Friday, June 26, 2015
Monday, June 15, 2015
LIFE OF MY OLD FRIENDS.& OTHERS WHOM I KNOW (Part 1)
As the gray years pushing us aside of the shore, as we swim to the other end of ocean, which is not in the capacity of common understanding, God gives us an outlook , a talent to be above the life, not in it, too far away from it, and help us to look at it as though we are from other planet.
We no more live in it, we come to a stage that all things that are happening around us as stories, beautifully stories, which are woven by God , which are not in the skillful hands of human, however he tries. I have a strange feeling, I live but I really do not live. I am on this earth but strangely I look down at this life as if I am from another planet... something is happening, or preparing me.. ??
I have come to Dallas, Texas.
I came to see my old friend in Arkansas, our friendship was of 1969.. right back in PUC in Maris Stella, Vijayawada, AP, India.
I met many old friends like this before, but with this dear friend the way we both sailing in the same boat making us to enjoy each other's presence more than any one else.
Once my old friend of my school days, my senior though, came to see me, but her attitude and disposition was changed after along time gap between us, her aspirations, her way of life , her troubles made her a different person from whom I knew and enjoyed her friendship in the years 1966 to 1968.. and thereafter now and then.
Her life was such pathetic, which I could not digest during our short meetings now and then after 2011. The life gave her a very tough paths, which were a sort of unknown path to me to understand.
She married a Muslim handsome boy, and went away from home to Chennai in those days.. Love was so strong, they toiled against all the tides of life and established themselves with two cute children a boy and girl . Her loving husband was so wonderfully took care of her, and children for a long time. He started his own business and they maintained a lavish stylish life.
Till then I knew the family, and later as I was married, and entangled with many commitments, I did not dare to have connections with my old friends, (LEF rule on one side that we should not be associated with old non-christian friends or relatives), so I almost severed from her friendship.
But whenever I visited my aunty , I was making it a point to see her in that town. Those were short and brief meetings. Later her husband died of consuming too much of Alcohol, and Cigars, at the end of the life he could not leave anything to her except of so many debts and without a house to live in. She lost all her wealth, and debtors took everything, her daughter went in search of a job to far away places and lost in the tides of life. She used to visit her parents rarely, and did not willing to come back to settle in normalcy of calm going life. Son married a Hindu again, and became a puppet in the hands of the her and in laws, due to financial insecurity. My friend suffered with sever diabetes and started to take insulin injections everyday. Now not having money in hand to meet the expenses of her stylish rented house as in the days of her husband , and meeting her own expenses of medicines .. etc became beyond her capacity. She relied upon her daughter and son to this extent.
Suddenly one day she called me and started to cry aloud, in the phone, wailing, aloud, Leela , my son died my son died. he was 45 years old, died suddenly with massive heart attack. I tried to meet her, but she discouraged me not to come due to her relatives complications. She never gave scope to meet her in her home residence. I do not know the reason. Later I got another call from a distant place that she was with her daughter, later another call from Goa that her daughter and she were shifted to that place as she got her project to finish. Later I lost her track to this day. I just wait for her call. I wonder what made her life so cruel, why such beautiful life which was started so courageously, should end up so pathetically. I wonder why life is all ways ends tragically for some, without any reason.
These friends of mine were good people, we walked together, we laughed together, we enjoyed our lives in fun and frolic, we dreamed together about our future, but the end was different, for each one of us its different, and we do not know what is awaiting for us furthermore.
And now about this dear friend, She is a beauty, got married to a boy who was in America , in late 1970s. Came to USA with so many dreams of a young girl. The boy was a dupe though he loved her very much, he did not have financial stability. she was a girl from a well to do family. She was utterly disappointed, besides he was addicted to chewing leaves and drugs and cigar in his mouth. It was disgusting to look at.
She started to work and earn for herself, as Rail conductor, some times two jobs in a day. The boy proved himself not able to take care of her either financially or fulfill his duties as a husband.
Though she lived in western culture, it did not give her a desire to divorce him, she stayed with him for the sake of her mother and father's honor.
she had horrible years of married life for a long period of time. He developed cancer in his mouth, as the chewing of undesirable stuff reacted(Paan Paraag)
He lost everything health, jobs, etc. She started to take care of him day and night, besides attending the job . Three months of pain and bleeding, the man breathed his last. She was left with nothing, no children.. She has some money and roof to live in. She lives quiet good financially but literally none to rely upon.
Loneliness is too ugly .
Both my friends are beautiful women, and maintain themselves so well, no one will think that they are suffering from so many health problems, and loneliness.
Outwardly they look like people without any problem, smiling and beautiful with good attire and style.
But nobody kno
ws the inner life, and void they face in their life.
Life is a mystery.
There she was cool and quet beautiful , tall and well dressed up with good make up , kajal lipstick, I introduced myself saying " I am Leela, are you Dr. Nirmala?" "Yes I am Grace Nirmala "said she with a grim face. I wondered, and thought, she must be a little
above our range of friends, I smiled and went away from her. She was supposed to take a class for us , we went to an International Huggai Seminar in Hyderabad.
We were given very good accommodation, and food in good hotel. We had nice time together , that was the last but one day of the seminar. She was supposed to spek in the after noon session, we all sat for lunch, the seat beside me was vacant, I saw her coming towards me and sitting beside me.
As usual the mates at the dinner hesitated to speak to this posh lady, but I started some casual conversation with her, every one left the table but we both were still digging into our plates, there was still more time to go to rooms and refresh and come back to the class.
I asked about her, she told me that she is a gynecologist , When I asked her about her family she had a very sad story to tell me.
That brought us together so close , so knitted together and made us friends forever.
We love each other from the core of our hearts, though she is the most famous doctor she is the most humble friend I have ever, all ways find time to talk to me and exchange certain inner life issues with each other.
I visualized her story, in my mind, I like to write it here as I have it in my mind according to her version of the incidents happened in her life. I will try to put it here as coolly as possible.
"They were on holiday, went to beach to relax and enjoy the cool breez in the evening, After relaxing for some time on the white dunes of the sand, her only son and her husband thought it would be more funny if they could swim in the waters for a while. She relaxed more on the sand leaning back and looking at them as they splashing the water on one another. She praised God for such wonderful loving husband and the son, 'its His grace' she reflected ... the good old days so far.
Suddenly there was some horrible shouts at the beach people running toward the waters, there she saw her husband and son were being washed off the shore further, they were breathless, shouting for help lifting up their hands, 'help and help' some men tried to jump into the water and tried to help them but the whirlpool sucked them at once. People and she waited for an hour for them to emerge from the water, but no signs of them. Later in the late night their dead bodies washed to the shore somewhere else.
She could not remember what happened then, not even a thing, she was in shock.. nothing look real, somebody escorted her to the hotel they lodged, somebody called her relatives, somebody put her back to home.
One minute and everything changed, it happened long back still the story is vivid in front of her eyes, she has not much to share about this, the voice quivers still, and the beautiful eyes has their traces of water... which were hidden back under the black kajal.
She is known for her compassionate service in her town, she worked for patients, the cases which could not be dealt with also she did successfully because of her prayer life. Lives alone in a big house, I thought of spending some days with her asked her for a paying guest facility anywhere else. she said, 'how could it be Leela , you have to come and stay with me' that is all. "
Though we met three years back the emails, phones, and other things go regularly. Hardly I spent 5 or 6 hours with her in Hyderabad, but the love of God implanted an indelible print in our lives. We both knew we are going to be good friends for life. and that is true.
I will write another friend doctor's life in next episode. Sweet smiles on her face for every patient that comes to her clinic, she comforts them with her skillful physician hand. There on the wall a poster explaining that Jesus is the only Healer and Comforter of everyone. There were New Testaments available to take away in OP for the patients. She is slim and fair, tall, and in Venkatagiri starched handloom sarees, with short leaves and diamond bangles twinkling now and then, just as her smiles on her face.
When she got married she did not know the Lord Jesus Christ, did not know how to pray. She loved and married a christian doctor who is a Pediatrician, then she learned to love the Lord, pray, listen to the Word of God and read.
Her parents live just 60kms afar, in a nearby city. Every week end she visits them along with her two little kids, it was 2000 August, she met a major car accident her two boys aged 5 and 6 were killed on the spot, she escaped with deep injuries.
Story did not end there, she recovered later, physically, courageous, and started her life, again, got pregnant, this time her baby is afflicted with autism, ferocious, uncontrollable, again second pregnancy got a girl baby, a little too childish to her age.
Life goes on, but I see the beautiful mother in her, there are many problems in life in and out, never she is disturbed. Prays and submits her life to God. She loves her children, especially her autistic boy, works for him day and night, works for him , made him a champion of swimming, got some state level awards.
For some the life is bed of roses, the thorns are invisible, but for some life is bed of thorns.. still the oozing blood could not disturb them they live like the roses on the thorns. What we learn and what we do not learn from them left to the learning heart of people. Those who go deep into their lives, those who have a desire to learn from other lives have this wisdom awaits to grab it.
