umm its me again simple, and steady....

wow its me 17 years old-photoscript

I was 17 years old then, i was called as Babitha , a Hindi cine heroin, in college, i used to have big lovely eyes, and beautiful structure, i was very happy girl all the time, i knew cylcling, rifling, basketball playing i was the most fashionable girl in the tow, i still remember that was my 17th birth day, i bought light blue cotton sary and i stiched the blouse i wore , in those days i used to work on sewing machine a lot, i used to stich panjabi dresses, and do embroidary also ... wow i myself appreciate those talents of mine at that age,....do u appreciate me too? if so plz leave a comment..here

my dad and my velvet jacket-photoscript

oh lovely little family, mom was always beautiful and graceful, steady and dignified, lovely and comely, she is having Pedda in her lap, and aunty was there behind me, she was one of the members of our family she came to our home when she was 9 years old, we were in Madras at that time . she was my best friend always, we both used to play , quarrel all the time. yet we never could be away from each other, i was allways her pet, and she is my heroin, we both used to spen time together chit chating and playing. and here is my dad, my hero, the great one, i was so happy all the time to be with him i sat cozily beside him , he was giving instructions to the photographer, and i leaned upon him a little, actullly i was sitting on the edges of the two chairs on which my dad and mom sat, my dad while he was talking to the photographer, he was finguring on my velvet jacket, i sat quietly,and without any movement, fearing if i move he may stop that finger to move on my jacket. i liked the way he touches the velvet of the jacket of mine. it was so secure, and comfortable, i liked the way dad always takes care of me... i miss him so much now, oh why and why i lost him before i returned all that love he had given me, i am regretting .. now .. but no use....

Pedda baby in lap(invisible)photoscript

It was me proudly holding my little sister Nirmaladevi in my lap, though, i lost her in the photo, i still remeber how carefully i hold the little bundle , i was told that my little sister was born in the 7th month , a premature baby, and in those days it was a miracle to have such infact in the home. The doctors were Britishers, in Kuglar's hospital, gunter, they told my dad that they did not have any hope of the baby life, so they asked him to leave the baby in the hospital , but dad never gave up his hope, he did not take his step back asked the doctors to keep the baby in the incubater, and later shift her to home. i still have those memories how dad used to take care of Peddababy, that is Nirmala devi at home. He used to enjoy while the baby crawls, and used to call her 'my mom" very fondly. here i am with that little one making my dad happy for i too wanted to take care of her thus showing her in my lap in that photo

Nawab,-Photoscript

I still remember how a constable who was with us, in our bunglow to take care of me, all the time. His name was Nawab, he used to prepare aththar, perfume and bring the little bottles to us, i was very fond of him because he was so careful in dealing with all my tantrums, without a complaint, he used to take care of me while my mom was busy in the kitchen and dad was in the office, In those days taking a photo was a costly affair, but i was told that Nawab took me to the photo studio and took this photograph of mine. i will never forget him.God bless his soul.

obstinate little leela-photoscript

dad and mom wanted to have a photograph of mine, so in those days the photographer used to come home with big stand on which the camera is to be fixed , he used to take a dark black cloth and cover himself and the stand with camera and used to take the photo, taking the photo atleast consumes 10 to 15 minutes, till then we used to sit or stand like a statue, until the photographer emerges out and tells us the photo taking process was over. to get a copy of that photo it would take another 10 to 15 days,
this photo was taken when i was 4 years old, it seems i was so fascinated by the specticles used by the photographer, so insisted that i should have those looking glasses, it seems my dad tried to stop me from grabing the spectecles from the photographer, but he could not succeeded, ultimately with a triumphant smile on my face i took hold of those spectecles in my hand , stood on stool and showed my teeth as a fose for the photo, here i goooo......

Da Vanci Code=my fist encounter with word of God

              I was in dilemma in my spiritual search. I knew that there is one and true, living and loving God in my heart of hearts, who is the Creator and Loving Father who cares for us, all the time. But somehow, the literature I studied made me skeptic and doubtful of His contact with me. Therefore I searched for lesser ways of touching the Supernatural Power.

             I visited almost all types of worshiping places, Hindu, Muslim, Catholic, Protestant, and Sikh. I was keen in finding His presence in one of those worshipping places. Idols or rituals did not satisfy my appetite and hunger for God. No religion or rituals could fill the void in my heart. Life’s disappointments made me unbalanced in my thinking; but, nevertheless, I tried my level best to contact the Supernatural Power by any means within reach, I was almost at the brink of falling into the trap of witch craft, I requested the help of one of my uncles to learn of this with craft. He said he would help me, because he himself is an idol worshiper and hated Christ.

        I knew that Faith is all that matter. God the loving Father gives whatever we ask if only wait upon Him in faith. But powers of darkness never allowed me to stay over at that point. 

             I still remember how vividly God gave this mustard size of faith once upon a time.

           “That was a beautiful incident in my life that I never could forget. I did my final B.A exams almost well. My study habits were very strict and I was aiming to do PG and work for my livelihood by all means. Therefore I did not yield for any proposals brought up by my dad to give me away in marriage. As I said before, it was my wont to read a few lines in Bible and spend a few minutes in prayer before I start preparing for the exams, everyday. Therefore there was a small Bible, along with my class books, which was given by Ruth if I remember well.

           It was 1973 , month of May, I was writing the Final B A exams, I prepared very well for the III paper in literature, somehow I left out 3 questions which I felt nothing but nonsense and not very important. Instead of wasting my time to learn those 3 answers I thought I should be thorough with the rest of the syllabus for the exam and I can leave those questions in choice if any one of the three appears in the question paper. They give 5 questions in one section of the question paper and I have to write 4 out of the 5... Questions.

   

             But the next day in the examination hall, I still remember the place I sat and the shock I got when I looked into the question paper. Out of 5 questions the 3 questions I left out without studying were there right in front of me. It means I have no other go but to attempt them as the other two also are not very well known to me.

           As these section of questions bear half of the marks of the exam , I knew I would not do well in the exam, and when I started to answer, my mind became numb and blank and I did not have any hope that I would get through my Final Degree exams.

           But in those days I had a principle that I should never let any one knew that I was sad or shed the tears publicly. I was as hard as a co-co nut outside. So in order t avoid any one to peep into my heart I used to be appeared very jovial and happy-go-lucky girl, to every other one.

        So I was joking with my closest friend after coming out of the exam hall, “Hey Radha, hi Helen, shall we meet again in September supplementary,  shall we choose the center for exam in this place only or some other place?” Nobody knews the disappointment or the tears in my heart.

       But once I stepped into my room at home, with the books for the IV paper of the Literature, I just

 could not stop the tears from my eyes.

