• " Mom, whatever happens to me, do not worry at all" That was the last sentence he uttered before he hung up the phone.
• It was a long conversation,  a conversation about how God helps my son, John , to be a "Fisher of men"  He was telling about a particular person who was the member of "Church of England," that he was invited by him to his palace like home. He showed all that royal crockery, and utensils, and furniture which was the ancestor property of his late wife who was the queen of Jaipur , India. He gifted a wonderful antique Bible to my son, and started to come to the Living Bible Church where my son takes an active part in it. He wanted to take Baptism and asked his Bishop why he never told him that Jesus Christ is the only Lord God, why should they worship His mother , Mary, etc. As a result he was excommunicated and was followed by their knights, and kings very closely.
• The day my son phoned me, there was king who looked so ferocious, walking behind my son for long time. That was that information , John has given me and left in oblique . I was left in utter darkness of mystery, and anxiety. I am such a sensitive and SENT--MENTAL person, who takes every little tiny detail of my children's lives to my heart.
• The last sentence or the very first sentence "Mom wahtever happens to me, do not worry at all" left me with a great thud of hammer on my fearful heart.
• I knelt down immediatly and as usual stretched my arms on my bed and poured out my heart with unutterable anquish crys, and tears,  all the pent-up emotions and suffering  gushed out as valcono and no soul in the sight could console me for an hour or two.  Whole night I could not sleep, My heart was shouting along with King David , as he was wailing fo r his son ABsalome, " o my son Absalome O my son Absalome"  I cried aloud o my son John Babu O my son John babu"  and pleaded for the safety of his being and of his spiritural life.
• I did not sleep that night, my soul was groaning and sighing as if the whole world is tumbling down, such was my agony in the presence of my loving and living God. I caught hold of His feet , and slumbered into sleep at the early hours of my day..
• The next morning, was a strange morning for me , for I refused to be comforted. My tears were flowing unceasingly, may be this angusishness of my soul is due to the all the problems  my children face in different and distant foreign countries, I know what all suffering my son was undergoing, he worked for long hours in different situations, he is undergoing great stress to lead his life normally.  I , as his mother could not help him any way because he himself choose this present path of life. At the same time this heart of mother, could not pacify with any sort of balm as this burden for his safety physically and spirtually is greater than that i could bear.
• 
  
• The next morning when i knelt down, I cried again, Lord , I am alone, and lonely grinding the grapes .... all by self, I have prayer partner, to pray along with me sharing my agony for my chldren,  you have taken my prayer partner, now who is there to pray along with me sharing my sorrow for my children, There is no end for my ears, no end of r the cry of my heart. I do not remember whether i prepared the breakfast or not... but by 10 :30 am I got a phone call from one of my elderly church member, who is 78 years old woman, Vanajakshi aunty asking me to join a little prayer group in one of the church members ' house. She asked me to join them at least by 12 o clock. So I went there, and saw a few young women who were praying earnestly. I never knew that these young women would pray so earnestly.   out of 10 women 7 of them are widows and their prayer was so wonderful, Immediatly after a few minutes, I was relaxed and felt the presence of God, The same aunty who invited me to this prayer group asked me to share the word of God for a few minutes . I opened the Bible and found Jesus words about "praying weepiing how a poor widow goes to an unjustfull l judge for justice, again and again ... and ultimately how that unjustful judge also could do justice to that poor widow, ..... this was a great solace to my heart first. The has Lord given me  this message of praying without any doubt.    Later our Pastor Peethala Srinivas Garu came and asked us to read word of God from the b
• Bible , Luke 8:40-50   the  verse 50th one caught hold of me"Do not be afraid only believe .." 
• I shared my burden about John babu about  and also about Fred" excommunication 1 those people called Free masons, Church of England, Royalty , King, Knight, Arch Bishop,John's pastor, and his church, etc.
• Mrs lalitha samuel filled with Holy spirit, prayed I heard your prayer, I am amongst you, Donot be afraide, Just believe in me.
• I was vey much consoled all my tears drained at once. God was talking to me. With light heart I left the place. 

I have been praying for my children, they are in different countries, and they are facing different types of problems. some times I go to them thinking that I may help them, but to my dismay I found that I am not that help to them. So I retreat myself to pray for them. But the pent up emotions sometimes go beyond my capacity of suppressing them. I found that and also observed them working hard and facing hardships of daily life.  Strange country and strange routine life have to be handled in strange way. I am just sitting over there not able to help them as I would like to. I am handicapped to help them as I used to do. Because I am not the citizen of those countries. My rights are in my  in  own country. I know people who love me and whom I love in my own country. I do find people even in these countries to love and to be loved. But they are allways concious of my going back to india.

WHEN GOD GUIDES (When we speak foolishly......Some times God intervenes) The House

That night I prayed  and he prayed, we told our loving Father who understands everything and  makes everything right, in His beautiful way. we retired to our beds, leaving everything into His Fatherly hands.
The next day my husband went to the bank and paid s. Rs.7000 in the bank and took the challan and submitted it in the Muncipal office.  They coolly said to come and see them , after two days. They were so reckless, and did not give any hint that they would do the work.  My husband went to the Muncipal office after two days, they asked him to see them the next day, and the next day.  They never answer the position of the our situation, neither yes  or no. Just postponing the things, and asking him to come again and again. 
Everyday I was anxiously asking my husband about the happening of the muncipal tap permission.  Every day he was with an answer that they were not giving permission. So we keep on praying for this issue. 
   One day I said , " Tomorrow is second saturday,  Mrs umadevi's husband, Mr Subramanyam garu would be at home. ( He was working in Rajahmundry Muncipality,  Previously he was working in Eluru Muncipality.) let us ask his advice about this tap connection"   My husband accepted my advice , as Mr. Subramanyam was a very good friend of us, we both went to their house, in next street.  After hearing our predictment, he laughed and said, " Why you are worried so much, those people in the Muncipality are like that only, but you have a relative by name Mr. Neelakantam garu who used to work here. You just tell him , he will do it immediatly." --- I said, " But he is working in Vizag , know,  how can he help us?" ---- "oh , ( he laughed loudly) don't you know that he is Muncipal commissioner and he is incharge of West Godavari , East Godavari, and Vizag districts. " --
   so we both went to the Telephone booth, as we did not have telephone, those days, and called him, ( he was the best friend of my father and also related to us. he had great regard for my dad, my father left for heavenly abode in the year 1992,  that is 2 years before.) So when I introduced myself once again and told him about  the water tap connection, and our predictment. He just laughed and said," Oh Leela, do not worry amma, I am coming to Eluru tomorrow, ask ABBAYI ( son, ie your husband)  to meet me in Muncipal guest house. Give me his office phone number , I will call him" So we did so. 
This Muncipal guest house is just opposite to the Office where my husband was working. i.e., A.E.N Rly office. 
The next day he came and called my husband and asked him to sit along with him on sofa, and all those engineers were just standing in front of him to take his orders, he told them, it seems, " see this is my son in law, my daughter applied for water tap connection, sanction it under my quota. ( His quota is of only Rs. 3500)  So the next day, early morning by 9 o' clock the workers from the Muncipal office came with a plea telling us,  that they brought the challan of Rs. 7000/  and gave it to us, and asked us to cancell it and take another challan for Rs. 3500/  and five it to them. When my husband said that he would submit it in the office that morning , they said " No sir, we will come and take, we will come to work for the pipes connection to the Water tank which is nearby park"   This is another surprise for us.  We later come to know from them, that till then the water pipes were connected to Water reservoir which was too far from our house, the old tap which we lost was also connected to the Water reservoir, but now we are going to get this new connection to the new Water tank which is going to be inaugurated after two days, ( ie 16th March 1994) Can you understand our joy , the inner joy , the mirth in our hearts and eyes? )    The workers came and worked humbly, attentively, quickly, without any fuss as they used to in other cases.  On 16th March the connection was given, the water was so forceful and I was literally jumping up and down while I connected rubber tube to the tap in my home and the water was so full and plenty so I asked my neighbors if they need water, and supplied the water to them.   The old tap water was connected to distant reservoir so the they hardly get water for half an hour, and that too in less force, like drops of water. 
How we were stopped to fall into less blessing, and how we were forced to jump into the abundant blessing of plenty of water!! It was just like the story of Isaac of old. Genesis 26:12-25) Isaac dug wells, but there was strife and hatred, Mathew Henry's concise commentry--Isaac met with opposition with digging wells.Two were called Contention and Hatred See the nature of world things; They make quarrels, and are occasions of strife;  and what is often the lot of the most quiet and peaceable" those who avoid striving , yet cannot avoid being striven with An what a mercy it is to have plenty of water; to have without striving for it! 
when men are  false and unkind , still God is faithful and gracious, and his time to show himself so is, when we are most disappointed by men. 