Life seems to be good for some one not so good for someone, bad for some one and worst to some one... still Life this life given by God is a gift.. only His name and His blood gives us to forebear everything in it. God bless these dear friend of mine. Whisper a prayer for her.
We no more live in it, we come to a stage that all things that are happening around us as stories, beautifully stories, which are woven by God , which are not in the skillful hands of human, however he tries. I have a strange feeling, I live but I really do not live. I am on this earth but strangely I look down at this life as if I am from another planet... something is happening, or preparing me.. ??
I have come to Dallas, Texas.
I came to see my old friend in Arkansas, our friendship was of 1969.. right back in PUC in Maris Stella, Vijayawada, AP, India.
I met many old friends like this before, but with this dear friend the way we both sailing in the same boat making us to enjoy each other's presence more than any one else.
Once my old friend of my school days, my senior though, came to see me, but her attitude and disposition was changed after along time gap between us, her aspirations, her way of life , her troubles made her a different person from whom I knew and enjoyed her friendship in the years 1966 to 1968.. and thereafter now and then.
Her life was such pathetic, which I could not digest during our short meetings now and then after 2011. The life gave her a very tough paths, which were a sort of unknown path to me to understand.
She married a Muslim handsome boy, and went away from home to Chennai in those days.. Love was so strong, they toiled against all the tides of life and established themselves with two cute children a boy and girl . Her loving husband was so wonderfully took care of her, and children for a long time. He started his own business and they maintained a lavish stylish life.
Till then I knew the family, and later as I was married, and entangled with many commitments, I did not dare to have connections with my old friends, (LEF rule on one side that we should not be associated with old non-christian friends or relatives), so I almost severed from her friendship.
But whenever I visited my aunty , I was making it a point to see her in that town. Those were short and brief meetings. Later her husband died of consuming too much of Alcohol, and Cigars, at the end of the life he could not leave anything to her except of so many debts and without a house to live in. She lost all her wealth, and debtors took everything, her daughter went in search of a job to far away places and lost in the tides of life. She used to visit her parents rarely, and did not willing to come back to settle in normalcy of calm going life. Son married a Hindu again, and became a puppet in the hands of the her and in laws, due to financial insecurity. My friend suffered with sever diabetes and started to take insulin injections everyday. Now not having money in hand to meet the expenses of her stylish rented house as in the days of her husband , and meeting her own expenses of medicines .. etc became beyond her capacity. She relied upon her daughter and son to this extent.
Suddenly one day she called me and started to cry aloud, in the phone, wailing, aloud, Leela , my son died my son died. he was 45 years old, died suddenly with massive heart attack. I tried to meet her, but she discouraged me not to come due to her relatives complications. She never gave scope to meet her in her home residence. I do not know the reason. Later I got another call from a distant place that she was with her daughter, later another call from Goa that her daughter and she were shifted to that place as she got her project to finish. Later I lost her track to this day. I just wait for her call. I wonder what made her life so cruel, why such beautiful life which was started so courageously, should end up so pathetically. I wonder why life is all ways ends tragically for some, without any reason.
These friends of mine were good people, we walked together, we laughed together, we enjoyed our lives in fun and frolic, we dreamed together about our future, but the end was different, for each one of us its different, and we do not know what is awaiting for us furthermore.
And now about this dear friend, She is a beauty, got married to a boy who was in America , in late 1970s. Came to USA with so many dreams of a young girl. The boy was a dupe though he loved her very much, he did not have financial stability. she was a girl from a well to do family. She was utterly disappointed, besides he was addicted to chewing leaves and drugs and cigar in his mouth. It was disgusting to look at.
She started to work and earn for herself, as Rail conductor, some times two jobs in a day. The boy proved himself not able to take care of her either financially or fulfill his duties as a husband.
Though she lived in western culture, it did not give her a desire to divorce him, she stayed with him for the sake of her mother and father's honor.
she had horrible years of married life for a long period of time. He developed cancer in his mouth, as the chewing of undesirable stuff reacted(Paan Paraag)
He lost everything health, jobs, etc. She started to take care of him day and night, besides attending the job . Three months of pain and bleeding, the man breathed his last. She was left with nothing, no children.. She has some money and roof to live in. She lives quiet good financially but literally none to rely upon.
Loneliness is too ugly .
Both my friends are beautiful women, and maintain themselves so well, no one will think that they are suffering from so many health problems, and loneliness.
Outwardly they look like people without any problem, smiling and beautiful with good attire and style.
But nobody kno
ws the inner life, and void they face in their life.
Life is a mystery.
There she was cool and quet beautiful , tall and well dressed up with good make up , kajal lipstick, I introduced myself saying " I am Leela, are you Dr. Nirmala?" "Yes I am Grace Nirmala "said she with a grim face. I wondered, and thought, she must be a little
above our range of friends, I smiled and went away from her. She was supposed to take a class for us , we went to an International Huggai Seminar in Hyderabad.
We were given very good accommodation, and food in good hotel. We had nice time together , that was the last but one day of the seminar. She was supposed to spek in the after noon session, we all sat for lunch, the seat beside me was vacant, I saw her coming towards me and sitting beside me.
As usual the mates at the dinner hesitated to speak to this posh lady, but I started some casual conversation with her, every one left the table but we both were still digging into our plates, there was still more time to go to rooms and refresh and come back to the class.
I asked about her, she told me that she is a gynecologist , When I asked her about her family she had a very sad story to tell me.
That brought us together so close , so knitted together and made us friends forever.
We love each other from the core of our hearts, though she is the most famous doctor she is the most humble friend I have ever, all ways find time to talk to me and exchange certain inner life issues with each other.
I visualized her story, in my mind, I like to write it here as I have it in my mind according to her version of the incidents happened in her life. I will try to put it here as coolly as possible.
"They were on holiday, went to beach to relax and enjoy the cool breez in the evening, After relaxing for some time on the white dunes of the sand, her only son and her husband thought it would be more funny if they could swim in the waters for a while. She relaxed more on the sand leaning back and looking at them as they splashing the water on one another. She praised God for such wonderful loving husband and the son, 'its His grace' she reflected ... the good old days so far.
Suddenly there was some horrible shouts at the beach people running toward the waters, there she saw her husband and son were being washed off the shore further, they were breathless, shouting for help lifting up their hands, 'help and help' some men tried to jump into the water and tried to help them but the whirlpool sucked them at once. People and she waited for an hour for them to emerge from the water, but no signs of them. Later in the late night their dead bodies washed to the shore somewhere else.
She could not remember what happened then, not even a thing, she was in shock.. nothing look real, somebody escorted her to the hotel they lodged, somebody called her relatives, somebody put her back to home.
One minute and everything changed, it happened long back still the story is vivid in front of her eyes, she has not much to share about this, the voice quivers still, and the beautiful eyes has their traces of water... which were hidden back under the black kajal.
She is known for her compassionate service in her town, she worked for patients, the cases which could not be dealt with also she did successfully because of her prayer life. Lives alone in a big house, I thought of spending some days with her asked her for a paying guest facility anywhere else. she said, 'how could it be Leela , you have to come and stay with me' that is all. "
Though we met three years back the emails, phones, and other things go regularly. Hardly I spent 5 or 6 hours with her in Hyderabad, but the love of God implanted an indelible print in our lives. We both knew we are going to be good friends for life. and that is true.
I will write another friend doctor's life in next episode. Sweet smiles on her face for every patient that comes to her clinic, she comforts them with her skillful physician hand. There on the wall a poster explaining that Jesus is the only Healer and Comforter of everyone. There were New Testaments available to take away in OP for the patients. She is slim and fair, tall, and in Venkatagiri starched handloom sarees, with short leaves and diamond bangles twinkling now and then, just as her smiles on her face.
When she got married she did not know the Lord Jesus Christ, did not know how to pray. She loved and married a christian doctor who is a Pediatrician, then she learned to love the Lord, pray, listen to the Word of God and read.
Her parents live just 60kms afar, in a nearby city. Every week end she visits them along with her two little kids, it was 2000 August, she met a major car accident her two boys aged 5 and 6 were killed on the spot, she escaped with deep injuries.
Story did not end there, she recovered later, physically, courageous, and started her life, again, got pregnant, this time her baby is afflicted with autism, ferocious, uncontrollable, again second pregnancy got a girl baby, a little too childish to her age.
Life goes on, but I see the beautiful mother in her, there are many problems in life in and out, never she is disturbed. Prays and submits her life to God. She loves her children, especially her autistic boy, works for him day and night, works for him , made him a champion of swimming, got some state level awards.
For some the life is bed of roses, the thorns are invisible, but for some life is bed of thorns.. still the oozing blood could not disturb them they live like the roses on the thorns. What we learn and what we do not learn from them left to the learning heart of people. Those who go deep into their lives, those who have a desire to learn from other lives have this wisdom awaits to grab it.
