Story of the Refrigerator 5A
Therefore , the promises of God gave me assurance , joy, and courage without any trace of doubt to go back to Eluru and join St. Theresa's Degree college ( Autonomous) and resume my work as lecturer in Social work again in the year, 1985.
Four years passed away, many thing happened in the Eluru branch where we were working, the prayer center was entrusted to us, after a few months we returned from Vijayawada. we were asked to take charge of the little center in Eluru, We started with three families, Sugunamma, Ravanamma, Surya kantham, families, and Pinakadimi Marthamma, and Satyavathi, Vasundhara, Dharmaji Gudem Swarna vasanthwada Manimma. School teachers . By the time we left the congregation was 1000 people.in 2000. When I look back at those events took place , The Sovereign God has planned everything and designed everything before hand but Tested me whether I would seek His will in my decisions. Because I relied upon His thoughts, these stories of testimony were beautifully woven in history of my life.When I was married in 1979, I was naive in cooking, literally I never had been into the kitchen except to find some thing to eat all my life in my unmarried years. But after marriage as my husband was going to his office in Vijayawada, D.E.N office, from Eluru, I had to get up early in the morning to prepare his breakfast and lunch by 6 am . We did not have Gas stove ,but only two kerosene stoves. Preparing food was a new adventure for me ,though I took it with great enthusiasm and joy in my heart. I never never murmured or felt bad to serve my husband. I had deep respect and love for him every minute of my life. I was careful all ways not to bring any trace of unlove between us. He was my friend, my husband, my pastor, and my all. I almost lost my identity , No Leela ,but only Tadigiri Yesurtnam in my life ,in family or in church. I was happy in my imposed role as his subordinate in every situation. Why I was like that, only the word of God insists me to be a good wife, and I wanted to be a good loyal and obedient wife a role model to the little congregation we were tending up. A good example to my children, so that the name of God be glorified. I wonder when st.Paul said Husband is the head of wife, just as Christ is the Head of the Church. Obey him. I believed then and even now, a wife has respect only when she obeyed her husband just as she obey the word of God and Christ. Therefore most of the times I had to forego my little pleasures, had to change the whole pattern of my habits, my life , my conversations, my friends, my wishes my tastes too according his liking. Was it very difficult? Yes of course, it was, but often I erase that dissatisfaction and cover it with love for him. I tell you when a wife is such submissive in her role in the home i do not think that any husband could not love her to the utmost. But I also want to tell you, the male chauvinism in the man will never leave him. His authority and his upper hand over the matter of family would never go underneath. He shows his bossism now and then. In such circumstances either you break in spirit,or revolt and ruin married life, or build good Christian character which rise up great comfort from the Lord God.
That was the year 1979, very few people were having Refrigerator in their home in those days. I was keen to have a Fridge in our new home, as I found it very difficult to cook getting up early in the morning. I was accustomed to give away all my salary to my husband from the day one of our marriage. I did not know , why I did it. I accepted him as the head of the family, I felt, it was good to have expenditure on one hand. I thought he was better in accounts than me. So it was undebated question who has to maintain the family accounts in our home. I felt that money should not bring any ill feelings in marital relationship. I knew that money is the root cause of many problems in a family life,and therefore I entrusted my salary to him which was double to his income and never showed my superiority over it.
So after one month of married life, I started to ask him, 'lets have a Fridge in the home' He did not answer my proposal, but kept mum. From the very beginning of our married life, we both were very clear that we should never never ask my parents for any need in our home, or suggest any thing we needed or tell them or get the things from them. Proverbs 28:24 was unspoken rule in our family life. "Whoever steals from his father or mother but claims, 'it's no sin' is a companion to one who destroys." who is the destroyer, he is none but the Satan. When you covet from the mother and father, and father-in-law and mother-in-law and take from them asking them, insisting on them you are just a friend of the Devil, whatever you do will be destroyed. I know a woman, well to do , she and her husband are high in position, she asked her retired father to pay the first fees of her son in a very posh school . the fees was in thousands right back in 1980s. she played on the sentiments of that loving father saying, "Dad you have to pay the first fees of your grandson, its your duty, the fees should go on your hand" Stupidity of this woman, how dare she is to say to an old father like that, instead of taking care of that loving father how can she ask him to do so? Another time when he went to her house and forgot his Bible bag with some cash in it. Next he went to her house and asked for the bag, and when she gave it to him he found that his money was not there, which he withdrew from the bank for his monthly expenditure, when he asked her, she said,
" What is there dad? your money and my money? I took it for some purpose to spend for your grandsons," That father did not have one word, to say, because these terrible people would capable of taking away the grandsons from his arms, ripped them from him, stopping him from fondling them. He is old and could not say anything, because of his love for his grandsons. Later lately I heard this woman, went to her mother who was bed ridden, a widow who was living on the pension of her husband and asked her to give money to her grand son wedding. Poor lady bewildered, she asked every one what gift she could give to such person, when she was told not to worry about such prattle of such foolish woman, that lady shouted at the person who advised her mother and started to call names. Did you see the greediness of people is not because of they are poor, because they are the companions of the Devil.