You know later the same neighbor became our good friend after many many strife of this sort.  He used to come to my home to give me the very tasty drumsticks of his backyard, and some times his wife sends through him mango pickle are breakfast .. with tasty pickles.   His only son used to hear the word of God we preach , and he became christian, and married a christian girl. They are orthodox Hindus.   

when you speak foolishly.....

                   This is how things would go out of your hand and mine. We intend to do good, but people are too clever to apply different motives to our intentions.  Then we feel sorry, utterly disappointed, and frustrated. The word of God is our solace all the time,  When our motive is pure and clean, God in His own time make everything to become good . Right?                   Only thing is just we need to check what we did and how we did it, when we did it. If there is a mistake of time and person to whom we talked  was not right , still there is hope in Him that He can make things for good for them who love God.    

                             The Potter when He finds the lump of clay is not formed into the desired form, He will deform that lump of clay , and take it into His hands and again , patiently He will work on it and make it into the pot He desired it should be. 

                   We have all loving God, who can understand us, all times, Who will make our foolish things into right things with His benevolent heart.  Only thing is we have to realize our mistake at His feet and accept His chastisement and ask His forgiveness.

                    That is all  then, what we spoke where we spoke how we spoke with whom we spoke when we spoke... every thing will be in His hands and make it beautiful in His own time.

                         We purchased a house, a partition  of house, four rooms at a stretch, and with a little back yard  and side yard. When we first saw the house there was a tap inside the back yard. But to the other person of the other part of the house had a well, and steps. so naturally we believed the water tap belongs to us. That was the understanding between the owner of the house and us while we negotiate the house to purchase. Our neighbor was the teacher of the owner long time ago so , the owner had soft corner of the heart for our neighbor  in these negotiations.  

That too,  our neighbor bought the portion one year before to us. so the things were intact, the boundaries were just as shown in the documents.

           But alas the day we went for the final talks to sign on the documents we found the neighbor had built parapet wall crossing the boarder , so that the municipal tap would go into his back yard. 

             We both did not think of fighting or asking him to take away the wall, never in our lives then or till this moment, while I type this article. Just now I am thinking why we did not ask the person to take away the crossed wall which was not into his boundaries. Whatever we never asked or mentioned it then. 

      That night before we sign the final documents, right in front of the owner and document writer, we both prayed kneeling down at our beds.  we both prayed alike and after we got up from our knees, we both talked and came to a conclusion . we both thought of telling the neighbor  that we would give half of the expenditure of the new tap to him and wanted to ask him to give away the old tap to us. This was our final decision before we retire to beds.  

            Actual cost for the new tap was Rs,7000/ deposit  but we both know that the bribers in the Municipal office would not give us the tap, at once, but would ask us to come again and again to get the tap sanctioned. So in order to avoid that situation we opted for the old tap and ready to offer 

/Rs. 3500/ in order to get theold tap.

          While the negotiations were going on, we both spoke alike saying,' If you take the tap, you need to give Rs.3500// to us, or if we take the tap, we will give the same amount to you  to get new tap connection."  ----As it is the person already intended to get the tap and already built a wall crossing the border, how we could expect him to go back for the new tap and all the hurdles to face , leaving the all ready existing tap/?  No way , he liked the idea, but he liked the idea of giving away the half expenditure, and retain the old tap.  

            After coming out of the room , as it was visible to every one sitting there we were utterly taken advantage, in silence we made an exit.       

          After a few minutes on our way to home we both regretted for the way we spread the cards on the table.  We , instead of just saying ,  'We give Rs. 3500/ to you and leave the tap to us,' --We spoke a little extra and said , if you need tap you give the amount and retain the tap." ------ It was a foolish , useless , brain less uttering.   We both realized it. we both felt ashamed of our selves for we did not know how to talk in front of worldly wise people.   By talking so foolishly we landed into the same hot soup of a number of trips to Municipal office in order to get new connection.

             But what to do, what was said was said, we cannot take the word again, the signatures were taken, and he paid the amount too, to get rid of us as soon as possible. and here we both are , my husband, and me, heads bending, mouths shutting, and blurring of brain.. reached home, astonishingly saying to one another, ' oh why we said so.. oh why"  There is no answer there, except our foolishness of talk so visible right in front of our eyes.  With a big sigh we just stretched our plea in front of our All mighty ,loving God, who understands us above our hearts and minds.(   next -- you will see how all things work beautifully , wonderfully , marvelously above our expectations  for good, for them who love God.)-- To be continued

A letter of mother to her son on his birthday

Dear Son , My sweet boy, Happy Birthday to you.
I am the only one that heard your first cry when u come into the world, very near in my fold; I am the only one to see you first in my lap;
I am the only one to take you into my embracevery near to the heart first;
I am the only one who you can call me mom, or mummy:
and I am the only one who remember that midnight just five minutes after midnight of Jan 1st of 1983;
Do you know what i said when the aayah told me "hey ma, u got a boy baby?" I said, "God already told me beforehand ma"
It was her turn to be astonished to hear that.
Ammamma was with me that night while i travail to bring you into this world.
peddanti there when i got first moment of your struggle to come out in my womb.
I cried aloud and she was running to get the doctor.
it was at 8pm of 1st jan.
all thru the night i cried and cried, the doc was not available as it was midnight, the nurses manhandled me as they like, as a result i had multiple stiches and continous bleeding. When thathagaru came i was in a pool of blood, he was furious and shouted at the staff of the hospital,
when things subsided, he was the first one who ran to the administration office to get your Birth certificate.

