Friday, December 5, 2014
GOOD LOOKING & GOOD FEARING ( LAST CHAPTER )
God cares our heart, people look at the outside deeds of the people.
As I was preparing for my marriage, just saries or ornaments buying never quench the thirst of my soul; There are still some more days to walk to the bride's aisle.
It is God who loved us first, He has woven his love into the very fibers of our soul.
While I seek Him and His love I found that He is the one who is the one who is loving me in all times and in all places.
I could wait .. because of that first promise, At times, waiting for an answer from God feels like driving an ambulance in a traffic jam. Turn the siren louder if you like, but the cars aren't moving. You can't get through. My life was marked by similar delay. I was in hurry to get THAT promise, BUT God is not. I pound heaven's door pleading for a response, and all I get was silence. I got so many promises from Him for this marriage, but my heart was on the first promise which I heard, but I wanted to see it in the Bible. But the perfect silence from Him.
Following God by faith is always asked to wait. It is work of God.. Making me to wait is His work to do something, in my life. While I trust Him while I wait , he built my confidence in His character. Learning to trust him in the space between that Promise and finding it as an answer solidifies what I believe in Him. He wants only what is best for me. I stood by His wisdom he knew what is best for me. I grew convinced of His power .. he is able to do what is best for me. God knew that its hard for me to walk by faith, so he made some promises to assure me while I wait.
We never know this side of heaven what God was up to while I waited. But no doubt , God had been at work, fashioning a plan of such beauty and symmetry that my mind could not have received it. .... I didn't have to take my view of life only from what I could see or from what was happening right in front of me. I didn't have to be imprisoned by the crazy doubts in my head that I knew weren't true. " It is I" He promised previously. So I continued to pray, Continue to wait.
Now I knew pretty well, that I was not waiting for the letter from Br Joe but for the promise I got in the first instance believing that God is not only better than my fears. He's also better than my hopes.
So my little red journal continued .. with my prayer date was 24/6/1979 ----2 pm Sunday.
My Heavenly Father.. the other Sunday I read God's smuggler by Br. Andrews . I understand that my religion has no power. Lord I wished I could walk daily as that brother walks. Constant fellowship with you always with you all ways be aware of you, conscious of your will..listening within me, for You are in me and I am in You. Lord how wonderful it is to be God's conscious and God-lead all ways.
Now I am going through Catherin Booth, the great biography which remains as a constant puzzle and out-of-reach all these years. Lord I thank you for you have given it to me in this time to read. I am fascinating my the 'loves of hers"-- love for you, love for her William, Oh Love for the church, love for the Nation.. her loves are challenging me. Now at this moment ... "he remains as a silent figure behind the screen, I am going to live with him, an unknown person, whom I haven't seen him yet. Two weeks more, an unknown road is in front of me I do not know where that road would take me, but help us to go together to the end of it, to meet you the lover of my soul.
Lord I have a secret to share with You here, a prayer for him, I want him to be superior to me in your knowldge, and in loving Thee. I want his mental capacity and intellectual fibre be stronger and healthier than me.
Lord I am hurt as that monkey in Br. Andrew's book, lost confidence and even frightened of wrong people and hypocrites, who pretend that they are godly, god fearing, to think of such cheaters, makes me jump on my nerves, I am scared, cant trust any one, who says they love God and serve God. So Lord strengthen me, make him a strong fort of mine, with whom I can be safe and strong. Make Catherin's life an everlasting impression on my personality. I am daring to step into this new life only because I am confirmed that this is your will regarding me, Bless him Lord.. make him an understanding person.. for thine own name sake. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ. my Lord.. Amen and Amen.
23/6/1979 Monday. Lord thank you for this beautiful wedding sari.
27/6/1979 Wed, "Behold I send an Angel before thee , to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared... Ex 23: 20 to 33
4/6/1979 5:30 pm
Lord knit our hearts with your love help me to love him with all my heart in your love for your name sake. I wish that he would be so too!!
Lord, yes, the more we love each other the more should be our love for Thee, Lord plan our lives and acts like that.
Lord I wish our little home be an exemplary home like Catherine's oh how I love that saint---Lord, the secret of her successful life seems to be the love that flows for every one around her.
