WHEN_GOD_GUIDES_1: Peace in the Heart
Peace of the Heart :1
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. John 14:27a
1983....December
" Leela, your husband is needed very much in the ministry of Vijayawada, he has been a great help there in all these years, but after marriage he is travelling much between Eluru and Vijayawada, and it is a great loss for the ministry there. Why don't you resign your job and shift to Vijayawada, and help in the ministry there?"
One of the heads of the church who is in charge of HQ told me as bolt out of the blue. But I was not shocked, or was surprised, strangely enough, I learned to take things as they are, I knew everything would be well with them who trust in Him, and who does His will in life. Seeking His will , doing it at any cost is my anchor of my life. I need not be afraid or confused at any given situation, if only I based every decision of mine upon His word, and His guidance. I found this habit of mine is very refreshing to my soul all the time. I found this way of life all ways rejuvenate me and protects me at every step of my life.
So quietly but firmly I answered her, "Certainly sister, I like to obey your advice, but I want to pray and find the will of God first." Looking straight into her eyes, I answered. I believe the answeres, and the right answers come from God alone ,they look like the golden apples in a silver platter. And when God puts right answer in my mouth,I knew , God is taking charge of the whole situation. I knew that when I am supposed to answer my superiors, according to Luke 12:11,12. " When you are brought before ..the rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say." I will give right answer.
Therefore, as this guideline from Holy Scriptures is the promise I claimed , I found it was easy to stand firm on my ground.
Therefore, as this guideline from Holy Scriptures is the promise I claimed , I found it was easy to stand firm on my ground.
"Oh , exactly Leela, you must pray and find the will of God" she smiled and sent me off.Now after 45 years , I am surprised of her advice, asking me to resign my job by she involving into my personal life and matters, and financial issues, under the name of spiritual counselor. Nevertheless, thank God, I took it as a challenge to seek the Will of God in my life, by considering it as my Isaac on the burnt offering alter.
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Here I must bring certain bear truths of my marital life. My husband was not from a rich family, in fact they are from lower middle class, we used to spend all my salary on the upliftment of his Five sisters, brother, and parents. It was my wont to give away my salary to him and let the expenditures be on one hand. I was under the strong belief, that I must strive for peace at home. Thereby I was telling myself, as, ' I want peace in home, I need to pray with my husband, it can be possible only when he has peace and happiness in his heart. so how can it be gained, only when his folks are happy he will be happy. when he is happy I will be happy, my family will be happy. money is not that important, peace , love and joy in the family is important." This was my mission in my married life.
I used to give away my salary to him on every first of the month, right from the year 1979 to 2000, even for meager Rickshaw fare I used to depend and ask him. I did not see any humiliation or shame in doing so. He and me are one, and our money is ours, there is no division in family life. Family needs are met by him. On the other hand , we had a principle that we should never depend on our parents, never take a single pie from them. Never be greedy for their earnings. So life was very difficult for me, but I sacrificed it for the sake of the peace of the family life. Which is more important to me than any thing else. Once or twice I sulked about not having money in my hand, but I took that issue to the Lord and found peace in Him. I obeyed His word, to have peace by not having a mind on money matters at home.
Now that December, just prior to her advice to resign my job, I got some spot valuation of examination papers, remuneration money, and I was longing to see my little daughter in good clothes, so I went to the shop and bought one half dozen cotton frocks of my liking, I used to tailor the clothes to my daughter in those days. so buying ready made clothes was a dream fulfilled for me. I overwhelmed with joy while dressing up my little girl in different colored frocks in that December Christmas season.
When I was told to resign the job,after I retreated to my quiet time, the first question raised in me, was ' oh it means we have to live on one salary, that is his, as it is I cannot spend for my children, at least now and then when I have some extra money like Spot valuation money I am able to spend something on them and enjoy to see them beautifully dressed. But if I do not have the job what will happen?" a sort of fear engulfed me. But I resolved to pray about this. Determined to pray in a set time and set place. That is on 31st night December Watch Night Worship in Suvarthavani Hall.
It was 31st night Dec, 1983, my daughter was two and half years old and my son 18 months old, I went to Vijayawada to attend the Watch Night Service. It was arranged in SuvarthVani hall, Br Solomon was the preacher.
