Peace in the Heart

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. John 14:27a

"Love is Holy because it is like grace-- And the Peace the Lord gives would come only by Praying the things that we need to pray. Spreading all the issues at His feet , being transparent in our soul, pouring out all that is in there, whether it is good or bad, and tell Him as you would talk to your own heart, and your bosom loyal friend, where in which you could never hide anything. Then He is ready to submerge us with down pour of Peace which is beyond understanding, to our mind, our thoughts, our heart and which look like a great fortress to our thoughts, our feeling, emotions of our heart. This peace cannot be taken away by any one or anything. How often we forfeit this amazing peace , just because we are too lazy to talk to the lover of our soul, by seeking this intimate relationship with Him. This love, which never depend on our emotions, but floods us with joy. When we can find that peace; from that solid foundation, we can also find our purpose of life--our goal and our identity by looking unto Him. 1983....December., that was the year mark in my life like many other land marks carved by Him in His palm, to bring glory to His name. -- " Leela, your husband is needed very much in the ministry of Vijayawada, he had been a great help there in all these past years, but after he married you he is travelling in between Eluru and Vijayawada, and it is a great loss for the ministry there. Why don't you resign your job and shift to Vijayawada, and help in the ministry there? "-- One of the Heads of the church( who is in charge of Head Quarters) told me thus as a bolt out of the blue. But I was not shocked, nor was surprised, strangely enough, I learned to take things as they are; I knew everything would fall into perfect place as they should be, as my Father in Heaven is my guide and my redeemer in every situation , and I am assured that it will be well with them who trust in Him, and who does His will in their life. anything may come or anything may go, no problem. So quietly but firmly I answered her: "Certainly sister, I like to take your advice, but I want to pray and find the will of God first." Looking straight into her eyes, I answered. I believe the answeres, and the right answers come from God alone; they look like 'the golden apples in a silver platter'. And when God puts right answer in my mouth,I knew that , God is taking charge of the whole situation. I knew, what I am supposed to answer my superiors. (According to Luke 12:11,12. " When you are brought before ..the rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say." Therefore I knew that I would give them right answer. and I often find joy in giving an right reply--and I see how good is that timely word!! (Pro 15ch) Therefore, this guideline from Holy Scriptures is the promise I claimed -- "Seeking His will , doing it at any cost", is the anchor of my life. I need not be afraid or confused at any given situation, if only I based every decision of mine upon His word, and His guidance. I found this habit of mine is very refreshing to my soul all the time. "Oh , exactly Leela, you must pray and find the will of God" she smiled and sent me off. Now after 45 years , I am surprised of her advice, asking me to resign my job, by involving into my personal life and matters, and financial issues, under the name of spiritual counselor. Nevertheless, thank God, I took it as a challenge to seek the Will of God in my life, by considering my job ,as my 'Isaac' as the burnt offering on the 'alter'. Though obedient as they insist, my guide is my God , not human wisdom. they are only counselors, but my Guide and Ruler and my Lord is my Saviour who shed His blood and bought me to be His Love. I found this way of life of seeking Him in His Holy Scriptures always rejuvenate me and protects me at every step of my life. I found it was easy to stand firm on my ground. Understood that, this peace that Jesus gives is not like the peace that we get from our own efforts, leaning upon our own knowledge or seeking advice from the kith and kin, or well wishers. When we depend upon His counsel, when He leads and guides us in life, the peace in our heart is something amazing and wonderful beyond human understanding.

Now in that December 1983, just prior to her advice to resign my job, I got some remuneration money by correcting the examination papers in my college where I was working, and I was longing to see my little daughter in good clothes, so I went to the shop and bought one half dozen cotton frocks of my liking, and my choice of colour and model. She used to wear only the frocks gifted by others, or the ones I used to stitch on sewing machine, in those days. so buying 'ready- made' clothes was a dream .I overwhelmed with joy while dressing up my little girlie in different colored frocks in that December Christmas season.

When I was told to resign the job, I retreated to my quiet time with the Lord then the first thought pricked in my heart was -- ' oh, it means, we have to live on one salary, that is his meger salary only. (In those days, my parents-in-law used to take all my salary for their children,) Therefore I could not spend for my children lavishly. But at least now and then when I have some extra money like Spot valuation remuneration; I was able to spend something on them and enjoy to see them beautifully dressed up. But if I do not have my job what will happen?" a sort of fear overwhelmed me; and completely unbalanced me. But I resolved to pray about this. Determined to pray in 'a set- time and in a set- place'. I told the Lord Yeshua, that I will meet Him on 31st night December Watch Night Worship and pray to find about His Will and His wish with regard to this issue. But meanwhile, I was whispering my fears in my prayer to Him all through the day and night every day till that prescribed date."Take words with you and return to the Lord.."(Hosea 14:2)

It was 31st night Dec, 1983, my daughter was two and half years old and my son 18 months old, I went to Vijayawada to attend the Watch Night Service. It was arranged in Suvartha Vani hall, Br Solomon was the preacher.

I went there found a corner place, spread the blanket sheets, I laid down my children on the blankets, my little chubby son in front of me, daughter beside me. and I knelt down on knees and went straight away into the presence of God. I determined to pour out my heart as Hannah did in the presence of God, I prayed, "Lord here I am. you know me, my predicament, they told me to resign my job. Lord you were the One who gave this job as you did divide the Red sea in olden times, in a miraculous way, beyond human intervention or imagination or comprehension, but, now if you want me to resign this job for the sake of your kingdom, I WILL DO it. Surely I will resign this. You are my Father, You know how to help. selah But Lord do you think that we can live with one salary? The few things I bought for my children also will be cut off, as it is, we are living on the basis of 'hand to mouth' . do you think I can have much faith to go on worse life than this present life? Tell me Lord whatever you want me to do I will do, but YOU TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO.'"

The TESTS God gives to us are unique, and distinctive; yes, He gave Isaac to Abraham with great promises, but He asked Abraham to sacrifice him. Its very important to us to learn to pray echoing with the prophet Job about all matters, "He gave and He took it back"--- should be our attitude all ways. Yes, its terribly difficult, in practice, but I experienced the One who asked us to give it back, and who gives the test also gives us endurance and hope in Him to go all through. Now after I finished my prayer for some time as above, I knew God heard my prayer,( He heard my prayer Psalm 66;19 "God has surely listened and has heard my prayer." I knew that He heard my sincere prayer as I did pray without hiding any thing from Him, a prayer wherein I want to know His will , a prayer where I put "my will" as a burnt offering. A sort of great PEACE encompassed me, This is the sign often I get before I get an answer from God in spectacular way. So I resolved to listen to His voice as an answer to my petition then and there."Lead me in Your truth, and teach me. For You I wait all the day."Psalm 25:5

[ I have had a habit of listening to the word of God , very carefully, because I knew that it increase my faith in Him, It was my wont of listening to the messages, very carefully, as I learned once, when I was literally confused about the word FAITH in the first few months of my walk with God.
One day I was led to Trinity Lutheran Church ( Jagadhamba center, Vizag) in an evening time. As our Police Bungalows were very near to that church I walked to the church to spend some time alone in the presence of God. There was no one in the church, so I knelt down and asked Him to tell me the meaning of FAITH.
My prayer was as simple as that. Then I was led to see the verse Romans 10:17 as I just wanted to read from my Gideon's English New Testament which I took along with me.
There I found this verse " Consequently, FAITH comes from hearing the message , and the message is heard through the WORD Of CHRIST " Romans 10:17 I came into full attention, within as i was meditating the verse in my mind, I saw the chapel was slowly being filled with the people, I asked one near me "What is going on?" se told me they came for sunday Evening English Service and they usually get a Guest speaker for this. I was happy to be there at that time. Therefore that evening the guest speaker for that day was an Old gentleman, who started the message with this question directly: "What is Faith? How we get Faith?' --- and he referred to the same verse I was looking at. His message was straight answer to me the thirst of my soul quenched thoroughly. Even now I could not digest how I got that key verse about FAITH in the Bible ROMANS 10:17 Why and how that old gentleman choose the same verse to explain that da? It was nothing but God's Providence. At that time, not only my eyes but even my ears glued to him, and myself to the seat where I sat. It was nothing but the great presence of my Lord, my Saviour explaining and answering my question, "What is FAITH and How we get it?" His message was a straight answer to me and my soul was satisfied. Since then I made a strict rule in my life, that I should listen to His word carefully. eyes glued to that verse and to my seat in the chapel, I listened to the Word of God very carefully,since then till today.)
On 31st December, Watch Night Service, I was in His presence. the man of God started to read from the Bible, Deuteronomy 11:12-15 read this very carefully, because this promise was fulfilled, in my life in a spectacular way not once but five times consequently and amzingly.

"The Land you are crossing the Jordan--to take possession of , is a land of mountains and valleys, that drinks rain from heaven. It is the land your God cares for, the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end"

Br Solomon, the man of God was explaining it, he did not know that I was in that big crowd, I sat at the rear end of the hall in a corner, he did not know my predicament, or the question in my heart. His message was carried on more or less like this: "Are you afraid to come to the land of God? Are you afraid to serve Him . Do not be afraid, there would be great difficulties like the mountains, and also joys like the valleys, but you will drink the rain of heaven, you will have plenty of work in His vineyard, God will take care of you." I do not remember not much more than that, but I was Looking into my Book and reading those verses.

¹¹But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. ¹²It is a land the Lord your God cares for; the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.

1) The Land I am going to cross, and the river, Jordan Its a river of Test, a symbol of my decision, to swim across into great test of life of faith. Need to take a bold step forward and into an unknown challenging future. Its like a decision to CROSS A RIVER in my life, its my JORDAN indeed. And Vijayawada has a river Krishna not in Eluru where I was working as Lecturer in a Degree College, at that time.

2) Its the land of mountains and valleys, ( Vijayawada is the land with magnificent hills and hillocks and plains, not Eluru certainly!Not even one hill or hillock is in it. )

3) And It drinks the rain of the heaven,( oh here in Vijayawada, the word of God is plenty; we will have youth meetings, Sunday school meetings, evangelists from HQ come on every Sunday, but not in Eluru definitely)

4) God cares this place, My mind was settled, very well, now I knew God wants me to come to Vijayawada. I closed my eyes and yielded to Him at that very moment. "Thine will be done ,even so, my Lord, My God"

And then my eyes looked on the last part of the verse.

5) His eyes shall be on it from the beginning of the year to the end, and all in a sudden God's voice shouted in my head, like this:
"Yes you need to come to this land for ONE YEAR"

"What? How Lord? " was my next question, the answer was vivid , clear and sharp and to the point, "Apply one year leave, Yes, LOSS OF PAY-LEAVE for ONE YEAR"
---selah-----

the answer and solution is from the Lord, its perfect way of dealing with the question of my shifting to Vijayawada. How great is the wisdom of God, its beyond human way of solving the problem or finding way to get through a problem. The solutions of the Lord comprises of His Great Peace . Oh that peace , I cannot describe it , its His peace, not the peace of the world, this peace is full of wisdom, I enjoyed that peace in my heart, I have the answer.because I understood that God leads me step by step, one step at a time.

Our college reopened on 16th of January 1984. I stayed back In Vijayawada Satynnarayanapuram railway quarters, for those Christmas holidays, How I enjoyed His presence is beyond my words to describe. I lived that vacation as if I was in a dream, a dream where I fly on the white clouds in the blue sky.

[At the age of 4 years I used to dream that I was playing with, walking on, and even eating the white clouds, at times. One time my dad called a worker who makes the cotton in the mattresses fluffy by spinning the cotton, by his tools, we used to call him 'dhoodhiekulavadu' .{Cotton Spinning and fabricating person} So one day he started to work in our corridor, I was sitting in a big chair a little apart from him and observing him very keenly, the cotton was becoming white and fluffy and very soft in his hands, seeing my keen observation and curiosity he must have suspected the mischievous thoughts of mine, which I myself did not know then why he warned me thrice not to touch the cotton and spoil it as he was going for lunch. He told me that he would come back within half an hour. He told me if I touch it or play with it, the cotton would become solid again and spoiled and it would become ugly to look at, and all his toil of that morning would be wasted. But as soon as he left the premises,I jumped on the heap of cotton, rolled on it and enjoyed the feel of it, to my heart's content, imagining that I was floating in the sky among white clouds.} That was a funny incident, though, I still remember how cute it was to walk on the cloud. Now I experience sometimes the same way, I feel as if I was walking in clouds and floating on them, along with my God. This I feel when He gives me a promise and tells me His will. "Sing praises to God and His name! sing loud praises to Him who rides the clouds" Psalm 68:4

On 16th I reached college much earlier ,as if some unseen force pushing me since that morning, I was literally forced in my mind to go earlier, may be half an hour before any body enter into the premises of college. As soon as I entered into the main gate, I saw Sister Winifred,our Principal approaching the building walking from her convent, we both were almost three yards apart. She had the most beautiful smile in the world for me that morning and , I smiled at her, wished her" Happy new year, and very good morning", She in turn wished me. I reached her and immediately after a few steps of walk together, I blurted out . "Sister I want to talk to you one important thing".
I know when God puts His word into my mouth it would be the most perfect one, there won't be fumbling for words, and immediately I too will know it was not me, but God speaks through me. The timing and the place to meet my Principal also was perfectly designed by Him lready (She smiled brightly , that flashing smile , she was the only one Principal who had such guileless sweet smile on her face, surely I can say that.)

She said,"Oh yes, Miss , come on into my chamber" and while walking beside her I reached her room.My mind was blank, nothing I prepared to talk. I did not premeditate any appropriate words to say about my request for the leave on loss of pay. (To tell you the truth, from that 31st night to that minute I was not in my senses, but was in clouds, believe me friends.)I need to ask for the leave on loss of pay, no introduction of my request words in my mind. I entered and sat in the chair she offered.

"Sister I want to apply one year leave on loss of pay" There was no introduction, nor any other commitments of prep talk for this request. It was straight from my heart as my Lord guided me. Her answer too was more astonishing and instant, because she said,"Yes Miss, Will you take it from the end of this academic year?"

"Yes, sister"--That's it !!---- The next thing I remembered is , I left the room , in silence having the joy of heaven. One thing with our sister Winifred or past Principal Sr. Josephine was, when they say, 'YES" it is 'Yes', all ways, no turning back, I believe that particular morning she was led by God to come at that hour of the day, before anybody arrived to college, leading her to do the errand He prescribed to her. As it is this particular sister is the most God fearing woman, she obeyed the order of God immediately. They are catholic nuns, they put their lives on the alter of God, and served Him with all their hearts, never the dogma, or theology, caste or community touched their hearts. That British discipline and rules were over with Sr.winifred. Acts 10: 34, and 35..God knows his people who are in reverence of Him in every nation, in every people, and He cares them.

She gave me leave on loss of pay from March 31st of that year, and she immediately left for higher studies,to Mangalore. later she lamented about the way she had granted the leave to me. Because many other lecturers pestered the in-charge principal Sr. Vincenza, another sweet soul, to grant leave to them too as I was given, so Sr Vincenza was informing Sr. Winifred and telling her about those requests. Later Sr Vincenza told me that Sister Winifred was so frustrated and said to her,'Oh why I said,'YES" to Miss Leelavathi to her request that day, I do not know" ( In our college to get one day leave also was not that easy, but I was the one who got the maximum leave to the utmost end. Strangely enough I was the only one in those days who utilized One full year leave when I gave birth to my daughter(Sr. Josephine gave that leave and instructed Sr. Winifred how to give that leave to me, as of every beginning of vacation, I could come and sign and at the end I could sign again. In the history of the college nobody got such leave among our staff. and half pay leave for one year to the delivery of my son, was given by Sr. Winifred, who always used to encourage us to have good families and to be good caring mothers. This is the third time I got Loss of pay leave, for one year, during Sr. Vincenza time as Sr. Winifred instructed her. With these wonderful sisters, having ,that Beautiful British type of English and discipline, integrity, nobility, decency, fairness we had golden days of college life. In their time there were no prejudices and biases, according caste or creed, everybody was loved and taken care very well. Many impossibilities made possible in my 35 years of career as Lecturer in this college. Any way when God Himself granted that one year leave to me in Suvarthavani hall on the watch night service, every piece of puzzle fall in its beautiful place. Yes, in God's perfect colorful picture of my life His pieces of art suitably fit into design.