 I was crying bitterly, My mother peeped into my room and understood my situation and queried my ‘ you did not write the exam well…right” I had no words , I could not say ‘yes’ even, I was overwhelmed with grief. That was the first time, my mother  told me ‘to pray’ –she said “Leela pray “, and she left me alone closing the door softly. I grabbed the Bible that was with me, I had a daily portion of the bible to be read for that day yet.

 So I looked into the daily portion, and it falls at Lamentations. I felt it was quiet appropriate for me as I was in fact lamenting in my heart. Immediately,  the title of the portion itself comforted me very much, It was Lamentations 3:20-33 …..my soul is downcast within me, Yet this call to mind therefore I have hope, Because of the Lord is great we are not consumed, for his compassion s never fail they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for man to bear the yoke while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust—there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him and let him be filled with disgrace. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love for he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

        Wow that is such a direct word for me from the Lord, yes my soul is downcast within me….yea His compassion never fail , they are new every morning…

     .( that is a great solace for me) well it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord…( for me salvation means just my exams, at that time) so I have to be quiet;  no more tears... I wiped the tears on my cheeks, oh is it good to bear the yoke? Of course I am young, and yes Lord I will bear... it... I told the Lord, He says ‘there may yet be hope, wow “though he brings grief, he will show compassion… ohhh ‘he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to me… I was so much consoled by those verses…

          Immediately all my turmoil in the heart subsided, and felt great peace in me, no more tears, no more fears, I just was quiet in my mind , the room was so silent , so is my heart, mind, soul, great serenity encompassed me,.

              Peace beyond understanding ..no anxiety for tomorrow my heart was like the sea shore after a great storm., serene , sweet, and rhythmic , full of life , with that wonderful disposition I took the text books for the next day exam, I could concentrate on what I was studying, I knew He was there with me, and His presence was with me, yes, I  prepared for the exam knowing that I would do it better, it was the IV paper of the literature I answered the paper 100% correctly, as it was the paper of Poetry and Grammar , I answered the paper as if the texts were just in front of me opened , I could is every comma , full stop in my mind’s eye I recollected it so accurately and I did the exam so well.

              But I knew that I spoiled the III paper, and I was in constant fear of failing the exams, but I was keeping on telling me the verses from the Bible and I was keeping that seed of faith God planted in my heart that day.

            I was waiting for the results, with great hope and waiting for the good result of salvation from God, with my own understanding. I was trying in my own way to please God, by reading Bible and praying for a minute and waiting upon the Lord with faith...

           That surpassing “Peace” I encountered on my knees that particular day was beyond description. That has become my wont since then, in Life’s turmoil’s, and in Life’ across roads, the lord has been so compassionate and His love never failed me. 

           Whenever I have questions and anxieties I learned to pour out them at His feet. This human heart is so deceitful; it would not surrender to Him instantly. Unless it struggle in its own way to find its own solutions, or lean upon some body , a human help it struggle in its own way to find its own solutions, through crooked roads trails and tests, temptations and errors of human weak life.

        But it would never come to the ever opened arms of the sweet savior.

`What is this DA VANCI CODE?

All Rubbish—Even if it is true as it claims the SECRET and defiles His purity –who cares? His pierced hands, His love His presence at any moment of your supplication is enough proof that He is raised Lord. Sinner like me who accept their weaknesses and who realizes His authority over sin and death could approach Him at any given time and live victorious life. That amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.

           I once was blind but now I see” is the enough proof that He lives and reigns over His purity of love, His amazing grace, His benevolent blessings day by day in the wonderful flowers showers upon us every moment of the life, but only to those who plead for them.

            So that was the very first time. God tried to reach me through His word, because I searched for His comfort. That was the very first time that I ever could exercise ‘faith’ in His Omnipotence. That was the first time that I ever experienced, ‘His Peace” which was beyond understanding. And that was the first time that I even learned to trust His living word. That was the first time that even found victory in my struggle for existence.

            And that was the third time; I ever could enjoy His presence, after my first encounter at my 4th year 2 nd encounter at the age of 10 years. This 3^rd encounter of enjoying his presence took place in my life at the age of 19 years.

           You will be only fooled if you think that I became ardent and faithful Christian with these encounters with Him- nay human soul is always captive of the evil one- unless and until it chose to follow Him constantly there wont be victory in life. 

        Basically human heart is filled with magnetic power; it attracts so very easily the iron pieces of life. Unless and until we cleanse the heart in the ever flowing blood of the savior it would not and could not attract golden pieces of life.

            Some body said ‘God gives us white note book and asks us to write our decision to love Him or reject Him on a paper in the middle of the book, before we sign that particular decision, we write our life, after the decision He writes our book. What a sweet explanation about human life human tendency and compatibility of doing things, his decision with God and the rest of life according to His will.

               So as the great philosophers viewpoints all combined in one single picture of the above description. 

             Some philosophers say that life in our own doing, everything in our capacity, our will power, and our talent.

            Some other philosophers say that life in a faith, it is completely” predestined’ everything is written down in our foreheads before we are born. Or reborn unknowingly this theory proclaiming rebirth of spirit.

                  These two theories are two aces of one coin that is the decision you or I take at a given situation every turn of life has this vacant place, to ‘sing in’ to ‘decide’, to ‘let go’ to ‘yield and to surrender .Then and then only the rest of the life will be according to His plan and purpose.

                And there lies ‘peace’ His peace not the peace that is given by the world- but we have His peace- beyond understanding.

for Visa to go to USA--photoscript

Fifty years old

.Testimony-examphobia

Sh 4

….and many others became my friends. I started to learn Indian classical dance Bharatha Nat yam and started to see Hindi films, my first Hindi film was in my 6^th class “Taj Mahal” now once again it was started with “Phool aur Pathar”. And now altogether a new life pattern slowly started to drift away from parents and that soft inner voice. Life is after all to enjoy that was my principle . I was doing good in my studies so nobody have any problem with me. But I was not happy with myself. There started some void in my heart. Gods presence once I had in heart was no more. I am trying tofill it with friendships, good for nothing friendships of course. It was teenage, everything was new, every relation has had influence on my personality. Keen observation pervaded my whole life., reading books seeing movies all that interested to me.

I used to get some night mares in the night, the only way I can get rid of them was praying aloud that in the name of Jesus the Devil should run away. And so it was, I had victory over the Evil one through the wonderful name of Jesus.

That was the only anchor I have had in those days, till I met Him personally and invited Him into my heart. During those days of His absence, my life did not have any meaning, I did not have any goal I did not know who I was and what I was doing on this earth. So when I found that there was none to help me, ii thought I should need the help of some supernatural Power. Who was that Power , where I would get , I did not know. Because of my twisted life I dared not to call upon the Holy name of Jesus.