Later the day your dad came from vijayawada along with Akka, she was a tiny cute little lady, when she climbed on my bed to see you, i expected her to show surprise to see a little bundle of cute baby brother beside me and under my arm, but nah she was as cool as she is even now for any surprises of life.
she did not say a word but got down the bed and just walked down to dad and from there she just looked at me, and hide face on the shoulder neck of dad.

Dad was happy to hold you, as everybody was congratulating him.

My old students two of them were house surgeones there in K G H wer on duty and they recognized me and appreciated you saying"Mam, he is like SANDO"
In those dayw we used to compare any heafty fellow with a famous Pahilman (wrestler) you were very fair, and wieghed 4 pounds, and not even having one single strand of hair on your head.

I was the most proud mother to hold you and feed you that day.

This is the most beautiful story that you ever heard and could not hear from anyone else but me.. because i am your mother.

Review: Harvest of Rubies--Tessa Afshar

The Gardener of Sarah's Vineyard prunes and waits for her till she yields the

Red Rubies of her life.

The generosity, intelligence, self-respect, courage, and fears of a woman whether she is a Queen or Scribe, reflects  into the  dignified self of any woman, 

irrespective of the time and place. 

   The author Tessa Afsha portrayed these aspects of femininity in Sarah, 

Nehemiah’s cousin.

The benevolent treatment of the courtiers by the Persian Kings emerges through the concave lenses to make us sit at the edge of our chair, flipping over the pages 

till the end of this fiction.

EGO

Ego- Self respect, and Anger -Righteous Indignation

Many people of this generation do not know the very meaning of these words, or even if they know they never care to know the meaning or the application of it in their life or in the life of others. 
This is the reason for all sorts of confusion in their relationships with others which lead conflict in their personal relations.
Some times they never try to recognize these various aspects of personality in others. This leads choas and disturbed mind set.
Ego is something we all have in our personality. 'I' is the ego that settled in our life. It is there from the very birth of the human being.When it increases, it touches the mind, emotions, feelings, and visible through the eyes of the people. It turns up into ugly form of Pride. The walk the look, the talk, the gestures, manners, every thing would be covered up this pride. Touch this person we will be burnt. Not even one word we 
could speak to them in peaceful way. The life would be a great rough road to live with such people. The minute we open out mouth to speak, they are ready to fight with us. These people are the incarnation of EGO. Egoists feel that they are right all the time, and have little patience or concern for others, and try to hurt others without any cause.They are all ways on self defense position. ready to fight. May be they are having inferiority complex. 
Inferiority complex burns them from dawn to dusk. The reasons for this complex  may be any thing under the sun. This is something that they could not get rid of. 
This rules their lives because they wanted to achieve something in their lives, but  could not because of the life circumstances.  These people are very good most of the time with some people of their range, if they find someone who is successful in the area where they failed, their ego dances very ugly. 
There are some other types of egoists, who suffer superior complex. They all ways compares with others, the way others dressed up, or the way they talk, the way they lives their lives. Because they cannot compete with them because of their inferiority complex they show superiority complex.  They are very uncomfortable in the company of any person. Only a few people they have, who will accept them as they are. 
Whatever, these egoists suffer from complex, either inferior or superior.  various phases of Complex rules their lives. The out ward symbol of these people is they are very uncomfortable in the presence of other people, can not mingle with others, can not SMILE, all ways have grumpy faces, and never crack a joke in their lives. Find faults with others all ways. Lonely people, love themselves, their own interests rather than the People whom God loved and came to save them because they are perishing. They have nothing to give to the others because they are the most impatient persons to listen to others or make friends with to go into the depths of their souls. 
We see these even among our christian circles, they are having all the talents in the world , but never come out to glorify the Lord. Because they all ways think about themselves, think that others will see them and say good words to them, they say, that they do not want to get name or fame by exhibiting their talents in the groups of people. Its a false alaram that suppresses them all through life. They first of all do not have the desire to GLORIFY GOD,  this concept never occurs in their lives. They never know how to WORSHIP THE LORD. So think that they are the only ones who can enjoy their own talents, never like to come to public. Public is place where you are put on the stage, stage of shame and humiliation, comments, compliments, criticisms occur once you are in lime light of life. This is inevitable. St. Paul said we are the objects on the stage to be laughed at. As Christians we have to be on the public stage. There is no secret Christianity  When we work for the souls , we will be seen. But doing the work of God only for the sake of seeing is something should be stopped in any body's life. Anger is the easy emotion for these complex people. This is the result of their haplessness  Some people use their mouths and speak to hurt others. Some people just sulk and would not open their mouths. Ahab the king of Isreal is the great example of this complex.

Taj Mahal of my dreams.

            Taj Mahal, one of the wonders of the world was my dream. I watched a movie in my 6th class by name TAJ MAHAL, and that story captured me for years.  Especailly the song 

" jo vaada kiya woh nibhaana padega

roke jamaana chaahe roke khudaayee, tumako aana padega

tarasatee nigaaho ne aawaaj dee hai
mohabbat kee aaho ne aawaaj dee hai
jaane haya jaane ada chhodo tarsaana
tumako aana padega

yeh maana hame jaan se jaana padega
par yeh samajh lo tumane jab bhee pukaara
tumako aana padega...

ham apanee wafa pe na iljaam lenge
tumhe dil diya hai tumhe jaan bhee denge
jab ishk kaa sauda kiya, phir kya ghabraana
hamako aana padega.......

chamakate hain jab tak yeh chaand aur tare
na tutenge abb keh do paiman hamaare
ek dusara jab de sada hoke dewaana
hamako aana padega.......

It was a subtle sweet and melodious love song of  a king for his beloved wife,  it was clean, neat and harmonious. Which love we do not find now a days in any relations.

It was in my mind, all the time, devotion, and commitment, and love in between husband and wife

I had the deepest desire to see it in my life time , as it is in India where I am born and brought up all my life.  I cannot think of love and life in any other way rather than this way.  

But I could not see it till I am  50+.. I was sent to New Delhi to the Indira Gandhi University to  

attend a seminar on HIV and AIDs  people.  Before starting my journey to New Delhi I made all the arrangements and Railway booking . I contacted my dear friend Dr. Shanthi in New Delhi and 

requested her to put me on AGRA bus from N. Delhi to reach, Taj Mahal. I booked my return ticket from Agra to Vijayawada. And then to Eluru by the bus. 

