This blog should be dated as 20th July 2015, but I am posting it today, as I am a bit lazy to pen down this beautiful incident in my life; though the Lord has given me an opportunity to share it in small cottage Bible study group in USA and also in English service in India and with many friends who rejoiced to hear it and praise God for it along with me.
To my dear blog friends, I write this now to rejoice with me.
20/7/2015
" I had to get ready to travel back to India, Its hardly one week more, my knees are so painful, at home and in certain shopping malls I find myself comfortable and quiet energetic to do things all by own. But to think of that long, tedious journey I have to make, in solid 24 hours of flying and yet another 8 hours or so to reach home from Airport to Eluru makes me really shivering in knees!!!
Oh my age, factor, going to complete 63 years this August. Is yet another factor to contemplate pitifully about myself, no companion to share my aches and agonies is yet another thing to feel pity about myself.
People like me may look very brave and courageous and dashing outwardly but who knows my inward feelings and vulnerability of my physique weaklings?
I looked down at my weak feet, now a days a new problem raised, not only knees , strangely enough the top of the feet became so painful, and the length of knees down to feet becoming numb and heavy. Hey I lost confidence in my legs all together, oh yea, I pray now and then, "Oh lord make my feet as hind's feet" along with the great Psalmist. And chuckle in myself, imagining me jumping like a deer, though I could do it really in my dreams, now a days.
Oh my this long journey, of course I came to USA , the thing was the grand children were my inspiration, I wanted to see them desperately so that zeal made me to come to use, now going back home, to India, what is there ? Nothing attractive as much as my grandchildren here!! So the return journey became as a great problem, heavy issue, and a thing I have to do it with much difficulty inevitably. First of all why I came here... it’s too presumptuous act, I am comfortable in India, in my own bed, in my own sweet little home, in my own circle of friends, in my own kitchen ... now I came here just to see and spend time with my grandchildren, and I see they too become very much busy just as anyone in USA. Though we has had wonderful moments together, we enjoyed a lot together, still going back home leaving them makes my heart crushing beyond to describe.
oh any way, I have to take up this great journey all alone , wondered how my knees would take this long journey, hope I wouldn't slip down, and fall and hit myself, hope I won’t get into any accidents, or land up in unknown spheres of life with strangers, hope this strange variations of the weather would hurt me and make me weak, as it was in last time, ( after the three months stay in Australia, from the coldest climate to the tropical weather in India , I suffered a lot with lung infection, hope that would not repeat this time)
These and many other unknown, unspoken, unimaginable thoughts struck me in awe of despair for a while. And the clouds of these thoughts were veiling me now and then, though I did not really feel that I was entertain these thoughts so fondly for my own sake.
Until the day the Lord comfortably took me into His arms and told me something, by fondly stroking my hair on my head and smiled at me while telling that He would do all that He likes to do with me.
Now I will tell you what happened then, I was having these thoughts, which I really did not like to entertain as a child of His, but human mind plays tricks and those thoughts were there, now and then. But that night I had a vivid dream. A very clear cut dream, the dream repeating itself all most all the night.
I heard a strong single voice whispering into my ears, "Read 121 Psalm" What? This word was telling me not once but thrice....but it look like I was hearing it all through the night.
So the first thing I did that morning was opening my Bible and turn to the page where the 121 Psalm jumping into my eyes.
The Telugu version was so sweet, it’s my mother tongue and the God's word in Telugu is as sweet as honey to me. But here for this blog I write in English, as soon as I saw the Psalm I knew this is very familiar psalm, most of the time whenever we ask a pastor to pray for us about our journeys or travelling, they pick up this psalm and read and pray for us, and we too do the same, because this psalm is a comfort for the travellers.
But today this psalm has special purpose to me, because God told me to read it in my dream, so this is a special psalm to ME alone.
1. I lift up my eyes the hills.......( my hill is my journey of 20 hours +8 hours+lonely journey) from where does my help come?
2. My help comes from the LORD who made heaven and earth. ( wah, what, I have a problem of hill size, but here is a God who made heaven with millions of stars and an earth with millions of hills, He is going to help me, the help comes from Him, what is this little hill of mine to Him... I am a fool to think I have to climb this little hill and feel fearful of it, oh my, my help is from the One who created a number of hills other than this.)
3. He will not let your foot be moved ( oh my poor feet, how much I worry about the feeble feet, that I may slip down and shiver in walking or may fall down...!!! He says He will not let it slip down... In Telugu it’s written that He will not let it slip down... This is His promise for my weak feet...wonderful) Then He says, He who keeps you will not slumber (It means, He will have His eyes on me every second I am in or out, He, from Heaven look down at my moments or movements, while I travel and while I walk or while I move, all through...!! wonderful, isn't it?)
4. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. (Wonderful, He who keeps Israel!! Israel was Jacob, indeed, he was cheater and useless fella but he got on his knees and prayed vehemently on his knees, and God spoke to him and gave him the name Israel... Genesis 32:22-32 24th verse Jacob was left alone; Jacob said, ' I will not let thee go, except thou bless me'--Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel'-- wow that is what God expects from us, not depending
Upon our own strength or upon the help of others, but, just leaning upon Him. Young people do not find this need in their lives, because they are strong, energetic and confident in their walk and a spring in their heels, but for us who are + 60s at every step of our life we need His help, how beautiful it is, indeed!!!
