Story of the Refrigerator (5A)
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:5.
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:5.
Therefore , the promises of God gave me assurance , joy, and courage without any trace of doubt to go back to Eluru and join----st.Theresa's Degree college, and resume my work as lecturer in Social work again in the year, 1985.
First I started with Sunday School ministry as my children were in U.kg &L.kg respectively in St.Theresa's Elementary school which was attacked to the college where I was working. In lunch time I used to go and feed my children. My husband was taking care of the main ministry on Sunday, many times when he could not make to come home early on Wednesdays. and I used to conduct that mid-week prayer too in our home. Later as the ministry was getting wider, I started Youth meeting , entrusting children ministry to women in the church while overseeing it, When I found the women were facing problems in their homes, I entrusted the youth meeting to my husband I conducted women's meeting soon after the Sunday worship, as they could not come again and again in a week to the church. This women meeting almost became as a family meeting, as even their husbands were listening to the word of God, and testimonies sitting far here and there. The women meeting became the main backbone of the ministry, as the women learned many things to build a home for the Lord.
Coming to the title story, I must give you a sort of my background life in the culinary skills before marriage were of a perfect zero. Therefore, when I was married in 1979, I was naive in cooking, literally as I never had been into the kitchen except to find some thing to eat. But after marriage as my husband was going to his D.E.N office in Vijayawada, from Eluru, at 6 am, I had to get up early in the morning to prepare his breakfast and lunch by that time . We had only two kerosene stoves. Preparing food was a new adventure for me , though I took it with great enthusiasm and joy in my heart. I never never murmured or felt bad to serve my husband. ( I had deep respect and love for him every minute of my life. I was careful all ways not to bring any trace of lovelessness between us. He was my husband, my friend, my pastor, and my all. I almost liked to loos my identity , 'No Leela ,but only Tadigiri Yesurtnam' in my life ,in family or in church. I was happy in my self imposed role as his subordinate in every situation. Why I was like that? Because only the word of God insisted me to be a good wife, and I wanted to be a good, loyal and obedient wife; a role model to the little congregation we were tending up. A good example to my children, so that the name of God be glorified. When st.Paul said, 'Husband is the head of wife, just as Christ is the Head of the Church.,women obey your husband'. I believed it that it should be so hundred percent then and now, a woman has respect in community only when she obeyed her husband just as she obeyed the word of God and Christ. Therefore most of the times I had to forego my little pleasures, had to change the whole pattern of my habits, my life , my conversations, my friends, my wishes my tastes too according his likings. Was it very difficult? Yes of course, it was, but often I erase that dissatisfaction and paint it with love for him. I tell you when a wife plays such submissive role in the home I do not think that any husband could not but love her to the utmost.Men should love their wives as their own body, taking care of it every second of his life, protect her , love her, respect her, cherish her just as he takes care of his own body, that just like as he takes healthy food, take exercise, dress up neatly, self dignified, and conduct himself in self esteem in the public. To love her is his duty. If not his wife whom he wants to love ? It is as simple as it is, no other go. But many a times, the church do not speak to husbands how he should love his wife, but give long sermons only on obedience of wife. The public also has a critical eye on her and scrutinize her character according to her obedience, but never how much he is gentle and respectful and loving to his wife. Therefore only wives need to pray for the love of husbands also, while obeying them. This is man's world, and we women must learn how to be a winner on our knees. Otherwise men will remind us about the Eve and her disobedience and our inheritance from her. though most men love their wives, the male chauvinism in the man will never leave him. His authority and his upper hand over the matters of family would never go underneath. He shows his bossism unkindly now and then. In such circumstances either you utterly broke in spirit, or revolt and ruin married life, or be submissive and learn of Him taking His counsel, and guidance and protection from Him. God said to widow women that He is their husband too. some times when men are too bossy , cruel , unkind, God takes care of such women in special way. Everything works good for them who love God and called upon by Him. Either way is good for women. )