Dr. Shanthi was so sorry to send me to Agra all alone , for she could not accompany me on my 

trip to Agra, as her daughters has examinations, to attend. She requested me if I could postpone my trip for next time, she and her family would take me in their car. 

Never mind, I live alone and I travel alone, I do not fear of any thing, I told her, and insisted that I should go with out fail.

Usually things do not come so easily into my mind, I plan a lot, think a lot, in this process, sometimes there are many a times i cancelled my much waited trips at the last moment even. But I do not regret of those events.  I have a deep notion in my life pattern, ' When any thing is in doubt, it is dirty'  So when somethings even though I plan to do , I do not hesitate to cancel them even at the last minute, which puzzles many friends of mine and my family. 

I have that still small voice in me, in WHOM I believe to lead me in proper way. some times this Still small voice comes so strong and would not allow me to go one step further. 

People may come to conclusion that I am fickle minded, and confused and not able to decide anything. No , I do not think so, I lean upon Him, some times He tells me to go , and in the middle He would say NOT to go, and so on. 

Should I mind the people's impressions of me? or should I mind of my own safety, which is given 

guidance and directions, sometimes at the last moment. 

This happens many times, especially in my journeys. Yes I depend on HIM and HE knows how to 

lead me , so no problem. 

The tourist bus from N. Delhi to Agra was in the early hours of the day. Mr. Sunder Singh , the highly qualified man, and highly positioned man, but the most humble man, who is the husband of my friend, Dr. shanthi  doped me in the tourist Bus. Dr. shanthi was so unhappy to send me alone like this and that she could not provide any one for my company. I told her its not the problem at all and EMMANUEL is with me , his company is ok for me.It is more than any thing in my lonely travels,  Often people ask me how can I live alone in my house, and how can travel alone etc, poor people they do not know that Emmanuel is my friend, and he does not leave me any time.

But it does not mean that I do not be afride to do certain things, all alone, ( never to stay alone but to travel alone now a days,)  because of my shaky knees, fading stamina, Oh , I am getting old, it shows its traces stealthily, day by day.. many things I could do in minutes, now I find I can   not do them very confidently, till I get this still strong voice within me.

So I am outwardly stupid, confused, and fickle minded. No problem. All that matters, to be is with Emmanuel, and his timings.

so Shanthi first thing she got information whether there are any Telugu people in the Bus, she found them and told them atleast dozens of times to look after me in the journey and entrusted me in thier protection. Smiling inside , and also grateful to her love and concern for me, I told her that every thing would be all right. 

Because I know that.

There were 40 seats in the bus, but only 39 seats were filled, and my number was 39. lol. Imagine, I am utterly alone, all through the journey, not even having one single soul to exchange courtesies. as usual.  

I believe God has a purpose to make me to live alone. 

even in a tourist bus like this.

We reached Agra had spent lot time at different places, at last we reached Taj Mahal , my dream Taj Mahal, it was big and magnificent, there are some venders who would take your picture and give them immediately for 40 rupees.  The above picture I got like that. 

When we went near the Taj, we were asked to remove our shoes, it was blazing sun , in the middle of the afternoon, the floor was like bronze, bare foot made me suffer a lot. Any way went inside, and we were told to see where the queen was place, but we also were told that it was not the real coffin place but it was somewhere underneath. we were allowed to go around but only in restricted area, as expected we observed the architecture, and tried to admire, as most of us not able to bear the hot sun and heat wave, I made a round the Taj, touched the walls, and tried to feel those nostalgic feelings of my childhood. There I do not feel any way. Those loving thoughts of that beautiful song vanishing slowly from my consciousness. But I do not want to be disappointed, so I wanted to see the JAMUNA River , about which we read so much in the books in our youth. 

The icy and sandy banks of the River, the imagination of the devoted lovers sitting there in the full moon needed to be sealed at least. so I went round that big Taj, and went back to see the cool river, oh, to my utter disappointment there was not a drop of water in it. The Jamuna was dried up, only sand drones, spread over to the ends of the horizon. 

 my feet started to shiver,, physically I am burnt up,  no strength in me after seeing the Taj Mahal of my dreams, desolated and lonely like me. Once again I lifted up my eyes to look at the top of the Taj, which I could not from the place where I stood.  I tried to see those white marbles described by the poets of India.  No, those were not white, they were faded, and now they lost their shining temper, became wheat colored.  I had  a big sigh, in myself, I do not know the pain of Jahangir the great king who built this magnificient building , one of the wonders of the world, for the sake of  his beloved dead wife Mumtaj   felt this much pain in his heart or not. But I felt that pain in me, pain in every where, With this the wonderful colors of love and devotion, and zeal for something I cherished , in my heart, unknowingly , vanished like the birds in the windy desert. 

I could not stand, or walk any more, my feet gave away, they started to tremble literally, and started to have big cramps, which I could not tolerate. I sat on the bench with tears pain in the heart and pain in the body.  

My bus co travelers observed me sitting there with twisiting feet tears all over.  They came to help me with bottle of water, and gave me to drink and sprinkled some water on my feet. 

After an half hour, i pulled myself, and dragged myself, to the spot where the bus was parked. Sat, in side with mixed feelings, ...* if you have any feelings or comments on it plz do so)

)

Principle not Promise - On Childhood (1)

               

  " I am on my death bed, my children know that my life on this earth is only for few more months, all that I want from them is to tell me how much they love me or express how much they were happy with me for all that I did for them.   But... "( she added sorrowfully)
        But the children were beyond to take any counselling from us, Old Timers. are not ready....Pathetic , is it not?
      I know after her death, at the funeral service they all speak wonderful things about her , they recollect what all that she had done for them in spite of her hard life, in spite of her lonely years of strife, they even remember her love and express their gratitude to the dead body in the coffin.  Do they want the other people who gathered there recognize their love for the dead body, which they never expressed it  when she was alive?  Often we do like that, Wisdom comes lately, by that time the opportunities will vanish. 
      One of my friends, was sharing her grief about the son whom she brought up in good christian way, teaching the values of Christ  and almost sacrificed her life for him to see him live for Him. And build a home for himself which could be useful to many more souls. But he disappointed her by marrying an unbeliever and an idol worshipper.  There is no Bible in their house, no prayer in the house, no fear of God in the children.
           The mother's heart questioning herself, ' Where she did the mistake in bringing up her child?' We know how she feels, there were tears of understanding for her situation in empathetic way..  Yes many of us teach them to love Jesus as their personal friend, we led them to Christ, We prayed for them so much and taught them how to do the will of God, and The beauty and joy in serving Him. But when they are grown up , they point up the mistakes we committed in rearing them up, they make fun of our life all together saying its not worth to live by the standards of life they live their life. The priorities they have chose in life makes the mother's heart to bleed. 

