Grand little one

               Why my heart is telling me always that this life is not real, and that I am living only for the moment, why I am not able to enjoy the company of people as I used to in the past years.. why I am not happy even in my loneliness as in my teenage years,
         I just want to spend day time some how and sleep out the nights, and just just carry on the days in and days out, ... is this the way how God is preparing me for my departure from this world? no ties, no attachments, no desires of any sort, just living for the moment, only some times the tears which gush out without any reason makes me realize that I am still a human being with feelings and hopes... otherwise
          I feel that everything is over with me and that I am just waiting for the sun set of life, I have some small goals in life those are the hopes of spending and enjoying life with my little grand daughter, I wonder and imagine how things would be with her while walking on the meadows once again and how it would be while we both exchange some words of stories in her language.. and how it would be if we both go out and spend some time seeing the nature and people, those silent conversations between us would give me immense joy .. that is the only thing I am waiting for now a days... but u know she is too far, too far  I have to travel long long way to reach her, and be with her, and I need to have some leave to spend with her... oh... I have to arrange things in this place once again during my absence ...well I wish there would be some one with whom I can discuss these things and do them .. and travel along with while talking about my little grandly and reach her...!

hi

Hi after a long time, its christmas season, and people are busy to buy things for themselves and for others, great, atleast in blue moon we think of others, through out the year we buy for us, we eat and wear whatever we like , and this season makes us to think about the other less fortune, Praise God for that......

Hi teaching has been my passion, giving speeches is my wont, so here i am, as have been since 35 years, life has some great feelings, and thrills, and speaking to the masses is one of those, ....

Inside Person

Well here I am again, reading my own blogs now and then, and reading the comments of dear friends makes me immensely contented ..serene and quiet in heart, i know some where some one who reecho with my reflections, I have seen the blogs of other friends, they write about National and International issues, and some write about the matters which would be useful to others, but I know that mine is just like pulling a pile of water, deep from the depths of the soul, a soul seeking and searching for better things in life... ! yes , History repeats, but people perish, we learn life's lessons from others, and compare our experience with the better ones; just for the sake of writing is not writing, writing for the deep reflection and for seeking change is all that i need, i test myself, see whether how the life would be in future, in coming days, see how things would run, ... that is the reason how and why i put my thoughts over here. I wonder at people, i observe them a lot, and reflect over their reactions, interactions, and actions, at large. Each person is unique, each one behaves in different way, the depths of the soul is known only to God, why a preson pretends, why a person cheats, why a person tell tales, why a person stick to the truth, why a person carry tales of lies, .... the relationships are allways complicated, depend on the innermost being of the person, Some may pretend to be good people, but their inner being reflects over their good deeds, their pretention peeps up some where, and makes everything so horrible to deal with. well but there some people they do not pretend but do what they really feel in side, and its easy to move with them, talk with them, and spend time with them. LOVE is that all matter, love in side, truth inside , integrity inside that makes a person. Not outside make up of pretentions...

past & present

Life is going on very well, just cool, the only thing that thrills me is everyday having a new and good sari to wear and some new jewllary, lol, u think i am becoming materialistic?? who is not for that matter? but for me this is the only pleasure left out still .. if it is not there, i mean if i do not have any work to go out, i would not wear even good saries, and there would not be any more thrill in life.. haha, strange na/
once upon time i was not haing any time to eat or to choose a sari for the day, whatever that was there in front , i used to wear it, and run and run to do other responsibilities, i did not have time to talk to others, i was waiting for holidays, to attend otehr pending works, i was thinking that i was doing somuch of good work, like taking care of children , husband poor and needy etc along with educating mystudents, now all that is left to me is educating the students, in college, other than that no commitments, no friends, no responsiblities to attend so life is going on... i used to get up from the bed , just jumping out of it , fearing i could not attend all the work of that morning in time , but now i see the time and think ..hey one hour is enough to get ready and to go to college, even if i get up early there is no one to talk , nothing to attend, no urgent work tofinsih, so i take lot of time to take hot water bath, to clean hair, and to take breakfast, and get ready to goto college.. ....later i developed to do some shopping which used to give some pleasure, but later i found that was only money spending , and i realized there is nothing profitable even in it.. so i stoped to go out to buy anything, so just going to college and coming home, no more outside freinds, nofriends too in college expect now and then speaking to oen or the torher heart to heart in college.. that is all in life.. for me .. only when i think of my little grand daughter i feel so happy inside, and i wish i could see her and play with her, i recollect those long walks to swing, and swimming pool and road side pastures and walks on meadows along with that little one in the last summer, and feel happy and sorry too as i cannot see her as often as i want to. ohwhy i am left so alone .. today while i am coming from college i felt a sting in my heart, oh i am going home and from now tothe monday morning i would be all alone.. no one to talk, but at the same time i donot feel like styaing some more time in college to chit chat orgo out to speak to others in the church, eveything seems to be just futile, useless, no heart or mind in those conversations, just time killing... well let me see how many days i would be like this.. haha haha