Standing on the solid Rock

Standing on The Rock: His Banner over me is LOVE
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God is my Rock Psalm 18;2 He alone is my Rock, and my salvation; He is my fortress , I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:2

Yes , with light luggage, and much lighter hearts we shifted to Vijayawada in the month of April , 1984. The promise of God was my forte, my anchor and my strength, Once I have His promise in decisions of my life, I walk in the 9th cloud and nothing can dwindle my strong foot, on the strong rock; it would be my guide to go further. My husband's faith was like Isaac's , more passive, unlike his father Abraham's whose faith was very active. My husband was covert type, his walk with God was, though not much of spectacular , yet it was more of exemplary and inexpressive, impressive, and unquestioning, by just trusting Him like a tree rooted on the banks of the river of His will and in His word. He blossom like the 'dew on lotus', take 'root as the cedars' of Lebanon. His faith was just trusting in Him and walking with Him.-- Unlike mine, mine is demanding, questioning, and getting His assurance at every turn of life. Therefore, our married life in the Lord was a balanced and cohesive one.
Jesus told us," The one who listen to My word and do accordingly would be like the one who built his house on the rock, there was storm and wind, but the house was standing still because its foundation was on the Rock'. Matthew 7:24 Yes, I want to do any thing basing on His word, this is safe for me, and it would give me security, It is the linchpin of my life.
We lived in the Railway quarters of Satyanarayanapuram, Vijayawada . The life was very cozy, very comfortable ever since; comparing to all those previous years of my married life since 1979.As I was supposed to woke up at 4 am after retiring to bed late in the night at about 11 or 12 O' clock, to prepare breakfast and lunch for my husband by 6 am in the morning. Because he used to travel by the passenger train,on Season Ticket, to reach his office, D.E.N office in Vijayawada.
I used to make variety food, for him , never compromised in cooking, though I was naive in culinary skills, I used to refer Malathi Chandur's Cook book, often. I did not like my husband to eat in cafeteria, so I used to prepare dal, fry, curry, omelet, and chutney along with rice for lunch and give breakfast of idly, dosa, pan cakes, or some delicious things along with Horlicks to him. I looked after him with utmost care and love. In fact , I treated him like a king all through our married life. I used to teach the women in church, "When you treat your husband as a king, he will turn up into a king, if you treat your husband as a pauper, he will turn up into a pauper."    Proverbs 31 chapter was my guidance,to my family life, as a good wife. I toiled day and night in the kitchen, took care of children while working 8 hours in the college, along with many other responsibilities undertaken, in his absence; even I learned to go to ration shop, buy kerosene standing in a Que. In my maternal home we used to have an 'orderly';a police constable to do all that mundane things at home, in those days, I never was accustomed to cook or to shop. But I took every thing as a challenge in life and learned to rise up to the occasion. I used to iron his clothes, polish his shoes, clean his bicycle too . I had no restrictions for my love for him. I had great regard for him. He is just an ordinary man, but I determined to love him when I married him. When there is love in married life nothing is burdensome. For me LOVE is a decision in life. When we determined to love a person, we can, and that love surpasses all understanding, it overrules every limitation, it over looks all follies, it sacrifices for the well being of that person. This love comes from God, when we pray for it and decide for it in His presence. When we know that we are in the center of His will as a foundation of married life , everything can be a source of happiness. If the couple would find the married life uncouth as their love is only on account of outward appearances or fleshly needs, and comforts that love is selfish and gives rise to spikes in life. Love and hope and endurance had no place in such marital lives, because they find fault with one another due to selfishness seeking their own pleasure, forgetting adaptability, commitment to family life.They expect their spouse to do service to them, and fulfill their desires and dreams of unmarried life, the life they enjoyed and dreamed before marriage. Marriage could not give place to such dreams , because its a commitment to take care of other person not of own; this main concept and principle of married life should be exercised 24x7 of 365 days of every year. It cannot be ignored even for a second. Therefore when they demand one another and expect the other to serve them in every situation of life, instead of serving the other, that marriage is a disaster. Even if we forget this great endurance for one another, the ruin of that house would be tremendous . Some people do not want to take up this challenge of life, by not getting married, such people never could get this chastising refinement. If people consecrate their lives to the service of the Lord by not getting married and involve in worldly things,it is well and good. But avoiding the marriage just for the love of entertainment, free life without any commitment, is not good in the sight of God. The Golden Rule given by Jesus, " To have friends, be ye a friend" is forgotten because Jesus is not the center of their family life. If we just can not cope up with just one another human being by marriage by sharing our life, how can we serve society, how can we love the world as God loved the world? After all Marriage is an institution established by God Himself, and found it is the beautiful relationship on this earth, but if man or woman despise this institution and run away from commitment, God would not appreciate such lives. Marriage is an institution where people trained in exercising Love or sharing his things with other fellow human being in close quarters. Expecting nothing from the other but giving only should be the core principle of married life. Adaptability is the main thing to have a good family life. A mature person is the one who can adapt to life situations. Decision and Determination is all that needed for love.When we decide to love, it comes automatically. Selfishness can not have a place in such love. This love is needed in married life on both sides.
Our life when shifted to Vijayawada was easier one, comparing to the physically toiled life in Eluru . I need not be hurried to cook , as he used to come home for lunch, so I had all the time in the world. I was afraid about money matters, but God blessed us so much, we could save every possible way; strangely enough we could buy a scooter for him, and also a small place in Manglagiri. I started to take Sunday school in my little hall to the kids of that area and became very active in church work among young girls and women meetings. No grumbling or worrying over leaving the best job in Eluru. Being in perfect will of God is living in peace in this life. In the Christmas story of the gospel according Luke, a beautiful verse(2:14) often challenges me, " Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace among those with whom he pleased"
In Vijayawada I spent my days very happily, while playing with my children, singing songs for them, dancing with them.. I invented a special song for each one of my children.. we were such a happy family, though I did not have salary that year. This song was for my daughter Happy, she named herself when she was 2 years old. "Chinni bujji thallulu aachi buuchuluu, chinni bujji kannalu aach buchulu..aachi buchulu aachibuchulu . (Sweet little mom, hey pee-ca-boo, sweet little girlie pee-ca-boo; hey hey pee-ca-boo, my little daughter pee-ca-boo.} This another song was for my son John. "Chinni chinni baabulu, bangaaru babulu chinnari baabulu yethukona baabulu lallalallall (little little sonny, small small sonny my sweet little sonny, let me lift you to my shoulder my sweet sonny) The house was filled with my favorite songs, and dances along with the children. God proved Himself, that happiness and joy and peace of the family do not depend on money, but on His word and in doing His will.
During these days after a few months in the same year strangely in the month of October, 1984; the most unexpected way I saw an advertisement in The Indian Express,an English News paper, the advertisement was for a Field Supervisor in Maris Stella college,in Social work Department, Vijayawada . The advertisement was in small corner of the paper occupying only three or four lines, in classified section. If I did not see that advertisement the incidents that took place in this story of my life, would be quiet unchallenged. As I already mentioned, once we gird up to do the will of God according to His word, everything will be arranged in perfect pattern in life.
I told my husband about this, and I went to meet the Sister Subramanyam, Principal of the college. She was very much impressed with me, and told me that I can come and join the faculty immediately. I told her that my name was on the roll of the staff register, still in St. Theresa college, Eluru;, and that I was  seeking for a job in Vijayawada. She appreciated my fairness and asked me to come to college and take classes, any way, for which I accepted to work on voluntary basis. She entrusted three or four Moral science classes beside Field Supervisor post. I was working voluntarily without any salary, College bus used to pick me up at my residence therefore the life was more cozier than in Eluru. I think my God had given me a taste of beautiful life if I chose to work in Vijayawada leaving my job in Eluru.
I worked for a few months. The time has come to choose the college where I should work. The question was whether to to choose Vijayawada or go back to Eluru. God told me to come here for only one year for sure. strangely enough, now the Lecturer/ /Field supervisor post was opened for me in this place. Sister Subramanyam created the Lecturer post for me asking a particular lecturer post was terminated as she warned her before as the principal was not pleased with her performance. Therefore a clear vacancy of that particular Lecturer post was created for me. When God intended to give training to us to do His will, He brings many situations to choose; many tests to face in our lives. He opens Heavenly Manna to us every day and tells us not to gather it on Sabbath. It look like we have a blessing on one side and choosing and obeying His Will is on the other side.
Sr. Principal requested me to come and join in Maris Stella. Look, I have a post and I can join in it. But the management from the college in Eluru also insisting me to come and join in my own post immediately, and they asked me to inform them whether I would come or not by the end of that academic year. Both Principals want me to come to a decision immediately and inform them.( The Lecturer post in undergraduate level in Social Work was/is available in only three college to this day, since 1976, i.e., 1.Maris Stella College in Vijayawada. 2. St Theresa's College Eluru, and 3. D.N.R collage Bhimavaram in Andhra Pradhesh. After many years Vishaka Women's college Vizag created Social work department due to the pressure of the Social work department in Andhra University) No other college thought of taking this as one of the optional subjects in undergraduate level in coastal area. We do not find certain subject in U G level, such as, Geology, Philosophy, Psychology, Home Science, Music,in many colleges etc Social work also comes under that category.
Its mere grace of God that I was sought to work in both places where I reside. Did I ever thought I would gain jobs in vijayawada college? If I did not see that small advertisement in Indian Express about the post of Field Supervisor in Maris Stella college that day, I would not had applied and entered into Maris Stella. God had given me a chance to opt for working in Vijayawada too. It was His doing, not human interference. Now I need to choose one. This or that. First of all the HQ of the church organization wanted me to resign my job in Eluru, they do not want me to work at all, by all means, they wanted us to stay in Vijayawada . Any way they come to know that I already got a chance to work in this place too. then I thought that they may want me not to work in Eluru but in Vijayawada surely. Now I need to choose where to work. After tasting the leisurely life for one whole academic year and enjoying at home I wondered whether I should work at all or not.--- Meanwhile I had a hint from the local evangelists that I need not work at all.
Therefore I decided to take everything to my Lord and seek His advice. Is He not the Great Counselor? Why I ever should be confused at all ? I see only a small part of whole big colorful design of the Big Picture of God, My Designer of my life. He sees my life as it is, the past, the present, the future of mine.
Therefore I wanted to get the Super Advice from my Lord. I set apart some days for fasting and praying. That was from January 1st, 1985 whole day I was on meager food and drink and nights no food except some coffee, I set those nights for prayer and to seek His will. The Lord told me that His eye is on me for this year from the beginning to the end, and told me to apply loss of leave. Now from Dec 31st,(1983) to Dec 31st(1984) one year over. But I applied leave from March 31st,(1984) My decision should be given by March 31st 1985--Any way ONE solid year of God's promise fulfilled here in this particular situation of my life.    I wrote 4 questions on the back page of my Bible. I sat in His presence.. wrote the questions after my supplications and prayers. The gist of prayer was written in 4 questions.    1) Lord, Should I work or not? Is it YOUR will for me to continue to work or not?   2) Lord If you want me to work, where should I work? In Vijayawada? Or Eluru;    In Maris Stella? Or St. Theresa's college? 3) Lord, If you want me not to work , can I sustain the same faith as of now? In spite of any unforeseen financial problems I may have to face?   4) Lord , If you want me to work, Please provide me a HELP to carry on the work with my little children.
St.Paul said,"I will pray in Spirit and I will pray in my understanding."--1 Corinthians 14:13 In what sense he said, I do not know, but I often experience, I pray something, which I never thought to pray or do not know how to pray or what to pray, I pray and write books, in such a way beyond my own understanding . Even sometimes I found my own writings in my books, or answers I give in the times of great confused incidents, were beyond my knowledge or wisdom or understanding. They come from above, and those were precise and accurate and transparent and to the point. Only the Spirit of God helped me many times what to pray. The Holy Spirit prays, on behalf of us: Romans 8:26 The Holy Spirit intercedes with sighs,the Spirit helps using our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express Therefore Four questions I wrote on the back page of my Bible and started to pray, seeking His guidance. I started to pray one question after the other, all questions one by one were answered from above. Did you see the hand of God? How come a clear vacancy was created for me in Maris Stella in that year? How come Sister Principal of that College and also Sr. Vincenza the Principal in charge of St. Theresa's college, both would ask me to give answer whether I will come and join the post?? Do you think its just coincidence? Do you think these things happen in our lives just accidentally? No No, God has a design and a plan for me, for you, we are supposed to take time to know about it at His feet.
God answered all the questions, also gave me call for His ministry and a guidance to buy a house to live and a place for His worship and the future plan for my life in ONE CHAPTER of the Holy Book. during my fasting prayers in that month January 1985.which were fulfilled in amazing way according to His will.
He alone is my rock and my Salvation He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Standing on Rock of Ages and enjoying His bountiful blessings, is like a dream of colourful Rainbow. For others who read my life, it look like a unbelievable story. There are many Human Rightists,Agnostics, Atheists, who do not believe the True Loving and Living Father God. They try to give explanation for these happenings, they even talk of the Power of Positive mind, but I tell you, I do not know the arguments of these foolish ungodly people, all I have is,a Living God who answeres us if we pray even to me an ordinary being. Elijah was a man just like us, with the same disposition, he prayed that there would not be rain in that sinful land, for three years, and there was no rain. Later he prayed again, and there was rain. This sentence from the letter of James is a great encouragement. We too can pray and see the miracles in our lives. " He set me high upon a Rock" Ps 28:1 "For in the days of my trouble He will keep me safe in His swelling ; He will hide me in the shelter of His Tabernacle and set me high upon a Rock. Ps 27:5

Standing on Rock of Ages Safe, from all the storm that rag Rich, from not Satan's wages --Standing on the solid " I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts: I will look to see what He will say to me, and how He will answer my complaint" ------Habakkuk 2:1

I wrote 4 questions on the back page of my Bible.
I sat in His presence.. wrote FOUR questions on the back page of my Bible, after my intensive supplications and prayers. The gist of prayer was written in 4 questions.

1) Lord,Should I work or not? Is it YOUR will for me to continue to work? 2) Lord If you want me to work, where should I work? In Vijayawada? Or Eluru? In Maris Stella? Or St. Theresa's college? 3) Lord, If you want me not to work , can I sustain the same faith as of now? in spite of any unforeseen financial problems I may have to face in future? 4) Lord , If you want me to work, Please provide me a HELP to carry on the work with my little children.