I went there found a corner place, spread the sheets, made my children laid down; son in front of me, daughter beside me... and I went into the presence of God. I determined to pour out my heart as Hannah did in the presence of God, I prayed, " Lord here I am , you know me, my predicament, they told me to resign my job. Lord you were the One who gave this job as you did divide the Red sea in olden times, in a miraculous way, beyond human intervention or imagination, but, now if you want me to resign this job for the sake of your kingdom, I WILL DO it. Surely I will resign this. You are my Father, You know how to help. But Lord do you think that we can live with one salary? The few things I bought for my children also will be cut off, as it is we are living on the basis of 'hand to mouth' . do you think I can have much faith to go on in life? Tell me Lord whatever you want me to do I will do, but YOU TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
God tests are unique, yes He gave Isaac to Abraham with great promises, but He asked Abraham to sacrifice him, He only gave and He only asked for it. Its very important to echo with Job about all matters, He gave and He took, should be our attitude all ways. Yes its terribly difficult, in practice, but I experienced the One who asked us to give, and who gives the test also give us endurance and hope in Him to go all through. Now after I finished my prayer for some time as above, I knew God heard my prayer, a prayer without hiding any thing from Him, a prayer wherein I want to know His will , a prayer where I put my will as the burnt offering. A sort of great peace overwhelmed me, This is the sign often I get before I get answer from God in spectacular way. so I resolved to listen to His voice as an answer to my petition.
I had a habit of listening to the word of God , very carefully, because I knew it increase my faith in Him, It was my habit to listen to the messages, very carefully, as it was learned by me once, when I was literally confused about the word FAITH in the first few months of my walk with God.
One day I was led to Trinity Lutheran Church (Jagadhamba center, Vizag) in an evening time. As our Police Bunglows were very near to that chrch I walked to the church to spend some time alone in the presence of God. There was no one in the church, so I knelt down and asked Him to tell me the meaning of FAITH.
My prayer was as simple as tht. Then I was led to see the verse Romans 10:17 as I just wanted to read from my Gideon's English New Testament which I took along with me.
There I found this verse " You will get faith FAITH by listening, listening to the word of God about HIM. I was glued to that verse and to my seat in the chapel.As the time passed people started to come and sit in the chapel, for the evening Englsih service, the guest speaker for that day was an Old gentleman, who started the message with this question: "What is Faith? How we get Faith? and he referred to the same verse I was looking at. His message was straight answer to me and the thirst my soul quenched thoroughly.
His message was a straight answer to me and my soul was satisfied.since then I made it the rule of my life to listnen to His word carefully.
One day I was led to Trinity Lutheran Church (Jagadhamba center, Vizag) in an evening time. As our Police Bunglows were very near to that chrch I walked to the church to spend some time alone in the presence of God. There was no one in the church, so I knelt down and asked Him to tell me the meaning of FAITH.
My prayer was as simple as tht. Then I was led to see the verse Romans 10:17 as I just wanted to read from my Gideon's English New Testament which I took along with me.
There I found this verse " You will get faith FAITH by listening, listening to the word of God about HIM. I was glued to that verse and to my seat in the chapel.As the time passed people started to come and sit in the chapel, for the evening Englsih service, the guest speaker for that day was an Old gentleman, who started the message with this question: "What is Faith? How we get Faith? and he referred to the same verse I was looking at. His message was straight answer to me and the thirst my soul quenched thoroughly.
His message was a straight answer to me and my soul was satisfied.since then I made it the rule of my life to listnen to His word carefully.
So on 31st Watch Night Service I was in His presence. the man of God started to read from the Bible, Deuteronomy 11:12-15 read this very carefully, because this promise was fulfilled again and again later in my life in a spectacular way.
" The Land you are crossing the Jordan, to take possession of , is a land of mountains and valleys, that drinks rain from heaven, It is the land your God cares for the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end"
Br Solomon, the man of God was explaining it, he did not know that I was in that crowd, he did not know my predicament, and the question in my heart. His message was going more or less like this, " Are you afraid to come to the land of God? Are you afraid to serve Him . Do not be afraid, there would be great difficulties like the mountains, and joys like the valleys, but you will drink the rain of heaven, you will have plenty of work in His vineyard, God will take care of you.' I do not remember not much more than that, but I was Looking into my Book and reading those verses,
1) The Land I am going to cross, and the river, Jordan , its a river of Test, a symbol of my decision, to plunge into great test of life of faith.Need to take a step forward and to unknown adventure. Its like a decision to CROSS A RIVER in my life,its my JORDAN indeed.
