WHEN_GOD_GUIDES_5B: Story of the Refrigerator

        Story of the Refrigerator:5B

                            Sunday morning was a busy day. We used to follow the Sabbath meticulously as per the instructions of LEF;  when we were in Lef we just obeyed whatever they instructed, though it was not according to the word of God, I mean, though it was legalistic, and a sort of oppression on the congregation, as we should wear only long blouses, and pale color sarees, and no exams or interviews on Sunday, not even buying a green chilli on Sunday,  no travelling , no news paper, no liftng or shifting, no job, no no no no , all nos, whichever ,  don't do this don't do that, was the rule of the day.

                    But God was looking at our hearts, and ignorance and giving us the bounty of those rules.  God said, proverbs 16:4 the Lords works everything to its proper end, even the wicked for a day of disaster. Psalms 68:18 God took  gifts from people, even the rebellious.

                 Yes, God gives us some time to go into our self righteous ways, legalistic ways to worship Him, it doesn't mean that we are completely right. Every rule from the authorities should be obeyed--some obey some do not--but as long as you accept an authority, and want to stay under that banner ,you are bound to obey them as long as it do not contradict the word of God-as in case of idol worship, but all other things should be obeyed. 

         Do you think that the 7th day Adventist, and Church of Christ and other sects of people are not answered by God, they are, but God looks at the people who are innocently cheated, and He has a plan for every one who really worship Him to take them out and give them light in due course of time. Some people use the banner of a church but behave as they like . If you do not like to obey them in totto, get out of it, but do not be in it and behave as you like it.

       Self Righteousness exhibited by the works of man is never accepted by God.  In fact Jesus touched every commandment of God, all the ten commandments of God. He said, He has come to fulfill the Law not to destroy it.  Thus saying He has intensified the Law, much more, like Adultery, is not just committing an act but even the adultrous look is condemned by Him. so is the Lie,  He said your word should be 'yes' if you say yes, 'No' if you say no, any thing which comes more than that is of Devil'.

        So He intensified the commandment of ' do not speak lie' so also every commandment was touched by Jesus, and He said about Sabbath, that He is the Lord of Sabbath, on the other hand He actually nullified the rules of Sabbath by healing the people, and thus rejecting the teachings of the Pharisees,  let us  not be cheated by the rules of the people when they quote from the Law and try to oppress us. 

          I was following them, But God was great enough not allowing me to suffer beyond my capacity. I will tell that story how He intervened  in right time to help me out of this oppression in miraculous way.  

      So that Sunday morning we concentrated on our legalistic Sunday, and no talking of any worldly things. Even children were not supposed to play or talk anything else except Bible stories.

     That Sunday was as usual run smoothly, without my annoyed face or words etc. In fact I was rejoicing in the Lord, which was not known to my dear husband or children. 

      On Monday morning , he left for the office at 6 am as usual and I prepared breakfast and lunch for him as usual, and sent him off.  Later before departing to college and children to school we used to have  15 minutes prayer together every day. 

          The minute we gathered together to pray, on the mat, my daughter asked me,'mom what happened about the Fridge? Dad is going to buy ?"

       Sweet faces and I looked at my son's face also, both are looking into my eyes anxiously,  I smiled and said,' My dear ones, God told me to pray much, so we have to pray for the fridge and He will give it."

      When I looked at those sweet faces, I do not know why I said so, but I added , "But we have to pray secretly, your dad should not know that we are praying" I smiled.  May be I wanted to teach them that our requests should not be known to man but to God alone. Especially this prayer for fridge should not be known to my husband, because I do not want to influence his sentiments 'that children also praying and he would need to buy it ' etc etc.   -----

          so immediately, my ever - questioning son, asked me, " Why mom? why we should pray secretly why dad should not know" ---

       Great question, how to tell these little sweet fellows, about the secrecy of  this prayer request, , any way I answered him without any other thought ,instantly like this," If you pray louder, two small little little devils will go and sit in the ears of your dad and tell him,  'don't buy the fridge, do not buy don't buy so we have to pray secretly.".  I said. 

          Then this time my daughter asked me ," What happens if we pray secretly not loudly? ' -  "If you pray secretly , two angels will go and sit in the ears of your dad and tell him 'Buy the fridge, buy it buy it"--My answers for my little children used to be slow steady and with fondling tone. 

