Why people want to commit suicide? Anger, and shame are the reasons for it? Sometimes there would not be any reason, it would be just a temptation. Its a darkest thought which pursue you to do a harm to your body , forgetting that you have a soul.
I was 15 years old, I do not know what made me to eat poisonous fruit I found at an idol temple I went along with my friends, that is Pedda Kaakaani, near Guntur.
I ate those yellow fruits( pachcha ganneru kaaya) knowingly that people die if they eat them.
I got terrible pain in my stomach, there was terrible bleeding, my parents thought I had regular periods of every month. But I know what I had done. I had many horrible vomitings,I did not have any reason to do such an act. Some evil force made me to eat and test myself whether I would die or not.
I do not know why God spared my life then, even though I did not know Him, but I think I whispered a desperate prayer to Jesus to save me. And He saved me.
later never did I tried such thing in life.
But as I observe people who commit suicide, the reason behind their acts was a feeling of boiling anger. They want to take revenge on the person who cheated them, or who humiliated them or who misused them. Because they could not commit a murder on that person, they commit a murder on themselves.
Some people think that the world will open its eyes, or their loved ones will come to know the truth, and understand them better, or some times they think that they are taking a good revenge on the people who could not understand them.
But what a foolish thought, people forget within a few days, for what they have taken their lives. People consider such suiciders as cowards, and useless people.
Those who are left behind they live their normal lives forgetting for what their friends commit suicide. Human tendency is such. History repeats all ways. and History is forgotten by the public very often. The memory of the public is very short. People never like to remember the stupidest things like these. They go forward. So the aim and purpose behind the suicide is nullified.
I feel ashamed of myself for committing such an act of foolishness. Nobody knows about this, not even my own mom or dad till now. I myself forgot about that completely till now. But one thing I believe, that Loving and compassionate God has a special purpose in my life. He was with me in my foolishness, in my utter, uselessness. and in my loneliness, in my paths of life all ways, His inner voice was there all ways to guide me and lead me.therby my soul sings this song, "Thy loving kindness is better than life, ..."
Never and never I felt this thought of suicide again till recently, One dark night, when I was really sick, and when I tried to look forward into my life, I was started to think about the act of "Euthanasia"
I was just thinking about my end days, my old age yet to come, my helpless uneven years ahead. As my both children are too far from me, I was thinking how it would be if I join in an old agehome, if I live longer, ( God forbid)!! How about if I became terribly sick and hospitalized, how if I donate my eyes, my heart, ( if they are in good condition on my death bed) and how about if I ask my doctor to give me permission to opt for euthanasia? That is mercy killing , not suffering much with any disease.. uhm.. Can this old age is so fearful? Can I have a gentle death? How this euthanasia would be administered on me if in case the permission is granted to me.Oh God, help me, from these dark thoughts.. help me to dwell in thine sanctuary of peace and rest.
I am wondering sometimes, thinking about the stalwarts of the Bible. King David my favorite Hero of the Bible, Abraham, Moses, Daniel,isaac, Joseph, Jacob, wow, all these people lived for God and they were heroes of the ancient days, but they too died. what was their end.. how they faced the death.. was it gentle, or did they suffer..at the end.. We know about Moses, he was just not there, whether he died or not .. where is his grave .. all that we do not know. David was so cold at his last days, he shivered, and died lastly. umm we know that Abraham and Daniel died at the prime age of full years of life . how they died we do not know. Joseph had his last wishes, and Jacob had bestowed his last blessings so was with Isaac who blessed all his children knowing that he is going to die. oh will I know when death is going to come to me.. and can I be prepared aptly for that event...do not know... Oh if only God would let me know of it, and so my prayer is "oh lord let me know the end of my days, and help me count the days of my life to the end.."
I was 15 years old, I do not know what made me to eat poisonous fruit I found at an idol temple I went along with my friends, that is Pedda Kaakaani, near Guntur.
I ate those yellow fruits( pachcha ganneru kaaya) knowingly that people die if they eat them.
I got terrible pain in my stomach, there was terrible bleeding, my parents thought I had regular periods of every month. But I know what I had done. I had many horrible vomitings,I did not have any reason to do such an act. Some evil force made me to eat and test myself whether I would die or not.
I do not know why God spared my life then, even though I did not know Him, but I think I whispered a desperate prayer to Jesus to save me. And He saved me.
later never did I tried such thing in life.
But as I observe people who commit suicide, the reason behind their acts was a feeling of boiling anger. They want to take revenge on the person who cheated them, or who humiliated them or who misused them. Because they could not commit a murder on that person, they commit a murder on themselves.
Some people think that the world will open its eyes, or their loved ones will come to know the truth, and understand them better, or some times they think that they are taking a good revenge on the people who could not understand them.
But what a foolish thought, people forget within a few days, for what they have taken their lives. People consider such suiciders as cowards, and useless people.
Those who are left behind they live their normal lives forgetting for what their friends commit suicide. Human tendency is such. History repeats all ways. and History is forgotten by the public very often. The memory of the public is very short. People never like to remember the stupidest things like these. They go forward. So the aim and purpose behind the suicide is nullified.
I feel ashamed of myself for committing such an act of foolishness. Nobody knows about this, not even my own mom or dad till now. I myself forgot about that completely till now. But one thing I believe, that Loving and compassionate God has a special purpose in my life. He was with me in my foolishness, in my utter, uselessness. and in my loneliness, in my paths of life all ways, His inner voice was there all ways to guide me and lead me.therby my soul sings this song, "Thy loving kindness is better than life, ..."
Never and never I felt this thought of suicide again till recently, One dark night, when I was really sick, and when I tried to look forward into my life, I was started to think about the act of "Euthanasia"
I was just thinking about my end days, my old age yet to come, my helpless uneven years ahead. As my both children are too far from me, I was thinking how it would be if I join in an old agehome, if I live longer, ( God forbid)!! How about if I became terribly sick and hospitalized, how if I donate my eyes, my heart, ( if they are in good condition on my death bed) and how about if I ask my doctor to give me permission to opt for euthanasia? That is mercy killing , not suffering much with any disease.. uhm.. Can this old age is so fearful? Can I have a gentle death? How this euthanasia would be administered on me if in case the permission is granted to me.Oh God, help me, from these dark thoughts.. help me to dwell in thine sanctuary of peace and rest.
I am wondering sometimes, thinking about the stalwarts of the Bible. King David my favorite Hero of the Bible, Abraham, Moses, Daniel,isaac, Joseph, Jacob, wow, all these people lived for God and they were heroes of the ancient days, but they too died. what was their end.. how they faced the death.. was it gentle, or did they suffer..at the end.. We know about Moses, he was just not there, whether he died or not .. where is his grave .. all that we do not know. David was so cold at his last days, he shivered, and died lastly. umm we know that Abraham and Daniel died at the prime age of full years of life . how they died we do not know. Joseph had his last wishes, and Jacob had bestowed his last blessings so was with Isaac who blessed all his children knowing that he is going to die. oh will I know when death is going to come to me.. and can I be prepared aptly for that event...do not know... Oh if only God would let me know of it, and so my prayer is "oh lord let me know the end of my days, and help me count the days of my life to the end.."