Lord I wish he could be the head of the family in every step, in every decision--let not there be any argument or misunderstanding in between us ..oh never Lord, help me to strive for harmonious life in between us Lord help me to bring every prick in my heart to thee, first to thee Lord. There would be many adjustments to be made in between us. He is an unknown person, physically mentally and spiritually, emotionally when there might be many disagreements in between us, Lord when Thine love is there in between us...Father I trust everything will go rhythmically I love you my Lord Jesus help me to love you more...---Amen
5/7/1979 4 am
It was the day before the wedding day. We have to travel to Vijayawada by Howrah mail express by starting in Vizag at 11 noon, our family and friends would have lunch in our home and then we will start for the wedding place.
I got up early in the morning it was 4 am, I prayed and took my Telugu Bible and I was reading the regular portion of that day, I read 40th chapter and 41, and 42, and 43 finished, and then I was reading 44 chapter, when I came to 26th verse, I STOPPED at once.. The verse looked like the verse I heard the first day ,"The Lord confirmeth the word of His servant." in Telugu , so I rushed into the dad's room where there was English King's James version opened the Bible to
Isa 44:26 ... Oh there it is, 26th verse:
That confirmeth the word of His servant, and performeth the counsel of His messengers; that sayeth to Jerusalem thou shalt be inhabited... ye shall be built and I will raise up the decayed places thereof."------
but what is this verse 27th?///??? That saith to the deep,Be dry and I will dry up thy rivers. ?????????
next verse... "thou shalt be built,......thy foundation shalt be laid" its 28th verse
Any body can imagine where I was, on the cloud number 9?---
I did not walk to the bride's aisle, I flew to the wedding place. How I travelled, How I got ready to be a bride in good white silk saree.. everything was in dream, I was all in smiles, a perfect bride.. no fear, no doubts, no questions.. heart free.. fully trust in God,
When I was giving the wedding ring to him I lifted my head first time to see his face, wondering whether it fit in to him perfectly without causing any inconvinience... some little girl shouted aloud, "Yey the bride looked at the bride" ---donot know who said so, but it was so loud, and everybody laughed aloud. The wedding message was on Proverbs 31 :10-31 "who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies"
Since then the Lady of proverbs 31 became my model to live like.. I meditated on her character, lived and relived it, word by word, taught how to live like her to the women in women meetings Sunday after Sunday. I was so happy to read about her, whenever I had chance. line line by line. its my guide.. I thought I would live like her till the end of my life.
After the demise of my husband ( read 27th verse) when my rivers dried up , later whenever I opened the chapter, I could not control my tears, no end for my tears, the river was dried up , but the rivers in my eyes flow years together.
But later verses were again fulfilled, he built my life again ....the foundations laid... oh yes new foundation laid down.. new ministry, new life for Him, new type of ministry....God spoke to me one day by voice, twice Shaeltiel.. which name was a new name for me.....it was all together a great new story where He gave me new ministry... where many more souls were enriched by His work..!!!Thats the end .. of these chapters Good looking and God fearing. Take breath.. !!! ;) lol
GOD FEARING & GOOD LOOKING (PART 5)
Life is an adventure.
when I say so, do not think I am telling you a scary Friday 13th stories , or traveling into the dark wood, or wrestling with highway robbers, or jumping from your terrace.
No, No , NO.. " its your attitude, its looking at your life with courage and determination, living in the 'moment' expecting a great result, while waiting in the presence of God"
so far you had the more or less much morose type of my journal accounts of prayer and waiting. One thing I want to tell you very clearly, that I was a good looking and God fearing girl, myself, waiting for a letter of my marriage news from higher authorities; I determinded to be with God alone, no other things, just like I used to prepare for the public exams, I was not talking to any one else, I secluded myself in my lonely room with my bed , easy chair, and table and chair with Bible and ODB and my little red journal and pen. That is all, I entered into this room and the constable used to bring some breakfast and coffee for me, afternoon lunch I used to go out and eat alone on the dining table. and again retreat back into the presence of God, nights i skipped the dinner, and pray late into the nights. Thank God I was a lecturer and we used to have two and half months summer holidays in those days, June is the last month of holidays, College reopenes on 13th of July. So I was spending in His presence to get an answer for which I was praying... !!