           Now both of them are looking at me with wide eyes as if great revelation of God is known to them.  Immediately they knelt down, putting their little heads right into the floor, all of it,if at all the floor was sandy their heads would dig a deep hole there, then started to pray very very slowly. Even I  could not hear their prayer,  such was the secrecy they maintained . 

       Oh, you do not know the joy in my heart to see my two little angels praying like that. Any way there was not much time to talk about this issue so I sent them to the school, and I rushed to college.

       

       That day he came home by 9 pm earlier than usual time.  His  blue and white wired basket was with some papers and books along with the Lunch carrier, you know it was 4 boxessteel carrier, long one.

           In those days he used to bring many story books, Bible pictorial books from the office. God provided all wonderful books for our children, as one man who used to come and sell those books in his office. Such books I never saw them again in any book store later.  Those books are still with me, and my daughter often ask me , even now, 'mom that monkey  story book is there or not? or some other story she was fond of , yes those books are still preserved in our little library even now.  

            When my daughter saw those papers, when her dad went to the washroom to have a bath, she pulled the papers and shouted loudly,
                  'o  mom these are fridge papers!!'  

       I was amazed and looked at her , and said,
                 'o you should not shout, and said" keep, keep those there only"   hurriedly I signed to her with my both hands moving up and down. 

        She  laughing  kept those back.  I told the children to go to beds, and that I would tell them bed time story later I serve dinner to their dad' So happily they obeyed me and went to bed. 

         At the dining table he said,
               'Leela today I went to bsent road in vijaywada,  ( I was telling myself, umm' common you have to tell me why you went there') but I did not exhibit any curiosity on my face and asked him as a matter of fact, 
                'why did you go?'

      He answered me
                 I went to see Ratnakumari  the wife of the slained politician Vangaveeti Ranga, she is on hunger strike. (suppressing the laughter in my heart  I asked him,) '
               Why, You don't have any other work, except to see such scenes?'  I got up from the table on pretext of bringing some thing from the shelf.    Now he had to blurt it out, the much awaited information; ,'
               I went there to inquire about the Fridges, to know which one is the best. '  I told myself { yes dear sweetest husband,  common, you have to come to the right point right way now}   ... still suppressing my smiles of the heart, I said, as if nothing is there to be happy, 
               'Oh is that , which is the best?'  He said, I came to know its Kelvinator"   There ended the conversation, I did not prolong it. Knowing pretty well, that all glory and honor should go to His name.  He said,
                         'tomorrow I applied leave, we have to attend the engagement function in Kathepiveedhi, and before going there we will withdraw the money from the bank and buy the fridge in 1 Town."   

What I said , I do not remember.  But what I remember is while going to Andhra Bank the next day  on scooter behind him, I pinched him on the shoulder and said,"
                        "Hey dear gold , you were asking me whether it is God's will or not to buy the fridge,  now you must know God told me He would give the fridge, and it is His will. that is the reason you are buying it now" and he laughed along with me.    

On the way to the 1 town    we met Jeevarthanm Uncle, we stopped and wished him. When he asked us where we were going I told him about the fridge purchase. and requested him to come along .  At the shop, we could not find the fridge in blue color, In those days we both used to buy every item in the house in blue color, blankets, buckets, anything.   so on that pretext, my husband said
                  ,' oh there is not a blue color fridge we will order for it" 

          OOOOOOOo my, this is too much, I requested Jeevarathnam uncle to come aside and told him 'to tell my husband not to postpone the purchase but to buy it then and there'

                           He went inside the shop and told my husband' Ammai (my daughter that is me) likes even this light green color, so better take this Naina ( my son that is he)  haha ,  so My great bossy husband cant but to buy the fridge, and yielded to the request. 

That's the end of the great story of the Fridge in our home.  

Soon after three days of the purchase, 5 members  team came to our home to conduct Youth Retreat in our college.  They were with us for three days,  I too could go along with them because I used to prepare nice chicken curry and other curries and keep them in the fridge the night before and attend the Retreat along with them and participated in soul winning processes. I still remember we had a harvest of souls in that Retreat. 

