Bucket List. Pleasant valley (part 1) incomplete

It was the cool winter season in Virginia, the sweet grand children giving me sweeter moments in and around the house.  Jessica and me had long talks about my childhood games what all that I played, in the school and at home .  The life was cozy without any responsibilities...literally no responsibilities..  I was writing my blogs often, meeting old and new friends on Facebook, reading and going to church on various events to attend with children's family.   My daughter was doing her level best to make life comfortable and cheerful.
Then a queer thought was eating me up, to the core of my being.  Often my blogs were written about what is life, how lonely is life, what is the end of life, how it would be if we have Alzheimer in our old age--made some personal interviews with the patients, and the families of such patients.. etc  besides numorous visits to beautiful scenic views in Virginia, Mary Land and Baltimore ...
We were staying which was near a  place called Pleasant Valley in Virginia, it was the year 2009.    The Lord promised me that I would live in Pleasant places long before I visited IOWA , Demoine  in the year 2006, when I least expected this would happen in my life. "he  boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, surely I have delightful inheritance "Psalms 16:6

                 When I saw the street board on the road PLEASANT VALLEY I was surprised, and that pleasant surprise made me much more thankful in a God whose promises were beyond our understanding and brings those into reality in His own time.
        So living in this Pleasant Valley was a long predicted promise of God.
           On the deck when I stood at the back of the house, I could see long strip of water running through where often, a loner or two , strolling on the banks of the river to pursue their hobby of catching fish.
        This roused my conscious, reminding me often what I was doing to catch men/women , recollecting His word, "I will make you fishers of men"

      God has blessed me indeed,  surely I had delightful inheritance.. and I do live in the boundaries of pleasant places.. and here I am right under the street board, Pleasant Valley  

         It was so beautiful to go around in these scenic surroundings,  and with two cute little children, I enjoyed recollecting my younger motherly years with my own children at the age of my grandchildren now. I used to play wonderful games I used to invent a new song only for my each child, to my daughter it was "chinni bujji kannalu aachibuchuluu, chinni bujji thallulu aachibuchulu..  aaaa chi buchulu aaachi buchulu.." it was a song for the daughter, who named herself on her first birthday 'Happy'  when her aunties( my sisters asking her dad,"Bavagaru, we are calling chinni thalli , paapa  give her a name  a pet name, so that we can call her, so he playfully asked her who sat in a sofa while she was the center of attraction in that hall on her first birthday; "papa, what's your name?...hey baby, what's her name?"   she started to cooing with shriek voice , and with laughter," aaapppyyyyy"  we startled, again he asked, again she was cooing, 'aaapppyyy' so he said, ' aha, she says, its 'haappy'...everybody was laughing and shouted her name" 'happy, happy, happy'   she was laughing while repeating her own name..aappy... --- I still can recollect the handsome happy face of my husband who was adored by my family, my mom and dad loved his as their only son, as we were three girls, the desire to have a boy to my dad was fulfilled having my husband considering as his eldest son.
   I will have another chapter about this next time. Let me continue how these pleasant surroundings in this pleasant valley helped me to question myself, what I have to do. This Bucket list is the inspiration I got seeing in a wonderful film by that name, where One rich old person and another Godly old man becoming friends at the hospice, and how they listed out their death wishes  and died

understanding and misunderstanding.

          People of different types live in one place and wonder why others are not like them. They have different tastes and desires and wonder why other person does not exhibit the same type of attitude and behaviour as they used to show. People have this same question all ways in mind , they try to understand and try to misunderstand others, and find joy in doing so.

     People all ways find joy in underestimating others, and find elevated by showing their bit of knowledge which is superior to others.  This is far visible more in religious wisdom just like any discipline or subject, or politics or whatever it is.  People find its great to show their wisdom more superior to others. and thus learn to look down at others who are lesser in knowledge.

 Not knowing that every one has a talent or potentiality  which cannot be compared with others, even in this field they do face competitors. who would beat them out.
    