Just go back with me, "Why should I pray so much for "the marriage and for a letter?" What made me to pursue so much in prayer? Can't I just pray once and be of myself, jolly go lucky.. every cheerful girl I had been? Remember God spoke to me the very first day that He is going to "confirmeth the word of His servant" If He did not say that , that day, I would not have so much passion to pray for this match.. of course I could have told myself, if not this match another would come, what is there? I have beauty, good structure ( you know I was an Airhostess in Air India for a while) good job with a very good salary, I need not worry for "this match and a letter", why should I?"
The Soveriegn God brings us to the situations to prevail in prayer, heed His voice, and obey Him , then and then only we see His hand in everything. God intended to tell me something, something more than just a promise for the marriage. He made me to taste the first phase of His promise, ( again I thank God for those days, where no concordance and google to get the answers quickly, ) I had to wait upon the Lord patiently and soberly.. There is grace in such periods of time. Wait in the Lord and know that He is good.
Are you ready or not, know that Life is an adventure for those w ho wait upon the Lord. With all the winsomeness and wisdom I had expected I encouraged myself to transform these very common regular situations of life into experiences worth living and adventurous. I all ways question myself.. "Why not?" instead of "Why me?" I learned to capture each moment and savor the present --good or bad . Past never bothered me, no regrets for it, what is done it was done, I learn to embrace to my dreams in faith. I am fond of adventures of this sort, dreams of this big, I like to take risks, rise up to the occasion, and here are my wonderful adventurous stories ( pardon me , they are not juicy stories.. never and ever)
Therefore I have these adventures with God, you too can have them if only you could take time to spend at His feet like that beautiful soul, Mary Magdalene with her alabaster perfume box.
My little red journal records the great news in simple words its a great day, and I had no words to write...20/6/1979 12:30 noon,
Thank you Lord for the date is fixed. Just now we recieved a letter from Br. Joe. You are faithful and caring me. ----Lord I feel still I am in some drowsy reverie, cant come out of the dull and sweet prayer mood of the past few days... Oh Lord, its over, but cannot believe this.. my mind is playing tricks on me..
Lord ... cheer up my heart. its like dream still, as many other dreams I had had during last few days, ... I am not still awaken .. Lord, Oh Lord cheerup my heart .. In Jesus name Amen
6pm: Lord I am so happy.. for you got me through this tunnel. Lord be with me.. I am just happy.. Thank you Jesus!! The letter from br.Joe goes like this::
( wish I could scan it and post it here.. but for the time being i type it as it is)
Coonoor-2
16-6-79
My dear Mr. Naganna
( that is my dad's name)
I met Mr. Yesuratnam on Tuesday and informed him that the wedding will be at Bezwada on July 6th morning at 8:30 at Rotary Club Hall.
We have our Sunday services in this hall and it is a decent hall.
Rs.650/- to Rs700/- will be your reception expenses. As people will be anxious to leave for their offices, soon after the wedding service at 9-45am , the reception will take place and the guests will be given a paper bag with sweet and savory etc and a cup of tea.
Then for the family members and small group there will be dinner at our Bethel prayer hall (where Wednesday and Saturday prayers will be conducted)
(so with other instructions to whom to contact for other particulars was given.)
later it is written
,
Yesuratnam will give a ring to Leelavathi as the token of marriage, I myself gave only a ring at our wedding.
The boy will buy his own clothes and your daughter hers.
With christian greetings and prayer that you will come through fully to the Lord.
Yours in Him
Joshua Daniel
Dont think the matter ended here and I was on the cloud number 9, no not yet. The real time to climb that cloud came later.