2) Its the land of mountains and valleys, ( Vijayawada is the land with magnificent hills and hillocks and plains, not Eluru certainly!)
3) And It drinks the rain of the heaven,( oh here the word of God is plenty we will have youth meetings, Sunday school meetings, evangelists from HQ come on every Sunday, not in Eluru definitely)
4) God cares this place, My mind was settled, very well, now I knew God wants me to come to Vijayawada...
suddenly my eyes fell on the last part of the verse,
5) His eyes shall be on it from the beginning of the year to the end, and all in a sudden God's voice shouted in my head, like this"
"Yes God wants you to come to this land for ONE YEAR"
"Yes God wants you to come to this land for ONE YEAR"
"What? How Lord? " was my next question, the answer was vivid , clear and sharp and to the point, "Apply one year leave, LOSS OF PAY LEAVE"
---selah------ Great peace ... Oh that peace , I cannot describe it , its His peace, not the peace of the world, I enjoyed that peace in my heart. I have the answer.Our college reopened on 16th of January 1984, I stayed back In Vijayawada Satynnarayanapuram railway quarters, for those 15 days, How I enjoyed His presence is beyond my words to describe. I lived that fortnight as if I was in a dream, a dream where I fly on the white clouds in the blue sky.(At the age of 4 years I used to dream that I was playing, walking and eating the white clouds, one time my dad called a worker who makes the cotton in the mattresses fluffy again by his tools, we used to call him 'dhoodhiekulavadu' . So one day he started to work in our verandah I was sitting in a big chair a little apart from him and observing him very keenly, the cotton was becoming white and fluffy and very soft in his hands, seeing my keen observation and curiosity he must have suspected the mischievous thoughts of mine, which I myself did not know then, warned me thrice not to touch the cotton and spoil it as he was going for lunch to his home and come back within half an hour. He told me if I touch it or play with it, the cotton would be spoiled and it would become hard, and all his toil of that morning would be wasted. But as soon as he left the premises, I jumped on the heap of cotton rolling on it and enjoying to my heart's content, imagining that I was floating in the sky among white clouds.) That was a funny incidence, though, I still remember how cute it was to walk on the cloud. Now I experience sometimes the same way, I feel as if I was walking in clouds along with my God, when he gives promise and tells me His will.
On 16th I reached college a bit early , which I never did it before, I was forced inside to go earlier, it was so early may be half an hour before any body entered into the premises of college, strangely I found my principal there. Apart from her there was not a single soul in the compound. I saw Sister Winifred approaching the building walking from her convent, we both were almost three yards apart, as I was entering into college by main gate, she was at the college building coming from her convent. She had the most beautiful smile in the world for me that morning and , I smiled at her, wished her Happy new year, and very good morning, she in return wished me. I reached her and blurted out immediately, after a few steps of walk together.
---selah------ Great peace ... Oh that peace , I cannot describe it , its His peace, not the peace of the world, I enjoyed that peace in my heart. I have the answer.Our college reopened on 16th of January 1984, I stayed back In Vijayawada Satynnarayanapuram railway quarters, for those 15 days, How I enjoyed His presence is beyond my words to describe. I lived that fortnight as if I was in a dream, a dream where I fly on the white clouds in the blue sky.(At the age of 4 years I used to dream that I was playing, walking and eating the white clouds, one time my dad called a worker who makes the cotton in the mattresses fluffy again by his tools, we used to call him 'dhoodhiekulavadu' . So one day he started to work in our verandah I was sitting in a big chair a little apart from him and observing him very keenly, the cotton was becoming white and fluffy and very soft in his hands, seeing my keen observation and curiosity he must have suspected the mischievous thoughts of mine, which I myself did not know then, warned me thrice not to touch the cotton and spoil it as he was going for lunch to his home and come back within half an hour. He told me if I touch it or play with it, the cotton would be spoiled and it would become hard, and all his toil of that morning would be wasted. But as soon as he left the premises, I jumped on the heap of cotton rolling on it and enjoying to my heart's content, imagining that I was floating in the sky among white clouds.) That was a funny incidence, though, I still remember how cute it was to walk on the cloud. Now I experience sometimes the same way, I feel as if I was walking in clouds along with my God, when he gives promise and tells me His will.
