WHEN_GOD_GUIDES_4: Especially for women

WHEN GOD GUIDES….. (FOURTH PART)
                                             

                                                       
                                                       Especially for the Women

                                                 After marriage I know the agony of barrenness,  as I too had gone through the same agony of not having children for one year and half, I was married at the age of 26 and having family at that age is risky in some spheres. Therefore we both were naturally anxious about this matter.  I was waiting to be conceived. every month. Anxiously awaiting for the menstrual period to be skipped. 17 months passed away, and every month I was disappointed. It was almost one and half year passed away with out that good news. People started to ask me about my pregnancy plan. I was a little humiliated by some remarks too, it was October, 1980 I had Dasara vacation, I came to Vijayawada to the Railway quarters, I was waiting for the baby very anxiously in that month, every day we both were praying but in vain. That day I was sweeping the rooms, and found myself at the bay. Realizing even that month was not with any hope, my eyes welled up and tears were flowing unceasingly, while I was sweeping and praying half loudly asking God to give me a baby and take away the shame on my face.. At that moment I thought of tuning the Viswavani Radio station, and I  switched on the radio, I heard the voice of Br. R.R.K. Murthy , "Are you praying for concieving a baby? God is going to give you a baby by this time next year. and he was going on explaining the faith and prayer of Hannah in I Samuel first chapter. I stood still,as my ears glued to the voice coming from that little Radio box. They used to call this Radio set as Aakasa Vani, it means Voice from heavens. Yes indeed it was a voice from heaven to me at that moment I knew it was for me, and I believed it. all that gloom and fear and confusion and sorrow vanished away in one second. No tears, no anxiety and I knew God heard my prayer and that was my answer.The next month was skipped from monthly ordeal, by December I was confirmed that I was with a baby in my womb.Doctors confirmed it in second month itself examining my history of healthy menstrual period from my 13 years of age. 

              There were another tests in my married life as a young mother  I want to write those here as an encouragement to the  young mothers  with little children, and infants to know that our Savior is there as a friend, all ways, in every situation of our lives.

                                It was  the time I was  struck with jaundice,  I suffered with the fourth stage of the disease,  I was accused by some senior fanatic sisters, who were  on behalf of my sisters-in-law, partial in their dealings and treating me jealously, saying that I did not  love them and that was the reason for this disease.  More than the disease the accusing words hurt me very much...I could not take rest due to those words of accusation and useless comments. But my husband was praying for me and I too did not take heed of those useless accusations but rely upon God and His word. 

            I was very happy with my daughter in those days, she had 6 months, every thing she does was a great source of joy to me and to my husband. we both were enjoying the baby and wanted to show her to Br. Joe in coming Revival meetings going to be conducted in Vijayawada.when we met him enthusiastically to show the God given Baby to him Joe uncle realized the seriousness of my situation, he did not accused me as the fanatic sister did,  but gave me warning that I should take rest, complete rest on bed ,realizing that I became very weak due to much work ,   he exhorted my husband, like this,  ‘How come you are so hard hearted?  Do you want to lose your wife?  Give her full rest, one full month Should not get down from the bed”.He was serious and instructed us severely.

                                       Turning towards me he told me,   ‘hey girl do you know which organ affects when you are with this disease?”  When I told him its liver, he looked at me straight and told me,” I tell you again, do not get down from the bed, and give full rest to your liver for one month.”

                                      With this he dismissed us, after a brief prayer for my baby and for my health, it looked he was much annoyed by our ignorance of the seriousness of the disease.  So by then we both realized the gravity of the problem, we came down from the blindness of too much of Utopian faith.   We decided to go to my parents’ home because with all these problems and responsibilities I cannot take rest, I was on earned leave after the birth of my daughter. It was 1982 January. 