I never asked my parents for my expenditure once I finished my PG, I worked hard for my postage, and bus fares. Even for my marriage , I saved money for the expenditure of the wedding. For three years I worked as lecturer, and I saved money and gave it to my dad for the expenses of my wedding. That was my custom and dignity of life.
When I see some people who ask parents to give money even after 25 years of married life I am astonished at their greediness. I never could associate with such people too, because their mindset is greedy.
In 1979 That Dasara vacation we went to Vijayawada to stay in the rented house where his sisters were taken care by us for their studies to carry on. We were invited by the local evangelist to their home for dinner. Soon after the dinner,their children played the instruments and sang songs for us.The Pastor started to give the word of God before we go from their house.
He was telling us that, "In family life we need many things but when we want to purchase, we have to check three points
We should ask our selves,
1)" Do we need that particular thing in life? Without that we cannot go on in life? whether it would be very difficult to live without it? just ask yourself.
I was looking at him and listening to him intently.
2) The second point to remember is , Are we having that capability to purchase that thing, do we have that much money, for example if you want to buy a fridge'.... I was shocked , but glued to the seat, and was listening to him very carefully.. he continued, First you should ask yourself whether you cannot go on in life without it for a while, later you should have enough money to buy it.
3) Most of all other things, you should pray and find whether it is the will of God or not, it means you have to pray and find whether it is in the will of God.
After that we listened to the word of God we both came out and while walking on the road, I meekly asked my husband, 'Emandi did you tell him about the fridge? That I am asking you to buy?'
' No Leela, I did not tell him'his tone too was a little bit in surprise.
That ended our conversation about buying Fridge It was 1979.
After the episode of 1985 we went back to Eluru, joined into the college again, I tried to save some money by Recurring Deposit and it would be matured by January 1989. So I started to ask my husband to buy a Fridge, as it becoming much difficult for me in looking after so many responsibilities in his absence .I was a working woman , a mother of two little school going children, and also taking care of Sunday school as well as the spiritual needs of women in the church. Round the clock i was working without rest. And I also was going to market to buy vegetables, meat, and provisions. To store the cooked food was a great task for me which gives me a great stress on my life. Therefore I believed that I should buy a Refrigerator this coming January as I saved a little money in Recurring deposit in the Bank.
But my husband was not saying 'Yes" for my pleas. I tried in every way possible to get his 'yes' to buy the fridge. Because I know very well If I succeed to get one word,'yes' he will do it. so I am trying to get his permission to buy a fridge. But he is not saying 'yes or no'.On the other hand he took this important issue of mine, in lighter sense and started to crack jokes on my pleadings. Many people may wonder why I insisted to obey him at every step in my life. I cannot answer you, but I say its life's commitment, I could not deviated from it.
That was the Saturday, the fasting prayer night , the little congregation who gathered in our house dispersed, that coming Tuesday, the money I deposited in Recurring deposit scheme in Andhra Bank will be matured, I saved that money with much difficulty, So I want do use that money to buy a fridge. You know we were married for 10 years now, and I had been managing my toil in the kitchen without a fridge. Because the man of God exhorted us that we have to buy only when it is too necessary, though it was necessary, the second warning stopped me to buy all these years, he told us to buy only when we have enough money. Now I got money too so what is stopping to buy it? Only the permission of my husband is needed, right? so I was on that errand all in all now. I must get his "yes" to my need. So I thought if I get his 'yes' I can be free in my mind, and could concentrate on fasting prayer of us, we both would pray now, and that I need not ask him about it on Sunday which I should not, and Monday will be too busy to ask him.
So I asked him, I was asking him since a week now and then, of course, Now this is the end of asking and begging and pleading him. I determined, Because whenever I ask him he was joking on me, as if he could not hear what I asked for.
He was saying, 'Well what do you want to buy? brinjals? haha, yes you can buy one kg of them? sure I will bring them" or he would say,' what, you want to have ? only this Christmas you bought one is it not? laughing loudly' such was his sarcastic jokes on me. In fact he was enjoying seeing my angry face. So this night would be the last night for this nightmare I decided.
When I asked him he just kept quiet and not answering me. So the tears in my eyes flowing endlessly , freely, and sniffing and crying I asked him Why you do not u answer me?
He soberly said, 'Good you are crying just like any other woman' and just ignored me.