     What we do know is limited, it either lesser or greater than others, our views of life, opinion of others is differ from others. Life is not same to every one. Each one is influenced by number of otherways which has no resemblances at all. 
    
     To find one single person in life who think like us, or feel like us, or see and understand things like us is almost impossible, but if we only could find one single person like that, the companionship with such person is heaven like.  We call such person as our 'soul mate' . This is possible one in hundreds. 

     The only person who could understand us even before we open our mouth to speak, only one person who sees things in different way than us, but yet loves us in spite of it, who feels like us when we are hurt and offended and bruised is the one who loves us in truth is the one , the only ONE is Jesus. 

   You may ask me how do I know this? How do I know that He understood me even before I uttered one word to Him, How do I know that He loves me in spite of feeling different and never belittle me, inspite of my flaws?

     Tell me how you can tell that mother loves the baby in her lap? how do you know that a sweet little rose is loved by the butterfly ? How do you know the sunshine has so many colours ? 

  We know , yes , we just we know, by the mothers touch her look her smile reveals her love to the baby as to us; when we go into the presence of Him , immediately we know that He is there and He knows how we feel what we feel and that we know He understood us, and that He answers us.

        Yes, He talks to us, and we can hear Him when He talks, we know His presence, we just know it ,just as we know that orange is sweet, grape is sour, and rose smells heaven.... we know it. 

     Not knowing His presence, His words, His assurance of love is Hell. People are groping in darkness not knowing whom to trust and whom not believe and thereby they misunderstand everything in life and live miserably.

       

In the Lap of Mother Nature-my childhood

                         O Neele parvothonki dhaara, aaye dundule kinara badi dhoorse-sab ko sahara chaahiye...!!!
                       My childhood song.. ringing in my mind, seeing those beautiful tall majestic dark mountains in distance, I sat at the window of the Airoplane looking down at the Globe from which we took off a few minutes back.  The white clouds and gray clouds everywhere standing still and looking down at the small toy like cars , people and skyscrapers scattered all over the receding ground.
                                The Aircraft zooming and shooting into the thin air steadily and swiftly.
    The little girl who was fond of these white clouds was there in front of my closed eyes. How I loved those white clouds at the age of four years, I thought of them some things to eat, like the cycle walla used to bring sugar candy every day calling,Peechu Mithai.. all the children gather around him to have stick of that sugar candy I imagined the clouds up above the sky also must be tasty just like this sugar candy, and I used to dream that I was walking on those clouds eating them now and then.

                                 The taste of clouds was real in my dream they were like cream on the milk sweet and nice.  And there were white little flowers on our terrace, they were  just like little dishes, with a small spot in middle of those creamy white petals. I used to pluck them and bring them down to my bed and stare at them for a long time, admiring the beauty of those little flowers. clouds and little dish white flowers were my friends I could talk to them and tell them stories which nobody knew and listen to the stories they tell me with keen eyes concentrating on them.

                                     The little stars were a wonder to me, why they were twinkling like that, why some of them are too bright and some of them not so bright? I do not know. Sometimes I wondered whether those stars are really sitting in one place or moving slowly in some direction? I wanted to test so lieing down on the mat on the terrace beside my mom and aunty, I used to concentrate on one particular star, staring at it hardly, I used to feel that it was moving, but its not moving staring and I go into deep sleep at one point.

                    When I was on the bike of my dad I used to look up into the sky and look at moon  was after me running to catch me. wondered why moon is running like that.

    I was in   5th class , our house was on the banks of the canal. which was flowing fully , the banks were full of green pastures., we used to walk on the pasture while looking at the glazing water, the sun reflects into the water and the small waves used to give gret reflection on our faces. One of my friend told me those were the dead fish on the water. I wondered whether I can catch them.. any time

,               .There were palm trees, on rainy day we used to get one big black Palm fruit for a KAANI , the Kaani is a coin of copper, there were two types one is a round one another was a round one with a hole in it.We used to buy one fruit with that kaani and bring it to home to burn it in the fire where we used to cook food.  The taste of the yellow juice in that big black fruit was so good. After we ate it, in fact we used to lick the juice with our hands and tongues, the seed would be hidden in a mound of clay, after a few days we used to dig it and break the seed and used to eat the white pulp in side, it was so sweet and yummy.