Runnig?

Wow , it has been my wont since 2000 to run away from lonliness, i had been searching for ways and means of travelling , meeting new friends, seeing new places, or brooding over while shedding tears, for my unacceptable, unnecessary, imposed lonliness, i did shopping , i tried to purchase useless things and clothes just to make myself busy busy hey busy like bee. But in heart of hearts i know, bee has purpose of life but me no purpose, being very busy for nothing... all through the life. The goal i cherished, the life opted for , the people i moved with all became very vague all in a sudden, and useless all the way.
Well, for that matter what is life? all is myth, but we strongly believe that we are doing something for the benifit of family or society, but once you loose ur partner who shared ur dreams, who supported u in every effort to reach that goal, everything seems to be just a myth, just maya, wow , that was mine, and i tried to fill that void in life by doing many a things, which are uselesss, even i tried social service, along with the people whom i never had anything in common, which has given me stress and frustration, instead of realy satisfcation or mirth in the soul, so i am doing the same work all alone, taking the rule that what i do with my right hand should not be known to left hand. But still i feel i should have some invisible supporters, if not the real negative minded fellas as my team members.
well now i have 4 days of holidays, its a festival that comes in october every year, so what i am going to do, hey what i did before, i travelled a lot, visited friends, and relatives, for nothign, only to be hurt and experience the curtailed freedom, along with tiredness, and spending of enrgy and money for useless stuff, but this time i determined to enjoy my lonliness in my own little Ac room infront of Tv and computer and in the presence of my beloved friend, who is available all the time every time, anytime... atleast i can pour out all my stupidity and agony for nothing, at His feet, i can talk and talk and talk just pouring out my heart at His compassionate presence. Let me how this new experience of accpetance of my lonliness would fetch me the joy of not running away from my self. Runnign for what, Running to where, Running after whom, Running for what use.... these and many more questions would be answered by the end of these 4 days , i am sure. God Bless this time of my lonliness.. this october ... bye freinds,..

Oh today is my birthday, where is that enthusiasm of old good times, children are far away, friends are busy, this empty nest, and empty mind boggles me a lot, now i am 56 years old, should i feel gloomy or joyful? Certainly there are so many things to praise and to be cheerful, wah, i got good looks still, that same charm and gaiety spirit, strength to do things i like to do, good health still, wow, this is wonderful indeed, i can purchase whatever i like , eat whatever i want, and still digest and still can laugh heartily, and most of all i am independent.. doing things all by self ...this year great achievement is, as my principal, has uttered, one more feather in my cap..is that i can drive my car go wherever i want to go. driving in this narrow streets of this big village is not a joke, though, and i praise God for my wonderful children and John,Jessica James, Elizabeth, and Annie, who cares for me and loves me just as i am....life is so wonderful only because of the mercy of God. whenever i kneel down i can not pray anything else except pleading Him to be merciful to me and to my children. Last night as usual, Happy has given her tips of Happiness, how i have to be happy on this particular day, thought i am alone. And at 3:30 early in the morning John called me to wish me Happy Birthday, what else i need, and James as usual so generous, to tell me to use some amount to buy the things i wish from his account. why i got so many blessings , such sweet family, though i am too far from each one of them our hearts and minds knit and woven in one beautiful piece of cloth which describes the beauty of the family given by God. where His love reigns, where His merciful showers of forgiveness and long suffering abounds, this is really something i just could not comprehend.
Once upon a time i was thinking that God is giving me all good things in my life because i was serving Him with all my might and with all my family. but now when i ponder over His mercies, i do not see any cause for his Unconditional love for me and my family. He is loving me just because he is merciful ... i am wondering whether He is loving me because it was predestined? before i was born on this earth...?oh.. really there is no cause for His mercies for me.. there is basic known reason for his abundant love for me. oh how i wish i can love others just as He loves me, how i wish i can love them who hates me and treats me terribly, just as He loves me. i never love Him, i never do anything for Him, i am selfish, i receive all good things from Him but i never show any gratitude to Him not even by praising for all the things He does for me. i all ways complain that i am all alone, and i am alone, forgetting all the blessings i receive from Him endlessly. all the time complaining, NO NO, this should be changed, my attitude and my personality my life style should be changed .. Let people see how thankful i am for His mercies. Amen