St.Paul said,"I will pray in Spirit and I will pray in my understanding."--1 Corinthians 14:13
Yes, I prayed both in understanding and the Spirit of God guided me how to pray. Those were the four questions, which changed the pattern of my life till now. Remember those questions were asked in the year 1985. Basing on that prayer and the promise, God had given and guided I found a few important land marks in my life--(1). in 1985(about my job, and the call for the Ministry) ,( 2). in 1986 (a HELP) and( 3). in 1991 again ( HELP),and( 4).1994 House)and (5). in 1997 (Prayer House) too basing upon the same promise given at that situation. ( You are going to read all those stories of miracles of God, in coming writings of mine) The promises of God are abundant, and amazing, if we have the faith as of the size of a muster seed, even the mountains can be moved out of our way. The Lord who takes time to talk to us, is faithful one. He is interested even in our trivial matters . He is God of this BIG universe with all its stars, milky ways, planets and oceans, and He is also God of small matters as of my life matters as such; ' Should I work or not, where to work, here or there', etc etc. Isn't it wonderful thing to live with Him? Yes, He takes time to answer us, if only we take time to talk to Him about our every need.
I had FOUR questions with regard to my life's crucial moment, and God answered me in wonderful way through the Numbers : chapter 32; He guided me and answered me for all those FOUR QUESTIONS, and also taught me how to gain more by learning to claim the promises in that chapter for the questions of my life in future too.
God's children often remind God of His promises, and claim the promise He made to them again and again. This I learned from the prayers of King David. His Psalms were my guidelines to pray. God was reminded again and again about the promises HE gave, His people remind Him of His promises and request Him to fulfill them again and again. It does not mean that He has forgotten His promises. It is we who forget His promises, so we should remind ourselves by praying again and again claiming the same promise some times; which look like that we are reminding Him about His own promise.
An analogy here explains this well. "A child was promised by his father that he would buy a chocolate, so the child would ask his father again and again, "Dad, you promised me a chocolate." its not the father who forgot his promise, but the child need to ask his dad for the chocolate again and again. It shows, that the child is leaning on his dad for his need, not striving to achieve the chocolate by other means, like asking some one else, or stealing it, or earning it by himself, or begging others for it. The child's trust is in his dad, he is asking him alone for the chocolate, because he is a child and he has faith in his dad, not in other means and ways. In my childhood about 4 years of age, I asked my dad for one pen, he said, " Why only one pen? I will give you a load of Lorry pens. " that day I seated myself at the gate of our house on a the crook of a small gate and waited for a lorry which ever comes and goes in our street. I even refused to go inside to eat or drink, when my mom called me inside, I told her I was waiting for the Lorry, I posted myself on that crook of the small wicket gate, and I was waiting for that load of lorry pens. In the evening when my dad came I asked him about the pens very anxiously, he might had been very much surprised a lot , and of course I do not remember what he said, but after wards I never had the dearth of pens in our home. He used to give me the best pens. In those days, having a pen was a luxury, that too Parker pen in my college days, he bought a wrist watch for me even when I was in 6th class(1960's) when he saw my fondness for it. If such was the love of earthly father, how much more the heavenly Father is concern of us !! The only important thing in faith is, whether we leaned upon Him, upon His word remembering it, reminding it in our hearts and in prayer. Jesus told us " Have faith like little children, unless you change like a little child, unless you are as humble as a little child, you will not enter into the kingdom of God." -- Many of us, pray for our need, but keeping faith in our own efforts, or in the recommendations of others, or in the money that we have in the bank or in the purse. It means we have already chalked out our own plan of solution, Plan A , Plan B--and as a habit we pray to Him as a parrot; but already there was a pre-planned solution, even before asking His plan. It's already sits there in mind to be administered. That is not FAITH. Faith means Trusting God that He would do it, not by human intervention. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."--Heb 11:1
Read the prayer of David, in 2 Sam 7:18-29--"Then King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said,
( 1.) You have spoken about the future of the house of your servant. (2). for the sake of your Word, and according to your will ( 3). and keep forever your promise, do as you promised v.25 (4). You have revealed this ... You said you will build a house for you.v 27( 5.)You have promised these good things,v.28 (6). For you YOU Sovereign Lord, have spoken....v.29
It was God's Great Promise----The Lord's promise to establish "David's throne forever" suggested that Israel would never lack the leadership they needed. This promise was one of the series of Covenants between God and his people- with Abraham (Genesis 12) with Moses at Sinai (Exodus 20) and now with David. The New Testament sees this promise being fulfilled in Jesus, The Son of David, and King of kings forever and ever. (Luke 1:32--33) David was reminding God about His promises, he was begging God to fulfill those promises in his life. -- My eyes are welled up with tears, to remember the faithfulness of God.   Yes, when God says, YES, it is YES all ways,( for all God's promises are fulfilled in Christ with Resounding YES, and in Christ, and so through him the AMEN( which means Yes)is spoken by us to the glory of God.("2 Cor 1:20) How many times you claim that promise, when and how you claim that promise depends upon your need, your prayer your relationship with God, It is up to you ! When we seek the assistance of Holy Spirit in our prayer, He will pray on our behalf, just according to His will and His word. We will know that we have prayed according to His will and that He would answer certainly. Also we will know how God would fulfill His promises again and again when we claim those promises again in the crux of our needs.
I set apart certain days for fasting and prayer. Fasting for me ,means setting time and days to dwell my spirit only on that particular query to seek the answer from God. Whether I ate or not was not the question, but though its mattered sometimes. For me fasting prayer means, not to hovering over mundane things, but to constrain myself from general things and concentrate on the predicament of doubt to be clarified by His Word and keeping the whole time in the presence of God in my spirit,
As He told me previously that His eye will be on us from the beginning of the year to the end of the year. (From Dec 31st 1984. now it is 1st of January 1985, and according to my academic year i.e., from March 31st,1985 to March 31st 1986 . Whatever be the months, that January is the right time to seek His answer for next academic year) And I need to take a decision in that month so that, I could answer my authorities. Therefore I sought for the presence of God , in prayer and supplications. As the days to give my acceptance to join in one of the two colleges are approaching fast, I thought I better to start prayer from January for the next academic year.
The first question was like this. ( 1) "Lord tell me, should I work or not, your servants told me to resign the job, but you told me to apply leave for one year as 'leave on loss of pay'. Soon the days would come to an end. Tell me, should I work or not.---This was the gist of my prayer. As I was keeping on asking Him in prayer; within the first few days, I got the answer for the first question. Philippians 4:6, 7 guided me aptly. "Do not be anxious about any thing but in every situation,by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. and the peace of God which transcends, all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. While I was praying and seeking His will, His inner voice echoed in my heart, and His peace engulfed all over, my thoughts, and my heart was at peace. I can recognize His voice. His voice was crystal clear. I can't be cheated, in recognizing His voice because His sheep knows it and they follow Him. They do not follow his own voice or voice of other kith and kin. Now my mind is at rest which is beyond explanation with His peace, Only those who pray and get this Peace of God which transcends , all understanding, which guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus know what I felt at that moment. My Shepherd's voice was resounding in my ears telling me," Yes, You are going to work" . That VOICE was a very familiar voice to me, it can not be mistaken even a second, " That was finalized.
The Devil cheat some people as it did with Eve and Adam, telling them that their own will was the voice of God. How to distinguish such voices? Many people say that, "God told me to do this and that". Though it was not from God, but their own wish and will. We can recognise those people, by observing the end result of their prayer and guidance they spoke about is,nothing but of self glory; it is not based upon the word of God, but upon their own intuition, and insight and the result of such claim brings shame and utter humiliation and financial bankruptcy, and fear and confusion in lives of those who seek such guidance from such people. The problem to these seekers was that, its very difficult for them to yield to God in utter submission, of their own will ; to take time to pray; because they are oppressed by their own efforts , because they already spent some time and energy, and money that said project; to come out of the ditch they were in, because they are influenced tremendously by the impressions of other good friends, or society they live in. They just can not pray fearing, if " I pray, and suppose God tells me not to go further in this venture, what will happen? " So they think better not to seek "His will" rather than take a step back, if God tells them to retreat back, they take further steps forward. They do not like to take up any other advice from any one even from His holy Scriptures. The good example is Judas, who sold Christ for 30 silver coins, when he realized that his greed overcame him though he knew that Christ was sinless , instead of going to the Tree (Cross) where He was hanging, to ask His forgiveness, Judas went to a 'tree' where he hanged himself and fell upside down while his bowls were spilled out, by his act of suicide. In this way people do not like to find solution from Him but seek their own as they like and waste their lives. Acts 1: 18" .... falling headlong, he burst open into the middle and all his entrails gushed out." Thus many prefer to go further in their chosen path and face shame, humiliation ultimately.
Sometimes our faith seeks only the "second best" after much waste of life. Instead of seeking "His best" in the first place. The sovereign God sometimes shows His abundant mercy upon us, as He had shown in case of Jonah the run-away prophet of God. Some of us, do right thing only after committing wrong thing first; this only wastes precious life, years and brings utter confusion in life. Its always better to seek His will even before doing anything in life. Youth should be very much aware of His will in case of vocation they choose, and friendships they choose, life partner they choose. This saves them much from humiliation. recently one woman advised me to do the will of God in a certain project I am pondering to take up. she said, '"Mam you even can scatter chits and pick one as a lottery, we recently did the same in the case of a course to be selected for further studies of her daughter" These people are greedy people, they want to follow Mrs Jones, they want everything be done by hook or crook, they spread the chits, and pick one, its almost like asking a witch to find the best for them. As a result, that girl brought great shame to the family when she was sent for higher studies beyond her capacity. --Of course we cannot mock God, or imitate the godliness. We always should be alert by not falling into deception of such ungodly advice.
Back to our main story now : I continued my prayer anxiously, because everyone had some piece of advice for me, whom to believe, whom not to believe? Each one had their own reasons to convince me of their view, of course with good intentions only; some were telling me to resign the job in Eluru and settle here in Vijayawada, some were advising me not to do so. -- I picked up my Book to look into the last page , and put my finger on the second question.-- 2. Should I work in Eluru, or in Vijayawada?
I was praying for the answer , no answer for me. But I waited in the presence of God, till He answer me. It was January 13th night, I was alone in my front room, on a mat, with my Bible and prayer book, and songs book. knelt and prayed, only one question thumping out in my heart. "Lord tell me where to work. I want to know your clear guidance. You tell me what to do, what to choose, you know the best for me, I want your best, Lord, not my thoughts, nor the thoughts of any one, You decide my future. I trust in Thee Lord. You talk to me."
It was 12:05 in the mid night, I was led by the Lord to read that day daily portion from the Bible, I was reading Numbers, 30th chapter, next 31st chapter, then I came to 32nd chapter, the verses were going on like this.  I dare not miss one sentence there,(Search the book of the LORD, and see what he will do.Isaiah 34:16) I quote only a few lines here to high lighten the message from God to me. The children of Gad and children of Reuben came and spoke to Moses, to Eleazar the priest, and to the leaders of the congregation, saying. "if we have found favor in your sight, let this land be given to your servants as a possession. Do not take us over the Jordan"------" Do not make us cross the Jordan" See the verse 4th, last part of it. My eyes widen up on seeing this sentence. Then I remembered the promise God has given on that watch Night service 1983, Deuteronomy 11 chapter, 11 to 13. Go from here and cross the river Jordan, to the place with mountains, and valleys "The Land you go, you have to cross the Jordan, "Crossing the Jordan,  important word,for me; Because on that Watch night service of 31st December, God told me " Not to be afraid to cross the River to go to the land he asked me to go,He told me that land is full of mountains and valleys, to go to that land I had to cross the river . Therefore I crossed the river of test and (Krishna river was in Vijayawada) I went there . Now these two tribes in Numbers 32 chapteri.,e. children of Reuben and children of Gad are saying now,   " Do not make us cross the Jordan" 5thverse
God told me to CROSS The RIVER, but now these people were asking Moses that they would not CROSS the Jordan, the River.
I understood that I need to go back to Eluru. i was in the shoes of these children of Reuben and Gad, they were in front of Moses and I, in front of God.
But Moses was annoyed and scolded them severely,6 And Moses said to the children of Gad and to the children of Reuben "Shall your brethren go to war while you sit here?7 Now why will you discourage the heart of the children of Israel from going over into the land which the Lord has given them? 8 Thus your fathers did when I sent them away from kadesh Barnea to see the land. 9. For when they went up to the valley of Eshcol and saw the land, they discouraged the heart of the children of Israel, so that they did not go into the land which the Lord had given them. 10.Thus your fathers did when I sent them away from Kadesh Barnea to see the land. ⁹For when they went up to the Valley of Eshcol and saw the land, they discouraged the heart of the children of Israel, so that they did not go into the land which the Lord had given them. 10. So the Lord's anger was arouse on that day, nd He swore an oath, saying 11 Surely none of the men who came up from egypt, from twenty years old and above, shall see the land of which I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, because they have not wholly followed Me,12 except Calev he son of Jephnneh, the Kenizite, and Joshua the son of Nun, for they have wholly followed the Lord.' 13 So the Lord's anger was aroused aginst Israel, and He made them wander in the wilderness forty years, until all the generation that had done evil in the sight of the Lord was gone.14 And look! You have risen in your fathers' place, a brood of sinful men, to increase still more the fierce anger of the Lord against Israel. 15. For if your turn away from following Him, He will once again leave them in the wilderness, and you will destroy all these people." You brood of sinners, you are discouraging the others, from going into the land , this is what your fathers did when I sent them, you will be the cause of their destruction with your bad example" The wrath of Moses,as we knew, did not spare them a bit.
My heart sunk into the depths of the earth, I dare not to lift up my eyes unto the Lord,after a few minutes I picked up courage to read the next few verses, with great fear in my heart. I set my heart to listen to God to know His verdict, whatever. To my great surprise, the children of Reuben and the children of Gad were undaunted, persuasive; they were not cowards, they were still pleading Moses in verse 16 to 19th verses.16v. Then they came near to him and said: "We will build sheepfolds here for our livestock, and cities for our little one, 17 but we ourselves will be armed, ready to go before the children of Israel until we have brought them to their place; and our little one will dwell in the fortified cities becaue of the inhabitants of the land. 18. We will not return to our homes until every one of the children of Israel has received hi inheritance. 19for we will not inherit with them on the other side of the Jordan and beyond, What were they saying,
" We will build pens for our livestock and cities for our women and children. We do not not mean that we do not do the work of God, we are ready to arm ourselves and go ahead ... meanwhile our women and children will live in fortified cities, for protection from the inhabitants of the land. we will not go or claim anything on the other side of the Jordan , but we will have inheritance to the East side of the Jordan.
Oh yes, East side of Jordan, I visualised Eluru exacatly to the East of Vijayawada.. my heart was pounding louder and louder, what would Moses say now.. what will be the answer about their request? Anxiously I proceeded further to read the rest of the chapter.
Strangely enough Moses was telling them like this,20. Then Moses said to them, " If you do this thing, if you arm yourselves before the Lord for the war, 21 v. and all your armed men cross over the Jordan before the Lord until He has driven out His enemies from before Him 22 and then when the land is subdued before the Lord, you may return then after ward you may return and be blameless before Him . And this land shall be your possession before the Lord. But if you do not do so, then take note you have sinned against  the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out. 24 Build cities for your little ones and folds for your sheep, and do what has proceeded out of your mouth”"If you will do this--If you will arm yourselves for the battle, armed over the Jordan, You are free from your obligation to the Lord.( Now I know even though we go to Eluru, we are supposed to do the work of God both in Vijayawada and in Eluru, I should be concerned of the ministry there and a helping hand to the evangelist Eluru. and he should help in the ministry of Vijaywada as we were ordered by HQ "Was this a CALL for us to work in His ministry?"
Moses was telling them still " If you will arm yourselves for the battle, armed over the Jordan you are free from your obligation to the Lord"--If you do not, you will be sinning against the Lord, your sin will find you out.  All right?   Build cities for your women and children and pens(backyards)for your flocks , but do what you have promised."
^{25. And the children of Gad and the children of Reuben spoke to Moses, saying: "Your servants will do as my Lord commands.26. our little ones, our wives, our flocks, and all our livestock will be there in the cities of Gilead; 27. but your servants will cross over, every man armed for war, before the Lord o battle, just as my Lord says.28. So Moses gave command concerning them to Eleazar the priest, to Joshua the son of Nun, and to the chief fathers of the tribes of the children of Israel. 29. And Moses said to them: " If the children of Reuben cross over the Jorda with you, every man armed for battle before the Lord, and the land is subdued before you, then you shall give them the land of Gilead as a possession.30. But if they do not cross over armed with you, they shall have possessions among you in the land of Canaan." 31. Then the children of Gad and the children of Reuben answered, " As the Lord has said to your servants, so we will do. 32We will cross over armed before the Lord into the land of Canaan, but the possession of our inheritance shall remain with us on this side of the Jordan." 33. so Moses gave to the children of Gad, to the tribe of Manasseh the son of Joseph, the kingdom of Sihon king of the Amorites and the kingdom of Og king of Bashan, the land with its cities within the borders, the cities of the surrounding country.}
Moses gave permission to them to stay back in the place and need not come over the river crossing it I got clear guidance that This river need not be crossed though we already crossed, we could go back and stay where we were already. Now I understood why God told me to apply for One Year Loss of Pay Leave and obey the HQ to stay for one year, in Vijayawada. I sighed loudly to my heart's content. I prostrated on my face in His presence for long time. Now I know God's mind in my case. I need to go back to Eluru. That middle of the night I still continued my Bible Study, still I went further, of that wonderful chapter, Previously I never did give much heed to these words, except this verse,   Your sin will find you out--in Sunday messages or children retreats, or Revival meetings. I never gave much importance to this big story connected to this verse. - I read this chapter a number of times before but never it was so VIVID and clear to my vision. In the next verses they said again to Moses, We, your servants will do as our lord commands, Our children and wives, our folks and herds will remain here in the cities of Gilead."
NOW I knew we were going back to Eluru, very clearly and I was going to join my job in St. Theresa's college. My children would live in fortified cities of the land, St, Theresa's school is a fortified safe place for my children to study. I am going to join my children in the school, and I work in the same premises , in the college. I knew this. So with lighter heart, I retired to the bed and got up from my bed with a song in my heart Praising God.
As usual I was busy in the kitchen, hot water boiling for drinking purpose as well for baths, on Railway coal, which was cheaper and for lesser price. It was a great tedious work for me. I prepared breakfast and sent him to the office and after rendering my daily chore with my little children ; Once again I sat down with my Bible to read the same chapter again and again. As I was reading it, I found the message was vivid and clear.
About the 3rd question about FAITH with no salary is proved excellent for the past year in Vijayawada, that experience gave me confidence that I should not depend on my own resources but on His resources. whether mY own resources available or not, if His blessing is upon the resources, I could live peaceful life and I would lack any thing. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall lack nothing, was practically proved.The The question of Faith to lead life was tested and passed through the fire of that past year only with one salary. He tested our faith He walked with us until we came out victoriously. That experience helped me in other situations,later where I need to save money and go for only minimum needs. Next I thought If God is telling me to go back what about the children of God from HQ',would say? Shouldn't they also tell me to go back? /^{28. So Moses gave command concerning them to Eleazar the priest, to Joshua the son of Nun, and to the chief fathers of the tribes of the children of Israel.}  I felt my God would command them and tell them what to tell me. So I prayed about this and went to do other mundane things and to prepare lunch with extra love for the family. When my husband came for lunch that afternoon, while he was eating the food, he said, " Leela I wonder where we will be next year"  You see we were enjoying our stay here in Vijayawada, though we did not have much money. And God created a lecturer post for me even in this place. We had peace and joy in home. Life is not that bad, and in fact it is more cosier than in Eluru, having own house in Rail way quarters, without any rent, there is Railway school for children near by, the College bus could pick up me to Maris Stella College, and I need not hurriedly prepare food in the morning, as my husband could go to office leisurely and come to lunch , and he had good bunch of friends in the church in this place, life is very comfortable than in Eluru to be true. Therefore he just as I being a bit anxious about our settlement was very common. When he expressed his doubt like that, I thought in my mind," Where we would be? Certainly in Eluru"and I blurted it out half loudly too. He was astonished and looked up at me, but did not say anything. But some wonderful thing happened then, before he finished his meal, the postman was there at the door, I got a post card from the same sister who asked me to resign the job.
It is written like this," Leela, I talked about you to amma(mother) and,anna(brother) both wanted me to tell you, that you should go back and join your job in Eluru"- "Praise God" I shouted spontaneously, and ran to my husband and almost hugged him and showed the post card to him. Our joy knew no bounds, No one can understand my joy how God's answer fulfilled in my life so quickly. It was nothing but a miracle. Do not know why we preferred to go back to Eluru in heart of hearts, but after three decades and half when I look back at that decision, of coming back to Eluru makes me to understand how much Eluru is preferable for my lonely stay , where cost of living also is much less than Vijayawada. God knew my future and my safety of stay. Yes, when we are in he Will of God we prefer things in life beyond our own understanding and inclinations.
The next question jumps to the 4th one on the back page of my Bible now. Coming to 4th question about a HELP to take care of my children, I found in His richness He would provide HELP at the right moment of my need. Will I have a 'HELP' to take care of my small children while I work in Eluru. Yesumani accepted voluntarily to come with us and be our HELP till we settled our life afresh again in Eluru. She had been with us for long time till we needed her. I owe to her much. Later Vijayavalli my sister in law helped me . This helper part again fulfilled in 1989 January, and again in 1991 wonderfully as  'machine and man" respectively.
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength- They shall mount up with wings as eagles - They shall run and not be weary-They shall walk and not faint. Teach me Lord, Teach me Lord to wait.