I was still crying and started to say many things , how much I had been suffering in the kitchen toiling from morn to end of the day in tears. Any one of you can understand the situation here, and visualize it.
Lastly before he retreat for prayer, taking the mat and Bible into the corridor , he again said, " you say that for everything it should be God's will , is this God's will?"----------
I was shocked and shocked to the uttermost, I cant even breath. I was staring at him , but did not follow him to join in prayer. The gush of tears drenching my pallu, my saree, my all, my sniffs make such big sound, even my little children were looking at me with pitiful eyes. I made them to lie down beside me each other on one side, and lied down on the bed. There was no dearth of tears, I was crying silently.
Do not know what all those thoughts coming into my mind, but I was utterly humiliated, and beaten up and defeated. Cant say one word more. Well emotions suppress all other transparency of thinking or calculating, or revising the facts.
Like that how much more time passed away, I did not know but when I saw the clock in dim bed light it was 12'0 clock.and my children were sleeping beside me , and I heard his voice in the corridor still groaning and praying for the church members.
A funny thought flashed into my mind, I said to the Lord in my mind," Lord if you are really on MY SIDE, will you please tell him to say AMEN and come inside?" Not even one second passed away, he said amen and came inside with the mat and all. I closed my eyes and pretended as if I was fast asleep. I saw him dragging a small cot a little far from us and lied down.
But there was peace in my heart, Didn't God assure me that He was on my side? that was enough. I slipped into sleep within a few seconds.
'YOU FRET AND FIGHT BUT YOU ARE NOT ASKING GOD'
A hammer hitting my brain with a great sound of these words. Not once but thrice I heard the voice, a male low voice which was speaking to me in English.
I looked at the clock it was 3am, I got up at once. sat on my bed and looked at him he was sleeping , my children were sleeping, I got down immediately from the bed, knelt down, and I was in the presence of God at once.---
Do you know how it would be confronted by God like this? In my unspoken devotion to my husband I forgot the most important point spoken by the Evangelist i.e.,,"Most of all ,you must find out whether the thing you want to buy is in the will of God."--Of course I did not remember that thing though, I was shocked by His voice and knelt down in His presence seeking His face.
There was nothing there , only God and me. His feet , His face , His presence and Me. No other thought, I said , Yes Lord , I am fighting, but I did not ask you." I told Him.I yielded completely.
Then immediately I was reminded of the verse in James, 4:1-5 so I got my English Bible and looked into it. There it was written like this,
" What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. you do not have because you do not ask God."----Selah-- My heart beat stopped a second, I was staring at those words,
What God spoke to me in my dream were actually here in this Holy Scriptures. I was amazed and just looking at those verses. Then slowly I came into senses and closed my eyes and started to pray, Keeping my right hand on my heart " Lord, is this true, I am fighting and quarreling, but I did not ask you. Forgive me Lord, I am a sinner" (Even then I did not remember the most important third point spoken by the evangelist,Of course my husband , didn't he remind me that I should seek His will In this matter before he retreated to pray alone in the corridor? still I did not take heed) Only one thing happening there, I was in His presence seeking His will. My compassionate Father and Friend was slowly teaching me how I should come into His presence in seeking His will.
The tears drenching my face again, I was in His presence washing His feet with those tears. Again I heard small still voice, ' Read the next .. lines"== so I took my Bible again and looked into it. Even, "When you ask you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
Again my heart making big sound of lub dub, I was in the Holy presence of God. I asked God , again I kept my right hand on my heart, and asked God, "Lord, tell me , Am I asking you to enjoy my own pleasures? Am I asking you with a wrong motive? Tell me Lord, if it is so I do not want this fridge. I just do not want it. You perceive what is in my heart, you know what I am, what is my motive;"
I closed my eyes and I heard a voice again, so clear and so vividly, "Leela, yo u asked me for a helper in Vijayawada, you remember? Now I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A HELPER IN THE FORM OF A FRIDGE""
I was in His presence, I knew His voice. I knew what is next. I knew what my Lord is going to do." I just praised God, with all my heart, I just knelt down there , for longer time, silent and quiet enjoying His presence.Psalms 30:5 sorrow comes in the night but joy comes with the morning.
When I got up I do not remember now, But one thing I remember, all sorrow and tears gone with the wind, I was rejoicing in the Lord in that morning, I was singing and praising God. (very unlike of me after such a great quarrel last night, my husband must be astonished to see my new disposition which was contrary to my last night behavior)
Mark 11:24 says, " When you pray believe that you have already received it, and it will be yours" yes, this happens when you pray with right motive. God answers us in wonderful way. We know that we have what we asked for while we were praying for itself.
For Chapter 5B CLICK HERE
