hello, the time is running, meeting people , doing things, finishing important works etc.. etc... and I feel like leaving life here, and going some where , where I am unknown and without any identity. I will be none there. except the grandma of two little ones. hahaha... strange.. kada? here i have my friends who likes to visit me and who likes to share their sorrows or joys and get a pat on thier shoulders. thinking that i would never leave this country i started Casio and English etc... now i need to leave everything in between. I wonder after all life is all ways like this. When God calls us, what all that we think very important is nothing, we get ready and leave everything on this magnet earth and fly into the blue horizon. At least now, God willing , i have a hope that I will come back in September. But when it is with Heaven, never will I come back.. nothing will remember , as it is in the old age we are tend to forget everything, sometimes even our own children, nothing would be interested, no tastes, no smells, nothing would attract us, no wonder once we die nothing would remain in mind. for whom we are craving for so much here now..
Do you know two little ones in USA are like magnets to my life. for their sake i am leaving everything here and eager to meet them. wonder they will understand me, my language, my feelings, my love for them. wonder they like to stay with me.. do not know .. haha there would be cultural shock, they do not understand the accent, terms of English vocabulary feelings etc. but still a desire to meet them is so strong, and I dare to take this venture, everyday I am getting dreams of fear, about my travel, funny, many times before i traveled but now after i attained sixty years, i lost confidence in my feet, in my knees, wondering how the 24 and odd hours of journey would be to me this time. I think we will feel the same when God calls us Home, in case He gives us time to ponder about the journey to Heaven.
-- The journey would be unknown only a slight feeling of it, as they do say, the death would be just like deep sleep. sleep we know and how nice it would be if death also would be like that, when we go to bed in the night, we do not know what is happening around us till we wake up in the morning, the all wise God has made us to taste death every day of our short life here on this earth. The other day my friend Shanthi was saying something , which pricked my soul so much and I could not stop the flow of tears. She lost her husband at the age of 37, he could not give her children due to some health problem, she was left alone since then till now, she is 60 now, look beautiful and as if she is 45 or 50 years old. all ways with a smile on her face. she had a stroke recently, but works so much in the kingdom of God she spends all her savings for it.when I casually asked her why you are spending so much on these events in the church, she said one sentence." I ask God to take my life without any trouble on this earth. I do not want to fall into the hands of people. Only wish is when i close my eyes i want to see Him.
she does not have any other desire in this life.. no one to care about her. uhmmm my life and hers coincides in many phases she was born on august 16th me on august 28th . she lost her husband within a fraction of second just like mine. she does not have children, and my children are too far away to take care of me. she is also 60 like me, she drives her own car like me, and opens the doors of her garage and locks it all by herself just like me, there is none to wait for her at home and so on. we both love the Lord and we like to be in the presence of one another. our relatives and and others are just touch me not types .. and we have to take care of everything in life with a hope for next day. Yes after all what we wish for , at the end of the life, a peaceful and quiet death. nothing else.. may be that is the reason why David so strongly prayed, teach me to count the days in my life, tell me how my end would be. Life is just a drama , acting many roles on one stage. we meet important people and less important people, they vanish , they come and go, even our dear dad, dear husband, everyone with whom we thought to live with forever vanish. nothing is true on this planet. we just act act and giggle and shed tears. we do so many thing to be healthy, but health oh it is in the hands of God, all that we try is to avoid pain, nothing else. health is not in our hands... only controlling pain may be , a little in our hands. life shatters, life degrades, life vanishes, life is only a shadow. Hoping for everything would be good tomorrow. ...