Story of the Refrigerator
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ....2 Corinthians 10:5.

Therefore , the promises of God gave me assurance , joy, and courage without any trace of doubt, to go back to Eluru and join in- -St.Theresa's Degree college,and resume my work as lecturer in Social work again in the year, 1985. Many things happened in the Eluru branch of the church, We were asked to take charge of the little center , till then we were actively participating in the ministry, both in Vijayawada and Eluru Mostly in vijayawada center, some times my husband used to stay back in the week ends, in Vijayawada.I told the Evangelist Br. Peter paul that I would be handy in helping any work entrusted to me in Eluru ministry. We had three families, from illiterate background and also three School teachers in the Eluru center church. I started to take Sunday School and take active part in mid week and and week end prayers in the evening. When I look back at those events., The Sovereign God has planned everything and designed everything before hand but Tested me whether I would seek His will in every decision of mine.We joined our children in St. Theresa's elementary
school. Ou Intermediate cum Degree college was in the same compound , I was working in the same college since 1976 so I was taking the children along with me to school in the same Riksha and drop them in their school premises. I used to to them in lunch hour to feed them. But the things in Eluru center was changed, Br. Peter was mistreated by the HQ, he was an atheist and communist but The Lord took him and changed his life entirely. His wife was a retired nurse, therefore they used to get some pension for their livelihood. The HQ was giving only Rs.200/ per month and asking him to write the accounts for it, told him not to use money which was taken as offertory , later he had problems with his daughter's marriage in the organization. He being an upright old gentleman could not bear with the torture incurred by the Head of the Church organization in Chennai.He wanted to leave the church and do the ministry independently. We were residing in the next portion of the house where this Godly man was living with his small family. I was the witness for his simple and Godly life. They hardly used money for any luxury. When he was taken into task about his expenditure in the home, he showed indignation and segregated from the oppression. We both tried to pacify the things and talked to his son -in -law and Hq people as mediators, but by that time the things were blazing between and we could not help him any way. In that situation the HQ ordered us to be in charge of the Eluru Center. We took charge of the center as they told us , but we maintained good relationship with Br. Peter Paul, who later retreated to a remote village, Kuchinapudi along with his wife and daughter for some time. Meanwhile there were some changed in the administration of the college where I was working and the Degree college was segregated from the Intermediate section to a far end of the Town in the Panchayathi section. Therefore I could no more accompany my children to the school, and as the timings were different for their school and for my college , I found its very difficult to carry on my schedule smoothly. again the anxiety of daily routine took its toll on me, I was slowly suffering from unknown fear confusion and in taking care of my little children. Still I was trying to go on well. But I learned to rely upon His thoughts, and took captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ, and demolished every argument and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God; and these stories of testimony were beautifully woven into the history of my life which is the Story of His love for me.