The canal was such a beauty, there used be big boats, some times the boats were anchored in front of our house in the water. The families used to cook on the boat, and eat food.  My dad used to bring up a beautiful garden in the home, with all the fruits and vegetables and flowers. There were Tenkeis, Roses of all colors, jasmins, chrysanthemum,r

incomplete

            
             I read about a funeral of a pastor whose children never coperated with him but astonished at the good words spoken by the public about him. They blamed him saying he spent more time for the church but not for them. When I sent that clipping to one of my friends she responded that she is like that child of the pastor and blamed her father for he is more interest in church than her and mother.  And another person reacted that the children are selfish and no one can satisfy such family when a pastor is more indulged in God's work.

Time

            Time. Time. Oh Time !! God created this mysterious thing called Time in the very beginning of His creation. Ever since it is created man became its slave or master. He tries to control it in his limited life. He believes that he will be eternal. No wonder the Wise Man Soloman warns the man that " Eternity is in the heart of man. Man lives forever in his thoughts. Never suspects that the life will end one day or the other day. Yes of course what he believes is true. The body may perish but the soul live forever and ever. That was the reason why God put His Eternity in the heart of man.
       Man thinks and  plans and behaves everyday that he is going to live for the eternity. The only difference that makes them different is one believes that he is going to live eternally on this earth, and thereby he toils all through his life for a morsel of food, he schemes, he drives crazy and make others crazy too. But there is another one who knew he too live eternally but he knew that its not on this earth but in the life after his death. Therefore he all ways strive to live and do things which would be counted after his end on this earth.
     Both knew that they do not live on this earth but they have another life which they need to live eternally. But what is this time... on this earth. 24 hours per day , as soon as the man opens his eyes after the sleep every morning his mind races on those things he has to finish within those 24 hours. He wonders what would happen how it would happen, what he has to do to happen, how long he has to take time to happen, so on and so forth. Even if he could not finish all that he planned to do that day, he has a hope of tomorrow, and he wonders why this night why this sleep why he should retire for the night....!! some go to bed reluctantly because he could not finish his work that day, even if could try to finish his work he cannot expect his fellowbeing would be there to coperate with him in the night. After all he can not stop his people to sleep.
Though he thinks he is the master of his time he is only a slave to his time, because the time is not in his hands. Yet he believes that he can manage the time, which is just a myth. He knew he his heart beats 72 times per minute any change in its rythum makes him anxious with his ill stricken body, not knowing the cause of irregular rythum of the heart. Even his breathing has its own rythum, and he has to oblige without his knowldege. Wonder of wonders he is there he counts every second, but he does not aware of this precious second.
Life is a mystery prisoned in time.
I pray and wish to have enough wisdom to see beyond the time to see the eternity in  

Birth day and Death day

     

                Sun shine?--follows dark night !!
blazing light? follows shadow of the objects-- Joys? Happiness? Triumph ? There's a day that is sorrows, worries, and defeat !!! Its the way of life ,God made Day and Night and He called it One day. God made Sun as well as Moon and stars to rule over the dark night---!
28th August is a day God sent me into this world, with a purpose , with a duty to do , and fulfill till He calls me o His bosom again, This is the day I love to celebrate because its the day of my exixtenace , its the day when two people rejoiced abundantly for my arrival, its the day they looked at me and was proud enough for thier achievement , and their fruit of their efforts, its the day I cried aloud for I left my Father in Heaven and came on this earth, soon enough i for got everything and cuddled into the bosom of my lovely mother. while my wonderful dad looking at me mzingly and with full of joy .
They selected number of names for me one of them settled, as Leelavathi. Ever since they started to call me Leela Leela, I learned to lorespond to them with a smile or a blink .. till now.
I still remember how my dad used to make me sit on his shoulders and show me proudly saying "oh see teacher who is on my shoulder this is Leela :over the wall to our neighbour Dhanamma teacher of Stall Girls High school.