                         No one can have such joy and happiness as I had with my fridge purchase.  I do not think any one with lots of money could have such joy in their heart as I did have in my heart.  God's gifts are different, and they bring joy and blessing to us.  Yes The Help in the form of Fridge made my life blessed in that Retreat and after.
God gifts are immense and variety, they fill us with joy and awesome silence, getting a gift from a friend gives a, great joy, and how about getting a gift from God? try and get one from Him

Joanna wrote:

               Oh my!!! Aunty!!! That was indeed a blessing. Our God answers prayers, sees the desires and oh! What a joy to receive from Him. We had a similar story. We were not allowed to buy a fridge for a long time because it was vanity. But with the ministry growing, mon working, we going to schools with so many other mouths to feed in the church other than our immediate family, a fridge was becoming more and more a necessity. We kids did not know that our parents were not allowed to buy. They were praying and praying for many months. It's so weird how God answers prayers, when we went to Madurai to my grandmothers house one May after the May retreat, June 1 was my birthday so she asked me what I want, immediately without thinking or knowing what I was asking I said a fridge!!!! Can you imagine what my parents reaction?? They said NO!! But my grandma put a bundle of money in my moms hand and said its for my granddaughter. Not for you. .

                            God works in amazing ways!! Yes you're right about sabbaths Aunty .....it says in Colossians 2:16 Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days:
I wish we don't judge others religion by what we do on the lords days.
I'm so glad to be a part of the one to enjoy the fridge as soon as it came in!!!
Oh I wish we still had those meetings in st. Theresa's. It built my faith, it taught me to witness.
Praise be to God

,Therefore we too tried not to cook but it was not possible so we did not cook the non veg.. hahah well, Life would be very complicated when you to take the law by letter, because the letter kill us, that's what Paul said once, take the essence of the commandments, God blessed a day in his creation, It should be a blessing to us, He took rest in it, it does not mean He wants us to sit in a corner and sleep, Because He finished His work he took rest. I wonder we human beings ever could finish our work in this life and could say I finshed everything and no work for me even on monday? Its just postponing our work for the next day. God blessed the 7thday because there is no more work to do. and its long long day See the scriputres, I wrote a blog on it too, God willing I will post it one of these days, or u can go to my blogspot and find it there. Any way in brief i can say Gen 2:2 says, He finished ALL HIS WORK BEFORE THE 7TH DAY See after the sixthday there should be sunrise to start 7th day and sun set to close the 7th day, nooo there is not any sunrise or sun set to say its 7th day... Moses gave us law, and commandements for the sake of Israelites, it is good to keep in certain ways, but It should not be imposed on christians, Even Israelites they themselves are not following it. God tore off the temple they were proud of once, by giving the sacrifices of the cattle, Jesus thrashed them not to do so. Our Lord in his short period of time on this earth, talked about everything we need to know.

          Well coming to teaching of the children, do not hide any truth from them, tell them we need to love God every day, in fact Sun day is a day to worship the Sun by Romans in the time of Constantinople, //whatever, because we got one day holiday, we need to concentrate more on worshiping and serving God,  coming to the exams, and tests, .. Its sheer legalistic, you want to follow the law and tell the world that you are self righteous or love God and tell the world how merciful He is... Your conscience will tell you.Teach them how to  take care of the sick, take them to the hospital or orphanage, and make them to serve people, give them good books to read, spend time with them, and pray with them, cook good food for them to enjoy in the presence of God, There are many many things to do, on Sunday, in stead of not doing many things and being oppressed worrying about  what is right what is wrong, and so is your children. I will write a blog on sunday in our home.. we followed it  meticulously, to the core of the letter, but its not the truth, God blessed us in spite of it, but only because He was merciful, not because of our works... ,

I firmly believe the Holy Spirit in you will lead you in all truth. By telling people do this and don't do this, we are building walls around us and encouraging everyone to becoming judgemental. Then it leads to carrying tales to the leaders and so on and so forth. Coming from that background, I still catch myself judging people. I am absolutely thankful for the light we've received in the fellowship but see, it maybe the same thing as we were taught. After much prayer on this topic, This is what we taught our kids. ..On the Lords day, we do things that honor the Lord specifically. We try to do things that make God happy. We Do our best not to do the regular things we do on weekdays rather ask ourselves are we honoring God? My kids love Eric Liddels testimony. The kids know what we do and what we don't. But the problem I'm addressing here is naming things and saying don't do this, don't do that, do this, my parents were blamed for not preaching against the sabbath. But what do students who need to honor God in their studies do? Not write exams????? In America its easy to live by those rules because it's the weekend but in India, what do kids do? I know a lot of them who have never written entrance exams to med school (me included) because it was the Lords Day. How far can we go to judge others? Let's judge ourselves.