In my childhood days my maternal uncle B.V Raju made us to buy a Holy Bible and it was there always in one of the shelves of our home. My mother used to visit any church once in any year to pay her vow of an offering. Lalitha my childhood friend used to take me to her house on Christmas day and used to give me good food. Johanna Mahimardhini once invited me to some Revival meetings, wherein Br. Solen Braken conducted massive Healing meetings. I sat right in front of stage and I was awestricken by the way he powerfully using the name of Jesus to heal the blind, deaf and lame. First time I realized that threw was such a Power in His name. And I told myself f at all there is aged, He is only Jesus Christ. They gave me some magazines connected to the Revival Meetings. And I kept them very carefully , for about 6 years, until I found my Lord personally., though they do not mean any thing to me, I just kept them very very carefully, because I could not understand them then. Only after I met the lord and had the experience of Born again I could understand those papers.

Later in my college days, the literature I studied had immense impact on my personality. Especially the writings of Bertrand Russell’s musings on the existence of God pacified my troubling heart. . I made myself like a rock and find great fun in calling myself as agnostic as Russell called himself.

If God is there He is there somewhere up in the sky and I do not bother about me. After all He is such a Big God with Gig universe to take care of. It’s funny to think that He knows me and takes care of m. I do not call my self as Atheist or Theist but I found fancy in calling me as agnostic. And that gave me a great solace. I was invited to a prayer meeting in the college and after attending it I knew they different and very religious people. Like them but not to the people like me and so I thought religion was for the people like them but not for me. So I avoided those meetings and their invitations. My Lecturer or my friends could not win me over the influence of my friend Radha. I got acquainted with medical students lalitha and Mercy. I thought those were very pious and touch me not type and my calss mate Ruth was an object of wonder to me. Why this girl never wear any jewllary or fashionable, whys he spends so much time reading the Bible. What is in it? I tried to read it but could not understand one iota of it. Once she showed me one sentencein Bible “ there is no one righteous,nay, not even one” from the epistle to Romans. That I like very much

The only fear in my life was about the exams, I never afride for anything or for any one. I was sure that I need extra power and wisdom only from some one who in Heaven. That I was sure of it. I had a custom of reading Bible and praying for help in the exams . it was my wont. So God has His own way of winning me back. It was amzing. How He wond me you will read in next pages.

Leela the dignified among the three

Leela the eldest pose

Leela the naive with sis s

Leela the innocent

Leela unchanted

Fashionable Leela in college days

Tomboy Leela in college days

Praise God, for i have completed 57 years, and entered into 58th year... there is this little princess Keerthana beside me looking keenly at the Birthday cake , wondering 'wow even grannies like this person celebrate birthdays? haha ha and beside her, her mom and my source of courage and role model Soundharya... she is there enjoying the moment along with me. you may be wondering why i said that she is my role model, indeed though she is much younger to me, though she was my student long long back, i saw her growing with many a problems in life but never she showed a trace of sadness to others, and only because of her i picked up courage to learn driving the car. when i sold my Fiat she volunteered to pick me up to college and to home every day. she took care of mentally ill mom till the end and still looking after physically handicapped father still along with adopting a little girl when she was 2 days old... God bless her and let her be a blessing to many more in future.
Then besides her stood Madhavi , a close and bosom friend of mine, she was the one who cared for me in my bereavement days.. and still she is, she was so patient with me all the time and took the pains to show me OOty and conoor walking with me tolerating my aching legs slow pacing ... she and me visited Bangalore so many times and she had been such a good company, many a times she brought food for me in the journeys just like my own daughter she took care of me.. how can i explain this strange relationship... wow she is wonderful girl.. God bless her.
and there is American boy ... we call him so , a pet name, who was the one who planned that big cool cake for my birthday, 'mom if it is aunty's birthday we should plan some thing wonderful for her ,"was his joyful statement as soon as he recievd the invitation for birthday dinner.. God bless this little one for i have been blessed very much by this little loving friend.
Chandhu, madhavi's dear hubby, he speaks so lovingly just as his wife Madhavi , allways assuring me of his assistance giving me great boost for my spirits.

Baradhwaja great old friend, since a long time who takes care of my financial matters by saving my money in right Lic schemes.. since my dear hubby was there. He and his wife Rajyalaxmi are such good friends ... and there were Anila, Murali Madhu likha and Chakravathy ...i will write about them in the next post.. for the time being this is enough.... otherwise it would be too late again....

SWEET TEENAGE

Once I completed my 13^th year the life has been changed all together; the influence of friends was too much to resist. Till then only mom, dad, and sisters and my classmates were in my world. No body had any influence in my life, except what my aunt Vipparthi Kanthamma, a teacher who had introduced me to the love and power of Jesus Christ in my 4^th year of life. She used to tell me the life history of Jesus Christ and taught me how to pray. She wrote a few lines of prayer before going to bed, and before eating food etc and made me to learn by heart, and recite it every day. She used to write letters to me in special way enquiring me about my prayer life and giving me instructions to lead a good life .She did it for a long time till I finished my elementary school. I still wonder how gracefully and meticulously she planted the seed of Truth in my tender age. I wonder how important it is to give Christ to the tender aged children so that they would choose the right path in their lives when they grow up.

And there was my aunty, my mom’s sister Kanthamani always giving me unconditional love to me. She never scolded me or judged me. She is always there for me to listen to me and to accept me.

Yes, friends influence life. In my case these friends were not my classmates, they were family friends, much older to me, College girls, who were very fashionable and dashing and know for their shrewdness. I never had a chance before to talk to college girls, and as this was the first time I started to like them very much, and learn the ways of their lifestyle. My parents always had soft corner for them as they lost their mother, and not in good financial position, they used to borrow one thing or the other from us. But when mom was not around they used to tell me that my mom was old fashioned and I must dress up in modern way and comb my hair in fashionable way etc.

I thought I should imitate them as they had influenced me a lot. Along with them I got new friends, a close knit band of them Jyothsna, Johanna Mahimardhini, Sudha, and many of them. We as teenagers had all the fun in the world, as all of them were Christians I used to go to church on Christmas day. I started to learn Indian Classical Dance, Bharatha Natyam, every morning. Attracted to Hindi films; just after 13 years, my life pattern had been changed all to gather in great fathom of style.

Everything is new, I was one of the 4 girls in the town who can ride on a cycle. slowly I started to drift away from parents and the inner voice of mine. I learned to believe that life is after all to enjoy and films and friends, and fashions were bewitching me. I started to listen to cylone channel and some other English channels in Radio intently, and started to improve my accent in the language. I used to go to Reserve Police parade ground to learn Volley Ball but never could bear the strain of learning it. I was too delicate to do any hard work. I started to grow slim, tall, and beautiful to look at. Everything in the world was new to me, I was just enjoying a new type of freedom and in a free world which I never tasted before in my childhood days till then.

As I was hard working student and always keen to study well and get good marks I was considered to be a good girl by the elders and teachers.

