Some times I feel that I am really good, some times i am just feeling that i am good for nothing, no use in this world, and much afraid to live for longer time. I do not know how would be my future. How would be my old age. where i need to live. oh i must do some research about the good christian old age homes, where they would send me peacefully to the other shore of the river. who would help me to cross the river peacefully.
I am really scared where I would live , how I would live and how would be my end. how many more years/months/days I have to live. I really feel that my work here in this world is over, and i need not live any more. But to finish is not in my hands. "Finished" is the word, my Lord uttered on the cross. It was the last word from His mouth. He finished His life, His work , His sacrifice, successfully according to the Plan of the Father God.
And why this gloom is overwhelming me all in a sudden sometimes.The more I live, the more I realized that i am toiling to catch the air. That is what Solomon the wise king saith. Trying to catch the air. Life is trying to catch the air. nothing but trying to catch air. No goal, No interests to carry on. Even if I try health would not permit me. so only thing is finding the power in prayer. Only that will give me strength, and joy in life. If one day i neglect that , there is not power in life. Prayer has power. And I must have that power. only at the feet of Jesus i will get it. Let me really try for it.