Life seems to be good for some one not so good for someone, bad for some one and worst to some one... still Life this life given by God is a gift.. only His name and His blood gives us to forebear everything in it. God bless these dear friend of mine. Whisper a prayer for her.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
DAD AND CHURCH (part 6)
God brings us to a nook where we hate ourselves and understand that no one but God is our refuge, and Redeemer. I was traveling a journey which I never intended to do, but I was there very much , lived in it, past cannot be changed, or rectified, knowing this very well I write these episodes , hoping that my stupidity of doing things would prevent some lonely sincere soul could realized the truth and withdraw his/her feet from those misty paths of confusion which I trod upon and lost many precious moments with my beloved dad.... read... this episode with open mind, as a person from outside... you will understand more than i wrote.. you will read between the lines.. and colors of the lines....
Jesus specifically told us, "Do what they told you, but do not do what they do" - -But we often forget about this important instruction and do the opposite. We do what they are doing but do not do what they told us.---Sad,
They preach the best , they preach from the Word of God, if they do not preach from the word of God, we certainly do not go to them to listen, so the Devil puts the word of God in their mouth, so that we will listen to them get good impression of them, but we forget what they taught on the pulpit, but interested only in what they do.
Thus the trick of satan works successfully in our lives, and those who preach and those who listen but do what they do also perish. Got it??
That's exactly happens in many churches especially in our LEF too. But some of us took literally what they told us, even off the pulpit, in extreme way, iota to iota, sometimes, and ruined in those areas; we are able to discern in many ways and came out of those traps, means, its only because of God's grace, and also the inner desire to do the will of God which they told us to do, was a plus point in our spiritual growth.
Whatever they taught to do the Will of God all the time , from the very beginning of our contact with the LEF< They tell us that God talks to us, how blessing it would had been if only we do just what they told us, but how many times we just forget about this important instruction but wait for their instruction instead !!! So who has to blame? Certainly I blame myself hundred per cent hundred. In most of the life decisions, like my job, marriage, children, house, prayer place etc, I sought the Will of God and it did not put me shame. But some other mundane things, of life I depend on them , and there found myself put to shame and useless state.
One other thing is, these people preach us to do the Will of God , but they play God many a times, they rub their will upon us saying its good for us, with regard to marriages, resigning jobs, shifting houses, cut off with the relatives, not one nor two, any number of things can be intruded by these wonderful godly looking people, and we will be thrown into endless pitches forever and ever to be burnt. Some times in many cases, if those persons do not listen to their instructions, they will excommunicate the person not to cook for the congregation in the meetings, or send them to preach in the branches of lef, or they are not allowed to teach sunday school children, nor allowed to give witness to the youth, nor speak to other brothers or sisters in LEF>
Therefore, we have to be live on thorny path all the time, trembling, shivering, every minute of life.. depending on them, at the same time killing our own wishes or plans for life. Be aware !! is caution hung on our necks. Beware of dogs!!! nooo Beware of LEF leaders. and preachers, dear folks!!!
Such were the days wherein we were entangled into their traps, nets, and mouse traps, but strange we were feeling that ours is the best devotion, best life, best worship, best prayer, just like the Pharasees, We are the Holier than any one else in the Christendom!! we we, we are the only one in the whole world!! How blind we were, how stupid we were and how much we were cheated by the Evil one!!
We used to tell every one that " Our LEF have depth, no one has that, come and join us, to be saved and reach God, you do not get this depth any where else" --Those were the beginning days of my separation from LEF, I was too confused by the ways outside LEF, but in heart of hearts I knew that I made the right decision by being separated from LEF at this juncture one of my old acquaintances came to my home , we both were talking something about our other things, but suddenly she asked me , why " Akka, why people in LEF feel that their church is the only church which is the best of all?"
I found the only answer I could tell her, so I told her, with as faded smile,' They say that its only church which have depth"
She exclaimed and laughed aloud, "What?!!! Depth?/ you mean, the depth like in a pit? An endless depth so that never could come out of it?? HHAAAhaa " we both had a hearty laughter realizing the funny word depth with regard to LEF>
In these circumstance I went to see my dad and mom. My dad all ready got heart attack due to enormous stress caused by LEF on him. But all of us, me and my sisters and mom were insisting that he should come back to LEF then he will be healed, In other words we were telling him that he got heart attack because he left LEF> This we did not tell him directly but with many other incidents happened to other people who left LEF. and when those people returned the heart attack was healed.
My dad retired as DSP in the Police Department, There were 5 battalions of Reserve Police constables and 5 Reserve Police officers worning under him. He was powerful Police Officer, after knowing Christ personally, he repented for all the bribes he took in his career, so not able to find out all those people to return that money, he sold some fertile land in E. G. Dt and gave it to jacobs to buy a place for the church in Vizayanagaram in Phool Bhag. Next he was accustomed to all sorts of vices but the Lord delivered him all that past life in a miraculous way.
so retirement of a police officer is not like the retirement of other jobs like mine , Lecturer!! soon after he layed down his office he came to home along with other two constables, they saluted him in attention( lastly) and went off. my dad sat in the sofa, I knelt down at his feet and helped him to relieve his office shoes, and helped him to take away his Office khaki uniform and the belt and hat etc. It means he would never put them again in life !! there was sort of sorrow in the room. in his eyes, in his face. in every one of us. We were accustomed to see dad going to march fast every morning at 4 am, momused to get up and give cup of hot coffee at 3:30 am every day, all through these years. The constable used to come and help dad to put on his uniform and shoes for the march every morning at 3:35 am every day. He used to leave the home with a Lathi ( Police stick ) to the office. This is regualar thing happened since 1952 till he retired in 1985. but because he was not coming to LEF none of us were interested to give a party to him. My husband as usual went to mid week prayer meeting without giving a least importance to his retirement. My dad was alone and alone !! He asked us to come to photo studio to have a photo of family on that last day, but my husband did not turn up. and that last photo was sans my husband whom my dad considered as his beloved son, and only son.
Dad was so very sad. I too made him suffer with my looks, my pride, my self-righteousness, my religion, my association with LEF made to look down at him.
Dad loved me more than any one, he was so considerate of me, any thing he brought he used to say' first Leela, let her choose for herself first" He used to call me and wanted to talk to me now and then, in those days we did not have phones, so he used to call me on the phone of neighbour, when I got phone I used to shiver , and I used to run to the phone at once, and when I heard his voice, then I would say, with relief" humm, its you nanna garu, thank God!! why I was shivering so much because I was so afraid, whether I would hear an evil news that my dad met an accident and died, or he got terrible illhealth and joined hospital again etc. Because we were brainwashed that those who leave lef will meet accidents and die. Once my brother in law had a fall on road on new scooter, because he was new to ride the scooter. But we were told out right, because he is with your dad all ways he met this accident, because he is helpinng your dad to get his bag this happend. . My younger sister was a premature baby, she used to be very weak in childhood, I used to spend hours together at her bed in kakindad whenver she fell asick, not knowing what to do, I used to give her my company while she was struggle to breath. So her first baby boy while in delivary died , soon after this the lef started to blame her and her husband and me for keeping her in the same apartment built for three of us. as three floors. So immediatly in fear like Lot from Sodom and Gomarrah left the house then and there for rented house leaving all those rooms empty. My two sisters were in Vizag but they were not allowed to stay with my dad in the same building though there were three floors seperately for each one of us.
Once they ordered me to leave the job then and there. After the deat of my husband they started to oppress me to sell my home only home, telling me" you cannot maintain this big house so better you sell it to us and go away to an apartment" I once casually talked to man who came to my home ,saying after the demise of my husband I found no interest in anything and it became very difficult to stay in the house. Instead of giving me a support or encouragement that I should be brave enough to do so he went and reported to the person who usurped me from LEF administration and he happilily wanted to get rid of me from the near by premises and started to push eaders to bring pressure on me to sell. When I rejected he managed to build a Baptistry opposite to my back gate through which we made a way to enter into the center all those years.
Thee are the people who try to devour the houses of the widows seeing their plight and weakness. They told me that it is not good for me to have gold , and better I give them away to the ministry. they indirectly instructed me better i should go in pale colors to college. They told me that my children should not study computers and threatend me that those who study computers will get strange diseases. Also told me to sell th sccoter which was bought by husband just a few months back , because none of us should use it other wise we will meeet accidents..So I sold it. I oobeyed them literally in all these matters. They said I should not have a car, never . so I sold the 5 day new brand car. for 50000 less cost for which I bought.
But one Day God talked to me surprisingly, and to the point, that I have another work and another field to serve Him.. ( will be continued in next episode)
Jesus specifically told us, "Do what they told you, but do not do what they do" - -But we often forget about this important instruction and do the opposite. We do what they are doing but do not do what they told us.---Sad,
They preach the best , they preach from the Word of God, if they do not preach from the word of God, we certainly do not go to them to listen, so the Devil puts the word of God in their mouth, so that we will listen to them get good impression of them, but we forget what they taught on the pulpit, but interested only in what they do.