It was at this time I first saw an English movie Sound of Music, which mesmerized me and made me a regular member of English movie fan club. Later I saw McCann’s Gold, and some other movies.. It was a great thrill to go to theater in those days. I used to visit Peda kakani temples and other places along with some other friends; everything is new and I had freedom to do anything, my father used to buy good clothes and shoes and all the things I need. Mom used to cook good food and feed us. School was nearby, and life was cool and quiet and enjoyable. Sobha was my good friend and her family was very near to us and we both used to visit one another’s house often. If we had any new dress, we used to parade on roads on pretext of visiting one another.

One Sunday mom and we three sisters went to Zion church to see Bhaktha Singh the great preacher. We sat very near to him and I do not remember anything except that I saw him as an young and robust person who spoke powerfully. It was in 1967 I think.

I used to go to Lutheran church on festival days, and used to give much respect to the place trusting that it was the abode of God and I should behave in senses.

Some how even though nothing was lacking in my life, there was a sort of void in my heart. God’s presence which I enjoyed till then since my 4^th year was no more with me. I was just seeking and seeking for something which I did not know for what I was seeking.

I used to get some nightmares, short horror dreams, but I used to pray aloud and shout the name of Jesus Christ and made the devil to run away, so I came to know the power of the wonderful name of Jesus Christ and used to pray louder whenever I was afraid.

Exams were only thing I was afraid beside the nightmares so I always prefer to pray when I prepare for the exams and continue to pray till I finished the exams and get the results, and then I visit the local church and offer some amount as my gratitude for what Jesus Christ did for me. There ends my religious life, till I get another course of the exams etc.

But I knew that Jesus Christ was just there to help me when I need Him , and the rest of the time I used to had my own life which never had any place for Him; till I met Him personally and invited Him into my heart. Prayer at the time of troubles or fears of life was the only anchor I have had in a life of mine which did not have any purpose or identity of mine. During those days of His absence, my life did not have any meaning, I did not have any goal, I did not know who I was, and what I was. I wanted to have some one more closer than all those fair weather friends, some one whom I can trust and lean upon….

I needed some one stronger and powerful and trustworthy, some how I found none in the mortal form are good enough for that. I felt I was cheated utterly, no trust in any one. I felt I needed some help from the Supernatural Power. Who was that power , how to contact that power I was not sure of the way.

My search for God started in that was. I was desperate , discouraged and unhappy , and I know only god would fill this void. And my heart was searching for Him.

RAINBOW DREAM

He first loved us...1.John 4:10

"This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

We get so many dreams in our lives. We remember only a few. Certain dreams we do not like remember again. Some dreams are so vivid and we never can forget them, never in life. They have special message and impact on our lives.
And, in our lives however we go, wherever we go , such dreams drag us to the sweet memory of the Love of God. God spoke to Jacob, Joseph, of the Old testament and Joseph of New Testament had close relationship with God through his dreams. He gave guidance, comfort, instruction and courage and faith . He spoke about the future and precautions to be taken through the dreams.

They say when we have sound sleep we do not get any dreams, of course people day dream often and such dreams has no meaning at all. Onlythose dreams which are true and note worthy and should be recorded.

I have had such dreams in my childhoodJesus Christ was trying to contact me and trying to have fellowship with me Even now i wonder why he tried to show His love to me, before iI ever know what love is , His love for me provoked me to know what love is...." Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. god lives in us and his love made complete in us." 1John 4:11
He showed His love in my difficult times in special way.. for that i ought to love Him and others.

"I was 10 years old, just as Jacob saw a ladder from Heavens to the place where he laid his head to sleep, in old times; I too got a dream wherein i saw a ladder colourfully decorated with beautiful flowers and tendrils, and dark grean leaves from middle of the Rain bow up in the sky to the down to the place where I stood and gazing in wonder. Because I saw Jesus christ on top of the ladder , right in middle of the Rainbow in the sky and looking down at me with a smile on His sweet face. He was looking at me and came down to me and gave a beautiful crystal glassy little box into my right palm and closed my first tenderly, and smiled into my eyes lovelingly."
Then I was disturbed by some wake up call and lost taht wonderful dream, ... but it was a blissful experience and that dream gave me contnetment, joy unknown and unexplainable, a deep satisfaction and assurance that i belong to God and He cares for me. He is th me from that very moment. That was pure love which I enjoyed along with His presence allways in life.

when i retrospect those events, and recollect the nearness of Jesus, I understood one thing very clearly. As long as we dono t crave for human love and seek their fellowship , as long as our hearts are just empty ... for Him to enter into it He would have umpteen ways to knock the dorrs of our heart and reveal His love to us. It does not mean that we have to detach ourselves from all the human contacts, instead it would make us to love others more tenderly and more honestly and more deeply. This love of His teach us how to love our parents, our life partners , friends and kith and kin without pervading the special place of Jesus in our hearts and life.

After this dream my life pattern had been changed, I wanted to please Him by obeying my parents even though certain things did really bother me . To cite a few instances mother used to apply too much of co-conut oil to my hair and comb it tightly and make two plaits.. which I hated before. so i started to endure that ordeal without making any noise, She used to give me cold curd rice early in the morning even in winter season which I abore to eat. but i started to oblige her without any complaint thereafter. she used to buy the dresses which i do not like and used to make me wear them , so i sotped to give importance to this issue and started to wear whatever she chose for me for her sake.

Till then i was DADY's girl, he used to support me a lot, my love for him was visible and outspoken; but now after this Rainbow dream I wanted to please my mom too, and obey both of my parents.

As far as I remember that was the very first decision I took in my life This Rainbow dream touched my sweet childhood and in heart of hearts I used to enjoy the amazing peresence of Jesus Christ in my inner being. I had had a beautiful childhood .

EENAADU News Paper 8/8/2009 w.g.dt

Pleasant valley

This is the place about Psalms 16:6 talked to me long long back.......

