Yes, those were the good old days, we did not have updated concordances with us, we did not have google to search for that particular verse.. I heard "The Lord confirmeth of His servant." So frantically I enquired two senior counselors but they could not help me. But I recorded my prayer and the promise in this little red journal book which is in front me now to extract those prayers and answers for the benifit of our freinds here and for my own renewal of faith.
Before closing the retreat, my father also was called by Br. Joe and was informed about this match. It seems Mr. Yesuratnam and my father were introduced to one another, but I did not see him. Nor I was interested to see him. Br. Joe told my dad, that the marriage would take place in the next month, that is month of June,'79. He told my dad very clearly, that he would write a letter to him shortly giving the details of the wedding. He asked him to wait for the letter.
Recently I talked to a girl who told me that her marriage date was on 6th June... with this information, I understood that certain times the weddings took place even in prayer month.
I think my fiance' saw me while I was walking with dad in the retreat.
so after God talked to me thus, I recorded my prayer in this little red journal book
25/5/1979
7pm
Lord I do not know who he is ..what he is.. I heard that he is a godly man..and I believe the words of your servant..for you confirmeth them. I am not seeking for presitge, degrees, beauty or status or good background-Lord only one thing I beg you, Lord "let me not be ashamed and let not my enemies triumph over me"-- I determined to be faithful to him and not to be a stumbling block to him. I determined to love him by all means, in every moment for your sake, Lord be with me.---Lord only thing I ask you in him is, " I want that he could be a leader, a strong support in all family affairs, and be a true servant of thine, who loves you and you alone...more... than me, Lord !
Lord you know this has been the desire of my heart since I have known you... you have been faithful to me always.. Lord, my God I trust you, that you will give more than I wanted--"Your Best for me"--those things that I cannot estimate now Lord confirm my trust in You--in Jesus name Amen & Amen
"The Lord confirmeth the words of His servant" --I could not find these words in my Bible. But my heart rested there. ..Meanwhile I got some other promise
"Believe in the Lord your God, so shall ye be established, believe his prophets so shall ye prosper."--2 chronicles 20:20
30/5/1979 9pm
Lord some how great fear takes hold of me. I do wonder of my future --will this marriage takes place? Is he going to turn over me? am I going to be ashamed?
---Lord all these are negative thought... thoughts without faith, Lord please help me.. I am shivering like a dove in the wilderness... I need your shelter Lord.. Give me peace.. let me hear good tidings of good news... soon. let this be over soon... Lord shield me and hide me father.,...
....thou shall know that I am the Lord; for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me"
4/6/1979 8pm Monday
Lord I want a promise from you to start my new life with 'him' . not that I do not believe the promises that you have already given to me... In fact every promise in Thine Holy Book seems to be only for me. but I ask you for a special promise. This is for the steadiness of my heart. So that I would not be easily dwindeled by the evil one, later---Lord make me to stand on firm ground... help me to build my house on the Rock of Promise... I thank you for you are not 'yea' and 'nay', but in Him was 'yea'. for all the promises of God in him are 'yea', and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us
2Cor 1:19,20
I thank you Lord for our hope is steadfast, and you are God fo all comfort. who comforteth us in all our tribulation 2 Cor 1:7,3,4
6/6/1979 wed
..."this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you"
Faithful is he that (1 Thes 5:18,24) calleth you, who also will do it." .
God shall supply your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus Phil 4:19
11am
Thus saith, the Lord, even the CAPTIVES of the mighty shall be taken away, and the Prey of the terrible shall be delivered; for I will contend with him that contendeth with thee, and I will save thy children, and I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh.. and all flesh know that I the Lord am thy Saviour and thy Redeemer , the mighty one of Jacob... and thou shall know that I am the Lord, for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me. (Isa 49:25, 26,23)
I had all these promises while I fast and pray in this month of prayer.about my marriage, but my heart was seeking for that first promise, "the Lord confirmeth the word of His servant "...But no I could not find it....
But as a family, all of us were waiting for the promised letter from Br Joe about this wedding and his instructions to get ready.