Thus the trick of satan works successfully in our lives, and those who preach and those who listen but do what they do also perish. Got it??
That's exactly happens in many churches especially in our LEF too. But some of us took literally what they told us, even off the pulpit, in extreme way, iota to iota, sometimes, and ruined in those areas; we are able to discern in many ways and came out of those traps, means, its only because of God's grace, and also the inner desire to do the will of God which they told us to do, was a plus point in our spiritual growth.
Whatever they taught to do the Will of God all the time , from the very beginning of our contact with the LEF< They tell us that God talks to us, how blessing it would had been if only we do just what they told us, but how many times we just forget about this important instruction but wait for their instruction instead !!! So who has to blame? Certainly I blame myself hundred per cent hundred. In most of the life decisions, like my job, marriage, children, house, prayer place etc, I sought the Will of God and it did not put me shame. But some other mundane things, of life I depend on them , and there found myself put to shame and useless state.
One other thing is, these people preach us to do the Will of God , but they play God many a times, they rub their will upon us saying its good for us, with regard to marriages, resigning jobs, shifting houses, cut off with the relatives, not one nor two, any number of things can be intruded by these wonderful godly looking people, and we will be thrown into endless pitches forever and ever to be burnt. Some times in many cases, if those persons do not listen to their instructions, they will excommunicate the person not to cook for the congregation in the meetings, or send them to preach in the branches of lef, or they are not allowed to teach sunday school children, nor allowed to give witness to the youth, nor speak to other brothers or sisters in LEF>
Therefore, we have to be live on thorny path all the time, trembling, shivering, every minute of life.. depending on them, at the same time killing our own wishes or plans for life. Be aware !! is caution hung on our necks. Beware of dogs!!! nooo Beware of LEF leaders. and preachers, dear folks!!!
Such were the days wherein we were entangled into their traps, nets, and mouse traps, but strange we were feeling that ours is the best devotion, best life, best worship, best prayer, just like the Pharasees, We are the Holier than any one else in the Christendom!! we we, we are the only one in the whole world!! How blind we were, how stupid we were and how much we were cheated by the Evil one!!
We used to tell every one that " Our LEF have depth, no one has that, come and join us, to be saved and reach God, you do not get this depth any where else" --Those were the beginning days of my separation from LEF, I was too confused by the ways outside LEF, but in heart of hearts I knew that I made the right decision by being separated from LEF at this juncture one of my old acquaintances came to my home , we both were talking something about our other things, but suddenly she asked me , why " Akka, why people in LEF feel that their church is the only church which is the best of all?"
I found the only answer I could tell her, so I told her, with as faded smile,' They say that its only church which have depth"
She exclaimed and laughed aloud, "What?!!! Depth?/ you mean, the depth like in a pit? An endless depth so that never could come out of it?? HHAAAhaa " we both had a hearty laughter realizing the funny word depth with regard to LEF>
In these circumstance I went to see my dad and mom. My dad all ready got heart attack due to enormous stress caused by LEF on him. But all of us, me and my sisters and mom were insisting that he should come back to LEF then he will be healed, In other words we were telling him that he got heart attack because he left LEF> This we did not tell him directly but with many other incidents happened to other people who left LEF. and when those people returned the heart attack was healed.
My dad retired as DSP in the Police Department, There were 5 battalions of Reserve Police constables and 5 Reserve Police officers worning under him. He was powerful Police Officer, after knowing Christ personally, he repented for all the bribes he took in his career, so not able to find out all those people to return that money, he sold some fertile land in E. G. Dt and gave it to jacobs to buy a place for the church in Vizayanagaram in Phool Bhag. Next he was accustomed to all sorts of vices but the Lord delivered him all that past life in a miraculous way.
so retirement of a police officer is not like the retirement of other jobs like mine , Lecturer!! soon after he layed down his office he came to home along with other two constables, they saluted him in attention( lastly) and went off. my dad sat in the sofa, I knelt down at his feet and helped him to relieve his office shoes, and helped him to take away his Office khaki uniform and the belt and hat etc. It means he would never put them again in life !! there was sort of sorrow in the room. in his eyes, in his face. in every one of us. We were accustomed to see dad going to march fast every morning at 4 am, momused to get up and give cup of hot coffee at 3:30 am every day, all through these years. The constable used to come and help dad to put on his uniform and shoes for the march every morning at 3:35 am every day. He used to leave the home with a Lathi ( Police stick ) to the office. This is regualar thing happened since 1952 till he retired in 1985. but because he was not coming to LEF none of us were interested to give a party to him. My husband as usual went to mid week prayer meeting without giving a least importance to his retirement. My dad was alone and alone !! He asked us to come to photo studio to have a photo of family on that last day, but my husband did not turn up. and that last photo was sans my husband whom my dad considered as his beloved son, and only son.
Dad was so very sad. I too made him suffer with my looks, my pride, my self-righteousness, my religion, my association with LEF made to look down at him.
Dad loved me more than any one, he was so considerate of me, any thing he brought he used to say' first Leela, let her choose for herself first" He used to call me and wanted to talk to me now and then, in those days we did not have phones, so he used to call me on the phone of neighbour, when I got phone I used to shiver , and I used to run to the phone at once, and when I heard his voice, then I would say, with relief" humm, its you nanna garu, thank God!! why I was shivering so much because I was so afraid, whether I would hear an evil news that my dad met an accident and died, or he got terrible illhealth and joined hospital again etc. Because we were brainwashed that those who leave lef will meet accidents and die. Once my brother in law had a fall on road on new scooter, because he was new to ride the scooter. But we were told out right, because he is with your dad all ways he met this accident, because he is helpinng your dad to get his bag this happend. . My younger sister was a premature baby, she used to be very weak in childhood, I used to spend hours together at her bed in kakindad whenver she fell asick, not knowing what to do, I used to give her my company while she was struggle to breath. So her first baby boy while in delivary died , soon after this the lef started to blame her and her husband and me for keeping her in the same apartment built for three of us. as three floors. So immediatly in fear like Lot from Sodom and Gomarrah left the house then and there for rented house leaving all those rooms empty. My two sisters were in Vizag but they were not allowed to stay with my dad in the same building though there were three floors seperately for each one of us.
Once they ordered me to leave the job then and there. After the deat of my husband they started to oppress me to sell my home only home, telling me" you cannot maintain this big house so better you sell it to us and go away to an apartment" I once casually talked to man who came to my home ,saying after the demise of my husband I found no interest in anything and it became very difficult to stay in the house. Instead of giving me a support or encouragement that I should be brave enough to do so he went and reported to the person who usurped me from LEF administration and he happilily wanted to get rid of me from the near by premises and started to push eaders to bring pressure on me to sell. When I rejected he managed to build a Baptistry opposite to my back gate through which we made a way to enter into the center all those years.
Thee are the people who try to devour the houses of the widows seeing their plight and weakness. They told me that it is not good for me to have gold , and better I give them away to the ministry. they indirectly instructed me better i should go in pale colors to college. They told me that my children should not study computers and threatend me that those who study computers will get strange diseases. Also told me to sell th sccoter which was bought by husband just a few months back , because none of us should use it other wise we will meeet accidents..So I sold it. I oobeyed them literally in all these matters. They said I should not have a car, never . so I sold the 5 day new brand car. for 50000 less cost for which I bought.
But one Day God talked to me surprisingly, and to the point, that I have another work and another field to serve Him.. ( will be continued in next episode)
MY DAD AND LEF ( Part 5 )
Answered prayers strengthen us and helps us to proceed in life with more fervor to the Lord, and with deepened love for Him and more gratitude in heart to serve Him. If this is not the result of those answered prayers, we will be puffed up and become selfish and useless in course of time.
I am recording the answered prayers here in this place to encourage others to wait upon His answeres and to act upon them, which will never put us to shame.
Since 1973 I was accustomed to write a small dairy like book , apart from my regular journal, of everyday walk with God. This little book of palm size had two columns on each page. The columns headings were as " I ASKED GOD' -- HE ANSWERED". So when I sit in the presence of Lord, I was clear what to ask Him and also was very clear that I have to ask Him persistently till I get the answer from Him. Therefore it was my wont , that I wait for the answer and record both my prayer and answer with dates, in those columns.
After I got married, both my husband and myself entered our prayer requests in that little book and wait upon the Lord for answers and registered those answers there.