First I started with Sunday School ministry . My husband was taking care of the main ministry on Sunday. So he was not insisted to stay back in Vijayawada as was the previous proposal of HQ. Many a times when he could not make to come home early on Wednesdays, I used to conduct that mid-week prayer too in our home. Later as the ministry was getting wider, I started Youth meeting , entrusting children ministry to the women in the church while overseeing it. Esther Francis was the first helper to us in this Sunday School ministry. When I found the women were facing problems in their homes, I entrusted the youth meeting to my husband I started to conduct women's meeting soon after the Sunday worship, as they could not come again and again in the middle of the week to the church from distant places. This women meeting almost became as a family meeting, as even their husbands were listening to the word of God, and testimonies, sitting a bit nearby, here and there. The women meeting became the main backbone of the ministry, as the women learned many things to build a home for the Lord. Their first task is to win their unsaved husbands by faithfully praying for them and introducing them to my husband, and thus to the church ; they started to accompany their little children and young children to Sunday school and also youth meeting some times, till they found the Savior in their lives. So the wives had much role to play in bringing their whole family to the Lord by their good example and by encouraging the family members to come to church.
Coming to the title story, I must give you a sort of my background life in the culinary skills before marriage ,which were of a perfect zero. Therefore, when I was married in 1979, I was novice to cooking, literally as I never had been into the kitchen except when I was coaxed to eat at the dining table. But after marriage as my husband was going to his D.E.N office in Vijayawada, from Eluru, at 6 am, I had to get up early in the morning to prepare his breakfast and lunch. We had only two kerosene stoves. Preparing food was a new adventure for me , though I took it with great enthusiasm and joy in my heart. I never n murmured or felt bad to serve my husband. There is no place for laziness or self comfort in making the family run smoothly. God is my witness.
( I had deep respect and love for my husband every minute of my life. I was careful all ways not to bring any trace of lovelessness between us. He was my husband, my friend, my pastor, and my all. I almost liked to lose my identity , 'No Leela ,but only Tadigiri Yesurtnam' in my life ,in family or in church. I was happy in my' self - imposed 'sacrificial role' as his subordinate in every situation. -- Why I was like that? because, I prayed that I should have a God fearing husband, and The Lord confirmeth that prayer through His word, (its yet, an another story, which I would like to write ,later in some other book, God willing ) and also the word of God compelled me to be a good wife, and I wanted to be a good, loyal and obedient wife at any cost, in any given situation of life; a role model to the little congregation we were tending up. A good example to my children, so that the name of God be glorified. It was my principle of life, and I had decided to live up to the Good Proverbial wife in 31 chapter.- When st.Paul said, 'Husband is the head of wife, just as Christ is the Head of the Church.,women must obey their husband'. I believed it that it should be, with all my heart then and forever. A woman has respect in community only when she respects her husband just as she obeyed the word of God and Christ. Therefore most of the times I had to forego my little pleasures, had to change the whole pattern of my habits, my life , my conversations, my friends, my wishes my tastes too, according to his life style. After St. Paul cautioned us " if you want to get marry , be ready to encounter certain afflictions to face in married life." (1 Cor 7:28). Knowing this fact gives wisdom to the couple. Easy life is not for married couple. a person can not be selfish, self oriented, and self seeking, because they are no more separated, but they are ONE and every good and bad or joyful or sorrowful event in life, would be shared by both. This revelation is a must in married life to both married couple. They are no more separated.
I heard a beautiful dialogue between a couple, the wife was saying, "Because of me you are drawn into many problems, for me, and for my family" -He said, "When I determined to love you and marry you, your problems became mine, and your family is mine, we are amalgamated with one another in life.    Here this equation is wrong> 1 +1 = 2   but one + one=Two right entity, we are merged into one another and formed into a different identity."--- Adjustment and adaptability is a MUST.    Was it very difficult for me? Yes, of course, it was, but often I erase that dissatisfaction and watered it with love for him. I tell you when a wife plays such loving and submissive role in the home I do not think that any husband could not but love her to the utmost. Men should love their wives as their own body, taking care of it every second of his life, protect her, love her, respect her, cherish her just as he takes care of his own body, that just like as he takes healthy food, take exercise, dress up neatly, self dignified, and conduct himself in self esteem in the public. To love her is his duty. If not his wife whom he wants to love ? It is as simple as it is, no other go. But many a times, the church do not speak to husbands how he should love his wife, but give long sermons only on obedience of wife. The public also has a critical eye on her and scrutinize her character according to her obedience, but never,they dwell upon the topic of "how much he should be gentle and how he should exercise his conduct respectfully and lovingly towards his wife; andhe should play the role of Head to his house hold by taking responsibility through prayer and trusting God being the Head of his life as husband and father.", Therefore, I say with a sort whimsical attitude that , many times we women need to pray for the love of husbands also, while obeying them. This is man's world, and we women must learn how to be a winner on our knees. Otherwise men will remind us about the Eve and her disobedience and our inheritance from her. Though most men love their wives, the male chauvinism in the man will never leave him. His authority and his upper hand over the matters of family would never go underneath. He shows his bossism unkindly now and then. In such circumstances either the woman utterly broken in spirit, depressed or revolt and ruin married life,Once it break out it would become an evil habit of hers unless repent deeply; or be submissive and learn of Him taking His counsel, and guidance and protection from Him and be obedient in spite of any thing happens. Yes God is her witness . Even now, behold, my witness in heaven, and he who testifies for me is on high. Ob 16:19
Though God told the widow women that He would be their husband to take care of them, sometimes, I am very certain, when her husband is very bossy , cruel , unkind, God takes care of such women in special way too just as He is with widows. Everything works good for them who love God and called upon by Him.Therefore as the Head f the house He will take care of her if she is unjustly treated. Either way is good for women.--O woman are you a- lonely wife because of senseless Nabal like husband? or just a lonely widow? Doesn't matter, God has special place for women in His heart, He loved Eve even by giving her hope and promise of getting His son from her seed alone. Either a cruel husband or no husband whatever , however, she can cry unto the Lord and He would take care of her in special way, and in spectacular way.
I had very peculiar experience of counselling the wives on this aspect of obedience to her husband; I was utterly put to shame first in 1990 when I tried to teach a woman to obey her husband, she shouted at me for my Godly advice and divorced her husband; But later she was caught up in an illegal relation and put to shame later in front of the whole street where she lived: This woman had a paramour but married this man thinking that he was rich.so her true colours came out in just matter three years of married life. Later in 1995 again another one who posed herself as if she was the most righteous woman, she again shouted at me and made an ugly scene in front of my house in the late hours of the night, on the road, I think she enraged even in her home upon her husband and mother -in-law right in front f her little child who was afraid very much and struck with high temperature. At least this women repented ,later the next morning came and apologized. But her pride and shoutings like village labourer were never ceased in her life. and there was another teacher who boss over her husband and humiliated him in front of everyone, her both daughters became unruly and defamed the home and did not grown up in their pursuit of education, and there is another lady who is again hates her husband, due to many reasons but when counseled her to show respect to him in spite of his mindless deeds, she repelled the advice and as a result the whole community excommunicated her and she became lonely and useless in every field, there was another high ranked employee in a bank when she was counselled to build her home by obeying her husband, she shouted at the people who advised her and as a result divorced and living all alone since then, there is another lecturer who was in the same path, leading pathetic life, with bad name. Recently an educated girl never learned to respect her husband just like her mother , and started to have relation with her previous paramour and divorce her husband married that crook .
So I could open my eyes very lately, I thought I could counsel women in family matters, and teach them how to obey their husbands, by many examples in my life, and quoting Sarah how she used to call Abraham her husband as "Master" etc etc, Even I was wrongly entertaining a concept that I could teach women and families how to build their homes in the years before 2000, before the demise of my husband, , by exalting them on the principles of Eph 6ch .but now I understand that I am not fit for this role. My exemplary life of the past, my obedience to my husband is old fashioned, and outdated to the women now. Examples of Sarah Scriptures from epistles of Peter are no more welcomed by these ultra modern minded foolish women, either in the year 1989 or in this year 2018, they did not have obedient mothers, they never had been subjected to the authority of parents, especially father, not obedient to the teachers in the school, nor to the boss in the office or in the place they work therefore teaching them to obey husband became an outdated concept to them. I am in the wrong impression that the scripture is ever shining touch stone and guide to the family life and I thought all Christian families should obey the rules and if they are guided properly they would obey by all means,especially christian women. But in my observation the women from other religions are more respectful to their husbands due to the norms and customs of their religion, due to the fear of the elders in the family or the society, but not our sisters in christ, they became unduly independent and never learned to be obedient to their parents at home because of the bad example given by their own parents.. Should I Thank God for I did not indulge into such foolish act of conducting family seminars recently or otherwise they would have tear me up into pieces, just as our Lord warned us, " Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces- Matt 7:6
That was the year, 1979, the year I got married, let me go to that year back, to launch into the present story. In those years, very few middle class people were having Refrigerator in their homes in India. I was keenly interested to have a Fridge in our new home, as I found it very difficult to cook getting up early in the morning. I never opted for installment basis of buying but my desire to have a refrigerator was too strong that I forgot that principle, and started to covet to buy it, in every way possible. I learnt to give away all my salary to my husband from the day one of our marriage. I did not know , why I did it. but as I accepted him as the head of the family, I felt, it was good to have expenditure on one hand. I thought he was better in accounts than me. So it was undisputed question, to find out who has to maintain the family accounts in our home.
On the other hand I felt that money should not be a criteria, to bring clashes of opinions in between us. Money and Physical attraction between the couple either make or break the marital relations. one should take care of the other. St. Paul though he was an unmarried bachelor , very gently warned the couple about this physical relationship saying it should be maintained very gently, without bringing any clash in family life. Because these will ruin the marital relationship if handled ruthlessly. ( Many families disunited due to the matters of money issues, and in issues of biological needs of one another.St. Paul very gently spoke about this issue that man has no right on his own body but to his wife, and woman has no right on her body but to her husband. but he exhorted them to take time to pray without giving much stress to others biological needs. Better to have his own wife he said. He smoothly dealt with this sexual matters and warned the husband and wife to deal with one another carefully lest it brings temptation and ruin the family.Do not deprive one another , except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control 1 Corinthians 7:5 Now a days, the younger generation forgot the most important word of the marriage, the basic principle of marriage, that is, "Let the marriage bed be undefiled" ---the bed should be blameless. " What does it mean, one must not have any thought of adultery or fornication before going into marital relations about the other partner.. Marriage is not for adultery or fornication. It should be flawless in the sight of God. The desire of sexual instinct must come only after marriage, not before. Trusting and obeying Him in marital relations is only the principle of life. Any thing less than that is adultery. Isaac took Rebecca who came to be his wife according to the desire and guidance of Abraham and God, so he took her to be his wife and then loved her, and she was a great comfort to him. The devil always gives the opposite rules of word of God.It says "check your love for that girl and check your lust for that girl, whether you have instinct of lust seeing her.." From where this theory emerged? This is not God's theory ! God gives marriage first, then love and biological desire for one another, its in order. If one of us change this order, the life would be ruined. Never we be cheated by the evil one in matters of marital relations. The next thing is Money, that causes rift in between the couple).----
( From the very beginning of our married life, we both were very clear that we should never ask our parents for any need in our home, or suggest any thing we needed or tell them or get the things from them. Proverbs 28:24 was unspoken commandment in our family life. "Whoever steals from his father or mother but claims, 'it's no sin' is a companion to one who destroys." Who is the destroyer? None but the Satan. When you covet from the mother and father, and father-in-law and mother-in-law,or Daughter in law,or son in law , son or daughter, and take from them asking them, insisting on them you are just a friend of the Devil, whatever you do, will be destroyed. And in long run you will lose 100 folds of your money.
I never asked my parents for my expenditure once I finished my PG, I worked hard for my postage to apply for jobs, and bus fares to attend the interviews. Even for my marriage , I saved money for the expenditure of the wedding. For three years I worked as lecturer, and I saved money and gave it to my dad for the expenses of my wedding. That was my custom and dignity of life. When I see some people who ask parents to give money even after 25 years of married life I am astonished at their greediness.
I started to ask my husband, soon after we were married in,July, 1979,to purchase a Fridge, 'Lets have a Fridge in the home' He did not answer my proposal, on the other hand he kept 'quietness of unknown boundaries'. But I was keeping on asking him for this need for Refrigerator in my home right back in Eluru where I work. I was keeping on asking him but he never answered me. In October,1979 for Dasara vacation that is after 4 months after we were married, we went to Vijayawada to stay in the house for which we were paying the rent, and where his sisters were taken care by us for their studies to carry on, taking every basic need of them to live comfortably in the city. We were invited by the local evangelist to their home for dinner as newly married couple. Soon after the dinner,their children played the instruments and sang songs to entertain us. The Pastor wanted to pray after he gave the word of God to send us off. During his teaching the word of God he said; "In family life we need many things to buy, but when we want to purchase, we have to check three points. We should ask ourselves 1)" Do we need that particular thing is very necessary in life? Without that can we not go on in life? whether it would be very difficult to live without it?- just ask yourself."- I was looking at him and listening to him intently 2) The second point to remember is , Are we having that capability to purchase that thing, do we have that much of money?   for example if you want to buy a fridge'.... I was perturbed , but glued to the seat, and was listening to him very carefully.. he continued, First you should ask yourself whether you can go on in life without it for a while 2)Did you save enough to buy it? does your resources of money are sufficient to purchase it? Its a christian way not to go for debts, or instalment paying. 3) Most of all other things, you should pray and find whether it is the will of God or not. It means, you have to pray and find whether it is in the will of God.
After that we listened to the rest of the word of God,he preached,and we came out of their house and while we were walking on the road, I meekly asked my husband, 'hubby (Yemandi) did you tell him about the fridge? That I am asking you to buy?''----" No Leela, I did not tell him"' his tone too was a little bit in surprise.
That was the END OF THE CONVERSATION ABOUT BUYING A REFRIGERATOR . It was inAfter 10years of married life October 1979.
"To continue the episode of 1985>>>>Certain problems I faced financially were not at all the problems to many people. I had a very good job with high pay, but living very base life had become a must in my married life. For me it was not a problem, if such life was not exposed to me, I would not have these rich experiences with my Lord. So I consider these trivial finance problems as gift from my Lord , to enrich my spiritual life. They were only His tests to me. We went back to Eluru, joined into the college again, I tried to save some money by Recurring Deposit in the Bank, and it was going to be matured by 27th,January 1989. After 10 years of married life. Then I started to ask my husband to buy a Fridge, as it was becoming much difficult for me in looking after so many responsibilities in his absence . I was a working woman , a mother of two little school going children, without their dad at home in day time, and also taking care of the Sunday school as well as the spiritual needs of the women in the church. Round the clock I was working without rest. And I also was going to market to buy vegetables, meat, and provisions. He was available at home only on Saturday. Therefore I need to cook food three times a day was giving me great stress physically and mentally. Therefore I believed that I should buy a Refrigerator in that coming January as I saved a little money in Recurring deposit in the Bank
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But my husband was not saying 'Yes" for my pleas. I tried in every way possible to get his 'yes' to buy the fridge. Because I know very well If I succeed to get one word,i.,e 'yes' from him, he would do it. So I am trying to get his permission to buy a fridge. But he was not saying 'yes or no' . On the other hand he took this important issue of mine, in lighter sense and started to crack jokes on my pleadings. Many people may wonder why I insisted to obey him at every step of my life. I could easily avoid his permission, or could go on to buy of using my free will, or disobey him on his face saying,'I don't care you": Now I cannot answer you, but I say its life's commitment, I could not deviated from it.
It was Saturday, the fasting prayer night , the little congregation who gathered in our house dispersed.That coming Tuesday, the money I deposited in Recurring deposit scheme in Andhra Bank will be matured, So I want to use that money to buy a fridge. You know we were married for 10 years now, and I had been managing my toil in the kitchen without a fridge. Because the man of God exhorted us that we have to buy only when it is is essential, though it was necessary, the second warning stopped me to buy all these years, he told us to buy any thing only when we have enough money. Now I got money too so what is stopping me to buy it? Only the permission of my husband is needed, right? Because I give respect to him as the Head of the house. so I was on that errand all in all now. I must get his "yes" to my need. So I thought if I get his 'yes' I can be free in my mind, and could concentrate on fasting prayer of us, we both would pray now, and that I need not ask him about it on Sunday which I should not, because we used to maintain Sunday as Sabbath as per the rules of the Fellowship for which we were accountable.(though it was a legalistic custom imposed) and Monday will be too busy to ask him.
So I asked him, I was asking him since a week now and then, of course, Now this is the edge of asking and begging and pleading him. Because whenever I ask him he was joking on me, as if he could not hear what I asked for.
He was jokingly saying, "'Well what do you want to buy? brinjals (vegetables)? haha, yes we can buy one kg now? sure I will bring" or he would say,'What, you want to have,a new saree ? only this Christmas you bought one, is it not? ' such was his sarcastic jokes on me. In fact he was enjoying seeing my raging face. So this night would be the last night for this nightmare, I decided, I must put an end to this torturing topic of getting his permission over this Fridge issue.
When I asked him,that Saturday night he just kept quiet and not answering me. So the tears in my eyes flowing endlessly , freely, and sniffing and crying continued unceasingly. I asked him "Why you do not answer me?" He soberly said, 'Good you are crying just like any other common woman' and just ignored me.
I was still weeping and started to say many things , how much I had been suffering in the kitchen toiling from morn to the end of the day, in tears. Any one of you can understand the situation here, and visualize it. Lastly before he retired for prayer, taking the mat and Bible into the corridor, he again said, " You say that for everything, that it should be God's will , is this God's will?"
I was shocked and shocked to the uttermost, I couldn't even breath. I was staring at him , but did not follow him to join in prayer. The gush of tears drenching my pallu, my saree, my all, my sniffs make such big sound, even my little children were looking at me with pitiful eyes. I made them to lie down beside me each other on one side, and laid down on the bed in between them. There was no dearth of tears, I was crying silently, drowned in tears.
Do not know what sort of sorrowful thoughts coming into my mind, but I was utterly humiliated, and beaten up psychologically and defeated completely. Couldn't say even one word more. My emotions suppress all other transparency of thinking or calculating or revising the facts. Like that how much more time passed away, I did not know but when I saw the clock in dim bed light it was 12'0 clock.and my children were sleeping beside me , and I heard his voice in the corridor still groaning and praying for the church members and for the Nations, at large. --A sudden thought flashed in my mind, so, I said to the Lord in my mind," Lord if you are really on MY SIDE, will you please tell him to say AMEN and come inside,please,please Jesus!!" Immediately, not even one second passed away, he said 'amen' and came inside with the mat and all. I closed my eyes and pretended as if I was fast asleep. I saw him pulling a small cot a little far away from us, knelt down once again to pray, then laid down. But there was peace in my heart, Didn't God assure me that He was on my side? that was enough. I slipped into sleep within a few seconds
--In my deep sleep, I felt like a hammer was hitting my brain with a great sound of these words. Not once but thrice I heard the voice, a male low voice which was speaking to me in English.
'YOU FRET AND FIGHT, -- BUT YOU ARE NOT ASKING GOD'
I looked at the clock ,it was 3 am, I got up at onceI sat on my bed and looked at him, he was fast asleep, at the far end of the hall, my children were sleeping,beside me. I got down immediately from the bed, knelt down, and I was in the presence of God at once.---Do you know how it would be to be confronted by God Himself, like this? In my inescapable devotion to my husband I forgot the most important 3rd point spoken by the Evangelist i.e.,"Most of all ,you must find out whether the thing you want to buy is in the will of God."--Of course I did not remember that point even at that moment; or when my husband poked me saying whether I sought the WILL of God, certainly not even then. I did not have even one iota of consciousness to seek the will of God. I forgot it completely. But then, I was shocked by His voice and knelt down in His presence seeking His face not at all having any idea, what to pray..
There was nothing else , only God and me. His feet , His face , His presence and Me. No other thought, I said , Yes Lord , I am fighting, but I did not ask you." I told Him. I yielded completel. I was in the same position for a few minutes.Then immediately I was reminded of a verse almost like the one I heard in my sleep, in James, 4:1-5 so I got my Bible and looked into it. There it was written like this:
" What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. you do not have because you do not ask God."----Selah-- My heart beat stopped for a second, I was staring at those words.
What God had spoken to me in my dream were actually there in this Holy Scriptures. I knew that there was something like that connects the words I heard in James 4th chapter, according to my usual Telugu scriptures I am accustomed with. I was amazed and just looking at those verses. Then slowly I came to my senses and closed my eyes and started to pray. I kept my right hand on my heart " Lord, is this true ? Am I fighting and quarreling, not asking you. Forgive me Lord, I am a sinner"    (Even then I did not remember the most important third point spoken by the evangelist, or, of course, my husband; didn't he remind me that I should seek His will in this matter, before he retreated to pray alone in the corridor? Still I did not take heed or remember the most important point of buying the Fridge. Only one thing happening there, I was in His presence seeking His will. My compassionate Father and Friend was slowly teaching me how I should come into His presence in seeking His will in this matter.
The tears drenching my face again, I was in His presence washing His feet with those tears. Again I heard small still voice, ' Read the next lines"  so I took my Bible again and looked into it. Even, "When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
Oh my Lord!! Again my heart was pounding loudly lub-dub, I was in the Holy presence of God. I asked God , again I kept my right hand on my heart, "Lord, tell me , Am I asking you to enjoy my own pleasures? Am I asking you with a wrong motive? Tell me Lord, if it is so I do not want this fridge. I just do not want it. You perceive what is in my heart, you know what I am, what is my motive;"
I closed my eyes, tears rolling down unceasingly, and I heard a voice again, so clear and so vivid, You asked me for a "HELP" in Vijayawada, you remember? Now I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A "HELP" IN THE FORM OF A FRIDGE"
I was in His presence, I knew His voice. I was quiet and silent in heart. no questions, no doubts, no fears. I knew what is next. I knew what my Lord is going to do.Joy filed me , my whole body was enjoying His presence in that corner of the cot, I just praised God, with all my heart, I knelt down there , for longer time, silently and quietly enjoying His presence. Thus the answer for my fourth question on the back page of my Bible was answered in sudden and surprising manner.Previously Yesumani was inspired to come with us to be a HELP to me; Now God answered that that MACHINE (Gadget) is going to be my HELP.. in another incident God sent MAN as my HELP once again thus He proved Himself, the God of promises, and Living God who talks to us, and answers us. When Jesus told us, " Therefore I tell you whatever you ask for, in prayer , believe that you have received it will be yours" Mark 11:24,
When I got up I do not remember much about that morning, now, But one thing I remember, all sorrow and tears gone with the wind, I was rejoicing in the Lord in that morning and I was on clouds and in dreams. " Sorrow comes in the night but joy comes with the morning".   Psalms 30:5"When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion,we were like them that dream. Then was our mouth filled with laughter;and our tongue with singing....." Psalm 126 I was singing and praising God. (very unlike of me after such a great turmoil in the last night, my husband must had been astonished to see my new disposition which was contrary to my last night behavior)     Yes, this happens when you pray with right motive. God answers us in wonderful way. We knew that we got what we asked for, while we were praying for itself. Even before I got the Fridge I knew, my prayer was answered, and I am going to get it without asking any one any more. Buying a Fridge was not problem as I did have a very good job. Life sometimes give us certain uncouth situations, but if our motives are correct, we receive gifts from God, in spectacular way. Its not about the issue of money what we have or what we have not. When we receive a gift from above that gives us this inner unspeakable joy.