Daffodil Lydia

And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretched in never ending line
Along the margin of a day;
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.The waves beside them danced; but they
Outdid the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_9LrDyzk_S4Q/SfdXSoCg7QI/AAAAAAAAA2k/
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of the solitude;
And then my heart with pleasures fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
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lltr 7

[insidersband] letter 7 JournalsFriday, October 7, 2005 11:56 PM
From: "John Max" View contact details
To: insidersband@yahoogroups.com
Day 41 is my mom’s birthday (28th August) God bless her! She took enough care about me. She reacted the best way even from childhood, best suited enough to correct me and make ME__ME. Of course I sometimes still have memories of hard days with her, but seeing her love now—its covers them all. Thank you guys if you could call her on her Birthday to wish her lol I owe you a lot. Thanks again.
Prem, I wired you first hoping that sly will also be near you or thing at least that you will be well informed of who’s where and doing how and what. But down your cell the same story. Lucky that Joseph and you are together how are you doing I bet some differenced in between but we just keep on going am I mistaken? Can be people change! I called my sis, she told that James got another job in IOWA they moving there sometime in mid September I praise god But my sis sounded normal may be the news is belated or she couldn’t express it with my hurrying her to speak fast so I could nap up Jimmy howx life? Praying about you I wonder when you will be reading this (me .. but hang on I ill wire you some day soon Hello Mr. Joel, could you please for at least my sake call this damn number #08728251042 and Chouhan’s home and ask for Ravindher kumar Chouhan (his elder brother) and do what I asked you to do many months ago? Please, use it all and enjoy for my sake the total is Rs. 850/- you know what that figure is. You are my brother too. By the way I decorated y room today and it looks very good just awesome with a curtain flowered, like a background wall paper Big black noofer with equalizer beats screen here he draw a diagram) what do you call this? Pleas let me know the term plz then I wired Madonna but could not reach her either may be its too early for them there. Yes then on day 42 it’s my Dads Memorial day. 5th …hmmm wonder a lot – a lot of things anyway I never felt fatherless and so I did not even claim some of those texts in Bible But I learnt lessons well and God in his mercy is taking care of me that much. Thanks!! That day we did not gave A.C the whole day and its scorching heat oh my I took bath 3 times in 6 hours opened wide my door port hole and played pop loud and sang along with Karoke (MLTR) and attracted (called in) a whole lot of the seamen to my cabin so that night my watch on Bridge insight the new II nd officer (DMY thro) Ukrainian) from 10:00 to 0600 so I slept on. By mooring ropes on the fossil and watched the dolphins nearly 10 of them race along with our shipping the Bulbous bow. I praised God for giving me a chance to see them live! That very next day I got my very first money (Bonus) in cash 150 dames 1DHD-12: 50 res. = 3.67 usd.. You know for what I got bonus its for the sculpture hatch cleaning in Bombay good is it not?


54 the day… here and today we started off IRAQ 15/09/05
Towards AJMAN and then to kandla (Gujarath) India Today is my Sis wedding anniversary missed wiring. Iraq postal services doesn’t work they are barred since Saddam got captured anyway I am glad we are coming back to India Hope my sim card still exists. I will recharge it Joel I will call you an everyday. Lol I got a lot to update and share many things will write another roll later have nice times God bless bye.
16/09/05 Oh Joel Joseph and dear DJ we are still in India isn’t good? God is so gracious to us. Jimmy. I feel so loved by you guys thanks a lot I love you guys lets be faithful to HIM> Joseph and Joel may be you will be reading after a spiritual refreshing retreat in BG its more important for you to keep the flame burning all those days while on my busy all those days while on my back from Bg. I that that I would be keep myself every growing. But things were different for me there is phases didn’t even remember that I have been baptized there. But as my name means JOHN= God is gracious yes I feel it coming back to India for the first time I felt extremities good Indian food oh my hunger for those bujjies pyramidal. we used to go alone to eat I miss you guys mostly I have never seen any other person so all transparent like you. God Bless! I will meet you all if at all u want –Love John.
Yahoo! India Matrimony: Find your partner now.

[insidersband] letter 6Friday, October 7, 2005 11:55 PM
From: "John Max" View contact details
To: insidersband@yahoogroups.com
Day 40 and a few more……. Still in Jeber Ali 27th August
Its like 40 days and 40 nights. hmm life is going fast actually today is 01/09/05 here (I made some corrections in the last para anyway (anything good of Christ I believe now) Actually today is 01/09/05 here what’s makes us good or bad. Can anyone term anyone as ‘ good or ‘ bad’ person? Suddenly for me things collapse It happened the same way before, when I was much relaxed with people.. (Pen in finished after r 60 days.. – hmm so that phase one night I suddenly realized there no magic in love at all. It all depends on our decision whether to care about a person or not is it not? Could please give your comments? Or did I alone feel so? If so then why do people sung that they are addicted? Anyway so what up there nearly one and half month passed over and whets new in your lives? Any new relations? Any new incidents? (Joseph any new guitar bits?) Howx Bernard doing? Is he a member of us? If so I’m so sorry not to remember. Are you guys ( prem and sly) practicing some guitar bits along with Bernard? Thank God he is kind enough to help you there in Hyderabad that way. (House?)
Hey guys you are all I got and I rely on when I feel sad and lonely (a part from God and Family) I love you guys in fact I plan to give you surprises. But I am stuck here and I desperately want to be there with you at least for a short day off. You may not agree with everything I put in here In fact you have a right and all of us are univocally unique and the same time have many things in common) above all love that makes us unique as group. Sometimes I take pride in you guys. And I thank God for it every time. So, If anything here hurts or seems odd and resentful I hope you will forgive me.
So on day 40 there nothing much here I did my night (12hours batch from 6 pm to 6 am and chief officer (who looks like Bruce wills in “DIE hard” movie) took much concern about me and explained me some ship stuff in detail I feel the love he had for me and he added “ you will remember me and the knowledge I give you even after I sign off will you?” …Little did I guess that he would be signing off the very next day? I felt so sad almost wet in eyes.. Lol I loved him like I should and I pray that God bless him and if possible I hope to see him again in heaven at least. I pray for his sick son. The reason he left so suddenly. He brought the “ officer “ out of me he constantly encouraged me. Thank you Jesus for him in my life. All these days what I took care of is my name before captain and chief cause they are the ones who really matter.. Even while I was sitting alone in the crews mess room or working among a mentally separated Indians. So it’s the same with Christ and this world we live in. is it not? At times the 2mpeople (Capt. and chief) gave me cold drinks cans (cokes and fanta) calling me over to Air conditioned (on our way from Dammam to Jeber Ali port.) Is it not enough to say God is gracious towards me, they gave me enough rest while others worked in sun called me over to ships office to work on computer and Xerox machine while the rest worked or took tally in Dubai’s hot blaze. If at all I worked on deck even if its in a shade area, the captain saw to it that I had a wet cloth band round my ears and nose. Who am I to enjoy the pleasure, God guest?? In Bible God promises us “I have traded other’s lives for yours” Is it not God just awesome????? So, can you see now why my fellow mates are jealous and gossip? Lol I love them God help me more.
Yahoo! India Matrimony: Find your partner now.