Thank God those were not the days like these days, we did not have mobiles, phones, or emails, to call others and enquire the things, we cannot go around and ask every one to know the reason for not receiving any letter from him. You remember in one of the last blogs, while I was writing about Evil spirits how they try to overcome us , even by bringing bad name to us by trapping us in some unwanted situations and make us humiliated and insulted. That fear was there in my mind too... what is happening any where? what will happen ? why this silence? why there is no letter from brother still, he said clearly that the wedding would take place in this month, but no letter from him means... what? am i going to put to shame? all ready many people come to know that my marriage would be in this month, in the retreat it self, some of the old friends all ready asked me about it... now where shall I put my face if it does not take place.. because of the tricks of the evil one....!?
we were waiting for the postman 10 0'clock post
2 0' clock post and 4 0'clock post... every day...but in vain.. no letter, without the letter we could not prepare any thing, wedding cards, dresses etc etc. This would be the first christian wedding in our families... and I never saw any christian wedding before too. So the anxiety knew no bounds.... all of us were waiting and waiting... nobody is talking to any body, all of us are waiting for the postman three times a day. Soon after dad came from the Office he enquires, ' any letter from brother?' 'no' was the answer ringing in the air. The couple who were leading the center, Mr. and Mrs Jacob also were waiting and praying for me. They too were asking us every week Wednesday and Saturday and Sunday answer is ...no no no...
8/6/1979 Friday
Lord you want to teach me something?
Why this silence? ---Lord help me to learn everything you want me to learn... Lord only thing I beg you let me not betray you any more....even at the level of my thoughts, Help me to be faithful to you till my last breath, Often I remember my follies , my unfaithfulness and I am discouraged... Lord is this from you?? Lord is this from you???? Is this silence from You? If this obstacle is from satan I bind all the powers of darkness in Thy precious name Jesus Christ. Restore my faith in Thee Lord. Is this Silence from You Lord?? Is this silence from you Lord????
"--It is I, be not afraid"(John 6:20)
---God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to hear it (1Cor 10:13)
-----nevertheless I am not ashamed for I know whom I have believed, and am presuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day (2Tim 1:12)
continuation:-----God was preparing well .. for this marriage, He tested my faith, my patience, my longing for Him my desire to build His kingdom through this marriage, He wanted to prepare me for that purpose.
Remember Marriage should not be for selfish purpose, it should be for the glory of God, if it is not, it wont last for many days... we have to repent if we had involved in marriage without much preparation of prayer, then God will do a miracle in our lives. The goal and motive behind married life should be for His glory and for His kingdom... When God teaches let us be learners,.... and wait upon Him....wait for the next episode....
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
GOOD LOOKING & GOD FEARING (PART 1)
I knelt and praying, all others rushed to Tuck shop, where chacko bars were sold for lesser price by uncle Chakravarthy, Rtd. Revenue Officer. Once in a year we used to had had hearts'full ice creams, samosas. We used to save money for these wonderful days where we could pray , take rest, and spend time in His presence.
But that day somehow I did not feel to go to much loved Tuckshop, I was kneeling and praying, after awhile, I just sat there in a pensive mood; waiting the next Bible History session to be started.
Suddenly I heard the voice of Br. Joe, calling me by my name. 'Sister.Leela'--I got up quickly and approached him who was standing on the dais as sual his hands resting on his waist, tall and strong in crisp white shirt.
He is much older to me 20+ for whom I had much regard and honour. He was a man of God. I met him first when I was 20 years old, and he 42 years old, jubilant , vibrant, zealous for God, winning the souls. My first meeting was strange, everyday for 10 days I used to go to the dais and ask him, to pray for me for a blessing. I met his sister, his mother at my confession table. Three were working together, it was in the year 1974 strange, meet , it was.
When he called me thus in the May Retreat, 1979 still his concern for me did not decrease a bit. He treated me as his own daughter, how the days turned into weeks, months, years till 2000.. was a phase in the history of Lef, and my life . I cant escape LEF its my life for so many years from 1974 to 2004 and after for some more years. My life is intertwined with it , with its staff, with its evangelists, with its teachings.
I write just as they took place in my life. I cannot hide anything, nor can I color anything, I cannot pretend that all was well with it, for surely it was not.
for certain period of times, the religion walked in silver slippers, and certain other times it walked in rags shamelessly. If I pretend all is well all the time, or say everything is dirt all the time I have to give an account not to you but to the Lord whom I serve.