Jacob prayed for help, he was no more dependent on his strength or his cunning wisdom, he came to a point where he was lonely, desperate and depend on only God. There God named Jacob as Israel, that
God is not going to sleep or slumber but take charge over me, Therefore I gird up myself much more to pray for my safe journey, as I do not have confidence in me but in God alone.
5, The Lord watches over you- the Lord is your 'shade ‘at your right hand.
( oh , He will be beside me, he will stick to me, he is my shade and my help on my right side, when the blazing sun heat touches my topless head, and my feeble body, when there is none to speak beside me He is my friend and companion on my right side. In Telugu language it is more beautifully described as 'needa, ' we have a saying like 'thodu needa' means a companion and shadow who would follow us all the time.
So this verse solaced me very much.
6. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
(This sentence affirmed my thoughts of His protection that the sun or the moon with its scorching heat or sever cold will not harm me because He promised me He would be my 'thodu needa" companion and shadow--
7. The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life.
( What an assurance of protection, when God Himself is going to watch over my life and keep me from all harm.. my journey from Airport to home also will be in His hands, what a mighty God we have!!)
8. The last verse goes like this –The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. ---What an assurance, is it not the special promise for me for my journey? What else I need now… the Lord God spoke to me exactly what I need, and that morning was so beautiful and I need to share it with someone…
Hey there came my little grandson, Jayden as usual early in the morning to greet me just like that little pure and white Edelweiss, previously I wrote about him comparing with this beautiful flower and the song from Sound of Music.
So there he was in my lap expecting something to hear from me.
So I told him, ‘Jayden, you know I have to leave you and your sister Jessica and go back to India, to my home. I spent happy days with you both here, but as I need to go home to look after my taxes, and other TV programmes, I am leaving you soon and go. But you know I am getting older and older and my knees are so painful, and I am scared to travel alone. But last night Jesus told me that He is giving me a promise that is 121 psalm, I will explain to you what is in it. Is it ok for you? By this time my granddaughter Jessica also joined us.
“Yes, ammamma, tell me what Jesus told you.”
I was explaining to him verse by verse, and he was listening to me intently, but when we came to the 5th verse, he asked me what shadow...is? As I told him that Jesus will be with me just as a shadow just on my right side. Because in my Telugu Bible it’s written as Needa.
He asked me, “What is ‘shadow”? I told him it’s the black image that follows you just beside you when you are walking in the sun. Jessica is more curious about this, she asked me what this image, why it follows us is?’ I was more exited to explain to these two little children, so further I went to tell them, ‘You know when you are in the sun the hot light of sun will fall on you and gives you a shadow just beside you, you know my mom used to tell me that I should learn to have friends like evening shadow, and friendship should not be like morning shadow.”
“What does it mean? Morning shadow, and evening shadow’?
“It means, you see when you stand in the sun in the morning time the shadow taller but as the time goes by it will decrease and disappear by mid afternoon, so my mom used to tell me that I should make friendship should be like evening shadow, which would start from mid afternoon and increase slowly and slowly and increase in length as time goes by. So should be our friendship it should be started slowly and increase as the days go by.
Both are listening to me keenly and Jayden asked me another question, “Ammamma, Jesus will be with you as shadow on your right side, when you are in the sun, what about in the night? Where he would be?”
I just loved this little face, both of them are looking at me with inquiring eyes... then I answered them as the Lord led me , ‘Well , when it is night time, the shadow will not be seen but it will come inside me and stay with me, so Jesus will be taking me along in the night time.”
I knew the answer now, when my end days come, when I do not have the sun in my life any more, when my days become dark and lonelier, the Lord Himself will be in me…this answer of mine comforted me much more than them. I could still envisage their sweet shining face with bright little eyes while I was talking to them. Bless them!!
Sharing the word of God with the little children would boost us and help us to look into the word of God in different perspective.
But my daughter confronted me saying its shade not shadow. Then I googled it, and found the meaning of the both words is the same, and the shade would not move, but shadow would move with us. That too that is on my right side means it’s exactly shadow only. The 6th verse affirms about the hot sun is there. And my Telugu Bible says its shadow, and I need shadow come with me in my journey rather than the shade.
The Lord helped me to share this little bit of good news in a cottage prayer Bible study group. And everybody prayed for my safe journey and send me off.
This sweet story, if it is ended here, there is no thrill. I will tell you how our wonderful God gives signs of His presence at once to assure us what He meant by giving His promises.
I sat in the flight, two seats beside me were vacant, and it was four seat area. One young boy sat at the end of the area on fourth seat. People are coming and occupying the seats, the flight took off, to fly. I just glanced at my side seats, the boy at the end of the row also was not there, and I thought he would come back, maybe he went to meet his friends. One hour passed, but the boy did not come back. So though I bought one seat I have four seat to relax. I lied down and stretched myself very comfortably. Thus making my aching feet more comfortably. And in the middle of the journey I just had walk from one end of the flight to the other end there were no vacant seats like I had. So I knew this is God’s doing and it is wonderful in His sight !!!