Sing Praises to the LORD!!

lttr6

From: "John Max" View contact details
To: insidersband@yahoogroups.com
Day 40 and a few more……. Still in Jeber Ali 27th August
Its like 40 days and 40 nights. hmm life is going fast actually today is 01/09/05 here (I made some corrections in the last para anyway (anything good of Christ I believe now) Actually today is 01/09/05 here what’s makes us good or bad. Can anyone term anyone as ‘ good or ‘ bad’ person? Suddenly for me things collapse It happened the same way before, when I was much relaxed with people.. (Pen in finished after r 60 days.. – hmm so that phase one night I suddenly realized there no magic in love at all. It all depends on our decision whether to care about a person or not is it not? Could please give your comments? Or did I alone feel so? If so then why do people sung that they are addicted? Anyway so what up there nearly one and half month passed over and whets new in your lives? Any new relations? Any new incidents? (Joseph any new guitar bits?) Howx Bernard doing? Is he a member of us? If so I’m so sorry not to remember. Are you guys ( prem and sly) practicing some guitar bits along with Bernard? Thank God he is kind enough to help you there in Hyderabad that way. (House?)
Hey guys you are all I got and I rely on when I feel sad and lonely (a part from God and Family) I love you guys in fact I plan to give you surprises. But I am stuck here and I desperately want to be there with you at least for a short day off. You may not agree with everything I put in here In fact you have a right and all of us are univocally unique and the same time have many things in common) above all love that makes us unique as group. Sometimes I take pride in you guys. And I thank God for it every time. So, If anything here hurts or seems odd and resentful I hope you will forgive me.
So on day 40 there nothing much here I did my night (12hours batch from 6 pm to 6 am and chief officer (who looks like Bruce wills in “DIE hard” movie) took much concern about me and explained me some ship stuff in detail I feel the love he had for me and he added “ you will remember me and the knowledge I give you even after I sign off will you?” …Little did I guess that he would be signing off the very next day? I felt so sad almost wet in eyes.. Lol I loved him like I should and I pray that God bless him and if possible I hope to see him again in heaven at least. I pray for his sick son. The reason he left so suddenly. He brought the “ officer “ out of me he constantly encouraged me. Thank you Jesus for him in my life. All these days what I took care of is my name before captain and chief cause they are the ones who really matter.. Even while I was sitting alone in the crews mess room or working among a mentally separated Indians. So it’s the same with Christ and this world we live in. is it not? At times the 2mpeople (Capt. and chief) gave me cold drinks cans (cokes and fanta) calling me over to Air conditioned (on our way from Dammam to Jeber Ali port.) Is it not enough to say God is gracious towards me, they gave me enough rest while others worked in sun called me over to ships office to work on computer and Xerox machine while the rest worked or took tally in Dubai’s hot blaze. If at all I worked on deck even if its in a shade area, the captain saw to it that I had a wet cloth band round my ears and nose. Who am I to enjoy the pleasure, God guest?? In Bible God promises us “I have traded other’s lives for yours” Is it not God just awesome????? So, can you see now why my fellow mates are jealous and gossip? Lol I love them God help me more.

lttr 5

From: "John Max" View contact details
To: insidersband@yahoogroups.com
Day 38 still in this place. Dubai

So you there---what are you doing? What happened today in your lives? Wish I were there. (Yahoo icon of sadness) Today (whole) I have been painting the accommodation outer bulk head (wall) Hay you know what? Actually I am excited to tell you this yesterday it self but I am too sleepy and tired so I did not. I bought z.1 channel (sub woofer+ Z satellite speakers) sound system. With 5 controls volume Boss, treble, karoke echo and volume. –2700 watts with 2 sockets for karoke type—I bought this yesterday just for 125 Dhirams (DMS) (1 DMS= Rs.12.50) so its cheap here. And more over I bought a cordless microphone (very good – black one) – range 82 feet – just for 18 DHS = Rs 225/- The moment I bought it I dedicated it to our Insiders band. I will get one more mike in coming days. God willing- when I get three I will bring along for us to have a gala tune. Hey you guess what, I am now collecting, currency, & CDs too for now I got! Russian CD and! Greek CD. They both sound Greek and Latin to me lol but music is good. Hmmm Just now I cooked some Egg friend rice and omelets (5 Eggs) in the pantry. Good life here lol Recollecting my first 15 days, how mean my attitude was – I was blind to see the blessings and grace God has poured over me.. Isn’t it? You must be realized from the above I wrote in the first 8 pages.
Day 39
Joel how are u hmm.. life it seems short to me. Days pass on too fast for us. The person “ YOU” brings to me a lot of wild, adventurous, foolish, emotional and funny memories Its just a few years back we met –oh my ! we grew up to be young and handsome now but those days in school and church with all new nicknames coming up everyday. The tensions in school life and working weird foolish ways to sort out some solution just like going to vizag – Joel I admire you. The inner you sometimes most of the times, when I think of you I now wish I am your kinda guy—All the charm to turn heads to you- know what I mean? You have been like a soulmate to me—thanks a lot for that “ words- Don’t come easily” right now I am hearing that song from west life ( boy zone?) (Or even back street boys?) any way Its true Joel words do not come easily for some they come out easily.. cause they do not mean it. But here , now, for me thoughts are running faster than my pen, and all I can say is the same you said to me “ I trust YOU” Joel , do you know these 3 words came to me from you the exact time I needed the most. Especially from someone like you. They brought out the Spirit in me. Kept me to steer back and stick on to my course. And even the wooden circular bablid with verse Roman8:28 on it , gave life to me cause those days I was really gloomy. and almost forgot that all things work together for good After reading this letter ( so long) don’t you think I am placed the exact place where God knows that something good is going to come out? Just now I returned from the supermarket and cooked egg fried rice with all carrots, green beans, colored rice, chillies… tastes yummy… work is sometimes hard But I am getting used to it Joel, could you given me some contact number to reach you please. Or at least write letter – first try trail letter with little stuff in writing to check if letters reach me OK please? Now Joel , how do you feel about your brother going to US? I think you will understand the emptiness when you go back home..huh? so.. are you studying well enough? Tell me some college incidents ho life. say a big loud hellow to Johanna for me. Joel the world outside tough. But I pray earnestly. It will be smooth for you from the very beginning . I grew up in a cozy nest with all the good people around me –in church , school, and college with ‘ fathers’—now all of a sudden people round me are so crooked. And all time evil minded. Always trying to push down the other to survive. I see that there is a constant competition for higher reputation and name among the fellowmen. And for that all an individual like me can do is to carry on with hope in God. Cause, sometimes we cannot stop the backbiters and slanderers who do things secretly –life here for me sis somewhat like Daniel’s in Bible. The king (captain and chief) regards me the highest among my fellow sea mates. Its all for His glory. ( the smartness he put in us, the technology we learnt in church and work camps and through our hobbies) so I feel a jealous environment. With all the twisted words fast hindi and sudden laugh sometimes rebukes and warnings from fellowmen who are even younger than me you know joel, its hard for me If I am like past John in Dec 2004, But now as I study the life of Jesus more and more I just keep silent and laugh within myself at the human nature. People are not bad. not good either. It’s the circumstances and the inner power deep inside human nature since creation to have a will to resist the moral breaking force) that make humans so feeble and powerless .Recently, I broke my own moral rules of not sharing food with fellow guys just under one’s influence – and later I faced guilt the hard way—never compromise. Joel, do not worry I am not teaching you- But I feel the care and brotherliness with you. Here they secretly play BFS and few Russians porn mags. But who cares? I never knew them Gods’ grace. One of the many factors that keeps me away from sinning is (my focus) God’s purpose for me here – a missionary- If at all God wants me to be. So I am preparing myself to be ready .God speed me! This factor was induced by my mom and annie. Of course I keep saying out of my mouth “ I LOVE YOU JESUS” cause it really helps me Cause love for him gives the thought “ IF YOU LOVE ME KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS” Love from Him sustains us even when we wrong –THANKS Jesus!!