We keep sabbath by continually putting our Rest in Jesus. Sabbath is given for two distinct purposes and sabbath on Saturday is eternal and Sunday has not replaced Saturday. It doesn't matter when we choose to worship , Sunday, Monday .?As long as we recognise our rest in Jesus we fulfill sabbath. And yes we are not to judge anyone on how people observe sabbath, feasts.Worshipping God on Sunday is different from recognising our rest in Jesus. People Could still observe Lords day of resurrection but fail to abide in the rest of Jesus.
SABBATH is not about Gathering to worship. on Sunday sabbath is not even on Sunday.Technically Sabbath is on Saturday.Sunday is the first day of week and the early believers assembled to worship on sunday commemorating the Resurrection of Jesus christ(Acts20:7) , which was on first day of week.
The Ekklesia hasn't replaced sabbath by gathering on Sunday. Its about recognizing the Eternal Sabbath that we have in Jesus our Savior.Saturday has been set apart by the Creator for Israel's rest and to remember two events: the Creation Sabbath (Ex 20:8-11)and the Redemption from Slavery Sabbath (Deut 5: 12-15). 

Many people don't realize that the 10 Commandments were given twice in the Torah. All 10 are the same of course in both chapters of the Torah. But the Sabbath Commandment was given for two distinct purposes. Read them both in Ex 20:8-11 and Deut 5:12-15. 

Calvary did not do away with the need for our bodies and our minds and our spirits to recognise rest to commemorate and memorialize our Mighty God. Calvary brought it all into fulfillment in our Messiah, the Lord Jesus Christ. 

HE IS OUR SABBATH REST SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND FOR ETERNITY (Heb 4:9)

The church is now under the New Covenant in which Jesus is our rest. We are not to judge one another on what day we worship or the food we eat or how we choose to pray. Christians aren't replacing the Sabbath by worshiping on Sunday. The Sabbath on the 7th day is eternal. Yet there is not one verse in the New Testament that commands believers to rest only on the Sabbath. Why ?

We find our rest in Jesus Christ.

For Chapter 6A CLICK HERE

WHEN_GOD_GUIDES_5A: Story of the Refrigerator

           

Story of the Refrigerator 5A

                                          Therefore , the promises of God gave me assurance , joy, and courage without any trace of doubt to go back to Eluru and join St. Theresa's  Degree college ( Autonomous) and resume my work as lecturer in Social work again in the year, 1985.

                                          Four years passed away, many thing happened in the Eluru branch where we were working, the prayer center was entrusted to us, after a few months we returned from Vijayawada. we were asked to take  charge of the little center in Eluru, We started with three families, Sugunamma, Ravanamma, Surya kantham, families, and Pinakadimi Marthamma, and Satyavathi, Vasundhara, Dharmaji Gudem Swarna  vasanthwada Manimma. School teachers .  By the time we left  the congregation was 1000 people.in 2000. When I look back at those events took place , The Sovereign God has planned everything and designed everything before hand but Tested me whether I would seek His will in my decisions. Because I relied upon His thoughts, these stories of testimony were beautifully woven in history of my life.

                                        When I was married in 1979,  I was naive in cooking, literally I never had been into the kitchen except to find some thing to eat all my life in my unmarried years. But after marriage as my husband was going to his office in Vijayawada, D.E.N office, from Eluru, I had to get up early in the morning to prepare his breakfast and lunch by 6 am . We did not have Gas stove ,but only two kerosene stoves. Preparing food was a new adventure for me ,though I took it with great enthusiasm and joy in my heart. I never never murmured or felt bad to serve my husband. I had deep respect and love for him every minute of my life. I was careful all ways not to bring any trace of unlove between us. He was my friend, my husband, my pastor, and my all. I almost lost my identity , No Leela ,but only Tadigiri Yesurtnam in my life ,in family or in church. I was happy in my  imposed role as his subordinate in every situation. Why I was like that, only the word of God insists me to be a good wife, and I wanted to be a good loyal and obedient wife a role model to the little congregation we were tending up. A good example to my children, so that the name of God be glorified. I wonder when st.Paul said Husband is the head of wife, just as Christ is the Head of the Church. Obey him. I believed then and even now, a wife has respect only when she obeyed her husband just as she obey the word of God and Christ. Therefore most of the times I had to forego my little pleasures, had to change the whole pattern of my habits, my life , my conversations, my friends, my wishes my tastes too according his liking. Was it very difficult? Yes of course, it was, but often I erase that dissatisfaction and cover it with love for him. I tell you when a wife is such submissive in her role in the home i do not think that any husband could not love her to the utmost. But I also want to tell you, the male chauvinism in the man will never leave him. His authority and his upper hand over the matter of family would never go underneath. He shows his bossism now and then. In such circumstances either you break in spirit,or revolt and ruin married life, or build good Christian character which rise up great comfort from the Lord God.
       