         Then I know some mothers asking, "Where we committed mistake? why this happens in our lives? Don't we have the pleasure of seeing them to sing for God, praise Him and bring glory to Him by praying and preaching as many other grown up children do? What happened to all those trails,to give them good exemplary life?  
           One mother told me that she used to farewell her children or her husband when they leave home she imagines as if it would be  the last time she would see them on this earth. 
      What she meant was ,that  prayer used to go with them , and in case anything happens to them or to her neither should feel regret if any thing happens. I should be  remembered  that I did that I could  to   them. That was her desire. 
         But lately many parents are undergoing an experience which be could understood, that nothing is in our hands, People call it generation gap.. there is 30 years of gap in between the children and parents, for them the parents are old and wrinkled.out dated, dependent, not so useful much. 

      The lonely mothers asking me " where are those songs we song in family prayer and on Sunday afternoons as family? Now the grown up chidldren feel shy to sing songs,  they are accustomed to listen to songs rather than sing them with all their heart.  Where are the quiet times, and first priority to God early mornings? They are over passed by with many works to attend, Is this the life we wanted to happen in the lives our children.

    Did we not teach them the Word of God while they walked with us? Did we not sing songs to them while giving bath? Did we not tell the stories of the great heroes of Bible like Joseph, who ran away from sin, and was ready to pushed into the jail to keep purity ?? And did we not teach about Esther who prayed for her people and entered into the court of the king though she might be put to death for doing so? 
Did we not explained the things of God and teach them the values of Bible and morals of the society?  Where where was the mistake? Did we not pray for them even when they were in our womb?  Did we not led them to the Lord enjoyed in the Lord when they were praying and doing the work of God tasting His salvation? and in their trails of life? Did we not cry loudly in the presence of God for the protection of their bodies and souls , not to be touched by the Devil?
       We Do not have any answers for these questions. Only Bibleld go, and even when he is old he will not t tells all the answers. 
  Train a child in the way he should go and even when he is old he will not turn from it     Proverbs 22:6

                      What happened to all those precautions, warnings and exhortations we taught them.

  why we cannot see the zeal in them to love God and reach others for God?  What is the fault? where it lies? why we sometimes are deprived of such joy in this life? why such things happen in our lives. 
If the answer is in Bible, let us turn to the living word of God. 
Jesus Christ is our example all ways, His cross has all the answers.  umm why He said like this , " who are my brother or mother?  THESE , who do the will of God"  Definitely HIs mother and brothers were insulted out right , in the front of every one, when they wanted to see Him. This is not the answer they expected from Him, He who was all ways gentle, loving and caring person. They were offended much and left the place.  



Then the mother who was sharing her agony with me told me that,

 I attended a Bible study group, just after a half hour of this discourse with my friend.  The speaker said, ' Why after all we did for our children, and train them how to walk with God, and taught them the fear of God, they are not following Him to our expectations? Well He said, this verse from the Bible Proverbs 22;6

It is ONLY A PRINCIPLE,  its NOT A PROMISE.

This is the answer we parents need to go according the values of the Bible, statutes of the Bible, and teach them to generations to generations, we sow the seeds, some fell on thorny bushes, some on side path, some on rocky land, and some on Good fertile ground.  JUST because we gave birth to the children we cannot expect 100 fold harvest of our toil.   God knows when and how to deal with each one. 
We are only the tools to bring them into the world, Its their duty to love HIM or not , we cannot frame the hearts.. wow , this is great revelation.. Leave alone all that stupid stuff of Building up the Families for God. Its not in our hands. IT is the work of Holy spirit. Let Him to the work He is entrusted to Him.
Where are the sons of Samuel, where are the sons of Abraham, where are the sons of Moses, where are the sons of Job, ..Life is in His hands, Family is in His hands, Trust Him, entrust your children to God  , remember the mother of James and and John, what she asked for ? a seat beside Jesus Christ in Heaven, what she got? Nothing splendid on this earth.She got her reward in heaven.. Heaven knows what is hidden for our children, Heaven would reveal the reward of our toils... waiting upon the Lord in faith will never go in vain.

Assumptions, dreams, aims, goals and introspection.

Yes I do think a lot, Think of the people and their behaviour,  I assume, I imagine, and I ponder over many things that go around.  Some people ask me why I do assume? I wonder is there any sphere of life that we go forward without assuming , Assumption is part of life. you can not avoid it. It happens in our life without our intention. We share assumptions, but we should not come to conclusions, the whole world is swirling around assumptions.  Colmbus started his great journey to discover India , asuming that it was in one place, but his assumption was wrong for a while, he learning from his mistakes, he went round and round, in his process, he found Cape of Hope at the tip of Africa, at last he could achieve his dream. Yes dreams are having its foundation on assumptions.  And dreams become aims.And these aims become goals,when goal setting is an art, a skill, and to reach those goals is a strife, a risk, and without this struggle of life you will not have life. A life of living. One day when you try to make them true, they are really there. 
Skeptics question me, why should we be so interested in life , we have life after this life, why should not be more interested in that life instead of wasting my life on the things of these assumptions. I do answer them, unless you really want to live in this life and be interested in this life and people God loved so much , you can not prepare for the life after. I wonder if you are not interested in the people and their behaviour,  how can you understand their sorrows, thier dreams, the picture of their souls? If you do not know their life pattern , how can pray for them?   How can you give the word of God to them, and prepare them for the life after along with you? Isaih says, unless there is some one to preach how can the good news will reach them. These cynics are self centered people, they cannot accept the shortcomings of their lives, instead they like to rub their wrong perception of life on people who try to be SOCIAL and JOVIAL  and INTERESTED  and ENJOY  to be with people around. 
When you have something worthwhile in your soul, when you really enjoying something in your life you like to share it with others. 
My dad often used to call me to his dining table while he was eating. He wants to share the yummy piece of mutton which was on his platter. He , instead of eating it by himself, he wanted to share it with me whom he loved the most. I used to enjoy this bit of life very much, its not piece of mutton that matters here, its the SHARING  of best things of life with my dear dad. It bounds our love, our relationship .. our intimacy .. our appreciation of life together.  
It means, it does not give a portrait of me as a selfish one not my dad as a sacrificial one.
we are two beings who love one another, and wants to build a relationship of love. 
And see  even now I can not forget that little gesture of love of my dad? People tend to forget good things of life, things that they received from their parents too,leave alone the other people in their life.  Its all in your introspection. 
I tell you this introspect-ions occur only when you achieve superannuation of your thought level. Its the main foundation of higher level of thinking.  Remember only a man thinks and introspects;  not the animals or any creation of God. 
After the conversion of my dad at the age of 57 years, one day he asked me, 'How do you think that worms come into the glass of pure water, when you keep it aside for a while? Even when it is well closed with a tight lid?'
It look like a simple question, I tried to answer him saying God created whole world etc etc, but I can not satisfy him , nor I do know the answer till two days back.   
I was listening to a good message of God, along with my son and my another son(-in-law)
I liked the way the preacher explained things like this.." God created something out of nothing, like the light, darkness, waters, and earth etc. He later SPOKE  to earth and waters to bring forth animals, plants, birds, and fish. They were there because He spoke to earth and waters, to bring forth animals plants and birds out of them.  But when he wanted a man , He spoke to HIMSELF. He introspected,  and brougt forth the man in HIS image He spoke to HIMSELF.  He gave HIS life to the man by breathing into him, He sustained him, and He will take him back to HIM. The man was formed out of dirt, but he is of God, the breath of God is in him. ' 
Well, after all when we come into this world and live in this world, we breath inside and breath outside, inhale and exhale, we do it unconsciously  we feel His presence unconsciously all the time , whether you are awake or deep in slumber. Breathing is God's way of His living within the man. And when we die we take a deep breath and give away a great exhale. Thus the soul of God leaves us.we will not have even the breath with us. It is God's. only that was taken out of dirt will go back to dirt.  Wonderful of the simple interpretation of  Ecclesiastes  12:1-7 Then man's dust will Go back to the earth returning to what it was and the dust return into its earth, from whence it was, and the spirit return to its Creator. 
 God introspects, He talks to Himself, and so He created us in His image, Man need to introspect  as much as he could so much is his emancipation, self actualization.