Oh my gosh! I wrote much today –my hand’s paining –better sleep, tomorrow at 05”30 I got my watch duty. Good night Joel! Hear me??? Or else you already fast asleep? Of course you ‘d Motthu –kidding bye!
Yahoo! India Matrimony: Find your partner now.

Sing Praises to the LORD!!

LTTR4

( Time : 08:00) Day 28 ( Independence Day)

Joel is it a holiday for you? You are still lucky, wonder if the others (J’s) are atleast aware of it. I think GRE coaching class wont give a holiday –lol so, I am up early today—Hey ! Jimmy I am listening to (Diana King’s “ bye bye” right now on FM studio. Time :20:30) Had a normal day of continuous 12 hour duty. I did tally sheet of cargo being discharged while others worked in batch- am I not lucky today? I think tomorrow is going to be a tough day specially for me . Its better I sleep now Goodnight Hear me?? hahaha

(Time : 08:20) Day 29 (Dammam=26 0 30”N 51 0 12 “E) (16:08:05)



Seems different everyone sleeping I thought I was the only one late and got dressed in boiler suit and went out to gangway ( the stairway connecting port = Jetty) and ship, where the ships routine is made, passes are given to people ( port people) to come on board and such) but to my amazement no one except the 2 duty watch guys are awake. So I came back –hmmm This roll is becoming something like a second dairy with all this daily report and thoughts. Wonder what you guys are doing right now. Jimmy’s flight is supposed to be on this 19th huh? Got ready? Good wishes! Joel getting ready for another stylish day at college? And Prem and Joseph must be already at the coaching center-na? Hey Joseph I am right now listening to a FM channel where only music is played 80% of time the old classicals by bach , Beethoven Clyderman are played and the rest soft slow music and rarely songs wish you are here – OH Not !! Its hot here. Joseph , you know, I was named many different weird names –here, by the chief officer and Bosum, the first one is “JOSH” ( It always reminded me calling you too) Then MICHEL JACKSON ( Jackson because I was staggering zig zag when the ship started sailing for the first time from Bombay and TYSON , because in the later day my head was dizzy with hay feet from this time) of course they call all (Indians?) who did some mistake (even the new guys on board) Tahaz= donkey in Arabic hmmm did I tell you that I wired mom from a cell phone of some local guy at 100/ per 10 minutes. In fact the previous day I gave missed all to you. Hoping to get a return call from you—cause that day another guy was taking 1 US Dollar for 1 minute too dear for me I decided not to spend not a buck from the salary . I get here other than the extra pays for hatch cleaning etc..)While I am on board . that’s till I sign off after one year. Or 18 months( that’s January 19th 2007 –to be home for my Birthday) Hey Joseph howz Madonna doing Say hello to her for me, I will call her someday soon Howz the remaining pen pal friends? Got anything new? What happened to your exam for Airforce? ( oh my grammar is going worse yahoo icon of sad face) I got no one to speak English here – so I am teaching them and hoping in future they could speak well. The only 2 guys who speak English are the Russians. But their accent is different from what we see in movies. but, one (II nd officer) is reserved and the other ( Elect officer ) is low tempered . so, I avoid them . If I have a guitar here I bet (this time) that I could learn it for sure. Cause It’s a single room and no guys like Kalyan ( Loyala ) who take off my guitar and play it for months. Lol ---hmm I will stop here for a while I will read some time .



Day 37 24/08/05 Tebel Ali (Dubai)



I missed you all! All these days- I could write but I am always thinking of you guys—specially Jimmy, I am sorry I could not wire you before you left India . infact I regretted a lot whole on August 19th for I missed you. Just on 22nd ( sis and your mom’s Birthday too ) sis told me that you reached well and got settled and It seems your college starts on 23rd . Good for you—do well- I am always always praying about you. Never compromise your morals that God induced into you. Leave alone the church (laws and rules) you must be already going thru a new phase. God bless you and care and comfort you. What can I say to you hmm… just remain the same until we meet again some day soon and what a joy it will be even to imagine. We are growing up to be men. But I still like (love) to be a child, a boy. I just do not want to miss the simple immense joy I get being like a child.. of course some times really I behave childish—But that was out of ignorance, which will fade out soon. Jimmy – I miss you , do not worry I will take care of your brother. He is mine too, soul mate of year 2005!Once again God bless!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yahoo! India Matrimony: Find your partner now

LTTR3

Time 00:00hrs (10:08:05) Day 23 (entering the Gulf of Oman)
Hey Jimmy! Still in India? –Just kidding I hope you’ll also soon go abroad, from the land we ever knew! But that’s the question, which tormented me all those months while I was in Bombay searching for a company. Hey Do u know – I am just off my watch keeping on bridge from 20:00—00:00 hrs. but this time it is not just 4 hours—But for the first time in my life (like Hezekiah king? l0l) Its 20 min more that 4 hours so, I have done extra 20 min duty; though I enjoy my work here on bridge (Bridge= The upper part of accommodation with glass wind shields to watch over the ship from where ship is controlled) here he drew the ship and the bridge and where he sits..lol sorry if you guys already know. Hey do you know – the place above the bridge where magnetic compass, radar, antenna…etc are fixed is called
MONKEY ISALND” lol
Any way , so how have you been? I called your house and dad’s office, and he was trying to tell me that your university people did not send notice yet—Just then an officer here came on deck to me( actually I was on duty –tallying the cargo being loaded in) so, I have to hang up telling your dad that I would call again- this is when I was in Tutuicorn. But I could not call again- say sorry my cell is low in balance.

Time 00:45 (11:03:35 Day 24 ( ANCHORAGE)
Oh my! Life is hard today ( day 23) till now I am used . No sleep only 6 hours -- since morning 8 I worked in hot sun. Its too hot here. Moreover this Bosum saw to it that I worked more – I was always given the hardest task and hardest position in every work today. Out of his fun and my pain he did boxing on my both shoulders when I was not aware all of a sudden—hmm twice I fell down to his shots—lol He is hefty 6’2 feet, well built Syrian, eats much, makes us work like slaves. I couldn’t continue now—I got to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be more tough, coz going to port we need to secure ship with mooring ropes which weigh easily ¾ tons each Adding to this Bosum challenged to others and me that he’s make me pull out all those hawser ropes out from the bottom of forward store room Jesus – you got to help me- I am dying … sigh!!