22/6/1979 6pm Friday FASTING DAY
Dear Lord.. give me the Spirit of Prayer abundantly.. Lord there are so many minute things that have to be blessed by you .. like,,
Purchasing of saries, gold, travelling , emotions, words, behaviour, reception , my manners and there after life.. ( I saved money for my marriage expenses, and I gave that amount to my dad)
Oh Lord.. I am going to enter in a new life.. Oh my poor heart it shivers inside, Lord, i have so many unknown fears. Lord I donot know who he is, how he looks, his temperment, his views, his way of life.. and I must adjust and content with all that are new hearafter. FAther, do I have that capacity? Can I be successful .. Oh ..yes Lord. yes, //selah//
yes yes Lord, If I love him all things are possible.. Lord let me not hurt him anyway as I often kicked your love foolishly, you have been so patient and so loving .. you are bearing all that I am, Oh Lord I am a weak vessel I donot know how to be obedient. Oh Lord teach me and give me wisdom in this regard.. Lord made me a wise woman, a woman precious than rubies( our wedding message given by Br Joe was on this verse, A woman precious than a Ruby.. from proverbs 31) Help me to walk with Thee from the very first step of my married life..... I LOVE YOU Lord..
in the name of Jesus
Amen
Lord I promise:
If he despises me---I must pray for him earnestly
If he suspects me---I must show myself worthy in You
If he get angry with me--Lord help me to love him more If he makes fun of me---Lord give me forbearance
Lord , If he loves me---Lord help me to love you more and more and be thankful to you. Lord a sort of fear takes hold of me.. I am afraid of this entire new life.. Lord help me..Amen
Yes thus started my preparation of married life, with prayer.. and supplications, pouring all my thoughts and worries at His feet..
The last day before we go to Bezwada was the climax of the story. wait for it.
when I say so, do not think I am telling you a scary Friday 13th stories , or traveling into the dark wood, or wrestling with highway robbers, or jumping from your terrace.
No, No , NO.. " its your attitude, its looking at your life with courage and determination, living in the 'moment' expecting a great result, while waiting in the presence of God"
so far you had the more or less much morose type of my journal accounts of prayer and waiting. One thing I want to tell you very clearly, that I was a good looking and God fearing girl, myself, waiting for a letter of my marriage news from higher authorities; I determinded to be with God alone, no other things, just like I used to prepare for the public exams, I was not talking to any one else, I secluded myself in my lonely room with my bed , easy chair, and table and chair with Bible and ODB and my little red journal and pen. That is all, I entered into this room and the constable used to bring some breakfast and coffee for me, afternoon lunch I used to go out and eat alone on the dining table. and again retreat back into the presence of God, nights i skipped the dinner, and pray late into the nights. Thank God I was a lecturer and we used to have two and half months summer holidays in those days, June is the last month of holidays, College reopenes on 13th of July. So I was spending in His presence to get an answer for which I was praying... !!
Just go back with me, "Why should I pray so much for "the marriage and for a letter?" What made me to pursue so much in prayer? Can't I just pray once and be of myself, jolly go lucky.. every cheerful girl I had been? Remember God spoke to me the very first day that He is going to "confirmeth the word of His servant" If He did not say that , that day, I would not have so much passion to pray for this match.. of course I could have told myself, if not this match another would come, what is there? I have beauty, good structure ( you know I was an Airhostess in Air India for a while) good job with a very good salary, I need not worry for "this match and a letter", why should I?"
The Soveriegn God brings us to the situations to prevail in prayer, heed His voice, and obey Him , then and then only we see His hand in everything. God intended to tell me something, something more than just a promise for the marriage. He made me to taste the first phase of His promise, ( again I thank God for those days, where no concordance and google to get the answers quickly, ) I had to wait upon the Lord patiently and soberly.. There is grace in such periods of time. Wait in the Lord and know that He is good.
Are you ready or not, know that Life is an adventure for those w ho wait upon the Lord. With all the winsomeness and wisdom I had expected I encouraged myself to transform these very common regular situations of life into experiences worth living and adventurous. I all ways question myself.. "Why not?" instead of "Why me?" I learned to capture each moment and savor the present --good or bad . Past never bothered me, no regrets for it, what is done it was done, I learn to embrace to my dreams in faith. I am fond of adventures of this sort, dreams of this big, I like to take risks, rise up to the occasion, and here are my wonderful adventurous stories ( pardon me , they are not juicy stories.. never and ever)
Therefore I have these adventures with God, you too can have them if only you could take time to spend at His feet like that beautiful soul, Mary Magdalene with her alabaster perfume box.