This Is Life

Life is all ways with full of surprises, we think we knew our past, and we are confident to plan for future, and we live in present by all means with all dreams and aspirations, but do we ever question our selves, how feeble is this life? how meaningless is every word and deed that we utter, or do? Hey all magic is in a simple word HOPE... this HOPE is making us to live ... !! we allways, think that we are good, beautiful, and healthy and live longer...but we never think that life is just a bubble, and it would end any given moment. In fact the life we led , the habits we formed, the personality we formed in our teen years would all ways accompany us till we die, we live in our youth, we live in those dreams, we live with the old memories, we live eternally in our soul; even though we become old we never think that we are old, but all ways have hope for the better , we never feel for death, but we think that we would live some more years, That Is Life.

why I write....

Like an angel I soared higher and higher
Then thought rejection dejection and death eternally
Made me fold my wings & fly downwards.

I had earned love passionately
but garments of frustration gather around me,
I became a shell, vowed never to open.

In my withdrawal, I saw the pearl
And felt the presence of God's love,
Stoically in concerns pain feeling secure.

In my world of loneliness
I wrote and wrote our my mind,
My sole earthly succour.

Only to fade slowly away
Into the eternal river that stops for none
But takes away all the dead flowers & the red roses.

As the Days go by and by.....

Days going by, and by, and the minutes and hours just passed away, at the end of the day when i would like to review i feel i have achieved nothing , just a day passed. That is all. Nothing seems to have real meaning in it. As i need to do certain things i do them. some times even i do good, only negative feed back comes in the way. so i go by just doing nothing some times. sleeping eating and getting ready to college, driving and resting. That is all i do, when i kneel down to pray, tears and tears, and nothing comes out of it. but i know my Redeemer is alive and He cares for my tears. Sometimes i am afraid of my own tears, and try to escape those moments too. so is the same. Let me wait for a day when i would be really feel happy in heart of hearts.

Freindhsip

Here i am once again speaking on Friendship. There are a number of friends, who are good and who are not so good, who are bad and back biters, but still pose themselves as friends for the thick and thin of our lives. We know that without them it would be difficult to lead a life. because friends are needed, and they got to give their time for us, at least some few minutes to talk to us, to share our feelings, and our inner reflections. Therefore, as we seek their friendship, we also need to bear with the others of their family members and close knit members in their lives. We face many hurdles in between just to continue this wonderful friendship. After all a friend should be of our age, more or less, i mean we cannot be friendly with a little girl or boy, for that matter , u know. and the friend should of like minded, like tasted, and like opinion- ed, and like tempered. otherwise, we just cannot maintain a friendship. Once we have such friend, we always feel better, strengthened, and supported, because this friend would look at the things in different manner for our good, and advice us when time requires, gives honest feed back and loves at any cost. oh its great thing to have a friend like that.

Every Drop...counted...

There are moments of lonliness, na koyi umang hia na koyi tharang hai , my zindhagi hai kya a khathi pathang hia?? And when I sit in that mood, even that He counts....I have no one to trust , and no one to lean upon, no one to discuss things, .. and i feel so, He comes suddenly, and counts every drop of tear, and softly His love enfolds me.. and takes me out.
That is exactly happens many a times and so it was this week. I was watching the CD of memorial service of my hubby and i could not control my emotions, i felt the nerves in my head are going to break, and there is no control to the tears... it was 10 pm , and i never expected any phone call at that moment. then there was call from my Principal, requesting me to go to vizag on some university errand, the very next day i went and stayed with my mom, and finished the work in the university. some work, some occupation, some meaning and purpose in life all that i need. But when i do for some body all by my self , either they take advantage or exploit or humiliated me. When i am attached to some organization or some errand doing for some body else, it would be wonderful. So Lord tell me how could i occupy myself, and not hurt, and live happily... i know i need to pick up the last lines of threads, where i had left out...I thank you Lord for you care even that single drop of tear in darkness and loneliness. Lend your loving hand and lift me up..Amen.