whence it was, and the spirit return to ... 12:1-7

Mothers, you have your own tests.(series on childhood No 2)

            Tests come in life very unexpectedly unlike the tests in our academic field. But, we are quiet sure that we need to write the tests and exams in our academic area. After all, we join in the college  or school, with good knowledge that we need to write the exams, and we are supposed to pass the exams, and then only we will be qualified to go to next class.  We have to write these exams, there is no other go. However we play with the life in college or school , whether we like the tests or not, we will put through them, and the results will announce about our sincerity and hard work we put in learning the subjects.  No pretexts or no reasons would give us any protection once we go through of the exams, we ought to face the results. 

        So also with the life, the real life , we need to face tests in our spiritual life. But these tests come unaware of our consciousness,  all in a sudden, and in a given second of the moment. We have to be ready with an answer of His grace

.be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with.

1 Peter 3:15   

 Unless you know how toUn less you  answer any one, with faith , how you will be trapped by the evil

 in one  moment ,  you have to regret all of your life for what you have done;  when you were caught up unaware of yourself.

I will tell you one of many instances in my life, there are hundreds of them, but one will suffice here.

        It was  the day for general physical check up,  my husband used to work in Railways, so the Rail way hospital was at our disposal, we get treatments and tests freely.  One week end we thought that we need to have some general check up of our health chart. On the other hand I had a baby boy of 1 year old,  and I did not have monthly periods yet.  I took one year leave when my daughter was born, in 1981  and again I took one year leave on loss of pay in 1983 when my son was born.  It was 1984 Feb, and I was suppose to go to College on last working day in the Month of March to sign in the register and rejoin in the college before the summer holidays start.

      So I thought I better be in good health and in good physical condition, before I go back to Eluru.  We enjoyed our one year holiday in Vijayawada because he was working  there in DEN office of the South Central Rail ways. 

   I was slim and active and in good figure though I gave birth two children , and I was 31 years old  and was very confident of not having any more issues.Because the elders used to  say , that we need not be afraid of having another pregnancy un till we get monthly periods, after the delivery. 

     The lady doctor I approached did a thorough check up on me and and said that I was perfectly healthy, but that I was pregnant, may be one or two months pregnancy. 
      I was shocked. First of all we wanted not to have any more children except these two, and as I have had already two years of leave availed, I utterly feel ashamed of my self to go to college as a pregnant woman and ask for maternity leaves etc again.
     I questioned the doctor, as I did not have periods so far, how can it be possible?  she answered, sometimes it happens, no need to wonder, there are umpteen cases who have been pregnant without having any monthly periods after the delivery of the baby.  
       I was utterly shocked, and again I asked, " what to do now, we really do not want another baby now, not at all at this time of all the things."  She understood my grievance after I explained about my situation as a working woman where the leave from college is a tough task in life. She said, ' ok I will give one injection to you, if you are not pregnant you will get periods (menstruation period)  after a week" 
     I said to her anxiously, "Oh that would be good , but suppose I am pregnant , even then I will get menstruation? 
    She answered "99% you will get it". 
    Again I asked , "then what is the  use of taking it? I do not go for abortion at any cost, I will never, then what to do?"

     she casually said, just take the injection and see whether you would get periods? 
    I said, 'But you said, even if it is pregnancy I will get periods, in that case it would be an abortion,  if I am not pregnant, I will get periods,.( SEE  those years , were the years, which in the medical field the blue strip test of the urine for pregnancy test was not available)  No I wont take this injection. She said its up to you then. 

 I said I am leaving for Vizag to my parents house this week ,I am really confused what to do presently.

She advised me ok I will give the medicine and also syringe to you, if you want to take it you can take it even at vizag, in case you change your mind.

I said that would be ok with me. 

     When I came out of the clinic my husband was waiting for me , he suspected something was  wrong, seeing my face. I informed him, about the third pregnancy. we both went inside the clinic once again, the doctor explained the predicament to my husband too.   

     Next I remember , I was standing in our little balcony, facing the big play ground , where children were playing. I saw down into the kitchen garden of our ground floor quarter occupants; They have three Papaya trees, one tree has big papayas         I remember that if any one take papaya fruit while they are pregnant they will get normal periods, and that pregnancy would not last.

I sent some one to the occupants of that house, as the lady of the house was my friend, she immediately gave me one big  papaya .

I kept it on the table,  and took a big knife to cut it and eat it. I know if I eat the whole papaya I will have normal menstrual periods of that month.. I kept the knife on it and about to cut it into two parts.BUT I could not do it. 

But I just could not do it. I took the papaya and threw it  with all my strength into the play ground as an athlete would through a ball in a play ground. 

Later we went to vizag, there was great silence prevailing among us couple since the day we visited the lady doctor in rail way hospital. Our minds were fully occupied with the thoughts of unknown fear. As it is, we find it very difficult to maintain these little children as I am working,in one place and my husband is working in different place. I find it extremely difficult to manage the house hold things with litte children all by self . The age difference between them is only 1 1/2 years so both of them are so young, and it affects my health even.
         Now  as it is I was giving artificial milk , ( not the breast milk to both of them)  We all ways carry  milk powder tin, milk bottles 4 of them, and a steel jug, spoons , thermos flask for hot water, and a water bottle with boiled and cooled water to prepare the milk , in a plastic basket, and another basket of diaper clothes, ( in those days we used to wash the cotton cloth after used by the babies, and dry them  in sun, so we need lots of them to carry around, either to church or friends house , any where. ) 
         These baskets were heavy for me to carry on, so when my husband was not available some neighbor or some friend in the church used to help me to carry them. As both children are too young to walk , often times I used to carry one on my shoulders, and another by some body else, usually I used to carry Happy( my daughter, and give my son john to somebody else to be carried, as he was too small and would not feel that I abandoned him for the sake of his sister. whereas as Happy was a little bit older I felt that she should never think that I left her with others as I need to take care of her brother. 
      so though it look like a very common problem and every parent goes through of it in their life time, but as  we pray about every little burden and put in front of Jesus, He would give answers to us exactly by evading all our fears through His word. 