After his demise I was asked to take care of the LEF center for 3 consecutive years , I was taking care of supervising the administration, extension of the church premises, taking care of the needs of people, entrusting different works to different brothers according their capacity and sending money to HQ every month by counting the money by two brothers in the church etc. The regular revival meetings, children retreats were keeping on going as before. I was not preaching on sundays, which I never did or would, but the things were going on just like as it was when my husband was with me. I used to refere his dairy for guidelines of church work. and instruct the same to the few helpers in the ministry. It went on allmost till 2003,
Suddenly a new pastor was posted in that place without my knowledge, this man was a sunday school boy for me once upon a time when we were working in other place. So when he came told me I was happy to have a son like pastor in that place, I believed he would have the same respect for me to take guidance in church work as he was given pastorship first time in this place. In fact i was a little bit disappointed, and thought if only an elderly couple with much more experience and knowledge might have come to this place so that I can be under their wings and carry on the work as it was before. But this man newly married and came and started to behave in different way, which I never believed it would be so. Completely ignored me, and started to behave indifferently, the people started to behave weirdly, fearing him , stopped to talk to me in his presence, stopped to come to me all together, I became just another a member in the church, the most revered women's meeting timings were changed without my notice, everything was in his hands , never have courtesy to inform me or seek advice from me, and he just started to behave as an usurper.
The strange behaviour of this couple used to hurt me very much, one day I came home from church and sat in my chair while the tears were rolling down my cheeks... and I was praying and dozed to sleep for a minute , then I heard a voice , strong and firm in my head, " SHAELTIEL" it was heard thrice, first time I heard it and jerked from the dozing , and again dozed and heard it twice again. Immediatly I got up from the chair and got the Bible concordance to check up this word, I knew it was from the Bible but I was not acquited with any person of that name. When I found the meaning of that word is " I ASKED GOD'-- I heard His still small voice... "You are writing a book called I ASKED GOD right? Its the time for you to ask more, Ask of me I will give you, Ask for the ministry I will give, why you worry about this church and the ministry here? Ask" Then and there I knelt down and asked God for the work to do for Him, I was clearly led by Him that I need not stick to this LEF any more in ordered to serve Him in different fields, a number of fields awaiting to minister.. First I must stop to go to LEF, then the Lord is going to show me where I have to work." I got up from my knees, not knowing what does He means . I did not know any other church except LEF since my conversion to christianity, I never knew any persons in christianity. But I was waiting for His answer. Days going by... I told the new pastor , that I am going to have memorial service of my husband, he objected for it, and contacted HQ immediatly and I got summons, that 'it is not necessary to conduct the memorial service of my dead husband, its not desirable, he wrote to me that he was against all these memorial services, and in fact he did not want his own fathers's memorial since a long, and now he is intended to stop it even. and If I insist that I should have I can have it in my little hall where only three or four people can be called and pray for an hour and disperse." That was the letter I got in 2003, I obeyed them literally. but they did not fulfill what they wrote in that letter, the memorial service of his father is going on even now to this year. I told you they tell us morals but they never do them. I still do not know what was wrong with to conduct memorial service of the man of God who toiled for the church for 15 long years and almost laid down his life for that work . And exemplary pastor's memorial service was objected by these people just because they were jelous of him and feared for their own fame and name, worried people would remember him again and thereby remember the sacrifice of the family and again love me. These and many other vested interests made them to cut my heart into pieces by stopping the memorial service of my husband.
One of those days one boy who was turned up into a pastor , came to my home and encouraged me to start a children magazine called,
AMMA VODI ( in the lap of mother) and encouraged me to give messages in TV channels. With his encouragement I started to stand firm , and started to have my own ministry . This new usurper announce on the stage telling people that they need not read any other magazine except lef magazines, he was afraid of my magazine that if people read it they will come to know of the facts and truth of LEF>
But when I went to vizag I was still in LEF, and my husband was still alive, it was the year 1992 ... my dad was waiting for me, as the train Simhadhri was a bit late, my dad was anxiously waiting on the steps of the first floor . I said,' why nanna, garu, why you have to wait for me, any way I will come know...!" he was happy for my arrival, later I came to know he was supposed to join the hospital the previous day but he postponed it because I was coming home, he did told me later in the hospital.later when i joined him.
I found he was breathless, when I inquired my mom, and sister, they told me, now and then he is like that only, but later he would be all right. Not knowing the gravity of the situation, though I was much worried about his health condition, I was cleaning his room, and washing his clothes etc while talking to him. He was looking at me and talking to me with much difficulty, I was uncomfortable about this situation, then one of his doctor friend came and told me this is urgent and i should take him to hospital. The previous night I was with my dad , he complained there was pain in his back, I rubbed the pain balm, but I never suspected any heart attack, my mom and sister and brother in law were telling me its normal , some times he feels so, so nothing to worry. I was with my dad late in night, I was praying and singing the song about the blood of Jesus, slowly and massaging his back. In the middle of the night, my mom came in and said, you traveled today , you look very tired go and sleep , I will be with dad, thus she sent me to my room. I knelt down to pray before retiring to bed, then I heard a voice , it was very clear again." If you do not pray for your father now, there is no use to pray later" I was shocked, I continued to pray for a long time for the soul of my dad, for his redemption , for his healing of body and mind. when I went to bed i do not remember.
My dad my dad, I was very cruel towards him, I did not show my love to him, I did not express my gratitude to him for all that he did for me, on the other hand I was condemning him, I loved him, but I was supposed to not love him, nor show my respect to him, if I did , I am not a true LEFITE-----
When the doctor told me to take my dad to hospital, KGH i got an auto, put his clothes in small case i folded him into my right arm and took him to hospital at once, on the way to hospital something happend, I saw big red letters in front of my eyes, in telugu just for a second and disappeared, "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ" ... Then I found myself telling me, {oh then there is no punishment to my dad, because he is in the Lord, though he is not in lef,) my heart at peace I admitted him in the hospital, that was the first time I ever saw the ECG reading, I was there with him, all through, the staff ware so indifferent, they never cared the patient, I was there alone praying and waiting in the hospital When I was in my 5th class I got measles, dad was all in all for me, he took care of me so much, he brought whatever I wanted to have, I still remember I asked him that I wanted to eat Kaajaalu, he brought white kaajalu which we used to call Kommulu, so I said I do not want them and I want only those brown ones, he at once got them for me. He used to take me to the doctor on his bike and used to talk to the doctor .. When I got double typhoid in my 9th class, he was with me all the time, he used to bring the doctor John In Guntur and was so careful about my diet and my bed. I remeber how you used to worry when I got cramps in my legs, and everyday he used to take me to the doctor in my BA days in kakinada, later I started to suffer from terrible weakness and breathlessness, in Vizag, he was there to take me to different doctors and though it was beyond his capability he got the perfect treatment for me . When I got jaundice and about to die, in Vizayanagaram he was with me , took me to many doctors, he used to lift me with his hands so that I can be put in the zeep to go to the doctor.. .. he was such loving father, took care of me in tender way, Once I went to Vizag with whole body swollen he took me to doctor Chittipanthulu, stayed with me till I got healed and sent me home to Eluru. How can I forget him , his tender care , now he was on bed, not able to move , the tears were rolling down .. I was following the instructions of the doctor meticulously. They admitted him in the hospital, by then my sisters mom and brothers in law all came to the hospital, After he was joined in the ICU I told them I will be with him till he is recovered, because I want to take care of him. I have holidays, you have jobs to do. I want to serve him, no need to stay with him, i can take care of him. Thus I sent them homes , I stayed with him day and night , I did not eat nor took care of myself, I was there for him in prayer and pleading for his soul day and night, one day suddenly I heard a voice, " we have to go to him, he will not come to us" the words David spoke about his dead child to his servants. I did not understand, but I understand that there it is , a death, my dad is going to die? no no.. I knelt down and prayed bitterly crying for the soul of my dad... and for his healing, I did not know how and why I started to pray like this. but I was led to pray by the Spirit.. like this" Lord, what about the soul of my dad, I am afraid , how do I know that he will come to You only, How do i know he reached you , not condemned?( i had fear if he die he may go to hell because he is not in lef) the most stupidest of all, my brain was corrupted, i was brainwashed fool by the lef.
But God in His mercy answered me" You will know he has come to me , by his peaceful death"
I understood that in my own way, i thought he would not die by accident, but he will have natural death, even though he left lef, but never it occurred to me that he is going to die the next day. I thought he would be healed and come home but die later after awhile after many days, in peace.
So the next days he was spic and span, got up from the bed, I was a stupid not to understand the reading of the echo machine, I was educated moron, I did not understand any thing that was going on there, as he got up from bed, I changed his dress, I gave good white dress and helped him to dress, and I asked him the first and last time whether I could shave his grown up hair on face, and cleaned his face brushed his teeth, and I too was very weary of fasting I took his permission to go home and change my dress, and have a bath. I asked my brother in law to stay with my dad in my absence, I took leave of him, he sent me with sorrowful eyes, he felt that he did not give any thing to me as he had given to my sisters . I said nothing to worry, and I never desired anything from him . those were the last words we spoke to each other.
I left him and went home and made my sister and mom to go to hospital, and stay with dad till come .
but by 12 noon, my brother in law came to fetch me to the hospital, on the way he informed me that my dad died. my mom went and gave food to him, and my both sisters with with him , then he asked forgiveness of my mom once again and laid down his head in her lap and died.
I could not understand why I was not there with him in the last moment. This question haunted me ... till I shared this story to my principal Sr. Winifred in the college . after one month.