Drops of His mercies an answer to prayer No.1

Prayer has its power, even a whisper of prayer, sometimes just a wishful thought , wherein we just depend on Him to do it, would be responded by Him in a miraculous way, in an unexpected way, in way which we never would think of ; i know i would not be given leave any more if i ask my boss, because i already availed one month leave in the very beginning of this academic year. she told me so that she would not give too. so whats next, i have to pray, pray for the leave to go to Kamals wedding, in the last month of August, he said it would be on 28th most probably, that is my birthday, oh , how i wish i could just go there, so i was anticipating to take a flight and go, not knowing whether i could get even one day leave, but i trusted inGod that He would allow me to go for wedding, so i told kamal to pray for that. so the other day, in most unexpected way my boss told me that i can go to a seminar on HIV+ and Family Education in Bangalore and that the management would pay the Registration fee, and the dates of the seminar would be from 27th to 31, 2008; wow, i could not believe my own ears. My travelling expenses would be borne by the IGNOU , great, how come God could make everything possible in sweet and stylish manner. when i come out the Boss's chamber, i was literally walking on the clouds. WE ASKED --HE ANSWERED once again proved, that God is faithful God in spite of ME. (continuation)

My Hubby

well, Life is going on... busy at times no time to think or rest, sometimes just lazy enough whole time in the world would be mine... i think of my children, my grand child specially, and i feel so happy and grateful to God, still more two years in the college, whats next... if he is alive this question would never arouse, well, what i do not have why should i think of now. though he is some where in Heaven, i see that he is all ways thinking of me and providing what all that he missed to give me when he was alive, I know for certain , its not just intuition its true in matter of my life, and every detail of my life, and he is there to help me to protect me and do the errands which i cannot do alone. i wonder if he is alive he would drive the car and take care of me all through, but as he is not here, he helped me to learn driving which is my hearts desire. Now a days my thoughts allways goes to him often and many a times, well may be i have to get ready to meet him soon? why this time he is more in my thoughts more than the past?

Life tasteless?

Life back in India, as usual, starting from cleaning , greening, and dusting, and going thither and hither, pretending very busy, yet nothing really meaningful...
I feel i have come to stand still, again, nobody here really related to me, all relations are just passing of time, no purpose and no reality.
why i am here on this earth, what for? what i have to do still.. is there anything really that i need to do? Strange, though i am doing so many things i feel that there is void in my heart, nothing , and i feel like stranger in my own home, and in my own place, life is just going on. day comes, and i think of night, and when night comes, i wish it should be day time.. i wonder how my end days would be. Lord i do not know why i am like this.. why life is so tasteless and immobile...
i wish i could run away from every known person and do something i really be happy about and make u happy to see me. when that would be Lord, just one person missing inmy life should it make my life so lonely all the time and make these tears should flow unceasingly...am i an ungrateful stupid and grumbling stupid. Am i making u feel sorry for being patient with me? But if not with u , whit whom else icould be so transparant..and talk as it is in my heart

Joy, and Gentleness

JOY, MIRTH, HAPPINESS…

I was suddenly called by the in charge pastor to speak a few words from the Word of God and share my testimony. My name was announced, and I can’t but get up and proceed to the dais, not having a least thought in my mind to speak about. I stood at the mike and opened my English Bible. I am more comfortable with my Telugu Bible rather than English bible as I read and meditate the word of God only in my vernacular language, rather than English lanugauge; to my dismay I found my self in front of the mike and in front of the expectation eager, devoted and spiritual congregation. As 99% of them do not know my language, they expect me to speak in International language that is English. So I depended on God and His ministering angels to help me, and took up the challenge.