                                       So I left for Vizayanagaram to stay with my parents.   I was on bed, but my disease increased much more. My eyes became like turmeric powder, my arms and legs became like black dried up sticks,  I had red clots of blood on the body,  as  I was giving breast milk to my daughter at that time, even the milk turned up into yellow colour, with bile , my bed my blankets also  became yellow.. I could not take anything, nothing sustain in my tummy, my urine was brick red colour, even a cup of water, was being vomited with green bile... like a bucket of green water.  As I was not able to get up or even to sit up for a while, my dad used to lift me up with his two arms with the help of the orderly and keep me in the jeep to take me to the doctor.I lost much weight.

                                    At this juncture, my parents my relatives lost all hope of my life, I too know I was going to die soon, because I could not get up or sit also.  I entrusted my daughter to my mom and dad telling them they need to take care of my baby after my death.  

                                    One day I  laid down on my bed, and I could not sleep, since three months,   so I was listening to the word of God in Radio every morning R.R.K Murthy's messages were a source of solace to me, the songs in Viswa vaani were so enchanting and I was learning those songs, especially the song "Aparaadhini Yesayya"and also reading a number of biographies, one of those was Br. Andrew-God’s Smuggler,   in that book I read that the man of God claimed one promise from the   Psalms 41:3 when he himself was so sick. The verse was like this.  “The Lord sustains them on their sick bed and restores them from the bed of illness”  He was sick and then he was healed, The holy spirit at once told me that I too need to claim the same promise. 

                                        I said to the Lord loudly with feeble voice,” yes Lord, I believe this verse and I pray and thank you for you are going to heal me completely.” That night I slept wonderfully, morning I knew that some great miracle happened in my body, I got up without anybody’s help went to the bathroom and found my urine colour changed to lighter shade.

                                          I told my dad, ‘dad please send a constable to come and collect the urine to test in police clinic’, I kept it in a bottle and put it in a plastic bag and handed over to him.   The doctor was surprised and asked him to collect again after two hours, and the shade of the urine became much lighter than before.  By evening the colour of my urine changed to fully as water.  It was a miracle... My parents especially my dad was astonished along with the doctor, but I knew it was the promise of God which healed me.   

                                      Psalm107:20    says, He sent His word, and healed them .He did it by His word.”  He sends His word and heal us…!!! Miracles happen by His word.

                                      2) There was a time, when I was accused that  I was backsliden after I became mother.that I was not taking Sunday school and I was a little late to Wednesday and Saturday prayer meetings, and going quickly from Sunday worship etc etc. They started to give lessons to me about back sliding nature and its abomination in the sight of God.
                                   I was taking care of two small children who were  2 and 1/2 years old girl and 1 yearold boy,  I used to take care of them so much,  with milk bottles, milk powder, cereal powders, and cooking special food for the girl,while I was giving mother's milk to the boy and  special food for all of us,  my sisters-in –law,  three of them were staying in our house, going to college, and their clothes, food, fees everything we used to take care,   all this cost my finances, and my strength and my energy.  It was the time, I was accused left and right by the senior sisters, that I was back slidden in my spiritual activities, so on and so forth.  This hurt me so much even, for I had to work  much but still accused like this.  Who is there to listen to all our sighs of the heart, who is there who knew every secret tear on our pillow, in the darkness of the night. 

                     This burden was eating me day and night  One fine morning as I was going through my daily reading of my Bible   I stopped at this verse  Isaiah 40:11   “He shall feed His flock like a shepherd. He shall gather the lambs in His arms and carry them in His bosom, and shall gently lead those that give suck. He will lead the weak and the milking mothers of little ones”---I was weak,  I was the one feeding my breast milk, I had little children “.Who will give such comforting words to us, except our great friend, Jesus?  He knew the predicament of mine, my weakness, my toil and in the home

                              That restored my faith again, those words of encouragement and comfort sustained my faith again, otherwise I would had sunken into deep depression by accusations, and blaming without any reason.  What we have to do when we are mistreated and misunderstood?  When the situations are beyond our repair, there is SOMEONE there all ways to understand us, no matter what happens in our life; He can understand, and He will give right word of comfort to heal us. We know why He does it? So that we can go to others who are suffering like us, to comfort them with the same comfort we received from Him 2 Cor 1:4

                           3) THIS is another very secretive womanly temptation and test that I need to face very awkwardly and I need to see how terrible it is to be tempted to such extent, I was tested because   I need to understand how a woman would face certain problems, and if the word of God do not support her, she is prone to commit sin.  I could still stand smiling here just because the word of God helped me to take the test, and stand still in His comfort.