That evening we went for an evening walk on HB colony bus road, we were walking on the right side of the road and we saw a maternity clinic , I asked my husband whether  we could go in and take second advice from this doctor? 
He accepted, so we both went in, I talked to the doctor , and expressed my fears after she confirmed that I was pregnant. I said about the doctor of vijayawada and about the injection, that injection was in my hand bag, since the day I took it from the hospital, she saw it and said, that it was good injection and explained to me just like the other doctor.
    I said again , it means abortion, if I am pregnant, and also asked her, if I am pregnant and if I used this injection and suppose the pregnancy with stand will it affect the baby any way, for which she said she cannot give any positive affirmation.
    I thanked the doctor and came out of the clinic.we were going back to home, and suddenly I felt some strange feeling, I opened the bag and took the injection and threw it in the dust bin laying aside the road. 

After two weeks ,approximately, I felt great peace in my heart. All that confusion vanished. What may come, I will face it. I decided. 

       We had our dinner, and we finished the days course, and we went into our room and knelt down to pray.  I prayed, I do not remember what he prayed, but I prayed, the essence of the prayer was like this, " Lord it is thy will, what may come , just your will be done." And we opened the Bible to read the daily portion, I was reading the portion from the Bible  
         Psalms 81:6,7,8  I removed  the burden from your shoulder; your hands were freed of the burdensome basket.. You called in trouble, and I delivered you and   I answered you in the secret place of thunder. I tested you at the waters of Meribah.Selah."
 (WEB RSV NIV).Selah (76 Occurrences) ... Its meaning is doubtful. Some interpret it as meaning
"silence" or "pause;" others, "end," "a louder strain," "piano," ... (. When  I come to the word "I answered you in the secret place of thunder.." I felt a great sound and kick in my womb, it was so astonishing, I  was physically  jerked for a second, and i felt warm liquid in my loins, I just jumped from the floor where i knelt down to pray, and told my husband, 'just a minute, I need to go to toilet.' And there I found warm blood was flowing, and there were clots of blood too. 
     I was shocked, Can you understand the joy in my heart? Can you imagine the happiness written on my face made my husband shocked for a second, when i told him what has had happened?  The wonders of God are unknown the way He speaks to us in sundry ways is unexpected.
       I read the verses once again.   I removed his shoulder from the burden ...... ( it means no more children to carry around on my shoulders) your hands were freed of the burdensome basket.. ( I know it means I need not carry those milk basket for another child)  You called me in trouble,( yes lord , Indeed) and I delivered you ( yes yes Lord)  I answered you in the secret place of thunder, ( wow , exactly as a thunder He answered me in my womb , the very secret place of thunder) I tested you at the waters of Meribah.Selah."..( to his people; for he shall not enter into the land which I have given to the children
of Israel, because you rebelled against my word at the waters of Meribah ... ) The "Waters of Meribah" was the name given to this place... "Meribah of Kadesh ... 81:7 God appears as having tested Israel here. ... Selah".

Yes , God is our Father, He answers us, then and there. Today one girl with whom I was sharing my testimony , she said, " Oh God answered you immediately."
   Never this statement occurred to me , I knew God speaks to me whenever I prayed Him, most of the times very immediately  But there are some times wherein I needed to wait upon the Lord for longer time till I get His answer.
     So I told her, yes often He answers, but there are certain moments in my life wherein I just need to wait upon the Lord till He gives answers. Often times He answers either "YES < or NO or sometimes just WAIT, we need to get one of these answers, to know His will in our lives. 

Whatever Is Not from Faith Is Sin Rom 14 :23

Eatables of my childhood (Part 1)

My childhood was such a joyful one, cozy and comfortable, pampered and fondled, and taken care of, as a princess of the house. I enjoyed this status all through my life even after the birth of my two younger sisters. I am 4 and 5 years older to them, so I used to be the first preference of my parents and relatives to shower their love or gifts.

When my grand parents come from the villages of East Godavari area, they used to bring wonderful things of eatables to us children. Among them I still remember were those called  as BURRA GUNJULU(  these are the seed of the Palm tree fruits kept in the small clay hillock for a while till they get a little seedling. Then they dig them out and crack them and find white soft very sweetish core of the seed, which tastes wonderfully) And if these same seeds are kept in the hillock for some time we used to get THEGALU which look like sticks, with full of fiber to clean our teeth, while we eat them and clean and brush our stomachs  as your so called broccoli do in western countries.  We used to burn them on fiery coals  and eat them, sometimes we used to boil them  with a little salt in a pot of water, and eat them. It would be a great exercise to the jaws and teeth to eat them.  In between these THEGALU there is used to be thin tender stick within, and at the end of it hanging a soft material which tastes very sweet to eat. We used to call it CHANDAMAMA. I do not know why we were told to call it as the MOON of the sky, but we used to be very proud to show it to our friends while eating it.

  They used to bring JAGGARY big chunks of them, and also they used to boil them  to a thick liquid which we used to call as JAGGARY PAANAKAM. My mom used to prepare BIG rice and black gram Buns which were prepared on the big dish on the fire. We used to eat this Jaggary paanakam with  those big buns and sometimes with GARELU,  These Garelu are  a  favorite item of food which my mom used to prepare for the guests definitely, or on the occasions of  birthdays,  festivals etc. Sometimes we used to eat Chicken curry with GARELU. It is a rich food with black gram preparation. 

They used to bring Jack fruits  which were the produce of our fields in our village. These JACK Fruits were the very famous of that area with special taste of its own.  Very sweet, and known as RAVULAPALEM PANASA. My dad used to get a big sharp knife, my mom used to bring a bowl of GINGELY oil   and my dad used to dip the knife in the bowl and also his hands in the oil while he used to cut the fruit.   We used to play with the seeds of the fruits in the jack. Sometimes my mom used to burn them on the fire or cut them into little pieces and cook them with mutton, into a tasty curry.

 We used to have a funny riddle on this jack fruit, like THANDRI GARA GARA ( dad is very rough one)  THALLI PEECHU PEECHU(  mother is dried grassy grassy) BIDDALU RATHANA MANIKYALU( children are like diamonds and Rubies) MANUMALU BOMMA RAALLU( grand children are like useless and stable stones)

We also used to get MELONS,  which we used to enjoy in the heat of the summer.   Some time they used to bring big PUMPKINS AND ASH GOURDs too. These PUMKINS were for the  tasty gravy  DHAPPALAM  prepared by mom.  After we used the Pumpkin we used to take all the seeds and mix them with the ask of the  fire stove in the home and dry them on a CHETA,(prepared by the leaves of the palm trees) and keep them on the top of the house  and they were dried up , we used to bring them down after three days or so, and sit and open the seeds to eat the core of seeds  which were so tasty. Usually my mom and aunty used to help us to eat them while they sit and chit chat about so many things in the world. Or while listening to songs in the radio.