Sunday morning was a busy day. We used to follow the Sunday as if it was Saturday. the very basics of this Sunday turning up into Sabbath, i.,e Saturdy is wrong and foolish thing; We very meticulously, legally followed it as we were ordered to obey them. If we do not obey any rule of this church, or disobey what they told us, they used to tell us that we would be cursed forever, and we will meet accidents, and the children will die, and we will be excommunicated in the church and we would be given any chance to sweep the chapel, or take care of the shoes, or take sunday school, or take offetry, etc etc. We were allowed to cook food, unlike the rule in in the Old Testament but we We follow certain rules like not to write exams, not to attend interviews, no shifting of the house, and no travelling (but could travel for preaching ), not buying in cafeteria,( but buy in church cafeteria and book stall), etc. Those rules were legal to oppress the people. There were very funny rules like wearing long blouses, no flowers, no good colored sarees, not even buying a green chili on Sunday, no news paper,no no no no , all nos, whichever , don't do this don't do that, was the rule of the day. as per the instructions of the Head Quarters of the Church organization we were connected with. When we were in that particular organization we just obeyed whatever they instructed, though it was legalistic, and a sort of oppressing cult on the congregation. no lifting or shifting, no job, these people live like that cult life of Amish USA (Pennsylvania) I visited this place and observed them in close quarters. Amish believe large families are a blessing from God. So many families even now do not follow birth control methods, they think it is sin. I know one pastor who had 4th child by his sick wife in his 45th year, as that sick wife could not take care of the baby, the burden was laid upon the 7 years old girl in the family. Just like Amish the church we were in allowed to marry only between members of the church. That too only the pastor must arrange the alliance. if the members themselves fix the marriage they were excommunicated and the bride and bridegroom should not talk or see one another before marriage. Therefore I married my husband without seeing him or not aware of his education, or background or his family , nothing.Recently one oy married like that and it ended with divorce.
These Amish avoid certain modern technologies and maintain a life style without electronic devices and or other conveniences. Therefore we too did not use radio or tv or smart android mobiles. I went to their community and observe the primitive way of life. They do not use motor vehicles they have only horse carts, no washing machines only tub washing. they do not use computers. Can you imagine in these years 2000s in such modern USA these cult people restrict their people in such horrible manner. And we were also in our church curtailed all amenities. In fact the head of the church told me that I being a widow I should not have my own car though I am a working woman.I should give away my gold bangles and gold chain to the ministry. So I sold the car . They told me that I should not keep the scooter of my husband a brand new one in home to be used by my son too, and asked me to sell it. I sold it.
they wanted me to sell even the house i live in, which i rejected, and they built a big wall behind my compound gate to show to the people I am not welcomed into it, though we built the church and the congregtion in previous years.The Amish are Christians They believe in Jesus and in the Holy Trinity--They live in Pennsylvanian in USA.
Sunday was considered as Saturday by these people and thereby it is followed as Sabbath. Whereas Paul said in his epistle Colossians 2:16 Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an Holyday, or of the new moon , or of the Sabbath days.

But God was looking at our hearts, and ignorance and giving us the bounty of those rules,though they were legalistic. God said, Proverbs 16:4 the Lords works everything to its proper end, even the wicked for a day of disaster. Psalms 68:18 God took gifts from people, even from the rebellious. Therefore because we were obedient to the elders, even when they were legalistic, everything we took were blessed, though those rules were just "Man-Made" to oppress others. Rules of the Pharisees to show the others, that we were better Christians than anybody else in the world. Jesus our Lord spoke about every commandment of God, including Sabbath, for which He had given new meaning in spirit, than in letter. The LETTER kills; the spirit gives life( 2 Corinthians 3:6 ) Self Righteousness exhibited by the works of man is never accepted by God. In fact Jesus touched every commandment of God, all the ten commandments of God. He said, He has come to fulfill the Law not to destroy it. Thus saying He has intensified the Law, much more, like Adultery, is not just committing an act but even the adulterous look is condemned by Him. so is the Lie, He said your word should be 'yes' if you say yes, 'No' if you say no, any thing which comes more than that is of Devil'. So He intensified the commandment of ' do not speak lie' so also every commandment was touched by Jesus, and He said about Sabbath, that He is the Lord of Sabbath,He said Sabbath is made for man; not man for Sabbath, on the other hand He actually nullified the rules of Sabbath by healing the people, and thus rejecting the teachings of the Pharisees, let us not be cheated by the rules of the people when they quote from the Law and try to oppress us.

Do you think that the 7th day Adventist, and Church of Christ and other sects of people are not saved by God, they are, but God looks at the people who are innocently cheated, and He has a plan for every one who really worship Him to take them out and give them light in due course of time. Some people use the banner of a church but behave as they like . If you do not like to obey them in totality, get out of it, but do not be in it and pretend as if you are with them and behave as you like.

Yes, God gives us some time to go into our self righteous ways, legalistic ways to worship Him, it doesn't mean that we are completely right. Every rule from the authorities should be obeyed--some obey; some do not--but as long as you accept an authority, and want to stay under that banner ,you are bound to obey them as long as it do not contradict the word of God-as in case of idol worship, but all other things should be obeyed. Tell them to abstain from food polluted by idols; from sexual immorality;from the meat of strangled animals and blood.Acts 15;28-29
I was following them, But God was kind enough not allowing me to suffer beyond my capacity. I will tell that story how He intervened in right time to help me out of this oppression in miraculous way. Coming to the main theme of the story, that Sunday morning we concentrated on our legalistic Sunday, and no talking of any worldly things. Even children were not supposed to play or talk anything else except Bible study. That Sunday was as usual running smoothly, without my annoyed face or words etc. In fact I was rejoicing in the Lord, which was not known to my dear husband or children.

On Monday morning , he left for the office at 6 am as usual and I prepared breakfast and lunch for him as usual, and sent him off. Later before departing to college and children to school we three used to have 15 minutes prayer together every day.

The minute we gathered together to pray, on the floor, my daughter asked me,'mom what happened about the Fridge?Is Dad going to buy ?" Sweet faces and I looked at my son's face also, both are looking into my eyes anxiously, I smiled and said,' My dear ones, God told me to pray much, so we have to pray for the fridge and He will give it." When I looked at those sweet faces, I do not know why I said so, but I added , "But we have to pray secretly, your dad should not know that we are praying" I smiled. May be I wanted to teach them that our requests should not be known to man but to God alone. Especially this prayer for fridge should not be known to my husband, because I do not want to influence his sentiments 'that children also praying and he would need to buy it or I made them to pray.... ' etc etc. So immediately, my ever - questioning son, asked me, " Why mom? why we should pray secretly why dad should not know ?" ---

Great question, how to tell these little sweet fellows, about the secrecy of thisparticular prayer request,which should not be revealed to their own dad , any way I answered him without any other thought ,instantly like this," If you pray louder, two small little little,small small devils will go and sit in the ear lobes of your dad and tell him, 'don't buy the fridge, do not buy, don't buy; so we have to pray secretly.". I said. Then this time my daughter asked me ," What happens if we pray secretly not loudly? ' - "If you pray secretly , two little little small small angels will go and sit in the ear lobes of your dad and tell him 'Buy the fridge, buy it, buy it"--My answers for my little children used to be very slow, steady and with fondling tone.

Now both of them were looking at me with wide eyes as if a great revelation of God is known to them. Immediately they knelt down, bending their little heads right into the floor, all of it,if at all the floor was sandy one, their heads would had dug a deep hole there, They started to pray very very softly with low voice. Even I could not hear their prayer, such was the secrecy they maintained . Oh, you do not know the joy in my heart to see my two little angels praying like that. Any way there was not much time to talk about this issue so I sent them to the school, and I rushed to college.

That day he came home by 9 pm earlier than usual time. His blue and white wired basket was with some papers and books along with the Lunch carrier, you know it was 4 boxes steel carrier, long one. In those days he used to bring many story books, Bible pictorial books from the office. God provided all wonderful books for our children, as one man who used to come and sell those books in his office. Such books I never saw them again in any book store later. Those books are still with me, and my daughter often ask me , even now, 'mom that monkey story book is still there or not? or some other story she was fond of , yes those books are still preserved in our little library even now.

When my daughter saw those papers, when her dad went to the washroom to have a bath, she pulled the papers hoping for some story book, but shouted loudly, 'o mom these are fridge papers!!' I was amazed and looked at her , and said,'o you should not shout, and said" keep, keep those, there only" hurriedly I signed to her with my both hands moving up and down.

She laughed joyfully and kept those back. I told the children to go to beds, and by that time bed time story was over so they went to bed quickly.

At the dining table he said, 'Leela today I went to b'scent road in vijayawada, I was telling myself, umm' common you have to tell me why you went there') but I did not exhibit any curiosity on my face and asked him as a matter of fact, 'why did you go?He answered me "I went to see Ratnakumari the wife of the slained politician Vangaveeti Ranga, she is on hunger strike". (suppressing the laughter in my heart I asked him, '--- "Why, Don't you have any other work, except to see such scenes?' I got up from the table on pretext of bringing some thing from the shelf. Now he had to blurt it out, the much awaited information; ,' I went there to inquire about the Fridges, to know which one is the best. ' I told myself { yes dear sweetest husband, come on, you have to come to the right point right way now} ... still suppressing my smiles of the heart, I said, as if nothing is there to be happy.

'Oh is that so? , which is the best?' He said, I came to know it is Kelvinator" There ended the conversation, I did not prolong it. Knowing pretty well, that all glory and honor should go to His name. He said, 'Tomorrow I applied leave, we have to attend the engagement function in Kathepiveedhi, and before going there we will withdraw the money from the bank and buy the fridge in 1 Town." What I said , I do not remember. But what I remember is, while going to Andhra Bank the next day on scooter behind him, I pinched him on the shoulder and said,""Hey dear golda , you were asking me whether it is God's will or not to buy the fridge, now you must know God told me He would give the fridge, and it is His will. that is the reason you are buying it now" and he laughed along with me.

On the way to the 1 town we met Jeevarthanm Uncle, we stopped and wished him. When he asked us where we were going I told him about the fridge purchase. and requested him to come along . At the shop, we could not find the fridge in blue color, In those days we both used to buy every item in the house in blue color, blankets, buckets, anything. so on that pretext, my husband said,' oh there is not a blue color fridge available now,so we will order for it" ------OOOOOOOo my, this is too much, I requested Jeevarathnam uncle to come aside and told him 'to tell my husband not to postpone the purchase but to buy it then and there'

He went inside the shop and told my husband' Ammai (my daughter that is me) likes even this light green color, so better take this Naaina ( my son that is he) haha , so My great bossy but gentle husband can't but to buy the fridge, and yielded to the request.

That's the end of the great story of the Fridge in our home.My dear hubby noted this incident in the dairy as " We bought 165 ltrs Kelvinator Master Piece fridge on 27-1-1989 price 5965/" I thought these letters in his dairy should be engraved in golden letters in our family history.

Soon after that purchase three days after, 5 members team came to our home to conduct Youth Retreat in our college. They were with us for three days, I too could go along with them because I used to prepare nice chicken curry and other curries and keep them in the fridge the night before and attend the Retreat along with them and participated in soul winning ministry. I still remember we had a harvest of souls in that Retreat.

No one can have such joy and happiness as I had with my fridge purchase. I do not think any one with lots of money could have such joy in their heart as I did have in my heart. God's gifts are different, and they bring joy and blessing to us. Yes, The Help in the form of Fridge, a machine, made my life blessed in that Retreat and after.
God gifts are immense and variety, they fill us with joy and awesome silence, getting a gift from a friend gives a, great joy, and how about getting a gift from God? try and get one from Him
After listening to this story on TV channel where I spoke, one pastor's wife asked me " Akka should we be so much obedient to husbands? I did not have any answer for that. But the Holy Spirit put these words in my mouth then and there; "I do not command any one to obey so much, but I obeyed my husband, and thereby this testimony I could give now. You too try to obey him and God, you too will see His hand in your life. she was happy with my answer.

Whom to obey?

God guides, God helps, God listens, God speaks, God leads, --Can we just give Him a chance to lead us? He said "I am The Good Shepard"..My sheep listen to my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me" Jn 10: 14,27 Here you are going to read how God again did a miracle by intervening into my life, where I was tried to be put to shame and where I was taken into task, for not doing things they asked me to do. When man's word or order is contradict the Word of God, we need to obey God's word alone.

We were correcting the answer papers for the Annual exams, as ours is Autonomous Degree College associated with Andhra university we have the liberty to design our own Curriculum and Examination pattern , and valuation. I found a place where I would not be disturbed, also the climate as well outside and inside the hall was too hot to bear. The whole gang of the staff members were hostile towards me again. We got pay commission pay scale, so again and I was supposed to give some money as bribe to get the arrears . I all ways wonder why the concerned clerk and some other staff in college were so anxious to get the arrears quickly. To release quickly they need to pay the bribe. Even otherwise the staff in DHE Office in Hyderabad would release even if our staff would not give bribe to them . Therefore out of anxiety our staff take initiative to give the bribe and get things to be done as quickly as possible. Otherwise the staff in DHE Office drag on the matter or put some query which is not required then and there , just to show that they would not release the funds unless bribe is given. Whatever be the delay or other circumstances if we wait for some time, they hve to reliease funds as they need to answer the higher authorities. So the colege staff were very demanding to collect some percentage of our arrears to give away as Bribe. Whenever we have some arrears pending, I was facing this sort of ordeal in college since 1976.