So here I found my self .opening the Epistle written by St. Paul to the congregation in Phillippians. This Epistle is known as the ‘Epistle of Joy”

How Stipule could write a letter like that while he was right in midst of problems, jailed, persecuted, and all through his life for the sake of his love for Christ? That was the secret of his life.

He spoke many things in this epistle, One particular verse always, grips my attention, “Let your gentleness be evident to all” What type of a Christian he/she should be to be a role model of gentleness? How our reactions be shown, through our facial expressions, gestures, way of talking, our gait and traits we exhibit, everything shows it, even while we drive, smile, and laugh…oh.. How important it is to be careful about our every move to show this gentleness.

St Paul was speaking about how important it is to be joyful always, Rejoice, I say again, rejoice. In the Lord always. And he admonishes us let your requests be known to God in prayer... and then the PEACE that exceeds every human understanding would guard and protect our hearts, minds…This must be the top secret of a gentle Christian. How I wish I could be so!!

Yet I know, that it is not an easy thing we need to practice it, learn of Him every minute, and conscious of Him every moment and be alert how we influence others with whom we come in contact. And love them as we do love our selves. Keeping ourselves in the shoes of others, feel like others, gives us this disposition, trying to win friends only being a friend to them. Gives us this peace. And joy in our lives. There is no other short cuts… try and learn this. Let the Lord help us to learn of Him more and more.

ANGELS

The Lord has given me a chance to speak about ANGELS in the church, some how I am bewitched by this subject, recently, and meditating on the word of God, on this particular subject. Right from the beginning of the Creation, There are angels in His ministry, to carry on the work given by the Father in Heaven. When Adam and Eve were driven away from the Garden of Eden, an Angel was given charge over to protect it from any more intrusion of the first man. The angel was equipped with a two fiery sword to protect the tree of Life.
Later in the life of Abraham the angels in three persons were entertained by Adam, not knowing that he was giving his hospitality to angels themselves. As a result Abraham was blessed with Isaac and later he had the chance to intervene on behalf of Sodom and Gomorrah...
Though Lot was living in Sodom and Gomorrah, because of the intercessions and supplications of Abraham, he had the opportunity to entertain the angels and thus being saved from the wrath of God and was able to save the live of his nod his daughters.
Though Hagar was a bondmaid, and though she looked down at Sarah, her Mistress, who has given her a position of princess and treated her equal to her. She was with the Angel of God in the desert, when she faced death along with her son. She called that angel as SEEING GOD .The benevolent God had His mercy on her and looked after her.
Later we see angels giving a message in the dream of Jacob by climbing up and down on the ladder from earth to heaven. Later he wrestled with an angel and prayed unless u blesses me I will not let u go, and thereby he got the name ISREAL, the one who fight with God.
What else can I say about Gideon, Daniel in the lions den so on and so forth?
Some of the names of the angels are given in Holy Scriptures, like Michael, Raphael, Gabriel so on.
The birth of Christ was proclaimed by angels, by Gabriel to Mary, and in dream to Joseph, and multitude of angels to the shepherds. There was an angel at the alter to speak to the priest Zechariah, to tell him about the birth of John the Baptist.
Many a times angels are like jus like human beings, they are there for us to guide us, to direct us, and to minister us, and help us in our most needed occasions. They help us in our distress and in our travels, in so many ways. God has his angels to guard us and to tell us His plan for us.
Recently I started to think about the ministry that I am inspired to take upon. The work I would like to do among HIV/AIDS patients/children; and work I am longing to do among the sex workers.
These are people who do not have hope for life, hope of self esteem, they are forsaken by the society, and they live in utter distress and misery not knowing when their lives would end. I wish I could do something for these distressed souls. Before my life would end and my strength fail me. May the good Lord help me to pursue this task and send His angles to guard and guide me till my last breath. Those who know the Lord please pray for me and for these dear people of my heart.
God be with you!!

who me...(continued...)

