He was surprised for a minute and enquired Annie whether she could make this trip , she answered that she could not as she had urgently submit some project.  John asked his manager for leave and he got the permission but on loss of pay.  I said, " does not matter, we will make this trip."  
I traveled to Hyd and reached on 13th  morning and that night john reached Hyd on 14th night we were in Shamashabad  Air port to board the plane for Israel country. But the man who promised me to take us safely was not available at the airport. and the visa particulars of mine and john were posted wrongly and we were objected to board the flight as we were not eligible. The promise God has given me was echoing in my ears.  and i hold my thumping heart, to keep my faith. But when I saw the callousness of the sister of the in charge person I told them that " this is a blunder, you have committed to us, and you just cannot throw your responsibility on God saying ' God will take care of you""  --- At last the airport official agreed to give us boarding the flight but warned us that we can travel only up to Amman , and later if Israel Govt would not give permission for us to enter into it , its not their responsibility at all.   My old mantra.. God has been faithful so far, and He will hitherto.. and further" This mantra is my breath  in many a occasions all through my life. and so it was even then. The in charge person was no where, to be seen, later we found out that that person left for Jerusalem the previous day along with another group, and he left out group with his brother in law... who was very much afraid for things turned up in this way.   When we were about to enter into Israel country, we both were stopped by the air port officials for more than two hours,  and we were keeping on praying for the best, and ultimately were given permission to enter into the Promised land only by faith and by the Promise Gen 28:15.

Sickness of 390 days + 40 days= Ezk 4:5,6

                  I have been thinking and thinking to do many things, in the new attained freedom of my life.  Till 2010 I was a   working lady , dutifully doing many a chores at working place and at home and in the ministry, God has given.   later I was retired and I thought to do many things which I like, but alas , I was bed ridden with high fever, body ache and sever nervous break down, with Chickenguenea , in this stage also I managed to renovate the ground floor given by my father in Vizag in the circumstances of many hurdles of Tobia and Sunbulett.. But The Lord has been with me  and strengthened me to finish the work at last. Though I was cheated by many people, and workers there, it was a condition where a lonely widow had to undergo inevitably. 
 I also could manage the marriage of my son, John and Anne, in spite of my terrible physical condition.   There was none to share my burden, none to take up responsibilities,   none to understand me.  I was literally lonely, except one or two friends who were attending me to their level best, in God given strength and capabilities. For that I owe to them forever. in the name of the Lord I bless them.

But the dearth of a shoulder to lean upon was there, all ways. I need to depend on God for even minute things of the daily life.
Now when I think back and reflect upon all that I had undergone, I see the hand of God on me. 
 I was so enthusiastic about my retirement, I even publicly announced that I am quiet happy about it. This made some of my authorities and colleagues to misunderstand me, thinking that I was insulting them. Because the others who were retired before me were so sad to leave the job, and  there were still some of them doing odd jobs by going everyday to the work place.
 In fact I was just waiting for the days to come where in which I could do all the things I wanted to do in my life, which hitherto, could not do, due to the job commitments. 
But The Lord has special training classes for me. He made me to sit aright, in one corner, I did not get some horrible disease which may pronounce the death sentence,  or some disease which I need to go for umpteen doctors for consultation  or some disease, where I need to depend on much medicine, or tests.   This chikungunya is a disease which made me to stick to the corner of my life.As there was no tests or medicines available, I just sit and wait for the healing of the Lord. I was able to move after 3 months  but it was so painful.  In the same condition I could carry on all my duties , by raising up to the occasion.   

God taught me that I cannot fly to an utopia in the newly given freedom, but I need to sit and stand still, to one place of my life, and painfully think of the future, to be planned. I was not able to get up from my bed, i used to take  at least ten minutes to get up from the bed. i could of squeeze the  tooth paste from the tube, and it took 5 minutes to do so. cannot stretch my arm to switch off or on the lights.During those three months the  I used bed pan for my natural calls, even the skin on my skull was swollen , I could not think properly... or  decide properly.

In this condition I went to Virginia, to see my daughter's family where I expected the touch of the two little sweethearts No.1  and No 2 would heal my bruised heart and crushed body. 

I went there in the month of June, and as I was praying in the basement in the month of July, I poured my anquishness of sorrow at the feet of the Lord.
               (Shealtiel was the promise given to me ...in the year 2003. ' He told me that , it means " I ASKED GOD'      and He also told me as soon as I asked of HIM , or enquired of Him any thing of my soul, He promised me that He would answer me then and there. "   Here I remember , " Before I ask , He promised me He would answer me"   This has been my experience with Him many a times since He has given that promise in 2003, and even before that since 1975........)