Now in this year 1991, March, I had to face this serious ordeal once again. That morning while I was signing in the staff attendance register, one senior Lecturer, Miss M ( another one who did not marry because of her adoration to certain god, just as Miss L . We used to call them as Meerabhai and Radhabhai respectively. But we found later that both were not in good terms with each other, by reasons unknown to us.
So as usual when I saw her at the Register in the office, where we sign our signatures, I wished her as ' Good Morning Miss" as she was much senior to me, and I respect all my seniors. But suddenly her reaction was beyond my expectation, that morning. She shouted at me in shriek and loud voice, and still raising it further, she said:
" What Good morning, you are telling me? Are you a beggar? Tell me if you are a beggar all of us share the money you owe to us to spend in Hyderabad office. We will give our money for your work to be done. Tell me Are you a beggar?"----
I was shocked, this is a very unexpected thing that happened, as she was looking at me straight away demanding the answer from me; in that corner of the office room, it look like she would devour me with my breath. I had to answer her because she was demanding me to answer on my face.
'No Mam, I am not a beggar, I do not ask you to pay for me even, I do not give bribe any way, if you think that you should not send my file to DHE office, keep them aside. but I won't give bribe."
And she was enraged very much and by increasing her shriek voice threatened me once again,walking into the corridor. The non teaching staff came out from the office rooms and looking at us perplexed.
" When they come to devour me,...when my foes attack me...they will stumble and fall.Psalm 27;2 All were looking at me as though I was a prey to be devoured, both teaching and non-teaching staff. I bent my head down, could not lift my face, but strangely enough I did not have any tears in my eyes, though the situation was heart wrenching. I was not angry or annoyed even, nor felt sad too. One thing was evident that I could not face all of them like this. Yes, in their view I was adamant and proud, useless, haughty beggar. I had no other word to describe myself too.
But what shall I do? I just could not give BRIBE , and grieve my Lord. I am nothing in comparison to the good lecturers in our college. But this act I just could not do. Money is the cause of all evil, here I had a test, either I should lean on money and favours of our staff or just face this humiliation and shame and anger of our staff, because I could not give bribe? I told myself " If I try to please people I am not the servant of Jesus Christ. For now, am I trying the approval of men , or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I am trying to please people I would not be the servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
At that juncture,my husband was waiting for me ot side the college gate on some errand,as such I need to give some papers to him, so immediately I ran to him and told him what has had happened and how I was called by names as a beggar.
He looked into my eyes and told me,
" Do not get angry , I will go home and pray."
I said,, 'No hubby I am not angry, I just want to tell you this.'
He told me later, straight away he went home knelt down and prayed for me. After he left I came inside the college compound , went back to take some answer sheets from our Vice Principal and Controller of Examinations Sr. Marietta Pudhota. She said,' Miss, if you want to sit in my room and correct the papers, you can sit here" I was utterly shaken in my heart by the way I was shouted at, literally my hands were trembling while taking the answer sheets from her. So her offer was a shield to me to protect me from other insults. It was so kind of her to offer me a table and chair to correct the papers in her room, away from the piercing looks of others.
The next day I finished the valuation of the examination papers, and went to receive the remuneration at the Controller room, where the Sr.M was giving money to the staff.When I went there she asked me to sit in front of her, there was a table between her and me, and she said to me,
" Miss, You cannot get any remuneration this time"
I was a bit perplexed and said," Why sister ? I did my duty and finished my work. right!?"
"The staff insisted that your remuneration money should be withheld and should be given to them to use it as your share of the bribe they have to give in DHE office, Hyderabad "
I was looking at her with disbelief, this piece of news I never expected, taking deep breath I spoke slowly and steadily to her as now I knew that I was taken into a corner very unexpectedly: ( From this minute onwards, the Holy Spirit God took charge of the whole situation, I was not the one who was speaking or reacting, I was completely under the control of the Holy Spirit. "Sister How can you give my money? I haven't sign on the receipt that I received remuneration, so how can you retain my money sister?"
"Sorry Miss, to say like this, do you remember that you already signed the receipt papers before itself? And Sr. Principal also told me to give your remuneration money to the staff."-- Not believing that I already signed the receipt that I received remuneration, I further asked her , When sister? When did I sign?? I She made me recollect that the other day, while the notice was sent by the attender asking the staff to sign on notice book to give consent to give bribe , all the staff were also asked to sign on blank receipt papers that they received the remuneration telling you to save time at the end of the correction .Then I remembered that the other day , one attender Laxmi came to give me some papers to sign, I asked her what were those papers, she told me, " Miss all lecturers signed these papers, I was searching for you, I did not know you are here, " I signed the papers as those were the receipts of the amount of money we would receive after we finished the valuation. She told me all other lecturers also signed already to save the time. The amount of money we would claim later from paper correction could be filled in the blank at the time of receiving the amount.Sr. Marietta Pudhota said: "Miss, actually I do not want to take your money without your consent, but the staff insisted me, sorry miss."I was string at her.
I was taken aback , my whole being was trembling with agony and shock,now ters were coming out of my eyes endlessly, once again I felt the same sadness I experienced when I was asked to put bottu on my forehead in Air India, I said, my eyes fixed on her face.
" Sister.. I believe you just cannot give my remuneration to any one without my consent, You have given that bribe without my consent, I have no part in it." The tears were rolling down on my cheeks..my voice was low and steady, I added my words, like this. " Sister , you know that I resigned my job as Air hostess in Air India just because they asked me to put bottu( tikka) on my forehead, this ...this is not greater than that. If needed I will resign even this job, I can't believe that you have given my money without my consent. but I am really very sad.." I found myself shivering and tears were rolling down. sister said, " Sorry Miss, I need to give that money to the Staff, without your consent because they insisted it--- I took leave from her and went into the hall where my friend Miss Swarnakamala was correcting her Zoology answer sheets. I went to her, and she asked me whether I got my remuneration. I said ,"No", seeing my condition she made me to sit on a chair nearby her, and elicited the matter that happened in the Controller room, she said," Leela you look devastated, please be steady , and have this cup of coffee, and she poured out from her flask and gave it to me. I was so hot and shivering,.. and trying to drink that coffee,but at that very moment, an attender came and told me," Miss , Sister Principal asked you to meet her now"
I got up from the seat without finishing to drink the coffee and kept the cup on the floor, and went into the Principal chamber. There she was Sr. Winifred, with the remuneration receipts in her hand.
She said, "Miss. The staff asked me to take your remuneration and give it to them to meet the expenses in the office work."
I said, calmly and quietly , I did not know what made me like that but I was not trembling any more, my voice was steady and firm as I told her, ' Sister , you have taken my remuneration without my consent, I have no part in this bribe."I found my voice was shivering inwardly while I was saying so.
She was looking at me and said, " See Miss, the staff is saying that "Where is your consciousness, when you happen to come to college a bit late or go from the college a bit earlier than the college hours? What answer you will give them?"
( All the staff, including me were not taken into task by our kind principal when we go to college a bit late, if we do not have the first period class, i.,e from 9:30 and to 10:30 am-- the register was available to sign till 10am. And so was in the evening, if we do not had class in the last period, we can go home a half an hour before the college closes.. esp mothers like me with little children were not taken into task. It was a compassionate arrangement between the staff of the same department and also Sr Principal was not mindful of such arrangement at times. Its unwritten norm of the routine of the college, nobody was taken into task , especially during the regime of Sr. Winifred as she was concern of mothers like me with little children at home, where husbands were not available due to work hours. My husband was working in Vijayawada, and he was available only on week ends )
So this point of breach was taken into task to find fault with me to blame me, to find the flaw in me and to point out at me and to tell me that I am not good in keeping perfect disposition, by my colleagues.
Though I never expected this sort of accusation I could answer her, immediatly,
" Yes sister, I am late to college and go from college a bit earlier. I accept it, but...... it is only a mistake, I can rectify it, but giving bribe is a crime. I cannot do it" (This answer was certainly from above , from my Lord, I did not contemplated it, nor did I expected to find myself in that position , I felt the Spirit of God was with me, and guiding me beyond my comprehension.} ---yes, when we were taken into the presence of the Authoritarians, " But when they deliver you up take no thought how and what shall you speak but it shall be given in that same hour what ye shall speak"Matt 10: 19 -
God, only God had given those words to me then. Also I did something very strange which I never thought to do so, or pre-planned to do so.
She was looking straight into my face, and I looked into her eyes and said,
" Sister hereafter I give a word to you that I will come to college on time and leave the college on time. If you want I will write it on paper and sign it and give it to you."
Saying thus immediately I took my journal which used to be all ways with me in my hand bag, opened it, and wrote like this,on a empty paper, I put a Heading like this--
"FOR THE NEXT ACADEMIC YEAR 1991--1992"

I, M. Leela vathi give you in word, that I will be in college by 9:30 am and leave the college by 4:30 pm.
I signed my name. I tore the paper then and there and gave it to her.
Even now I did not know who made me to do so, why and how I did like that in an instant, it was not contemplated thing, or premeditated thing to do. In an instant I did it, and it was it.
I do not know why my sweet Godly sister Principal smiled at me, taking that piece of paper from me , but said, ' But Miss they would say, that you are money minded."
"They may say anything Sister, but you know what I am; and you know I, all ways, bring this meager amount also into Gross income and pay my taxes duly"
She pulled the money , my remuneration, from the table drawer and gave it to me.
I thanked her, and took the money and came out of her room; and walked fast to reach the staff room in the same corridor, but on my way I saw Miss M.( she called me beggar , the other day.) sitting on a cement plank all alone. I did not see her for the past few days in college campus, I approached and asked her if she was waiting for Riksha man to take her home. She said , Yes miss, I am waiting." I said to her, "Mam , I will go out and see whether he came and waiting for you at the gate, and will tell him that you are waiting for him. If he is not available I will call another one to take you home " --She stopped me and told me, " Don't worry Miss, he will come. Actually I am suffering from high temperature since that day, I shouted at you. I did not mean to insult you so. All other staff told me,as I am the senior most Lecturer, to insult you so that to retrieve money from you. Sorry miss." Again it was my turn to be surprised, but told her, "NO mam, its nothing. do not worry, please." And I helped herby holding her books, and escorted her to the gate where her rickshaw man was already coming into the campus to take her home. Helped her to get into the Rickshaw , I went into the department to take my things, my books from my place, there I saw Suzan the sweet girl , and Psychology Lecturer sitting and doing some work, as soon as she saw me she asked me, What happened Miss?" as I was about to tell her, she immediately got up and closed the doors, and told me to sit for awhile and take rest and I could go later.
While we both praised God and praying, Sister Principal peeped into the room through the slightly opened door and smilingly said, " Miss, sorry I disturbed, I gave you those receipt papers by mistake along with the money, can you take them back and give in the office please.?"
I briskly stood up and said," Yes sister".She went away telling me that. Even I did not realized that those papers were along the remuneration money. Susan said, "Miss I will take that receipt and give in the office, you go home now."
I wonder how beautifully God had arranged everything for me, Why Susan was there? I do not know. In the beginning When I came to work in this College I prayed for the management, in 1976; God has given me a beautiful verse about the management, and how much a blessing to me to work under them. the verse goes like this,"Blessed art thou, o land, when thy king is the son of nobles and your princes feast not in the early morning but at proper time for strength not for drunkenness",,( not early in the morning,=in Telugu version) our sisters go for prayer early morning , not to breakfast table) for strength, not for drunkenness" Ecclesiastes 10:17
I went home as usual children were waiting for me on the last day of my paper correction, because every year I take them to a hotel to eat with that money. Yes, I took them to Madhulatha hotel, on our way, due to terrible hea,t the tar road was burning with melted tar, and our rikshaw tire was bursted out . But still we had fun of enjoying the servings in the restaurant. we as parents all ways very careful not to give any anxiety to our children with our problems. They all ways had happy childhood.

HELPER

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"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever." John 14:16
In India there is bribery in every transactions, officials and clerks, every one beg for the money for the work they have to do as an employee. Government is paying their salaries, but they think it is paying to them freely, now that they must get money for the work they do separately from the persons for whom they worked. Though they get Rs. 50 thousand,as salary, they are much more happy with the money they have taken from the people under the table, even though it is only 100 or 10000/-
Taking bribe and giving bribe is the common process in the offices. Any work, yes, any work, to get it done, one should give some money as bribe; they they name it as "formalities" or "Offering to Idol" (prasadham). To get electric connection or water connection to the house the owner should pay to the officials ,, to get transfer some money should be paid pay to the officers.
Some people shamelessly tell others that, 'apart from the monthly pay, they would get some "other"money in that "seat" of the office work'. Even the parents check with the bridegroom how much 'other' money he gets, and on basing on the 'other money' they bargain the Dowry (money paid to the groom in marriage alliances).. and buy the groom for their daughters to get married. They do things which are so utterly abominable shameful and never think that they are doing a shameful thing.To worship human sex organs or giving bribe or taking bribe is the same abominable thing. Its all because one does not have faith in God but having faith only in money.
So taking or giving bribe is not a shameful thing in India, Every one irrespective culture, religion, and place think "its the rule of the day". They cannot trust in God who can do everything possible. They do not want to take risk or wait upon the Lord. If you are person who do not take bribe or give bribe you will be humiliated in number ways both by family and public. Your work will be pending in the offices years together. The files would not be attended and the work would not be done.
They feel proud, by telling others, that they could "manage the matters" of any sort. Money is god for them.They worship it. If they slipped the paper money or a coin on the floor by mistake , they feel so remorse and take it and put those to their both eyes as an act of worshipping the money by asking that idol to forgive them.
We tried many times and applied for a transfer to Eluru from Vijayawada for my husband, but we knew those applications were thrown into the dustbin; even then we never entertained even the thought to give bribe and get things done. My husband shuffled every morning by getting into the train that takes him to Vijayawada early morning at 6 am. which is just 60 km from my place. It actually takes One hour drive. But as he could not go in Express Trains, by Season Ticket he used to wait for Passenger train which runs +three hours, to and fro. Many times the train used to stop at every station and wait for the green signal till other Express trains passed by. increasing the time period of journey. He being a Railway employee the South Central Railway gives him 3 'Passes" and 3 Pto sets. All Railway employees use one of these Passes, to travel in Super Express trains, and reach the destiny within an hour. Actually one pass could be used only once to and fro of a place. the Pass once used to a destiny cannot be used again. The T icket collector should put his signature on it. Once signed it is not valid for another trip. Whole India we can travel form place to place once we started our journey to and fro of our chosen destiny only once. but never for second time on the same Pass. Many employees use it by 'managing" the Ticket collector, by not getting his signature on their Pass for an year every day. But My husband never misused his set of Passes, in that way, which caused him to travel +6 hours every day. I used to toil every morning getting up at 4 am to give his breakfast and lunch to the place. Because we never entertained even one thought to give bribe to get transfer, Nor we ever considered of giving and application for transfer as his boss is an "Orthodox" briber, he is known for his bribing talent and skills. He never look at any personal file if the money is not given.
But that summer, 1991 when I was accused by my colleagues , that I am not keeping the timings of the college, I promised my Principal that I will be punctual in keeping up my coming in and going out for the next academic year,1991-1992 in written form, I was terrified by that thought. Because my children school timings and my timings to go to college were being the same, if the Rickshaw man would not turn up in time to pick them up, I was going to their school to drop them and to bring them back. I had no other support to meet the matters. I was merely helpless.
It was the month of May, I started to pray, I knew that the next year, if I am late even one minute to college, I will not be forgiven , the whole staff will devour me, especially Miss R who was very particular about this issue will take me to task. I could not be at rest, So I started to pray about this issue. Every day I was praying the Lord, to give me strength to face the next year college timings. I was asking Him to give me proper help to face this situation. My husband was working in the AEN Railway office, it was the 12th year, of his shuttling between Eluru and Vijayawada every day of all the these years. Sometimes the Passenger train he boarded in, used to be stopped at the outskirts of Vijayawada Railway station , ie. Singh Nagar, and wait hours together to get clearance from the Railway Station Master. Though he was going from here at 6 am, he was not able to go to office and sign in the register at 9:30 am, sometimes there used to be red mark at his signature place, and it means he was forced to apply leave. Because he could not come home and go for 'that half day work. We were praying the Lord to get a transfer for him to Eluru, my husband used to tell me that his Boss is a briber, and he would not look into any application or file unless he is given bribe. So what we can do? We used to pray and wait even though there is no scope for the transfer within near future, We trusted in Him who could do impossible things to be possible. we knew we need to pray and watch as the persistent widow who expected Justice from unjustful Judge. "..

The Lord said, "Will not God bring justice to His chosen ones , who cry unto Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? He will see that they get justice, and quickly," When I come again, will I find FAITH on this earth?) Luke 18:2--7 This verse was repeatedly echoing in my heart again and again.

When I came home after the college that last working day, I started to pour my heart at His feet. -- " Lord now, you know the staff in the college would devour me if go to college one minute late. Because I had given a word to them through the Principal; everyone will have an eye on me. Especially Miss R is very particular about this, and she challenged me many times, saying that she too had principles by giving divorce to her husband because he took dowry.( though it was capricious and quirk remark,as everybody knew ) What shall I do Lord please help me , Please help me.." I was in prostrated condition in front of His feet and begging Him pouring my heart to help me. I do not know for what I am asking but I could not withhold the burden in my heart anymore, I need to tell Him what had happened and how I was committed to , While I was praying, in that month I heard a voice-- in that front room, at Chelamayya's house, a rented house.
" You were asking for a helper, previously I sent Fridge in the form a HELPER, now Your husband will be your HELP ."
"My husband? How it could be Lord?"
" He will get transfer"
The voice was so clear and in that instant I knew I heard His voice and His voice I can recognize.. immediately. as the sheep knew the voice of its shepherd. My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me" John 10 :27 "...the sheep hear His voice, and He calleth His own sheep by name, and leadeth them out (v3) the sheep follow Him for they know His voice (v 4) I am the good Shepherd, I know my own, my own know me (v 14)
Then I remembered the promise I got in 1984 in Vijayawada When I asked for a HELPER , he sent Yesumani to stay with the children in Eluru, then in 1985 he sent the Fridge by telling me that it's a form of "HELPER" for me, and now this is the third time God was telling me that He is going to send "His HELPER" that is, my husband, by 'he getting a transfer to my place where I am working'. Is this impossible to believe? When His Spirit comes, He will let us know the things that would happen.
Is it wrongly written in the Scriptures? John 16:13 says, "When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the Truth; for He will not speak in his own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak, and He will declare to you the things that are to come." for just one little step of faithfulness , by not giving the bribe, my Father in Heaven was so kind to give me the blessings in abundant.
Remember that our Lord is living God, He promises and fulfills in miraculous way.. if only we give Him time TO WALK WITH US.