And I come to know that this bonding love is all that matter whether we are in Him or not.
That was the time I was challenged by the scriptures when Jesus asked Peter thrice."Peter/Leela do you love me?"..and I answered Him 'Yes Lord, you know that I love you and i felt that Air India International Airlines where i was working as Air hostess was the "ISAAC" on the mountain of Moriab and God has given me a 'LAMB' right back at home.I started to work in Degree college since them.
Life seemed to be wonderful for quiet a time. We got married, started a church , and engaged working in His Vineyard for 25 years. suddenly all that came to stand still. My husband was called by Him and he was obedient to His call unto death and left us in seconds, to dwell in Heavenly Abode. And I was left with two teenage children.
Yet I could say..Life is beautiful and everything work for them who love Him. My daughter,an engineer by qualification got married and have one year daughter and lives in North Carolina and my son is doing his MS in Melbourne, Australia.
Am I lonely felcon ? oh na.. i call myself a GREEN LEAF IN DROUGHT TIME by the grace of God, do u know the difference between a person who relies only on himself and a person who has learned to turn to god for help? Its not that one will do bad things while the toher will do good things. The self-relient person my bea fine, upstanding person. The difference is the self-relient one is like a bush growing inthe desrt. If he has only himself to rely on, when he exhausts his internal resources he runs the risk of running day and withering. But the one who turns toGod is like a tree planted by a stream. What they share witht eh world is replenished from a source beyond themselves, so they never run dry.
yes, I feel so when I among people who love God.David said , my heart fails, my flesh fails, my kith &kind and riches fail, but YOUR love never fail me. so in my life now--Life is not so easy at times, but when i think back His faithfulness, His wondrous love, His miracles in my life,i get new strength, and i allwasy find manythings topraise HIM. Today your church has been electrified with angelic songs. singing is worhipping God, its praising Him, and Thanking Him.
i believe my stay over here would give me a great opportunity to praise Him much and much more ..along with you beautiful people of God.
I once again thank you for the opportune time to share my feelings with you. Thanks once again.

who me?and why here in Oregon...

Greetings from Andhra Pradesh, India and a message from God !! I am extremely happy to be here among u wonderful people of God. Here i would like to bring Matt 13:48-50 "who is my mother,and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples,he said,"here are my mother and brothers, for whoever does the swill of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother."--Once Jesus told them that those who do the will of God are His kith and kin; He also said once that we are His if we drink His blood , and eat His flesh as we take wine and bread in His remembrance His sacrificial love on the Cross. Relationships are strange. Blood line is all that important we say. DNA Test that determines our family line, sometimes we say. But according to scriptures, its the blood of Jesus that makes a family.

here i stand amongst you, in a foreign land; you do not know my language , i do not know you, but this beautiful fellowship in the Lord makes us one another to trust and love and forgive. You love me because God loves you and you love God. The spirit knows the spirit of others. Joys springs out of hearts when we meet some one who loves our Lord, language woud not be a barrier.

You may be wondering why I am here with Kamal. Kamal and my relationship is given by our Father in Heaven.Only heaven knows this. Yesterday when he came to recive me at the Air port and untill we reached home and even after , and also this morning , he was keeping on saying, " Its strange that we met in USA , aunty."

Life is mysterious, why we meet some and why we become so attached and why we become so attached to some strangers, and why sometimes though we do live under the same roof but still never know each other.

where God's love is there , there's joy, happiness , and there is no place for inclinations, inhibitions, prejuckes, baises. That was Jesus told us, if you love me keep my commandments--Love one another , by that others will know that you are my disciples.

and you asked me to introduce myself.., well, i came to know of the Poser of the name of Jesus Christ when i was student in the university. He loved me and I started to love Him. And I come

Hi This is me who loves to give speeches, and address large gatherings, class room as well as the big gathering in an auditorium, but often i shy off the mike, unless it is what i must i do, this speech is given in kamal's wedding function, starting like this" hey may be wondering who i am and how i am related to kamal, kamal is my son and he calls me aunty, our relationship is blood related, the blood of Jesus, ....." and i spoke about his passion for souls, FINDING MEN FOR CHRIST is his motto for life, so on and so forth . well as u all know teaching has been my profession, and preaching had been my passion, i used to being accustomed to the mike, for the past 34 years, so life goes on and on, never ending, well, still few more months of service , one year and ten motnhs more, if everything goes well by Gods grace , i will be talking to students, in masses... oh thats me... bye

His Presence

Ihave been here for a quiet a time, and every sunday is a new revelation, of new happiness. what i found ultimately is i could be peaceful and and happy only when i have like minded people to worship Him. Kamal said, i see when u r really occupied then u r happy. 'yea, i said , i need to be occupied with somethng and with some one i can share with, too."The second sunday i was asked to introduce myself , and asked to give a message /greetings/wishes .. something like that.
I felt it would be a novel idea if i mix everything intent.
so here it go....