                            By God 's grace I was the only one who could apply one year earned leave when my daughter was born and One year half pay leave when my son was born.. And one year leave on loss of pay . In college history, it was a miracle in my case.  How I got only God knows, He intervened and made me happy to stay with the children when they were young infants. Which was /is not possible to anyone then or now or after.

                           That day I went for general check-up, usually they say, as long as mother’s milk is given to the baby, there won’t be any fear of having another pregnancy.  So I was just enjoying the leave I had, that year.   But when I went to the general check up to the Lady gynecologist, I was shocked to hear her verdict.

          ‘You are again pregnant” 

          “what? It can’t be possible. I am still giving breast milk to my baby.”

   She laughed at my ignorance,  and said, “It’s not true,”

  I was  so surprised,  and said,” but I do not want to have another baby, no not at all,  Are you sure I am pregnant?”

“  I am sure of it, knowing your biological conditions, and history of your monthly cycle, 99% you are pregnant” 

                   I could not talk for a while, I went outside and called my husband who was waiting for me” at the end of the corridor I told him the situation, he too was shocked, seeing our predicament, the Doctor was kind enough to tell us,
 If you do not want the third baby…” Before she finished her sentence we both at once said,
-“No Doctor, we do not go for abortion” This time she was the one who was surprised and said,- “Then what shall we do?  Ok I will give a particular injection, it will help you to get your regular menstruation if you are not pregnant”   I could not understand her..-.
” If I am pregnant?” -
 “ It will sustain”-
“Then why this injection”/-
 “It is only to induce menstruation if it is stopped by any other reason.-- “
  Oh, if that is the reason, I could wait for it till I get.”--
 Yes you could” but in order to get rid of your anxiety whether you are pregnant or not, this injection will help you(progestoron).” -
 Ok doctor now I won’t take, tomorrow I will be going to my parents’ home, Vizag, there I will think and go for it,  just prescribe it .” -
 She said, I have some of the injections with me here, take one and decide whether you want to take it or not later.”  With that she bid us good bye.

                                    With heavy hearts we came out of the Railway hospital.     We both could not speak to one another. I have so many thoughts, running very fast, I was  already on two years of earned leave,  hoping that I would be free to be more dutiful in college,  without any interruptions of family life,  Hoping that I would be so, I was given leave , now how can I  show my face to the principal, as it is since four years,  I was on my family way, and could not concentrate much on my classes as I used to be, now again I have to  go like this?

                             Went home, and a sort of dead silence reigning over us.  No smiles,, no jokes no songs in the home.    I was standing in the balcony right in front of me in the back yard of my friends who were living on ground floor, beneath our floor, I saw papaya tree with ripened fruits, a rash thought flashed in my mind, ‘If I eat one, it would help me to get rid of this, it would clean my uterus, they say’

                                       “Hello Satyavathi garu!” I called her, she came out of the kitchen into the backyard, and  --- “Can you give one papaya?” --“ Oh why not? Surely I will give, my attender will bring it to you” she smiled and said.     Within 10 minutes the much wanted papaya was on my dining table.  My Kitchen knife was in my hand, and I was about to cut it to eat the whole of it to get rid of this unknown fear and anxiety, unhappiness. But my hand did not cut the papaya, I was standing like a rock staring at that fruit on my table.   ‘ I can’t do this.  I just cannot do this’, I turned back holding the fruit with my hand and threw it beyond the compound wall into the garbage.  I sat in a corner of the room and cried aloud. ‘Oh Lord forgive me, and I cannot bear this” 