Phoenix - a life lost & a life regained

       A talented fondling child of a loving father lives in dreams of her own, and her loving parents, enjoys every minute of life from the time in she knew that she was the princess of the household. Her birthday was a sign of jubilation of her kith and kin, near and far, she is the apple of the eye of her dad, believing that her dad would do any thing, yes anything in the world because her dad is her hero, like in  the films, her innocent eyes witnessed. Whatever she asked for, or she ordered for was not deprived , she was the center of attraction in the school or in the neighbourhood, because of her dad's status, she used to go along with him for hunting, into the forests some times or to the sides of kolleru lakes, or rivers of Pappikondalu or the sea shores of Machilipatnam,, all types of birds, animals are at her door step, to play with or turned  into dainty dish on the table, her mom is the most pleasant and beautiful  lady who is obedient, lively and as a queen manages the home with number of guests at any time.  kind hearted , educated, patient lovely mother.

     In school, top ranker, pet of the teachers, best friend of everyone, a dancer and artist,  fluent in two languages, voracious reader and jolly go lucky fashionable girl she is, life has given her everything she needed, friends, and fashions, parties and picnics, fun and frolics, nothing escaped her view of enjoyment. Highly educated, good name and hard working, life goes on very well.

     One set back , marriage, after the marriage, her life turned upside down, he is an example to the youth and old in the society, dutiful son of his parents and responsible brother of five sisters and one brother, a care free like Suseela is tied up to down to earth man like Prakash. Her life pattern is changed from the top to toe, no more freedom, no more liberty to do whatever she feels right or to get relaxation. He is her world, his people are her responsibility too. She is deprived of economic independence, los the identity of her own, even then she thought its her role to be an ideal wife, in the Indian society.
Poverty and misery pursued her to the core of her deep serene life, her habits of her enjoyment, her leisurely life is no more, no time to think of herself, new pattern of hard work, long tedious walks oppressed her.

draft

         Got up at 6 in the morning, tried to be with the test books for  the first and last reading of American Litt// Whitman poem 'Out of the cradle in Endlessly Rocking'

Ater reading the cry song of the he bird on the beach shore of Paul Moke , my heart once more groping and grieving over something which I am not aware, the word DEATH made me to live again, to crate something which was submerged into the subconsciousness of the mind,
The Cry of the bird for the return of she bird,  the two birds love was spotless, making a home and making love got 4 light green little eggs into the carefully woven nest among the tall green trees, made them the most happy bird couples which never knew the cruel sting of the death.
they were busy in building a home for future, the she bird was sitting on those two little eggs with bright eyes and with a smile in that little throbbing heart, never suspecting any calamity that would separate her from her sweet home. The he bird was there all ways with her sitting beside and taking care of her giving warmth of his presence and giving the sweetest fruits of the season to his beloved. As usual they go out and come in as one of them taking care of the nest in the absence of the other.

He bird waited for his beloved all through the evening and the night, fluttering its fairy feathers, wondering for the absence of her mate.
after a day or two it was anxious to get to know the whereabouts of his beloved, cries aloud, shrieks in the air to hear the voice of his mate, Desperately asks the  air that comes from Alabama, wondering his beloved had gone back to their native place leaving him alone, so he begs the air to tell him the whereabouts of his sweetheart.
It is the cry of broken heart at the spectacle of love nature, love whose soothing influence is denied to the mocking bird.

it is emotional, desperate hope total despair for the perpetual loss, It looks at the surf in rhythmically soothing both itself and its opposite , the sand. The surf sand love image leads to joyful reminiscence of his past erotic joys. the love thoughts, provide the bird with the motive for seeking his love again and he begs the night to reassure him that his love indeed return ter an excited and hopeful address to his absent , he turns