On 16th I reached college a bit early , which I never did it before, I was forced inside to go earlier, it was so early may be half an hour before any body entered into the premises of college, strangely I found my principal there. Apart from her there was not a single soul in the compound. I saw Sister Winifred approaching the building walking from her convent, we both were almost three yards apart, as I was entering into college by main gate, she was at the college building coming from her convent. She had the most beautiful smile in the world for me that morning and , I smiled at her, wished her Happy new year, and very good morning, she in return wished me. I reached her and blurted out immediately, after a few steps of walk together.
"Sister I want to talk to you one important thing" I blurted out seeing her such angelic face. I told you when God puts His word in to my mouth it would be the most perfect one, and Immediately I too will know it was not me, but God speaks through me. She smiled brightly , that flashing smile , which is very rare on the faces of sisters, now a days, she was the only one principal who had such guileless sweet smile on her face, surely I can say that.
She said,"Oh yes, Miss , common into my chamber" and while walking beside her I reached her room, my mind was blank, nothing I prepared to talk. (To tell you the truth, from that 31st night to that minute I was not in my senses, but was in clouds, believe me friends.) I entered and sat in the chair she offered.
"Sister I want to apply one year leave on loss of pay" There was no introduction, nor any other commitments for this request. It was straight from my heart as my Lord guided me. Her answer too was more astonishing and instant, because she said."Yes Miss, Will you take it from the end of this academic year?"
"Yes, sister"
The next thing I remember is , I left the room , in silence having the joy of heaven. One thing with our sister Winifred or past Principal
Sr. Josephine, was when they say, 'YES" it is 'Yes', all ways, no turning back, I believe that particular morning she was led by God to come at that hour of the day, before anybody arrived to college, leading her to do the errand he prescribed to her. As it is this particular sister is the most God fearing woman, she obeyed the order of God immediately. They are catholic nuns, they put their lives on the alter of God, and served Him with all their hearts, never the dogma, or theology touched their hearts, Acts 10: 34, and 35..God knows his people who are in reverence of Him in every nation, in every people, and He cares them.
Sr. Josephine, was when they say, 'YES" it is 'Yes', all ways, no turning back, I believe that particular morning she was led by God to come at that hour of the day, before anybody arrived to college, leading her to do the errand he prescribed to her. As it is this particular sister is the most God fearing woman, she obeyed the order of God immediately. They are catholic nuns, they put their lives on the alter of God, and served Him with all their hearts, never the dogma, or theology touched their hearts, Acts 10: 34, and 35..God knows his people who are in reverence of Him in every nation, in every people, and He cares them.
She gave me leave on loss of pay from March 31st of that year, and immediately left for higher studies,to Mangalore. later she lamented about the way she had given me the leave. Because many other lecturers pestered the in-charge principal Sr. Vincenza, another sweet soul, who was informing Sr. Winifred and telling her about those requests. Later Sr Vincenza told me that Sister Winifred was so vexed and said to her, 'Oh why I said to Miss Leelavathi YES to her request that day, I do not know" ( In our college to get one day leave also was not so easy, Once one of the principals said, 'Why you should go to the funeral of your mother in law , your husband is going , anyway, I need you for the academic council meeting, I cannot give leave to you" this is only a simple example of many difficult things we faced to apply for a leave. Strangely enough I was the only one in those days who utilized One full year leave when I gave birth to my daughter(Sr. Josephine gave that leave and instructed Sr. Winifred how to give that leave to me, as of every beginning of holiday, i could come and sign and at the end I could sign again. In the history of the college nobody got such leave among our staff. and half pay leave for one year to my sons' delivery was given by Sr. Winifred, who all ways used to encourage us to have good families and to be good caring mothers. This is the third time I got Loss of pay leave, for one year, during Sr. Vincenza time as Sr. Winifred instructed her. With these wonderful sisters, that Beautiful British type of English and discipline was ended. In their time there were no biases, according caste or creed, everybody was loved and taken care very well. Many impossibilities made possible in my 35 years of career as Lecturer in this college. Any way when God granted that one year leave to me in Suvarthavani hall on the watch night service everything fall in its beautiful place. When God guides you everything falls in its placevery beautifully..
Peace,Peace wonderful peace
Coming from the Father above
Sweep over my spirit forever,
For 2nd Chapter CLICK HERE
Peace,Peace wonderful peace
Coming from the Father above
Sweep over my spirit forever,
I pray in fathomless billows of love.
For 2nd Chapter CLICK HERE