      I prayed ," Lord How many more days or months should I undergo this pain, how many more days I have to suffer like this. My daughter arranged a room in the basement for me, I could not climb even those few steps to the kitchen, I was spending most of the time in the basement.   The life was more silent and more lonely than before as I could not manage anything or help them any way.   So in those lonely hours, the Bible and His presence was the only  comfort to me. 

Expectations, are good for some extent, where we can make some effort to achieve them.. but in the circumstances where you are completely dependent, expecting love and affections, and time to spend for you would only bring more misery in life. 

At this juncture, Expectations bring only sorrow and disappointment in life.  

Life in USA is not the same in India, it is more difficult and busier than here. People live one day at a time, and even that is full of work and energy. The youngsters can go through of it as their young hot blood could meet the needs of the day. But some of us who were born and brought  up in different culture need to make a lot of adjustments... which the body could resist and mind blocks without our knowledge.

God told me very clearly..that I would be healed after 390 days, and after that I need to be still sick for 40 more days then God will restore my health..I was counting the days as this.."I am very sure that I had fever on September 6th 2010 , I went to buy some Bibles at a book exhibition, and while climbing down the stairs I found my self giddy and feverish. I rushed home soon after the lunch with John Ratnam aunty, excusing myself that I could not stay back even for a minute any longer. I came home and slept till evening even without changing the dress, I had high temperature of 104.degrees. F.h.I was retired on 31 August 2010, but I found giddiness and heaviness and swelling of the body from 3rd of Sept,2010, I remember that very well, because I went to attend a College function prior to Teachers day i.e 5th Sept  the function was held  that is on 3rd  Sept, because 5th Sept was on Sunday and the preponed the function to 3rd Sept that is Friday evening.

 Sr. Ursula found that I was a little bit sick in spite of my jubilant disposition. she commented on my body that I became very fatty, within three days of retirement, and asked me whet I was dong since i stopped to come to college. I said , oh nothing very much just taking rest. for that she cautioned me to take care of my health  I did not suspect any illness at that juncture but she identified it.

 So I counted my days from that day that is 3rd Sept 2010 till Sept 27th of 2011.  the total days summed up exactly 390 days. to be specific. Then I started to add 40 days to tht count.. That is from Sept 28th to Nov 6th 2011 , precisely 40 days, count. ....  So God told me by Nov 6th I would be all right health wise.  I was counting the days and praising God .. and thought even if miss some days or so I know Lord by Nov 10th I will be hale and healthy by Thine grace. Amen.  Just at that moment James came down to the basement on his errand, then I told him even before he stepped down the staircase. James asked me How are you aunty? I said James, I will be healed completely by Nov 10th , my son.  God told me so.  then he exclaimed and said , " Oh aunty  you will leave on 21st Nov, till then you will be not all right? He disappointingly queried me.. But I was rejoicing in the heart for the answer I got from the Lord and I could proclaim it by faith to the first person I met there in that lonely basement. 

The story did not end there. We went to the CBC Chantilley Bible Church on 25th September..I know in my heart I would finish my 390 days count byy 28th of this month... and that date is imprinted in my heart ... and I am looking forward for it to count another 40 days in my life.  That day in the church one Br.Brenard was inited to address the audience on some important issue. He told us the gravity of the sin in America , and esp about the Abortions and murdering of the infants in the womb of the mother. He spoke about the creation of God and His love for mankind, and encouraged us to participate in 40 days  fasting prayer from 28th September to Nov 6th ,2011.  and encouraged us to join in ralleys and counselling sessions, and fasting prayer for these 40 days . I could not believe my ears. why 40 days from 28th Sept why not from 26th the next day, that is Monday.. why they chose 28th wed??? there is no answer for that... my whole being is awfully numb.. I feel the presence of God all over me.. it is the case with me when He exalts Himself by answering me so abruptly and so specifically touching my soul softly. 

So  what I told to James in the basement was exactly happening here. Why God broke the days as 390 +40 days.. why He did not total led them and told me 430 days in total? Now I got the answer, He wanted me join the prayer session of the church.. So I went and met Br. Bernard and signed in the paper  that I would join in fasting prayer for the unborn babies. and against Abortion.

The Lord is good, and speaks beautifully to them who wait upon the Him

You know He keeps His word , and He healed me by Nov 6th.2011. I was jumping literally on Nov 10th as I predicted and proclaimed to James. 

Isn't this prophesy of Him.. even in the small details of life of worm like person , such as me?