  IN 1956 it self my dad used to have a small speaker box attached to the Radio which could be carried to any room in the house.  I used to keep it in my lap and used to wonder how can this box could speak and sing the songs.  One day my dad opened the box to repair it a little, I almost put my head in side it to look whether there are any men and women in it. I saw small small Alluminium stick like things connected to one another. I thought they must be the men in miniature size, looked at them with wondrous eyes for long time. We also used to have GRAMA PHONE, even that was great asotinshment to me,  I wondered the dog in the middle of the black gramophone plate might be singing it, when I asked my dad about that he told me that it was listening to its Master’s voice. I did not understand much at that time , nor even now for that matter. My dad used to have all new songs of the films, among them I love the song, NEELA LA KANNULO MELA MELA MELLA GA NIDHURA RAAVAMMA RAVE,  and also the song  EE JEEVITHAME SAFALAM RAAGASUDHA MADHURAMU PREMA KADHA PHALITHAMU, I used to being asked by my dad and relatives to dance for that song, so one day I felt I must dance on a floor like the kings palace, with a flower in the hall. So I pestered my dad to make a floor like that , until and unless I do not dance. So my dad literally bought a big flowry carpet for me to dance on it. Can you imagine it?? Great dad , know?

 They used to bring BRINJALS OF SPECIAL TYPES  They used to have thorns on its stems like the rose flowers . My mom used to tell us, that they are called  MULLA VANKAAYA, She used to cook  them in special way, that curry was known as GUUTHU VANKAYA KURA ,

 she used to hum a song about that curry, which I still remember, GUTHU VANKAYA  KUROI BAVA, KORI CHESINAANOI BAVA.  ( I prepared this stuffed bringjal curry for you my love, I prepared it with all my love for you) 

 They also used to bring EETHA KAYALU (SMALL  DATES)  which were so tasty to eat, we used to have a tree in our compound in BANDAR Police quarters,  these small dates used to be green in bunches hanging from the tree, every day we used to observe them till they turn up into yellow color, and then red, we used to throw stones at them and gather the fruits under the tree and eat them.   My grandparents also used to bring  SEEMA CHINTHAKAYALU  ( fruits look like tamarind fruits but with white pulp cases with a black seed in between them)  These fruits are of different colors , white, pink etc.  They taste sweet and sour too in less percentage. We love them to eat.

 When I go to our village me and my youngest aunty, MARY used to go outside the village where these trees are there, we used to threw stones at the fruits and collect the fruits and come home.   Sometimes we both used to go to the small brook  that goes in between the village to get a pot of water, we used to clean the water  by  rubbing a small seed called INGILI GINJA  on the stone and mix its fluids in the water. All the dirt used to go down the pot, and good and pure water used to be there to drink on top of the pot.

They used to bring TAMARIND CAKES  too for household purpose, along with  ARESALU, AND PONGADAALU lots of them in a big dish.   Preparing these eatables was a great feat in the villages, the previous day they used to soak the fresh rice from the fields in the water  for  a day, and they used to pound the rice into fine flour after dried the rice thoroughly for  a few hours, usually two or three women  from the neighborhood come to help mom and grand mom to prepare them , so they used to sit whole night to prepare these rice cakes  by pouring the flour in the right density of jaggary paanakam and make them into a big morsel called CHALIVIDI and make them into small cakes and fry them. It needs real skill to make them without being spoiled at any juncture of preparation. So as it used to be the process of the moon light nights, outside the house, we children used to sleep after the CHALIVID was prepared, and in the morning we used to have big pots of ARESALU.  The left over Chalividi used to be mixed in little water and they used to make them into PONGADAALU.  Oh there used to be many eatables when my grand parents come to our home. We used to wait for them like anything, and we used to feel very sad when they go to their villages. My parents used to purchase new clothes for them and give good food to them and make them to take rest as long as they like, and used to purchase all things they wanted to have and send them happily from our home. My dad’s sister SUBBALAXMI  used to come to our home sometimes, she used to have pure silk skirts and blouses and half saries, and she used to have some books which she used to read them for me, She used to have a long hair which was plated into long JADA with three balls of thread at the end. I used to wear them sometimes, and we both used to play many games, one of them was OPPULA KUPPA VOYYARI BHAMA’ this game is very funny with these long plates and three balls at the end of the plate. I forgot what they use to call those balls, if any one remember the name let me know. She taught me one song with dance once.  I forgot that also now. I used to sing and dance for a long time. Its about an young girl with a little house in a nice grove  waiting for her husband,  Poor aunty she never could fulfill this dream in her life, she had had much difficulties with her married man and left the in laws house and brought to her parents home. She is is still alive in our village. I must visit her when I go home. Once I visited , but not for long time. How easily we forget all those wonderful days and wonderful people whom we loved in our childhood. ! I regret for my callous mind. 

• yummy article, you feel like eating all those ..

  November 14 at 12:01am · Like
• 

  Mary Amboji Your article transported me to another world:-)

  November 14 at 12:12am · Unlike · 1
• 

  Leelavathi Malaka Pallavi Sharon I appreciate you for you are still taking time to read my blogs, how are you. how is everything going on 

  November 14 at 6:56pm · Like · 1
• 

  Pallavi Sharon I'm fine Aunty Leelavathi Malaka .. 

  November 15 at 6:54pm · Unlike · 1
• 

  Pallavi Sharon Your blogs and reflections from other members of the group are very interesting and thought provoking Aunty Leelavathi Malaka.. God bless you all

  November 15 at 6:58pm · Unlike · 1
• 

  Leelavathi Malaka May the good Lord bless and keep you all!!!!

  November 15 at 8:15pm · Like · 1
• 

  Leelavathi Malaka THANK YOU Eben V Basika, Kusuma Vangala Pallavi Sharon for your clickings of like.. 

•  This article was so much fun to read .... I was laughing while reading it......During my marriage ...my mavayya (my mom's brother ) brought Chalividi in 2 bindhelu (steel pots) they are from a village and they just wanted to show their love for me.....but my mother in law refused to accept that sweet saying it's heathen practice....I was really disheartened ....I really don't know how to respond in these kinda situations

  3 hrs · Unlike · 1
• 

  Leelavathi Malaka so sad we are more legalistic than merciful, I too was like that , even I did like your mother in law, but Jesus told us that He needs mercy not sacrifice. On the other hand in villages Chalividi is the best sweet that they can prepare, two pots of it means , they spent lot of time and energy and money in preparing it. we are Hindu country, the culture is different from rituals, that is why Peter told us that we need learn how to answer others about our hope in the Lord in gentleness, 1 Peter 3:15-16. I too was rude in those days, in many cases, yes once my eyes were closed with pride and pharasee-ic mentality, now I am nothing, only God must be glorified, Shyamala MJ

  1 hr · Like · 1