                                That was the year 1979, very few people were having Refrigerator in their home in those days.  I was keen to have a Fridge in our new home, as I found it very difficult to cook getting up early in the morning.  I was accustomed to give away all my salary to my husband from the day one of our marriage.  I did not know , why I did it. I accepted him as the head of the family,  I felt, it was good to have expenditure on one hand.  I thought he was better in accounts than me.  So it was undebated question who has to maintain the family accounts in our home. I felt that money should not bring any ill feelings in marital relationship. I knew that money is the root cause of many problems in a family life,and therefore I entrusted my salary to him which was double to his income and never showed my superiority over it.

                                So after one month of married life, I started to ask him, 'lets have a Fridge in the home'  He did not answer my proposal, but kept mum.   From the very beginning of our married life, we both were very clear that we should never never ask my parents for any need in our home, or suggest any thing we needed or tell them or get the things from them. Proverbs 28:24    was unspoken rule in our family life. "Whoever steals from his father or mother but claims, 'it's no sin'  is a companion to one who destroys."  who is the destroyer,  he is none but the Satan.   When you covet from the mother and father, and father-in-law and mother-in-law and take from them asking them, insisting on them you are just a friend of the Devil, whatever you do will be destroyed.  I know a woman, well to do , she and her husband are high in position, she asked her retired father to pay the first fees of her son in a very posh school . the fees was in thousands right back in 1980s.  she played on the sentiments of that loving father saying, "Dad you have to pay the first fees of your grandson, its your duty, the fees should go on your hand" Stupidity of this woman, how dare she is to say to an old father like that, instead of taking care of that loving father how can she ask him to do so?  Another time when  he went to her house and forgot his Bible bag with some cash in it. Next he went to her house and asked for the bag, and when she gave it to him he found that his money was not there,  which he withdrew from the bank for his monthly expenditure,  when he asked her, she said,
" What is there dad? your money and my money? I took it for some purpose to spend for your grandsons," That father did not have one word, to say, because these terrible people would capable of taking away the grandsons from his arms, ripped them from him, stopping him from fondling them.   He is old and could not say anything, because of his love for his grandsons.   Later lately I heard this woman, went to her mother who was bed ridden, a widow who was living on the pension of her husband and asked her to give money to her grand son wedding.  Poor lady bewildered, she asked every one what gift she could give to such person, when she was told not to worry about such prattle of such foolish woman,  that lady shouted at the person who advised her mother and started to call names. Did you see the greediness of people is not because of they are poor, because they are the companions of the Devil.
                                      I never asked my parents for my expenditure once I finished my PG,  I worked hard for my postage, and bus fares.    Even for my marriage , I saved money for the expenditure of the wedding. For three years  I worked as lecturer, and I saved money and gave it to my dad for the expenses of my wedding.  That was my  custom and dignity of life.
                                   When I see some people who ask parents to give money even after 25 years of married life  I am astonished  at their  greediness.    I never could associate with such people too, because their mindset is greedy.
                                   In 1979  That Dasara vacation we went to Vijayawada to stay in the rented house where his sisters were taken care by us for their studies to carry on.   We were invited by the local evangelist to their home for  dinner.  Soon after the dinner,their children played the instruments and sang songs for us.The Pastor started to give the word of God before we go from their house.
                                   He was telling us that, "In family life we need many things  but when we want to purchase, we have to check three points
 We should ask our selves,

                                1)" Do we need that particular thing in life? Without that we cannot go on in                                              life? whether it would be very difficult to live without it?  just ask yourself.