Never you think that I wrote these things only now. I wrote these things in a Telugu Magazine "AMMAVODI'"( in the lap of mother) all these things came in our mother toungue, I never was afraid then nor now. I posted these long ago in my blog... Now I share on FB , I do not know what I would do later with the guidance of the Lord, may be I publish a book? Hope to do so. Because the colors of the men and organization was changed from time to time. but the word of God was constant and His guidance was clear, His love is never changing, and He is the same yesterday , today and forever.
I like people talk maturely, not immaturely, I found the members in our group who comment were well educated and highly principled, and children of God, so I present the dealings of God here , so that you would see the love of God for a retched one like me even, and thus get strengthen much more in gaining more faith.
Faith could not be argued. It should not be. If we think we argue about Faith means, we are lesser human beings and should shiver in front of God.
I believe these series would take me another 5 or 6 parts in coming days.
coming to the main thread of the first part of this episode, I reached him briskly and wished him. He was smiling and looking down at me who stood at the end of the dais, and said, ' "Sister, There is a Good Looking and God Fearing , drafts man working in Railways, you pray for your marriage with this chap"---I did not know what to say, but he turned the other way round before I opened my mouth to say anything as somebody approached him to speak.
I was shocked, I was bewildered and I had no words to speak.
Only thing I could do was going into the presence of God and spread the thoughts at His beautiful feet. He is a friend who would listen to us anything and everything and He would not keep quiet without giving an answer to us. "What a friend we have in Jesus -all our sins and griefs to bear-what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer" Often the human soul want to take chances, own intelligence, strength and support of others to solve things, to plan and to grab. Never it could take a minute before it could do go to Him first and foremost. Only if we could do that we will get His rout map to go in this life.
so the first thing I did was just knelt at His feet and talk to Him about this most important decision in my life. Anything could be taken back, but not the marriage, once I came back from the job which was not for me, but marriage...?
So I prayed...I would like to put the lines from my red little journal book where I posted all my prayers, date wise, and hour wise certain times. How my Friend patiently bore with me and How lovingly he answered me sweetly and steadily into His will.
I prayed, Lord, your servant said that ,'he is good looking and God fearing, is it true. I heard many people pretend that they are very godly and god fearing in front of thine servants, how to know whether that person is really god fearing.. ok tell me Lord do you also will tell me that this particular person is God fearing as your servant uttered? if so please tell me.
No sooner I prayed thus, and with many other words, the session started again, and
I was writing the message given by Br.Joe sitting on the mat word by word and sentence by sentence... my pen slipped off , from my fingers for no reason, searching for it, I heard the Man of God was shouting at the pitch of his voice, "Yes the Lord confirmeth the word of His servant"----It jerked my whole being, I picked the pen and sit straight to look upinto the face of the man of God, cant remember what happend later, but I knew one thing that the Lord answered my prayer instantly , and I knew that this man is right one for me.
But I wanted to see this verse in the BIBLE... I should LOOK into the BOOK whatever God tells me it should be from His Word, the guidance cannot come from any thing else. Only His word is the rock on which my life should be built, storms may come and go, But His peace will be mine.
25/5/1979 Fasted and prayed and recorded my prayer in that little red journal book. and I noted down the promise I heard that The Lord confirmeth the word of His servant.
later for many days, I searched for that particular promise in the Bible while fasting and praying... but in vain.-----read the prayers recorded and answers I got except the promise... in next episodes....!!!
But that day somehow I did not feel to go to much loved Tuckshop, I was kneeling and praying, after awhile, I just sat there in a pensive mood; waiting the next Bible History session to be started.
Suddenly I heard the voice of Br. Joe, calling me by my name. 'Sister.Leela'--I got up quickly and approached him who was standing on the dais as sual his hands resting on his waist, tall and strong in crisp white shirt.
He is much older to me 20+ for whom I had much regard and honour. He was a man of God. I met him first when I was 20 years old, and he 42 years old, jubilant , vibrant, zealous for God, winning the souls. My first meeting was strange, everyday for 10 days I used to go to the dais and ask him, to pray for me for a blessing. I met his sister, his mother at my confession table. Three were working together, it was in the year 1974 strange, meet , it was.