                               That evening we started to go to Vizag, we could not have any usual jokes or songs in my heart..  Mechanically we traveled, to Vizag, reached by afternoon, after lunch and rest ,  we went out for evening walk,  the injection given by the railway doctor in Vijayawada, was still in my hand bag, while we were walking I saw on my right side, a clinic, of a  gynecologist  -  “ Emandi, shall I get another check up with this doctor?”  He said, “Yes Leela, certainly, lets go.”   This doctor also checked me and said the same thing as the doctor in Vijayawada.  I asked her about the injection recommended by the other doctor.  She said, the same answer as the other one.  And advised me to take the injection to get rid of the anxiety.   But  I said,’ thank you doctor, I won’t take this injection if it is only to induce menstruation,  if I get I get, I won’t try for it, it may affect the baby if I am pregnant’.  She did not answer me negatively and said it could be possible.   ‘Then I won’t take this doctor’. - ‘As you wish’ she smiled.- ‘How much fees I need to pay Doctor?’,   “ No need mam, and it’s ok.  Do not worry”.she replied. 
“Thank you Doctor”---  .  We both came out with much more burden in our hearts, but I have some peace in my heart, Whatever happen I won’t try any other way, I wait upon the Lord till I knew whether I am pregnant or not, if it is , ok I will “

                     While we both were walking back I sought for the injection in my hand bag, felt it and took it out, and threw it on the heap of garbage on the side of the road.   Without another thought.  We still were not talking to each other, because both of us were so sorrowful.

                                  After the dinner, we went to our room, and sat in a corner, to pray before we retire to bed.  I still remember what I prayed, “ Lord you know Lord, if it is another pregnancy,  I have to have not only shame on my face in college,  I have to have those baskets of loads of clothes and milk bottles, cereal tins, hot water flasks, and napkins ,rubber sheets for the babies etc. etc.. and the babies in my arms, and on my shoulders.. The life would be much worse than now. Lord but it’s up to you, if you think I could take all this burden once again in my life it’s up to you.  But it’s not my will but yours… “   He too prayed more or less the same way, submitting our will to His will. Later we opened the Bible just to read any portion from the Bible, there I saw the Psalms 81, that day daily portion ,he read one sentence and I read the next,  when I came to the verse 6^th verse, --Its written  like this, --“He says, I removed  the burden from their shoulders; their hands were set free from the basket. In your distress you called and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud; I tested you at the waters of Meribah”  ---

                                        -At that moment suddenly there was a great shot in my uterus, it was so sharp and so painful, I cried aloud and shouted all in a sudden. The pain was so sharp, I could feel some flow was out of me. I stood immediately and said,” I will go to the washroom” and rushed to it, and came out with all beams of laughter on my face.  “ Emandi you know I am not pregnant”  I was literally laughing.

                    And we both read the same verse again,   how meaning full it was, how clearly God spoke to us.

                “ I removed the burden from their shoulders,(   Isn’t this I prayed, I cannot have another burden on my shoulder, again another baby on my shoulder?)

                   “Their hands were set free from the basket?”( Oh did I not pray  about that basket of milk bottles, milk powder, hot water flasks cold water bottles, the heavy luggage wherever I go?)

                  “ In your distress you called …( oh yes in my distress I called Him)-,

  “                and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud,  {                  At that very moment I felt  a great hard kick in my uterus Oh My, it was exactly the same, it was like a thundercloud in my uterus, a loud thud in my belly, I felt it, I cried loudly,) …

                    “ I test you at the waters of Meribah”… (wow, so it was the TEST of God to me…)

“ Oh Lord you are so great, you helped me to stand for the test, you helped me to go through this test, and it’s the test, its Meribah... It was my place of test, my distressed place, and God gave me victory by not falling into sin, by distrusting Him.

                Thus the Lord of Hosts,  helped me in my temptations, tests and trails,  He has given triumph over the sickness, accusations, and tests. Who got such wonderful God like ours.  Women are weaklings, they have to be taken care by their male partners, but often they are neglected, and exploited by the relatives, friends, and other well wishers, too. In times such trails, the word of God and His comfort gives joy and peace, and victory in life.

For Chapter 5A CLICK HERE