That was the year 1979, very few people were having Refrigerator in their homes in those days in India. I was keen to have a Fridge in our new home, as I found it very difficult to cook getting up early in the morning. I never opted for installment basis buying but my desire to have a refrigerator was too strong to forget that, but to buy it any way possible. I learnt to give away all my salary to my husband from the day one of our marriage. I did not know , why I did it. but as I accepted him as the head of the family, I felt, it was good to have expenditure on one hand. I thought he was better in accounts than me. So it was undisputed question,to question to find out who has to maintain the family accounts in our home. I felt that money should not bring any ill feelings in marital relationship. ( Many families disunited due to the matters of money issues, and in issues of biological needs of one another.St. Paul very gently spoke about his issue that man has no right on his body but to wife,and woman has no right on her body but to him, and exalted them to take time to pray without giving much stress to others biological needs. Better to have his own wife he said. He smoothly dealt with this sexual matters and warned the husband and wife to deal with one another carefully lest it brings temptation and ruin the family. Now a days, the younger generation forgot the most important word of the marriage, the basic principle of marriage, that is, "Let the marriage bed be undefiled" ---the bed should be blameless. " What does it mean, one must not have any thought of adultery or fornication before going to into marital relations about the other partner. But I heard young men saying or young women saying that they do not have any sexual desire for a particular woman or man to accept him or her as his wife or husband. This is abomination in the sight of God. These people are in the path of the Destroyer to ruin their marital life, such people should repent deeply in the presence of God. Marriage is not for adultery or fornication. It should be flawless in the sight of God. The desire of sexual instinct must come only after marriage not before. Trusting and obeying Him in marital relations is only the principle of life. Any thing less than that is adultery. Isaac took Rebecca who came to be his wife according to the desire and guidance of Abraham, so he took her to be his wife and then loved her, and she was a great comfort to him. The devil always gives the opposite rules of word of God. Never we be cheated by the evil one in matters of marital relations. The next thing is Money, that causes rift in between the couple).
I started to ask him, 'lets have a Fridge in the home' He did not answer my proposal, but kept quiet. ( From the very beginning of our married life, we both were very clear that we should never never ask our parents for any need in our home, or suggest any thing we needed or tell them or get the things from them. Proverbs 28:24 was unspoken commandment in our family life. "Whoever steals from his father or mother but claims, 'it's no sin' is a companion to one who destroys." who is the destroyer, he is none but the Satan. When you covet from the mother and father, and father-in-law and mother-in-law and take from them asking them, insisting on them you are just a friend of the Devil, whatever you do will be destroyed. I know a woman, well to do , she and her husband are high in position, she asked her retired father to pay the first fees of her son in a very posh school . the fees was in thousands right back in 1980s. she played on the sentiments of that loving father saying, "Dad you have to pay the first fees of your grandson, its your responsibility and duty, the fees should go on your hand" Stupidity of this woman, how dare she is to say to an old father like that, instead of taking care of that loving father how can she ask him to do so? Another time when he went to her house and forgot his Bible bag with some cash in it. Next he went to her house and asked for the bag, and when she gave it to him he found that his money was not there, which he withdrew from the bank for his monthly expenditure, when he asked her, she said, " What is there dad? your money and my money? I took it for some purpose to spend for your grandsons," That father did not have one word, to say, because these terrible people would capable of taking away the grandsons from his arms, ripped them from him, stopping him from fondling them. He is old and could not say anything, because of his love for his grandsons. Later lately I heard this woman, went to her mother who was bed ridden, a widow who was living on the pension of her husband and asked her to give money to her grand son wedding. Poor lady bewildered, she asked every one what gift she could give to such person, when she was told not to worry about such prattle of such foolish woman, that lady shouted at the person who advised her mother and started to call names. Did you see the greediness of people is not because of they are poor, because they are the companions of the Devil. I never asked my parents for my expenditure once I finished my PG, I worked hard for my postage to apply for jobs, and bus fares to attend the interviews. Even for my marriage , I saved money for the expenditure of the wedding. For three years I worked as lecturer, and I saved money and gave it to my dad for the expenses of my wedding. That was my custom and dignity of life. When I see some people who ask parents to give money even after 25 years of married life I am astonished at their greediness.