We brought my dad home,
NO ONE FROM LEF TURNED UP TO SEE MY DAD IN THE HOSPITAL OR TO HOME AFTER HIS DEATH.
Yes NO ONE.
I am recording the answered prayers here in this place to encourage others to wait upon His answeres and to act upon them, which will never put us to shame.
Since 1973 I was accustomed to write a small dairy like book , apart from my regular journal, of everyday walk with God. This little book of palm size had two columns on each page. The columns headings were as " I ASKED GOD' -- HE ANSWERED". So when I sit in the presence of Lord, I was clear what to ask Him and also was very clear that I have to ask Him persistently till I get the answer from Him. Therefore it was my wont , that I wait for the answer and record both my prayer and answer with dates, in those columns.
After I got married, both my husband and myself entered our prayer requests in that little book and wait upon the Lord for answers and registered those answers there.
After his demise I was asked to take care of the LEF center for 3 consecutive years , I was taking care of supervising the administration, extension of the church premises, taking care of the needs of people, entrusting different works to different brothers according their capacity and sending money to HQ every month by counting the money by two brothers in the church etc. The regular revival meetings, children retreats were keeping on going as before. I was not preaching on sundays, which I never did or would, but the things were going on just like as it was when my husband was with me. I used to refere his dairy for guidelines of church work. and instruct the same to the few helpers in the ministry. It went on allmost till 2003,
Suddenly a new pastor was posted in that place without my knowledge, this man was a sunday school boy for me once upon a time when we were working in other place. So when he came told me I was happy to have a son like pastor in that place, I believed he would have the same respect for me to take guidance in church work as he was given pastorship first time in this place. In fact i was a little bit disappointed, and thought if only an elderly couple with much more experience and knowledge might have come to this place so that I can be under their wings and carry on the work as it was before. But this man newly married and came and started to behave in different way, which I never believed it would be so. Completely ignored me, and started to behave indifferently, the people started to behave weirdly, fearing him , stopped to talk to me in his presence, stopped to come to me all together, I became just another a member in the church, the most revered women's meeting timings were changed without my notice, everything was in his hands , never have courtesy to inform me or seek advice from me, and he just started to behave as an usurper.
The strange behaviour of this couple used to hurt me very much, one day I came home from church and sat in my chair while the tears were rolling down my cheeks... and I was praying and dozed to sleep for a minute , then I heard a voice , strong and firm in my head, " SHAELTIEL" it was heard thrice, first time I heard it and jerked from the dozing , and again dozed and heard it twice again. Immediatly I got up from the chair and got the Bible concordance to check up this word, I knew it was from the Bible but I was not acquited with any person of that name. When I found the meaning of that word is " I ASKED GOD'-- I heard His still small voice... "You are writing a book called I ASKED GOD right? Its the time for you to ask more, Ask of me I will give you, Ask for the ministry I will give, why you worry about this church and the ministry here? Ask" Then and there I knelt down and asked God for the work to do for Him, I was clearly led by Him that I need not stick to this LEF any more in ordered to serve Him in different fields, a number of fields awaiting to minister.. First I must stop to go to LEF, then the Lord is going to show me where I have to work." I got up from my knees, not knowing what does He means . I did not know any other church except LEF since my conversion to christianity, I never knew any persons in christianity. But I was waiting for His answer. Days going by... I told the new pastor , that I am going to have memorial service of my husband, he objected for it, and contacted HQ immediatly and I got summons, that 'it is not necessary to conduct the memorial service of my dead husband, its not desirable, he wrote to me that he was against all these memorial services, and in fact he did not want his own fathers's memorial since a long, and now he is intended to stop it even. and If I insist that I should have I can have it in my little hall where only three or four people can be called and pray for an hour and disperse." That was the letter I got in 2003, I obeyed them literally. but they did not fulfill what they wrote in that letter, the memorial service of his father is going on even now to this year. I told you they tell us morals but they never do them. I still do not know what was wrong with to conduct memorial service of the man of God who toiled for the church for 15 long years and almost laid down his life for that work . And exemplary pastor's memorial service was objected by these people just because they were jelous of him and feared for their own fame and name, worried people would remember him again and thereby remember the sacrifice of the family and again love me. These and many other vested interests made them to cut my heart into pieces by stopping the memorial service of my husband.
One of those days one boy who was turned up into a pastor , came to my home and encouraged me to start a children magazine called,
AMMA VODI ( in the lap of mother) and encouraged me to give messages in TV channels. With his encouragement I started to stand firm , and started to have my own ministry . This new usurper announce on the stage telling people that they need not read any other magazine except lef magazines, he was afraid of my magazine that if people read it they will come to know of the facts and truth of LEF>
But when I went to vizag I was still in LEF, and my husband was still alive, it was the year 1992 ... my dad was waiting for me, as the train Simhadhri was a bit late, my dad was anxiously waiting on the steps of the first floor . I said,' why nanna, garu, why you have to wait for me, any way I will come know...!" he was happy for my arrival, later I came to know he was supposed to join the hospital the previous day but he postponed it because I was coming home, he did told me later in the hospital.later when i joined him.
I found he was breathless, when I inquired my mom, and sister, they told me, now and then he is like that only, but later he would be all right. Not knowing the gravity of the situation, though I was much worried about his health condition, I was cleaning his room, and washing his clothes etc while talking to him. He was looking at me and talking to me with much difficulty, I was uncomfortable about this situation, then one of his doctor friend came and told me this is urgent and i should take him to hospital. The previous night I was with my dad , he complained there was pain in his back, I rubbed the pain balm, but I never suspected any heart attack, my mom and sister and brother in law were telling me its normal , some times he feels so, so nothing to worry. I was with my dad late in night, I was praying and singing the song about the blood of Jesus, slowly and massaging his back. In the middle of the night, my mom came in and said, you traveled today , you look very tired go and sleep , I will be with dad, thus she sent me to my room. I knelt down to pray before retiring to bed, then I heard a voice , it was very clear again." If you do not pray for your father now, there is no use to pray later" I was shocked, I continued to pray for a long time for the soul of my dad, for his redemption , for his healing of body and mind. when I went to bed i do not remember.
My dad my dad, I was very cruel towards him, I did not show my love to him, I did not express my gratitude to him for all that he did for me, on the other hand I was condemning him, I loved him, but I was supposed to not love him, nor show my respect to him, if I did , I am not a true LEFITE-----
When the doctor told me to take my dad to hospital, KGH i got an auto, put his clothes in small case i folded him into my right arm and took him to hospital at once, on the way to hospital something happend, I saw big red letters in front of my eyes, in telugu just for a second and disappeared, "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ" ... Then I found myself telling me, {oh then there is no punishment to my dad, because he is in the Lord, though he is not in lef,) my heart at peace I admitted him in the hospital, that was the first time I ever saw the ECG reading, I was there with him, all through, the staff ware so indifferent, they never cared the patient, I was there alone praying and waiting in the hospital When I was in my 5th class I got measles, dad was all in all for me, he took care of me so much, he brought whatever I wanted to have, I still remember I asked him that I wanted to eat Kaajaalu, he brought white kaajalu which we used to call Kommulu, so I said I do not want them and I want only those brown ones, he at once got them for me. He used to take me to the doctor on his bike and used to talk to the doctor .. When I got double typhoid in my 9th class, he was with me all the time, he used to bring the doctor John In Guntur and was so careful about my diet and my bed. I remeber how you used to worry when I got cramps in my legs, and everyday he used to take me to the doctor in my BA days in kakinada, later I started to suffer from terrible weakness and breathlessness, in Vizag, he was there to take me to different doctors and though it was beyond his capability he got the perfect treatment for me . When I got jaundice and about to die, in Vizayanagaram he was with me , took me to many doctors, he used to lift me with his hands so that I can be put in the zeep to go to the doctor.. .. he was such loving father, took care of me in tender way, Once I went to Vizag with whole body swollen he took me to doctor Chittipanthulu, stayed with me till I got healed and sent me home to Eluru. How can I forget him , his tender care , now he was on bed, not able to move , the tears were rolling down .. I was following the instructions of the doctor meticulously. They admitted him in the hospital, by then my sisters mom and brothers in law all came to the hospital, After he was joined in the ICU I told them I will be with him till he is recovered, because I want to take care of him. I have holidays, you have jobs to do. I want to serve him, no need to stay with him, i can take care of him. Thus I sent them homes , I stayed with him day and night , I did not eat nor took care of myself, I was there for him in prayer and pleading for his soul day and night, one day suddenly I heard a voice, " we have to go to him, he will not come to us" the words David spoke about his dead child to his servants. I did not understand, but I understand that there it is , a death, my dad is going to die? no no.. I knelt down and prayed bitterly crying for the soul of my dad... and for his healing, I did not know how and why I started to pray like this. but I was led to pray by the Spirit.. like this" Lord, what about the soul of my dad, I am afraid , how do I know that he will come to You only, How do i know he reached you , not condemned?( i had fear if he die he may go to hell because he is not in lef) the most stupidest of all, my brain was corrupted, i was brainwashed fool by the lef.