                                   I was looking at him and listening to him intently.

                                2) The second point to remember is , Are we having that capability to purchase                                        that thing,  do we have that much money,  for example if you want to buy a                                            fridge'.... I was shocked , but glued to the seat, and was listening to him very                                       carefully.. he continued, First you should ask yourself whether you cannot go                                       on in life without it for a while, later  you should have enough money to buy it.
                                3) Most of  all other things, you should pray and find whether it is the will of                                          God or not, it means you have to pray and find whether  it is in the will of God.

                            After that we listened to the  word of God we both came out and while walking  on the road, I meekly asked my husband, 'Emandi did you tell him about the fridge? That I am asking you to buy?'
                     ' No Leela, I did not tell him'his tone too was a little bit in surprise.
                      That ended our conversation about buying Fridge  It was 1979.
                          After the episode of 1985 we went back to Eluru, joined into the college again, I tried to save some money by Recurring  Deposit  and it would be matured by January 1989.   So I started to ask my husband to buy a Fridge, as it becoming much difficult for me in looking after so many responsibilities in his absence .I was a working woman , a mother of two little school going children, and also taking care of Sunday school as well as the spiritual needs of women in the church. Round the clock i was working without rest. And I also was going to market to buy vegetables, meat, and provisions. To store the cooked food was a great task for me which gives me a great stress on my life. Therefore I believed that I should buy a Refrigerator this coming January as I saved a little money in Recurring deposit in the Bank.

                            But my husband was not saying 'Yes" for my pleas.  I tried in every way possible to get his 'yes' to buy the fridge.  Because I know very well If I succeed to get one word,'yes' he will do it.  so I am trying to get his permission to buy a fridge.   But he is not saying 'yes or no'.On the other hand he took this important issue of mine, in lighter sense and started to crack jokes on my pleadings.  Many people may wonder why I insisted to obey him at every step in my life. I cannot answer you, but I say its life's commitment, I could not deviated from it.
 
                          That was the Saturday, the fasting prayer night , the little congregation who gathered in our house dispersed, that coming Tuesday, the money I deposited in Recurring deposit scheme in Andhra Bank will be matured, I saved that money with much difficulty,  So I want do use that money to buy a fridge.  You know we were married for 10 years now, and I had been managing my toil in the kitchen without a fridge.  Because the man of God exhorted us that we have to buy only when it is too necessary,  though it was necessary, the second warning stopped me to buy all these years, he told us to buy only when we  have enough money.  Now I got money too so what is stopping to buy it? Only the permission of my husband is needed, right?  so I was on that errand all in all now.  I must get his "yes" to my need.   So I thought if I get his 'yes' I can be free in my mind, and could concentrate on fasting prayer of us, we both would pray now, and that I need not ask him about it on Sunday which I should not, and Monday will be too busy to ask him.

                                So I asked him, I was asking him since a week now and then, of course, Now this is the end of asking and begging and pleading him. I determined, Because whenever I ask him he was joking on me,  as if he could not hear what I asked for.
                               He was saying, 'Well what do you want to buy?  brinjals?  haha, yes you can buy one kg of them? sure I will bring them" or he would say,' what, you want to have ?  only this Christmas you bought one is it not? laughing loudly'   such was his sarcastic jokes on me.  In fact he was enjoying seeing my angry face.   So this night would be the last night for this nightmare I decided.

                              When I asked him he just kept quiet and not answering me.  So the tears in my eyes flowing endlessly ,  freely, and sniffing and crying I asked him Why you do not u answer me?
 He soberly said, 'Good you are crying just like any other woman'     and just ignored me.
                               I was still crying and started to say many things , how much I had been  suffering in the kitchen toiling from morn to end of the day in tears.  Any one of you can understand the situation here, and visualize it.
                               Lastly before he retreat for prayer, taking the mat and Bible into the corridor , he again said, " you say that for everything it should be God's will , is this God's will?"----------
                               I was shocked and shocked to the uttermost, I cant even breath.  I was staring at him , but did not follow him to join in prayer.  The gush of tears drenching my pallu, my saree, my all, my sniffs make such big sound, even my little children were looking at me with pitiful eyes.  I made them to lie down beside me each other on one side, and lied down on the bed. There was no dearth of tears, I was crying silently.