In 1979 That Dasara vacation we went to Vijayawada to stay in the rented house where his sisters were taken care by us for their studies to carry on taking every basic need of them to live comfortably in the city. We were invited by the local evangelist to their home for dinner. Soon after the dinner,their children played the instruments and sang songs for us.The Pastor started to give the word of God before we go from their home. He was telling us that,
"In family life we need many things but when we want to purchase, we have to check three points ,We should ask our selves' 1)" Do we need that particular thing in life? Without that we cannot go on in life? whether it would be very difficult to live without it? just ask yourself."---- I was looking at him and listening to him intently. 2) The second point to remember is , Are we having that capability to purchase that thing, do we have that much money? for example if you want to buy a fridge'....( I was shocked , but glued to the seat, and was listening to him very carefully..) he continued, First you should ask yourself whether you cannot go on in life without it for a while, later when you have enough money to buy it? 3) Most of all other things, you should pray and find whether it is the will of God or not, it means you have to pray and find whether it is in the will of God.
After that we listened to the rest of the word of God, came out and while walking on the road, I meekly asked my husband, 'Emandi did you tell him about the fridge? That I am asking you to buy?''---- No Leela, I did not tell him'his tone too was a little bit in surprise.
That was the END OF OUR CONVERSATION ABOUT BUYING A REFRIGERATOR . It was October 1979.
"To continue the episode of 1985 we went back to Eluru, joined into the college again, I tried to save some money by Recurring Deposit and it would be matured by January 1989. So I started to ask my husband to buy a Fridge, as it becoming much difficult for me in looking after so many responsibilities in his absence .I was a working woman , a mother of two little school going children, and also taking care of Sunday school as well as the spiritual needs of women in the church. Round the clock I was working without rest. And I also was going to market to buy vegetables, meat, and provisions. To store the cooked food was a great task for me which gives me a great stress on my life. Therefore I believed that I should buy a Refrigerator this coming January as I saved a little money in Recurring deposit in the Bank.
But my husband was not saying 'Yes" for my pleas. I tried in every way possible to get his 'yes' to buy the fridge. Because I know very well If I succeed to get one word,'yes' from him, he will do it. so I am trying to get his permission to buy a fridge. But he is not saying 'yes or no'.On the other hand he took this important issue of mine, in lighter sense and started to crack jokes on my pleadings. Many people may wonder why I insisted to obey him at every step in my life. I cannot answer you, but I say its life's commitment, I could not deviated from it.
That was the Saturday, the fasting prayer night , the little congregation who gathered in our house dispersed, that coming Tuesday, the money I deposited in Recurring deposit scheme in Andhra Bank will be matured, I saved that money with much difficulty, So I want to use that money to buy a fridge. You know we were married for 10 years now, and I had been managing my toil in the kitchen without a fridge. Because the man of God exhorted us that we have to buy only when it is too necessary, though it was necessary, the second warning stopped me to buy all these years, he told us to buy only when we have enough money. Now I got money too so what is stopping me to buy it? Only the permission of my husband is needed, right? so I was on that errand all in all now. I must get his "yes" to my need. So I thought if I get his 'yes' I can be free in my mind, and could concentrate on fasting prayer of us, we both would pray now, and that I need not ask him about it on Sunday which I should not, and Monday will be too busy to ask him.
So I asked him, I was asking him since a week now and then, of course, Now this is the end of asking and begging and pleading him. I determined, Because whenever I ask him he was joking on me, as if he could not hear what I asked for.
He was saying, 'Well what do you want to buy? brinjals (vegetables)? haha, yes we can buy one kg of them? sure I will bring them" or he would say,' what, you want to have,a new saree ? only this Christmas you bought one, is it not? ' such was his sarcastic jokes on me. In fact he was enjoying seeing my angry face. So this night would be the last night for this nightmare, I decided.
When I asked him he just kept quiet and not answering me. So the tears in my eyes flowing endlessly , freely, and sniffing and crying I asked him Why you do not answer me? He soberly said, 'Good you are crying just like any other common woman' and just ignored me.
I was still crying and started to say many things , how much I had been suffering in the kitchen toiling from morn to end of the day, in tears. Any one of you can understand the situation here, and visualize it. Lastly before he retreated for prayer, taking the mat and Bible into the corridor , he again said, " you say that for everything it should be God's will , is this God's will?"----------
I was shocked and shocked to the uttermost, I cant even breath. I was staring at him , but did not follow him to join in prayer. The gush of tears drenching my pallu, my saree, my all, my sniffs make such big sound, even my little children were looking at me with pitiful eyes. I made them to lie down beside me each other on one side, and lied down on the bed in between them. There was no dearth of tears, I was crying silently, drowned in tears.