But God in His mercy answered me" You will know he has come to me , by his peaceful death"
I understood that in my own way, i thought he would not die by accident, but he will have natural death, even though he left lef, but never it occurred to me that he is going to die the next day. I thought he would be healed and come home but die later after awhile after many days, in peace.
So the next days he was spic and span, got up from the bed, I was a stupid not to understand the reading of the echo machine, I was educated moron, I did not understand any thing that was going on there, as he got up from bed, I changed his dress, I gave good white dress and helped him to dress, and I asked him the first and last time whether I could shave his grown up hair on face, and cleaned his face brushed his teeth, and I too was very weary of fasting I took his permission to go home and change my dress, and have a bath. I asked my brother in law to stay with my dad in my absence, I took leave of him, he sent me with sorrowful eyes, he felt that he did not give any thing to me as he had given to my sisters . I said nothing to worry, and I never desired anything from him . those were the last words we spoke to each other.
I left him and went home and made my sister and mom to go to hospital, and stay with dad till come .
but by 12 noon, my brother in law came to fetch me to the hospital, on the way he informed me that my dad died. my mom went and gave food to him, and my both sisters with with him , then he asked forgiveness of my mom once again and laid down his head in her lap and died.
I could not understand why I was not there with him in the last moment. This question haunted me ... till I shared this story to my principal Sr. Winifred in the college . after one month.
We brought my dad home,
NO ONE FROM LEF TURNED UP TO SEE MY DAD IN THE HOSPITAL OR TO HOME AFTER HIS DEATH.
Yes NO ONE.
MY DAD AND LEF (Part 4)
God brings us to a nook where we hate ourselves and understand that no one but God is our refuge, and Redeemer. I was traveling a journey which I never intended to do, but I was there very much , lived in it, past cannot be changed, or rectified, knowing this very well I write these episodes , hoping that my stupidity of doing things would prevent some lonely sincere soul could realized the truth and withdraw his/her feet from those misty paths of confusion which I trod upon and lost many precious moments with my beloved dad.... read... this episode with open mind, as a person from outside... you will understand more than i wrote.. you will read between the lines.. and colors of the lines....
Jesus specifically told us, "Do what they told you, but do not do what they do" - -But we often forget about this important instruction and do the opposite. We do what they are doing but do not do what they told us.---Sad,
They preach the best , they preach from the Word of God, if they do not preach from the word of God, we certainly do not go to them to listen, so the Devil puts the word of God in their mouth, so that we will listen to them get good impression of them, but we forget what they taught on the pulpit, but interested only in what they do.
Thus the trick of satan works successfully in our lives, and those who preach and those who listen but do what they do also perish. Got it??
That's exactly happens in many churches especially in our LEF too. But some of us took literally what they told us, even off the pulpit, in extreme way, iota to iota, sometimes, and ruined in those areas; we are able to discern in many ways and came out of those traps, means, its only because of God's grace, and also the inner desire to do the will of God which they told us to do, was a plus point in our spiritual growth.
Whatever they taught to do the Will of God all the time , from the very beginning of our contact with the LEF< They tell us that God talks to us, how blessing it would had been if only we do just what they told us, but how many times we just forget about this important instruction but wait for their instruction instead !!! So who has to blame? Certainly I blame myself hundred per cent hundred. In most of the life decisions, like my job, marriage, children, house, prayer place etc, I sought the Will of God and it did not put me shame. But some other mundane things, of life I depend on them , and there found myself put to shame and useless state.
One other thing is, these people preach us to do the Will of God , but they play God many a times, they rub their will upon us saying its good for us, with regard to marriages, resigning jobs, shifting houses, cut off with the relatives, not one nor two, any number of things can be intruded by these wonderful godly looking people, and we will be thrown into endless pitches forever and ever to be burnt. Some times in many cases, if those persons do not listen to their instructions, they will excommunicate the person not to cook for the congregation in the meetings, or send them to preach in the branches of lef, or they are not allowed to teach sunday school children, nor allowed to give witness to the youth, nor speak to other brothers or sisters in LEF>
Therefore, we have to be live on thorny path all the time, trembling, shivering, every minute of life.. depending on them, at the same time killing our own wishes or plans for life. Be aware !! is caution hung on our necks. Beware of dogs!!! nooo Beware of LEF leaders. and preachers, dear folks!!!
Such were the days wherein we were entangled into their traps, nets, and mouse traps, but strange we were feeling that ours is the best devotion, best life, best worship, best prayer, just like the Pharasees, We are the Holier than any one else in the Christendom!! we we, we are the only one in the whole world!! How blind we were, how stupid we were and how much we were cheated by the Evil one!!
We used to tell every one that " Our LEF have depth, no one has that, come and join us, to be saved and reach God, you do not get this depth any where else" --Those were the beginning days of my separation from LEF, I was too confused by the ways outside LEF, but in heart of hearts I knew that I made the right decision by being separated from LEF at this juncture one of my old acquaintances came to my home , we both were talking something about our other things, but suddenly she asked me , why " Akka, why people in LEF feel that their church is the only church which is the best of all?"
I found the only answer I could tell her, so I told her, with as faded smile,' They say that its only church which have depth"
She exclaimed and laughed aloud, "What?!!! Depth?/ you mean, the depth like in a pit? An endless depth so that never could come out of it?? HHAAAhaa " we both had a hearty laughter realizing the funny word depth with regard to LEF>
In these circumstance I went to see my dad and mom. My dad all ready got heart attack due to enormous stress caused by LEF on him. But all of us, me and my sisters and mom were insisting that he should come back to LEF then he will be healed, In other words we were telling him that he got heart attack because he left LEF> This we did not tell him directly but with many other incidents happened to other people who left LEF. and when those people returned the heart attack was healed.
My dad retired as DSP in the Police Department, There were 5 battalions of Reserve Police constables and 5 Reserve Police officers worning under him. He was powerful Police Officer, after knowing Christ personally, he repented for all the bribes he took in his career, so not able to find out all those people to return that money, he sold some fertile land in E. G. Dt and gave it to jacobs to buy a place for the church in Vizayanagaram in Phool Bhag. Next he was accustomed to all sorts of vices but the Lord delivered him all that past life in a miraculous way.
so retirement of a police officer is not like the retirement of other jobs like mine , Lecturer!! soon after he layed down his office he came to home along with other two constables, they saluted him in attention( lastly) and went off. my dad sat in the sofa, I knelt down at his feet and helped him to relieve his office shoes, and helped him to take away his Office khaki uniform and the belt and hat etc. It means he would never put them again in life !! there was sort of sorrow in the room. in his eyes, in his face. in every one of us. We were accustomed to see dad going to march fast every morning at 4 am, momused to get up and give cup of hot coffee at 3:30 am every day, all through these years. The constable used to come and help dad to put on his uniform and shoes for the march every morning at 3:35 am every day. He used to leave the home with a Lathi ( Police stick ) to the office. This is regualar thing happened since 1952 till he retired in 1985. but because he was not coming to LEF none of us were interested to give a party to him. My husband as usual went to mid week prayer meeting without giving a least importance to his retirement. My dad was alone and alone !! He asked us to come to photo studio to have a photo of family on that last day, but my husband did not turn up. and that last photo was sans my husband whom my dad considered as his beloved son, and only son.
Dad was so very sad. I too made him suffer with my looks, my pride, my self-righteousness, my religion, my association with LEF made to look down at him.
Dad loved me more than any one, he was so considerate of me, any thing he brought he used to say' first Leela, let her choose for herself first" He used to call me and wanted to talk to me now and then, in those days we did not have phones, so he used to call me on the phone of neighbour, when I got phone I used to shiver , and I used to run to the phone at once, and when I heard his voice, then I would say, with relief" humm, its you nanna garu, thank God!! why I was shivering so much because I was so afraid, whether I would hear an evil news that my dad met an accident and died, or he got terrible illhealth and joined hospital again etc. Because we were brainwashed that those who leave lef will meet accidents and die. Once my brother in law had a fall on road on new scooter, because he was new to ride the scooter. But we were told out right, because he is with your dad all ways he met this accident, because he is helpinng your dad to get his bag this happend. . My younger sister was a premature baby, she used to be very weak in childhood, I used to spend hours together at her bed in kakindad whenver she fell asick, not knowing what to do, I used to give her my company while she was struggle to breath. So her first baby boy while in delivary died , soon after this the lef started to blame her and her husband and me for keeping her in the same apartment built for three of us. as three floors. So immediatly in fear like Lot from Sodom and Gomarrah left the house then and there for rented house leaving all those rooms empty. My two sisters were in Vizag but they were not allowed to stay with my dad in the same building though there were three floors seperately for each one of us.