When he called me thus in the May Retreat, 1979 still his concern for me did not decrease a bit. He treated me as his own daughter, how the days turned into weeks, months, years till 2000.. was a phase in the history of Lef, and my life . I cant escape LEF its my life for so many years from 1974 to 2004 and after for some more years. My life is intertwined with it , with its staff, with its evangelists, with its teachings.
I write just as they took place in my life. I cannot hide anything, nor can I color anything, I cannot pretend that all was well with it, for surely it was not.
for certain period of times, the religion walked in silver slippers, and certain other times it walked in rags shamelessly. If I pretend all is well all the time, or say everything is dirt all the time I have to give an account not to you but to the Lord whom I serve.
Never you think that I wrote these things only now. I wrote these things in a Telugu Magazine "AMMAVODI'"( in the lap of mother) all these things came in our mother toungue, I never was afraid then nor now. I posted these long ago in my blog... Now I share on FB , I do not know what I would do later with the guidance of the Lord, may be I publish a book? Hope to do so. Because the colors of the men and organization was changed from time to time. but the word of God was constant and His guidance was clear, His love is never changing, and He is the same yesterday , today and forever.
I like people talk maturely, not immaturely, I found the members in our group who comment were well educated and highly principled, and children of God, so I present the dealings of God here , so that you would see the love of God for a retched one like me even, and thus get strengthen much more in gaining more faith.
Faith could not be argued. It should not be. If we think we argue about Faith means, we are lesser human beings and should shiver in front of God.
I believe these series would take me another 5 or 6 parts in coming days.
coming to the main thread of the first part of this episode, I reached him briskly and wished him. He was smiling and looking down at me who stood at the end of the dais, and said, ' "Sister, There is a Good Looking and God Fearing , drafts man working in Railways, you pray for your marriage with this chap"---I did not know what to say, but he turned the other way round before I opened my mouth to say anything as somebody approached him to speak.
I was shocked, I was bewildered and I had no words to speak.
Only thing I could do was going into the presence of God and spread the thoughts at His beautiful feet. He is a friend who would listen to us anything and everything and He would not keep quiet without giving an answer to us. "What a friend we have in Jesus -all our sins and griefs to bear-what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer" Often the human soul want to take chances, own intelligence, strength and support of others to solve things, to plan and to grab. Never it could take a minute before it could do go to Him first and foremost. Only if we could do that we will get His rout map to go in this life.
so the first thing I did was just knelt at His feet and talk to Him about this most important decision in my life. Anything could be taken back, but not the marriage, once I came back from the job which was not for me, but marriage...?
So I prayed...I would like to put the lines from my red little journal book where I posted all my prayers, date wise, and hour wise certain times. How my Friend patiently bore with me and How lovingly he answered me sweetly and steadily into His will.
I prayed, Lord, your servant said that ,'he is good looking and God fearing, is it true. I heard many people pretend that they are very godly and god fearing in front of thine servants, how to know whether that person is really god fearing.. ok tell me Lord do you also will tell me that this particular person is God fearing as your servant uttered? if so please tell me.
No sooner I prayed thus, and with many other words, the session started again, and
I was writing the message given by Br.Joe sitting on the mat word by word and sentence by sentence... my pen slipped off , from my fingers for no reason, searching for it, I heard the Man of God was shouting at the pitch of his voice, "Yes the Lord confirmeth the word of His servant"----It jerked my whole being, I picked the pen and sit straight to look upinto the face of the man of God, cant remember what happend later, but I knew one thing that the Lord answered my prayer instantly , and I knew that this man is right one for me.
But I wanted to see this verse in the BIBLE... I should LOOK into the BOOK whatever God tells me it should be from His Word, the guidance cannot come from any thing else. Only His word is the rock on which my life should be built, storms may come and go, But His peace will be mine.
25/5/1979 Fasted and prayed and recorded my prayer in that little red journal book. and I noted down the promise I heard that The Lord confirmeth the word of His servant.
later for many days, I searched for that particular promise in the Bible while fasting and praying... but in vain.-----read the prayers recorded and answers I got except the promise... in next episodes....!!!
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