Do not know what all those thoughts coming into my mind, but I was utterly humiliated, and beaten up and defeated. Cant say one word more. Well emotions suppress all other transparency of thinking or calculating, or revising the facts. Like that how much more time passed away, I did not know but when I saw the clock in dim bed light it was 12'0 clock.and my children were sleeping beside me , and I heard his voice in the corridor still groaning and praying for the church members and for Nations at large.
A funny thought flashed into my mind, I said to the Lord in my mind," Lord if you are really on MY SIDE, will you please tell him to say AMEN and come inside?" Not even one second passed away, he said amen and came inside with the mat and all. I closed my eyes and pretended as if I was fast asleep. I saw him dragging a small cot a little far from us and knelt down once again then lied down. But there was peace in my heart, Didn't God assure me that He was on my side? that was enough. I slipped into sleep within a few seconds A hammer hitting my brain with a great sound of these words. Not once but thrice I heard the voice, a male low voice which was speaking to me in English.
'YOU FRET AND FIGHT BUT YOU ARE NOT ASKING GOD'
I looked at the clock it was 3 am, I got up at once. sat on my bed and looked at him he was sleeping , my children were sleeping, I got down immediately from the bed, knelt down, and I was in the presence of God at once.---Do you know how it would be to be confronted by God like this? In my unspoken devotion to my husband I forgot the most important point spoken by the Evangelist i.e.,"Most of all ,you must find out whether the thing you want to buy is in the will of God."--Of course I did not remember that thing even at that time, though. But I was shocked by His voice and knelt down in His presence seeking His face.
There was nothing else there , only God and me. His feet , His face , His presence and Me. No other thought, I said , Yes Lord , I am fighting, but I did not ask you." I told Him.I yielded completely. Then immediately I was reminded of the verse in James, 4:1-5 so I got my Bible and looked into it. There it was written like this,
" What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. you do not have because you do not ask God."----Selah-- My heart beat stopped a second, I was staring at those words.
What God spoke to me in my dream were actually here in this Holy Scriptures. I was amazed and just looking at those verses. Then slowly I came into my senses and closed my eyes and started to pray, Keeping my right hand on my heart " Lord, is this true, I am fighting and quarreling, but I did not ask you. Forgive me Lord, I am a sinner" (Even then I did not remember the most important third point spoken by the evangelist,Of course my husband , didn't he remind me that I should seek His will In this matter before he retreated to pray alone in the corridor? still I did not take heed or remember the most important point of buying) Only one thing happening there, I was in His presence seeking His will. My compassionate Father and Friend was slowly teaching me how I should come into His presence in seeking His will in this matter.
The tears drenching my face again, I was in His presence washing His feet with those tears. Again I heard small still voice, ' Read the next .. lines"== so I took my Bible again and looked into it. Even, "When you ask you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
Again my heart making sounding loudly lub dub, I was in the Holy presence of God. I asked God , again I kept my right hand on my heart, and asked God, "Lord, tell me , Am I asking you to enjoy my own pleasures? Am I asking you with a wrong motive? Tell me Lord, if it is so I do not want this fridge. I just do not want it. You perceive what is in my heart, you know what I am, what is my motive;"
I closed my eyes and I heard a voice again, so clear and so vividly, You asked me for a "HELP" in Vijayawada, you remember? Now I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A "HELP" IN THE FORM OF A FRIDGE"
I was in His presence, I knew His voice. I knew what is next. I knew what my Lord is going to do. I just praised God, with all my heart, I knelt down there , for longer time, silent and quiet enjoying His presence.Psalms 30:5 sorrow comes in the night but joy comes with the morning.
When I got up I do not remember much about that morning now, But one thing I remember, all sorrow and tears gone with the wind, I was rejoicing in the Lord in that morning I was on clouds. I was singing and praising God. (very unlike of me after such a great turmoil last night, my husband must be astonished to see my new disposition which was contrary to my last night behavior)
Mark 11:24 says, " When you pray believe that you have already received it, and it will be yours" yes, this happens when you pray with right motive. God answers us in wonderful way. We knew that we got what we asked for, while we were praying for itself.
If you love Me, keep My commandments; If you love Me, keep My commandments; If you love Me keep them true: Not forgetting the Old or New
For Chapter 5B CLICK HERE
For Chapter 5B CLICK HERE