My little red journal records the great news in simple words its a great day, and I had no words to write...20/6/1979 12:30 noon,
Thank you Lord for the date is fixed. Just now we recieved a letter from Br. Joe. You are faithful and caring me. ----Lord I feel still I am in some drowsy reverie, cant come out of the dull and sweet prayer mood of the past few days... Oh Lord, its over, but cannot believe this.. my mind is playing tricks on me..
Lord ... cheer up my heart. its like dream still, as many other dreams I had had during last few days, ... I am not still awaken .. Lord, Oh Lord cheerup my heart .. In Jesus name Amen
6pm: Lord I am so happy.. for you got me through this tunnel. Lord be with me.. I am just happy.. Thank you Jesus!! The letter from br.Joe goes like this::
( wish I could scan it and post it here.. but for the time being i type it as it is)
Coonoor-2
16-6-79
My dear Mr. Naganna
( that is my dad's name)
I met Mr. Yesuratnam on Tuesday and informed him that the wedding will be at Bezwada on July 6th morning at 8:30 at Rotary Club Hall.
We have our Sunday services in this hall and it is a decent hall.
Rs.650/- to Rs700/- will be your reception expenses. As people will be anxious to leave for their offices, soon after the wedding service at 9-45am , the reception will take place and the guests will be given a paper bag with sweet and savory etc and a cup of tea.
Then for the family members and small group there will be dinner at our Bethel prayer hall (where Wednesday and Saturday prayers will be conducted)
(so with other instructions to whom to contact for other particulars was given.)
later it is written
,
Yesuratnam will give a ring to Leelavathi as the token of marriage, I myself gave only a ring at our wedding.
The boy will buy his own clothes and your daughter hers.
With christian greetings and prayer that you will come through fully to the Lord.
Yours in Him
Joshua Daniel
Dont think the matter ended here and I was on the cloud number 9, no not yet. The real time to climb that cloud came later.
22/6/1979 6pm Friday FASTING DAY
Dear Lord.. give me the Spirit of Prayer abundantly.. Lord there are so many minute things that have to be blessed by you .. like,,
Purchasing of saries, gold, travelling , emotions, words, behaviour, reception , my manners and there after life.. ( I saved money for my marriage expenses, and I gave that amount to my dad)
Oh Lord.. I am going to enter in a new life.. Oh my poor heart it shivers inside, Lord, i have so many unknown fears. Lord I donot know who he is, how he looks, his temperment, his views, his way of life.. and I must adjust and content with all that are new hearafter. FAther, do I have that capacity? Can I be successful .. Oh ..yes Lord. yes, //selah//
yes yes Lord, If I love him all things are possible.. Lord let me not hurt him anyway as I often kicked your love foolishly, you have been so patient and so loving .. you are bearing all that I am, Oh Lord I am a weak vessel I donot know how to be obedient. Oh Lord teach me and give me wisdom in this regard.. Lord made me a wise woman, a woman precious than rubies( our wedding message given by Br Joe was on this verse, A woman precious than a Ruby.. from proverbs 31) Help me to walk with Thee from the very first step of my married life..... I LOVE YOU Lord..
in the name of Jesus
Amen
Lord I promise:
If he despises me---I must pray for him earnestly
If he suspects me---I must show myself worthy in You
If he get angry with me--Lord help me to love him more If he makes fun of me---Lord give me forbearance
Lord , If he loves me---Lord help me to love you more and more and be thankful to you. Lord a sort of fear takes hold of me.. I am afraid of this entire new life.. Lord help me..Amen
Yes thus started my preparation of married life, with prayer.. and supplications, pouring all my thoughts and worries at His feet..
The last day before we go to Bezwada was the climax of the story. wait for it.
I started
this posting with the sentence that Life is an adventure, yes it is when you
take the 'moment ' of life and transforms it into prayer and expectation of the
answer from Him . Try it and see it how it would be , I challenge you , God is
faithful to take you into many more adventures... Life would be thrilling ..
then
·
Kusuma Vangala Aunty
ur marriage day and my sons birthday are same...
·
Kusuma Vangala I
mean month and day
·
Leelavathi
Malaka Sooo u will rem me all through ur life on ur son 's
birthday
,
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