                               Do not know what all those thoughts coming into my mind, but I was utterly humiliated, and beaten up and defeated.    Cant say one word more. Well emotions suppress all other transparency of thinking or calculating, or revising the facts.

                               Like that how much more time passed away, I did not know but when I saw the clock in dim bed light it was 12'0 clock.and my children were sleeping beside me , and I heard his voice in the corridor still groaning and praying for the church members.
 
                             A funny thought flashed into my mind, I said to the Lord in my mind," Lord if you are really on MY SIDE, will you please tell him to say AMEN and come inside?"   Not even one second passed away, he said amen and came inside with the mat and all. I closed my eyes and pretended as if I was fast asleep.  I saw him dragging a small cot a little far from us and lied down.

                              But there was peace in my heart, Didn't God assure me that He was on my side? that was enough. I slipped into  sleep within a few seconds.

          'YOU FRET AND FIGHT BUT YOU ARE NOT ASKING GOD'

                             A hammer hitting my brain with a great sound of these words. Not once but thrice I heard the voice, a male low voice which was speaking to me in English.

                              I looked at the clock it was 3am, I got up at once. sat on my bed and looked at him he was sleeping , my children were sleeping, I got down immediately from the bed, knelt down, and I was in the presence of God at once.---

                               Do you know how it would be confronted by God like this? In my unspoken devotion to my husband I forgot the most important point spoken by the Evangelist  i.e.,,"Most of all ,you must find out whether the thing you want to buy is in the will of God."--Of course I did not remember that thing though, I was shocked by His voice and knelt down in His presence seeking His face.
                               There was nothing there , only God and me. His feet , His face , His presence and Me.  No other thought, I said , Yes Lord , I am fighting, but I did not ask you." I told Him.I yielded completely.
                               Then immediately I was reminded of the verse in James, 4:1-5  so I got my English Bible and looked into it. There it was written like this,

       " What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. you do not have because you do not ask God."----Selah-- My heart beat stopped a second, I was staring at those words,
                       
                                  What God spoke to me in my dream were actually here in this Holy Scriptures.  I was amazed and just looking at those verses.   Then slowly I came into senses and closed my eyes and started to pray, Keeping my right hand on my heart " Lord, is this true, I am fighting and quarreling, but I did not ask you.  Forgive me Lord, I am a sinner" (Even then I did not remember the most important third point spoken by the evangelist,Of course my husband , didn't he remind me that I should seek His will In this matter before he retreated to pray alone in the corridor? still I did not take heed) Only one thing happening there, I was in His presence seeking His will. My compassionate Father and Friend was slowly teaching me how I should come into His presence in seeking His will.
                                 The tears drenching my face again, I was in His presence washing His feet with those tears.   Again I heard small still voice,  ' Read the next .. lines"== so I took my Bible again and looked into it. Even, "When you ask you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
                                 Again my heart making big sound of lub dub, I was in the Holy presence of God.  I asked God , again I kept my right hand on my heart, and asked God,  "Lord, tell me , Am I asking you to enjoy my own pleasures? Am I asking you with a wrong motive?  Tell me Lord, if it is so I do not want this fridge.  I just do not want it. You perceive what is in my heart, you know what I am, what is my motive;"

                                I closed my eyes and I heard a voice again, so clear and so vividly, "Leela, yo u asked me for a helper in Vijayawada, you remember?  Now I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A HELPER IN THE FORM OF A FRIDGE""  
                                I was in His presence, I knew His voice. I knew what is next. I knew what  my Lord is going to do." I just praised God, with all my heart, I just knelt down there , for longer time, silent and quiet enjoying His presence.Psalms 30:5 sorrow comes in the night but joy comes with the morning.

                                When I got up I do not remember now, But one thing I remember, all sorrow and tears gone with the wind, I was rejoicing in the Lord in that morning, I was singing and praising God.  (very unlike of me after such a great quarrel last night, my husband must be astonished to see my new disposition which was contrary to my last night behavior)
                                Mark 11:24 says, " When you pray believe that you have already received it, and it will be yours"   yes,   this happens when you pray with right motive. God answers us in wonderful way. We know that we have what we asked for while we were praying for itself.

For Chapter 5B CLICK HERE