13:02 Last (Danmam) Day 27 (14:08:05)

OH jimmy! You have to forgive me . I am getting to the general topics again to update you guys of what happened in the coast ¾ days. Oh thank you Jesus is what I keep saying out . Life is hard to fit in but, as beautiful(still) because of Him. Today is the Lord’s day and what am I doing here and now? I am bit worried that I am missing all my Sundays, the ones that I used to be so (over) religious as some Pharisee. Now everyday seems to be Sunday for me. I desperately hang on to him every minute to survive on . I do not feel that I need a special day for thinking about God., like in old.
Now its 13 hrs and you people must have just returned from worship service. Here for me Bible is all I got to keep on the track and learn lessons of life. Everyday , I feel it’s a new challenge to prove and glorify God in my activities.
God blessed me enough – I some times feel that God is so clever keep me here ( LOL) the exact place where I can be molded as He wants. You know, If I start counting the blessings, they will stretch on for some 2meters down this page atleast for now) . Here are someà Captain is so considerable and carries a very good impression on me.
· He said he has thoughts of making me the third officer of this ship. – is it not wonderful? Actually its impossible without me doing 36 months cadet training certificate and passing the 6 month +z very hard exams in the shipping (MMD) to clear my II mate exam.à But it can just happen the way in this gulf company. Its so funny like some guys change from deck department to engine department( vice versa) without any prior notice or problem
· The chief officer a strict disciplinarian ( strict officer as Joel says) also regards me well these days. He even complimented me that “ I am good on bridge” , He , I think keeps telling Bosum to consider me special and teach me deck work too. In fact, yesterday while I was working with the fitter, He appreciated me ( very good s fitter says) in Arabic language (family, ethnic )
· Bosum heard my background two days back, and since then I have noticed his attitude changed towards me. Thank you Jesus!! Its goodness you put in me—and not my own.
· ON 25th day “ I steered the ship” all alone. For the first time and I am doing it daily now. Praise God!!
· On day 26th we started sailing to Dammom ( Kingdom of Saudi Arabia) and for the very first time I have seen dolphin, live, 10 of them , swimming along with our ship—I got so excited and shouted out loud even “ while at work” Jesus They are wonderful!!
· Day 27th We reached Dammom early morn around 7 am new air! Clear waters ,dry sky.. big , structured port. But not a soul around. The whole place is just lifeless. The stevedores are all (mostly) Indians who work for Rs 5000/- and the rest Nepalese and Bangladeshi. The same day I got class from 3rd engineer saying Christ didn’t die, making fun mocking using bad words to all Christians—me, my dad, ,my family –lol I just kept smiling and said you do not know- said Christ died for sure for my sins, and said within myself – if not why does the devil tremble and why do I get peace when I trust Him. I felt reassured comforted when I recollected my God given promise while I was in Loyola among the catholic fathers No one shall pluck them out of my hand John 10:28


To be continued

LTTR 2 FROM JOHN

From: "John Max" View contact details
To: insidersband@yahoogroups.com
DAY 22 TROPIC OF CANCER 09/08/05
Here I go again-----this time it’s a new venture, if you’ve already notice—this is the paper printout roll of weather reports and official letters to and from ship to chatter (the organization that takes the voyage plans on lease from the sip owner) This ship’s charter is about to end after this voyage to Damman and Ajman. So soon the ship’s company (owner) will give the ship on lease to a new chartering company, which will decide the trade routes and cargo type and destination, ports —for the profit of the ships company (Kassab Inters hipping) Got it? Sorry if I am bothering u with this kind of stuff but I want you also to know how things work here just for knowledge.
They say that soon after this chatter closing this ship would be sent to ‘ workshop’ (Deck work) where as “Dry Deck” –means repairing the under water part of ship too so this might require 2/3 weeks of stay in Ajman before we start off with new charter. I was afraid that I might somehow miss sending Birthday cards to mom and sis so I posted them while I was in Tuticorn itself.
So far, I am putting aside the urge to get into the personal touch – But now lets start- so Hi Mr. D.J!! How are you dong? How is your dad’s health? And where did Rupa join for B’tech? Counseling over? Howz life going on?
Guess you are staying in your aunt’s house in Hyderabad. So how is the GRE preparation going on? Guy—you really need focus—sincerely hope you are doing it—huh? Man- and Man’s advices- wont” work much—I know it on my behalf – so, I ‘ am trying to keep my mouth shut—but, still I like to tell you just this which sums up all that I can say for now to you” Just let God Do the Dealing” and stay still to see His Salvation” – I say this because of what I have gone through and learnt for the last few long months. Prem, Do your best, some people – like you seem to go on with life no matter what they are surrounded by—I mean people like you wont get much pushing from friends and family, like saying some thing encouraging. But, for sure they make you feel that they are looking up to you, expecting something extraordinary out of you –ain’t it true? But Prem for in life (good) people come and go- just like the hard times, which enrich our moral soul. And every one in their life sometime or the other silently go through tensions “ swimming hard water like a duck- but still appear as if everything is cool on the outset”
Few months back I happened to meet a Christian psychiatrist (well known enough to be one of 8 representatives of Ravi Zachaia”s in India) I told him some part of me – specially a few very dark patches in my secret life, which of course you guys know though not vivid. So after a few sessions of long hours of walk by the sea side at night time—all he said, which of course helped me is – to read some spiritual book at least for ½ hour –everyday” It amazingly worked for me- you know, now I am afraid that I am running out of spiritual books here on board I hope it work for you too. Specially in times when the Satan makes you feel d’ disappointed with God” – you can still hang on to these books which will in course lead you back to track to see where we missed the joy.
Oh my! My mind is running fastà Many thoughts lapsed by even before I started this Para—lol, Prem, If I ever made you feel left out among others, really sorry. I could say and a thousand words or more. But, for now-“god is here, don’t let go off Him” Please pray for me. I for sure need your prayers. No matter how busy you are (or seems to be), I just want you to pray for every time you pray for yourself. Pray that I pray more. Please and thanks. Sorry if hurt.. Ok? Say greetings to your mom and dad your brothers too. Don’t forget or should I ask Joel to convey it? Finally sorry, if you feel bad about me Oh, now my time up I need to take shower, shave read some stuff and get ready for my Bridge Watch you know I am the most qualified guy o board (B.Sc) LOL of course the atmosphere we grew up music, church, books, letters, games, computers, relations and faith is parallel to none here. (Thank you Jesus!) Gods timing is prefect so are His ways and plans for us God bless!!

To be continued