"Greetings from Andhrapradesh, India, and a message for u from God!!
.........

His presence in oregon

when Kamal told me about the church he has been attending in Oregon, and about the wonderful people in it, i longed to see them and pray with them. After all, what is that give me joy in my life ?except that i could be in the presence of the Lord worshiping Him along with like minded brethren? so i have decided to see this church during my short stay in USA..
I came on 14th june,'08 and the very next day we went to Full Gospel Church..all of them are from Kerala closely related to one another by one way or the other, and so very loving people, that i ever met.
i met Georgine an American who is now working in Bombay along with her pastor husband. There was immediate connection between us, and i liked her on instant.
And the rest of them are too good to describe. Br. Matt and his wife, and other couples like Pu. Virgheus, and his wife , Lynda's mom, dad and sis and bro, so on the list goes.
Of all the people Binoy Kamal's team member in Mentor graphics.. has become very close buddy.. now a days. we have a very good time together at home and in church. i will continue how God has given me His graces during my short stay over here.

Binoy is the one who created my account in gmail, and he is the one who created this blog for me to write all my feelings,  When he saw me writing my dairy /journal  he said.'Aunty you can write in computer in a blog of your own, and this is my first posting in my blog, and I owe him all my life for such wonderful introduction of writing blog which changed my whole life.Prayer has its power, even a whisper of prayer, sometimes just a wishful thought , wherein we just depend on Him to do it, would be responded by Him in a miraculous way, in an unexpected way, in way which we never would think of ; i know i would not be given leave any more if i ask my boss, because i already availed one month leave in the very beginning of this academic year. she told me so that she would not give too. so whats next, i have to pray, pray for the leave to go to Kamals wedding, in the last month of August, he said it would be on 28th most probably, that is my birthday, oh , how i wish i could just go there, so i was anticipating to take a flight and go, not knowing whether i could get even one day leave, but i trusted inGod that He would allow me to go for wedding, so i told kamal to pray for that. so the other day, in most unexpected way my boss told me that i can go to a seminar on HIV+ and Family Education in Bangalore and that the management would pay the Registration fee, and the dates of the seminar would be from 27th to 31, 2008; wow, i could not believe my own ears. My travelling expenses would be borne by the IGNOU , great, how come God could make everything possible in sweet and stylish manner. when i come out the Boss's chamber, i was literally walking on the clouds. WE ASKED --HE ANSWERED once again proved, that God is faithful God in spite of ME. (continuation)

life in Oregon--blessing of to be all myself

                  I must say that I am thoroughly enjoying my stay over here in Oregon, Its the most beautiful city in America ,know for its flowery roads and green meadows around, tall green trees and ups and downs of long stretches of car drivings,  Its thrilling and cool both geographically and mentally. I enjoyed every moment here unlike any other days in life, wondering?

       What I am doing here/? I am just spending time without any responsibilities, just cooking when i am hungry and sleeping when I feel like to go to bed, and chit chatting with wonderful friends here... about God and praying and  doing and thinking whatever I would feel like to do. I have no commitments, no duties to do in given  period of time ( i was still working in a catholic college, I came here for summer holidays) no.. and no obligations to please any one.. and no restrictions of time and space. that's cool , is it not. hey I think, one must have a period of time just like this once in awhile ,just to be oneself all the way thru' .. that would enrich you mentally, a time to reflect and rethink and readjust and renew , and also physically, we would bound to relax, and stretch out all those taunted nerves of the busy hectic days of the past. hey, I am looking forward for the coming days.. to meet my old friends at home , I know my views about life enlarged, and I explored the in depth feelings of mine. Its a blessing to have Kamal and Binoy to chit chat here , to share the love of God , and pray together. This is really good and cherishing. Binoy helped me to create a blog, and to have gmail account, I m grateful to him forever. I need not tell about Kamal, he is a diamond in my life, who has given me joy in my desert life. As a son he helped me to be myself again after these 8 years of loneliness of teary life.