Once they ordered me to leave the job then and there. After the deat of my husband they started to oppress me to sell my home only home, telling me" you cannot maintain this big house so better you sell it to us and go away to an apartment" I once casually talked to man who came to my home ,saying after the demise of my husband I found no interest in anything and it became very difficult to stay in the house. Instead of giving me a support or encouragement that I should be brave enough to do so he went and reported to the person who usurped me from LEF administration and he happilily wanted to get rid of me from the near by premises and started to push eaders to bring pressure on me to sell. When I rejected he managed to build a Baptistry opposite to my back gate through which we made a way to enter into the center all those years.
Thee are the people who try to devour the houses of the widows seeing their plight and weakness. They told me that it is not good for me to have gold , and better I give them away to the ministry. they indirectly instructed me better i should go in pale colors to college. They told me that my children should not study computers and threatend me that those who study computers will get strange diseases. Also told me to sell th sccoter which was bought by husband just a few months back , because none of us should use it other wise we will meeet accidents..So I sold it. I oobeyed them literally in all these matters. They said I should not have a car, never . so I sold the 5 day new brand car. for 50000 less cost for which I bought.
But one Day God talked to me surprisingly, and to the point, that I have another work and another field to serve Him.. ( will be continued in next episode)
Jesus specifically told us, "Do what they told you, but do not do what they do" - -But we often forget about this important instruction and do the opposite. We do what they are doing but do not do what they told us.---Sad,
They preach the best , they preach from the Word of God, if they do not preach from the word of God, we certainly do not go to them to listen, so the Devil puts the word of God in their mouth, so that we will listen to them get good impression of them, but we forget what they taught on the pulpit, but interested only in what they do.
Thus the trick of satan works successfully in our lives, and those who preach and those who listen but do what they do also perish. Got it??
That's exactly happens in many churches especially in our LEF too. But some of us took literally what they told us, even off the pulpit, in extreme way, iota to iota, sometimes, and ruined in those areas; we are able to discern in many ways and came out of those traps, means, its only because of God's grace, and also the inner desire to do the will of God which they told us to do, was a plus point in our spiritual growth.
Whatever they taught to do the Will of God all the time , from the very beginning of our contact with the LEF< They tell us that God talks to us, how blessing it would had been if only we do just what they told us, but how many times we just forget about this important instruction but wait for their instruction instead !!! So who has to blame? Certainly I blame myself hundred per cent hundred. In most of the life decisions, like my job, marriage, children, house, prayer place etc, I sought the Will of God and it did not put me shame. But some other mundane things, of life I depend on them , and there found myself put to shame and useless state.
One other thing is, these people preach us to do the Will of God , but they play God many a times, they rub their will upon us saying its good for us, with regard to marriages, resigning jobs, shifting houses, cut off with the relatives, not one nor two, any number of things can be intruded by these wonderful godly looking people, and we will be thrown into endless pitches forever and ever to be burnt. Some times in many cases, if those persons do not listen to their instructions, they will excommunicate the person not to cook for the congregation in the meetings, or send them to preach in the branches of lef, or they are not allowed to teach sunday school children, nor allowed to give witness to the youth, nor speak to other brothers or sisters in LEF>
Therefore, we have to be live on thorny path all the time, trembling, shivering, every minute of life.. depending on them, at the same time killing our own wishes or plans for life. Be aware !! is caution hung on our necks. Beware of dogs!!! nooo Beware of LEF leaders. and preachers, dear folks!!!
Such were the days wherein we were entangled into their traps, nets, and mouse traps, but strange we were feeling that ours is the best devotion, best life, best worship, best prayer, just like the Pharasees, We are the Holier than any one else in the Christendom!! we we, we are the only one in the whole world!! How blind we were, how stupid we were and how much we were cheated by the Evil one!!
We used to tell every one that " Our LEF have depth, no one has that, come and join us, to be saved and reach God, you do not get this depth any where else" --Those were the beginning days of my separation from LEF, I was too confused by the ways outside LEF, but in heart of hearts I knew that I made the right decision by being separated from LEF at this juncture one of my old acquaintances came to my home , we both were talking something about our other things, but suddenly she asked me , why " Akka, why people in LEF feel that their church is the only church which is the best of all?"
I found the only answer I could tell her, so I told her, with as faded smile,' They say that its only church which have depth"
She exclaimed and laughed aloud, "What?!!! Depth?/ you mean, the depth like in a pit? An endless depth so that never could come out of it?? HHAAAhaa " we both had a hearty laughter realizing the funny word depth with regard to LEF>
In these circumstance I went to see my dad and mom. My dad all ready got heart attack due to enormous stress caused by LEF on him. But all of us, me and my sisters and mom were insisting that he should come back to LEF then he will be healed, In other words we were telling him that he got heart attack because he left LEF> This we did not tell him directly but with many other incidents happened to other people who left LEF. and when those people returned the heart attack was healed.
My dad retired as DSP in the Police Department, There were 5 battalions of Reserve Police constables and 5 Reserve Police officers worning under him. He was powerful Police Officer, after knowing Christ personally, he repented for all the bribes he took in his career, so not able to find out all those people to return that money, he sold some fertile land in E. G. Dt and gave it to jacobs to buy a place for the church in Vizayanagaram in Phool Bhag. Next he was accustomed to all sorts of vices but the Lord delivered him all that past life in a miraculous way.
so retirement of a police officer is not like the retirement of other jobs like mine , Lecturer!! soon after he layed down his office he came to home along with other two constables, they saluted him in attention( lastly) and went off. my dad sat in the sofa, I knelt down at his feet and helped him to relieve his office shoes, and helped him to take away his Office khaki uniform and the belt and hat etc. It means he would never put them again in life !! there was sort of sorrow in the room. in his eyes, in his face. in every one of us. We were accustomed to see dad going to march fast every morning at 4 am, momused to get up and give cup of hot coffee at 3:30 am every day, all through these years. The constable used to come and help dad to put on his uniform and shoes for the march every morning at 3:35 am every day. He used to leave the home with a Lathi ( Police stick ) to the office. This is regualar thing happened since 1952 till he retired in 1985. but because he was not coming to LEF none of us were interested to give a party to him. My husband as usual went to mid week prayer meeting without giving a least importance to his retirement. My dad was alone and alone !! He asked us to come to photo studio to have a photo of family on that last day, but my husband did not turn up. and that last photo was sans my husband whom my dad considered as his beloved son, and only son.
Dad was so very sad. I too made him suffer with my looks, my pride, my self-righteousness, my religion, my association with LEF made to look down at him.
Dad loved me more than any one, he was so considerate of me, any thing he brought he used to say' first Leela, let her choose for herself first" He used to call me and wanted to talk to me now and then, in those days we did not have phones, so he used to call me on the phone of neighbour, when I got phone I used to shiver , and I used to run to the phone at once, and when I heard his voice, then I would say, with relief" humm, its you nanna garu, thank God!! why I was shivering so much because I was so afraid, whether I would hear an evil news that my dad met an accident and died, or he got terrible illhealth and joined hospital again etc. Because we were brainwashed that those who leave lef will meet accidents and die. Once my brother in law had a fall on road on new scooter, because he was new to ride the scooter. But we were told out right, because he is with your dad all ways he met this accident, because he is helpinng your dad to get his bag this happend. . My younger sister was a premature baby, she used to be very weak in childhood, I used to spend hours together at her bed in kakindad whenver she fell asick, not knowing what to do, I used to give her my company while she was struggle to breath. So her first baby boy while in delivary died , soon after this the lef started to blame her and her husband and me for keeping her in the same apartment built for three of us. as three floors. So immediatly in fear like Lot from Sodom and Gomarrah left the house then and there for rented house leaving all those rooms empty. My two sisters were in Vizag but they were not allowed to stay with my dad in the same building though there were three floors seperately for each one of us.
Once they ordered me to leave the job then and there. After the deat of my husband they started to oppress me to sell my home only home, telling me" you cannot maintain this big house so better you sell it to us and go away to an apartment" I once casually talked to man who came to my home ,saying after the demise of my husband I found no interest in anything and it became very difficult to stay in the house. Instead of giving me a support or encouragement that I should be brave enough to do so he went and reported to the person who usurped me from LEF administration and he happilily wanted to get rid of me from the near by premises and started to push eaders to bring pressure on me to sell. When I rejected he managed to build a Baptistry opposite to my back gate through which we made a way to enter into the center all those years.
Thee are the people who try to devour the houses of the widows seeing their plight and weakness. They told me that it is not good for me to have gold , and better I give them away to the ministry. they indirectly instructed me better i should go in pale colors to college. They told me that my children should not study computers and threatend me that those who study computers will get strange diseases. Also told me to sell th sccoter which was bought by husband just a few months back , because none of us should use it other wise we will meeet accidents..So I sold it. I oobeyed them literally in all these matters. They said I should not have a car, never . so I sold the 5 day new brand car. for 50000 less cost for which I bought.
But one Day God talked to me surprisingly, and to the point, that I have another work and another field to serve Him.. ( will be continued in next episode)
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