As usual he was going early in the morning at 6 am and coming in the evening, only after 10pm. Sometimes he runs on the platform, one day I saw with my own eyes. we were going to Vijaywada along with him in the same passenger train he had to go to Office, me, and my children got into the train, while he was putting his cycle in the cycle stand. But the train moved and he was running after the train to catch it. At the last moment when the train was pulled out of the platform, he was pulled into the train by a fellow a passenger ( Selvaraj) . I was anxiously looking out and found he was breathless when he was in, and literally fell on the floor of the train. It was horrible incident in my memory, all ways I was fearing for his safety in his travellings. One day my mistake I found a man who looked like my husband who fell from the train, was carried into the hospital, and I was after the stretcher crying aloud. I could not be consoled until somebody told me his name was some other name while his relatives were attending him. Such was me so fearful, anxious of his journeys all ways, since we get married in 1979. Most of my life spent for waiting for him to come home safely. I in humble spirit accept that I am not courageous person, many times, but only because of His abundant mercy, I could survive till now, while passing through many tests and trails of my timid life. Passenger train travellings were great ordeal in our lives, in those days. I was continuously in the grip of fear for the safety of my husband and children. I felt as if the realm of taking care of them being a custodian was my duty, my responsibility and part of my role as good wife. In this anxiety I forgot to depend on God for their protection just as I depend on God for my own protection and maintain courageous disposition.
One day , after I got an assurance from my Lord, that he would get transfer and he would be a HELP for me to take care of household affairs, and children along with me, so that I can go to college in time, it so happened that the passenger train was stopped as usual,at Singhnagar halt just before the Vijayawada railway station some 15 kilometers away. This time it stopped more than usual time. He waited and waited for the train to move to railway station where his office DEN office was nearby.
As the train was not going further, and the time for signing in the register was short, he got down and ran to the road and found a scooter wallah and asked him to give a lift upto Ramavarappadu where the man was destined to; then from there he got another scooter fellow to drop him at Benz company circle, ( ring road circle) from there he got a Lorry which was going towards the railway station, there he got down and with lunch carriage basket he started to run in the DEN office compound to go and climb the steps to reach his office. At last he reached and signed.
That afternoon one lady who is known to him asked him that she saw him running in the compound fiercely and asked him what was the matter. Then my husband answered her, ' "What to tell you mam, my life is miserable...." and he started to tell her all that had happened that day just to reach the office in time.
After hearing him she sympathetically said, " So sorry to hear this , why don't you try for a transfer to Eluru?" . Even for that my husband told her that he tried for transfer many times and applied but it was not materialised. Understanding the plight of my husband , knowing very well his spotless conduct and integrity in the office, though she belong to other section in the same building, she advised him as follows, ' Sir, again you try , your supervisor is my husband, I too will tell him about your problem."
This time its the turn of my husband to be surprised. because he never thought or knew that she was the wife of his supervisor, because this lady was a Christian, and the supervisor was a Brahman, a Hindu man by caste.
He told me about this incident at home , the next day he met the supervisor and submitted the application for transfer. I was joyful as I knew the Lord assured me about his transfer already. In heart of hearts I knew that God, my Father started to move the pawns to do what He promised me about the transfer of my husband. I knew that God in His great mercy arranged all these steps to happen in a beautiful way. I just praised God along with my husband for He is moving the matter in His own way..
But if you think that we got transfer, instantly, it means you are ignorant of His ways. There were many hurdles, obstacles to overcome, not one or two, but many, because the Lord did not take Israel in shortcut way to the land of Philistines , but He led them around Red Sea and through wilderness, Exodus 13: 17-18 There were two ways from Egypt to Canaan, One was only a few days journey; the other was much further roundabout, through the wilderness, and that's the way in which God chose to lead his people Israel.God chose wilderness to teach us His lessons, as He does to John the Baptist, and to our Saviour, and Moses.Certain things had to be materialised by this roundabout journey. The Egyptians were to be drowned in the Red sea; the Israelites were to be humbled and proved in the wilderness; they cannot entertain a single backsliding thought to go back to Egypt as they could not travel all the way back; the Name of God be glorified. God's way is the right way, though it seems be roundabout r very narrow. If we think he leads not his people the nearest way, yet we may be sure he leads them the best way, and so it will appear when we come to our journey' end. The Philistines were powerful enemies; it was needful that the Israelites should be prepared for the wars of Canaan, by passing through the difficulties of the wilderness. Thus God proportions his people's trails to their strength, 1 Cor 10:13.
That Supervisor was kind enough to inform my husband that," There is man in AEN Railway office in Eluru, by name B. who applied for the transfer to Vijayawada, it means you may get a mutual transfer; but the thing is, he applied in the year 1984, now it is 1991 almost 8 years back; so you need to meet him and get a fresh application from him, and we will try for your mutual transfer."

That day when my husband came in flying colors, to home and informed me that the next day as it was weekend holiday for him in DEN office ,Vijayawada; but working day for AEN office, Eluru he planned to go and meet this man B. I knew that the Lord was doing wonderful thing in our life, and that He is going to keep His promise that my husband could get a transfer to Eluru to be a support to me to go to college in time for the next academic year.
So thanking God we retired to the beds that night, and the next morning my husband T Yesuratnam went to the AEN office with great expectations. That afternoon when I came from College he informed me, " Leela, praise the Lord, B accepted to go to Vijayawada as he wanted to do Polytechnic studies, and improve his career performance and he asked me to meet him next weekend that he would draft the letter of application for transfer and give it to me.'
We praised God once again with deep gratitude in our hearts. All through the week we were praising God for His great love for us. Again on that weekend, Saturday, my husband went to the AEN office with great expectations, but he was utterly disappointed by the answer he received this time.
(Obstacle No.1)  He told me on that weekend afternoon, like this, " Leela, B. has changed his promise, he told me that his Parents- in- law and his own parents live in Thangellamudi, (a place in Eluru) and they do not want him to go to Vijayawada, on the other hand it seems his wife is BA., B.ed. graduate, and that she applied for teacher post in Eluru Municipality , and that she likely get it soon , if only he would pay Rs.30000/- as bribe in the office. Therefore he is not willing to give application for transfer to Vijayawada, now"
I saw the disappointment in my dear husband eyes, but the voice of God told me that he would get transfer, is it not? So I told him, " hubby, this is only an obstacle in a great spectacular miracle that's going to happen .. So let us pray much more and see how God would perform His plan for us" ( I knew God is going to get this transfer, by all means )
Is n't the word of God tells us like this.." For if one falls down, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one falls without another to help him up! If two lie down together they will keep warm; but how can one keep warm alone And though one my be overpowered, two can resist. Moreover, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken Ecclesiastes 4:10-12  As husband and wife when we pray with one heart and mind, according to His will we used to see great things to happen.So we both took our supplications to the Lord, who knew our problems, our sweat, our agony and my sacrificial life for peaceful married life. One month passed on, no news of any sort, but I knew that he will get the transfer. My God can do anything, yes, anything.
A few days rolled by and our college reopened after the summer holiday, Schools reopened, children joined in new classes, as usual I am really working hard to reach college in time. One day I saw Miss.R coming late to college, God is my witness. One month passed away without any news about our transfer application. but we both did not stop to pray about this issue. One evening my husband came home a bit early from the office, with a suitcase in his hands, it means he got into an earlier train by permission. Whenever he comes like that,with a suitcase, I knew that , he was supposed to catch a train that night to go to Hyderabad on office work ,on camp.
I was sitting on the mat along with my two little children teaching them the lessons of the school, we did not have any sofas or good chairs to sit, still. We were married in 1979 and that year was 1991.. we had 4 folding chairs for the visitors, and we used to keep those aside.
I saw him all in smiles, so I asked him, 'What hubby, are you going to Hyderabad tonight?, you came earlier today?"
This beautiful scene of that room and my husband smiling face while sitting in the chair,while opening the suite case is ever green memory to us, its always fresh and rejuvenating in our memory. He brought out a bunch of typed papers, pulled one in particular and gave it to me saying, " See, See, what is in it". His face was like 100 watts bulb, all in smiles, shining.
I could not believe my eyes, this was July 1991, I got the promise from God in the month of April 1991, about his transfer, now what I was seeing was a Government Order...1) A requested Transfer of a man by name xxxx from Guntur to Ongole, 2) A requested Transfer of B from Eluru to Vijayawada, 3) A requested Transfer of Mr. Yesuratnam from Vijayawada to Eluru. It was sealed by the Office of the DEN. and signed by the highest authority of DEN office who was known for his Bribery life.
(While I am typing this incident that, "beautiful scene of that room, my husband sitting and smiling at me, while untying his boot laces, and my sweet little children sitting on that mat looking at us expectantly trying to understand the joy of us", brings me tears in my eyes, for His grateful love upon our beautiful family. My love for my husband was boundless, we were so happy enjoying His protection. We both had a very beautiful godly life walking with Him for 22 years of marital life.)
I found myself in abundant joy and in merry 'ohs, ahas' I said, " Emandi , what happened, what is this miracle?"
He told me like this like a story in the Suspense novel, That morning the supervisor, came to his desk at 10 am hurriedly and asked him, like this,"Mr Yesuratnam, do you have the copy of the application for transfer you gave to me two month back? I need it urgently , very urgent.. can you give it now?"
" Yes, sir,"
My husband was known for his meticulous and tidy habits, he keeps the things in order, and in their place all ways.,( whereas I could not keep pace with him all ways and often get scoldings from him for my untidy way of keeping things here and there, I used to change the furniture or books or things to different positions, which often irks him , who wanted the paper or book in the same place all the time. Because I could not do like that and as I used to change the things often, he used to call me by nick name T><M = Thalakai Marchipadesthavu.... ( You change my head also , if possible, thus he was teasingly scolding me and used to call me TM.)
So as per his meticulous habit he opened his desk draw and picked the application from the file and gave it to him immediately.
By 3pm the same gentleman Supervisor brought this GO of transfer order and gave it to my husband.
(Obstacle No.2)What happened in the Boss office was explained to my husband and gave permission to go home earlier.What the supervisor told my husband was a story like the Red Sea being parted for Israelites. It seems,that morning at 10 am the Boss called the Supervisor and told him that he is going to leave for USA on long leave for one year, the very next day, as visa and flight ticket were already processed by then, and told him if he needed any papers to be signed , he would sign and go, and this trip is a top secret, and nobody should know about this. so this gentleman asked my husband for the application copy,and he gave it to the Boss to sign with other urgent papers. PRAISE THE LORD. Do you know why the boss was so hurry to leave the country..? The months April to June 1991 were the months we were praying for the transfer, and the Lord sent Vigilance on hotline on this Boss to check with his bribe habits and drag him into the trap. Knowing this the Boss left the country immediately without telling any one, and without any news of his departure leaked out to any one, except the Supervisor whom God used to help us in this spectacular way. God loves everyone , Hindu , Muslim or Parsi, He use any one for His purpose to be fulfilled. Didn't He use Koresh the king Cyrus ? According to the Bible, Cyrus the Great, king of Persia, was the monarch under whom the Babylonian captivity ended. In the first year of his reign he was prompted by God to decree that the Temple in Jerusalem should be rebuilt and that such Jews as cared to might return to their land . Isaiah 45 chapter.
Do you think that we got the transfer so easily and that he joined in Eluru Office at once? And then this story came to an end pleasantly?.. No no no no.... the real twisty story started that night.
Before retiring to the bed after the family prayer, while retreating to sleep, on his bed before closing his eyes for the night's rest my husband said, ' Leela, today is Friday, tomorrow even if I go to AEN office, B cannot give his Relieving letter and join in Vijayawada because its weekend holiday in DEN office there. so I have to go to AEN office only on Monday to submit my joining report here., though my relieving orders apply from today.'
I replied , "ok you can do like that."
Then just before he closed his eyes to sleep on the bed and say goodnight, he said,  " Leela, B is very famous person, he being ( Obstacle .No.3)a Muslim a member of the Mazdoor Union of Railways, its a very strong Union, if B tells them he got transfer like this they would take it as a challenge and stop the transfer,(Obstacle No.4) on the other hand B got a very close relative an uncle in Rail Nilayam Hyderabad, recently, in a very high position in Railways, if B called him on phone and tell him to stop the transfer it would be done."
I was staring at the back of him , as he turned the other side to go to sleep, I did not speak anything, but as the day was a hectic day for me, very tired, I closed my eyes too, to sleep. But after a few hours of sleep, I had to get up at 3am, wide awake, no more sleep, my thoughts lingered upon the words he spoke at the end of the day. Great fear took hold of me, what if B goes to the Muslim Union, what if he called his influential uncle in Railways Hyderabad, What will happen..? the transfers will be stopped? I got down from the bed, the room was small one I did not have much place after we spread the cots ,everyday , in the night we spread,again in the morning we shift them to the wall. So I got down and made a little space for myself, near the bed, almost my knees under the cot, and poured out my fears to my Friend who lends His ears all the time in a crooked place even like this. After whispering my agony to my Lord in prayer, I opened Bible, it opened at 62 Psalm, I was reading the Psalm, as if God was asking me to read it, The Psalm was speaking to me verse by verse.
"1. Truly my soul rest in God: My salvation comes from Him. 2. Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. 3.How long will you assault me? Would all of you throw me down-- This leaning wall, this tottering fence? Surely they intend to topple me from my lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. 6. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 7. My salvation and my honor depend on God , He is my mighty rock, my refuge. 8. Surely the low born are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie If weighed on a balance, they are nothing; together they are only a breath. 10. Do not trust in extortion or put vain hope in stolen goods; though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them. One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard; Power belongs to you , God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love"; and, "You reward everyone according to what they have done." (New living Version)
^{King James Version---9}Surely men of low degree are vanity, and men of high degree are a lie: to be laid in the balance, they are altogether lighter than vanity ¹¹God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto God

Now I understood what God was telling me in that early hours of the day, .. He was telling me 9.verse "Men of low degree are vanity" It means Mazdoor Trade Union on which B. may lean upon,/ the men of high degree are a lie (his uncle in high position in Hyderabad Rail Nilayam Office? was he really there? Was it a lie?) Whatever they are altogether lighter than vanity. Oh selah !! They cannot do any thing negatively to us, they are just a lie, and vanity.---My heart stood still, I heard His loving voice comforting me, there. Verse 11 spoke to me again, God hath spoken once --- Yes He has given relieving letter to my husband, one of the transfer process is finished--- Twice have I heard this--oh yes, I heard it again, that power belongeth unto God, it means the second part of the transfer process I heard again that, The joining letter process will be over today, yes today, because I know That Power belongeth unto God. What peace, what immense joyful peace, !! Did not He tell me, that they are nothing but "This leaning wall, this tottering fence? . Truly my soul rest in God: My salvation comes from Him. 2. Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken,Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. 6. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 7. My salvation and my honor depend on God , He is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Jesus told us that we should believe everything that we possessed already, whatever I prayed for , yes now I knew that He is going to help us in joining in the Eluru office just as he helped us in relieving from vij/ office. I knew it even while I was sitting there in those early hours of the day while praying over it. On Monday, instead of going to Vij early in the morning at 6am , he dropped me at my college at 9 :15 pm as he had to go to AEN office here in eluru that day, and as he was going back , I told him, "Hubby, I have class in the first period, after it is over, by 11 am, I will come down from the first floor to the office. you call me on office phone and I will be there in office, let me know the good news.." We both are light hearted and happy. Knowing God is with us.
After the first period of class I was rushing to the office then I heard the phone ringing. The clerk who was sitting there her name Miss Leela. , seeing me entering the office room said,
"Miss this phone call is for your only"
I thanked her and told her yea I am expecting this call, and grabbed the phone at once, and on the other end of the line my husband's sweet voice ,
I heard, "Praise The Lord , Leela" ---(Obstacle No.5) -"Poor B is suffering from fever since three days, so he did not come to office till this morning, and when he is given this GO, he did not say anything but signed and took his relieving order from the Superintendent here, I gave my joining report and joined in the office.
" Oh praise God, I shouted,(For us to say "Praise God" should be something such as this , where we walk with God and see His strong hand in doing miracles for us, we automatically proclaimed rejoicing, Praise God" with all our heart, but I see people say 'Praise God' to one another instead of' Hello or good morning', which I do not understand till now. If we ask them for what they were saying 'Praise God', they do not have one single answer. I feel this is like using His name in vain. Second commandment of 10 Commandments }
He said, "Leela I need to go to Vijayawada now, taking some files from here, so now I am going from here, catching some train, so evening I will come back."
" What about Lunch?
" Never mind today I will eat in the cafeteria"
I told clerk Leela about this good news, (Clerk Leela is my silent witness of God's dealings in my life, even previously in another occasion she saw me shouting "Praise the Lord",('when a great obstacle tried to stop me to go to Retreat in 1977 ) I rushed hurriedly into the chamber of Sr. Principal, Sr. Winifred, and while entering Into her chamber and shouted happily, "You know sister, good news, my husband got transfer to Eluru." My face was beaming with a big grin on my face, my godly sister also beamed with joy and with a great grin on her face as well, said, " Oh Miss congratulations, so you will be in college by 9;30 am ? hahah ?" she was laughing with joyful heart. I said, ' Oh no no Sister I will be here by 9:15 am itself, because he has to be in the office by 9:30 am', both of us laughing like little children who found a nice toy to play suddenly.
I rushed to the staff room and not knowing how to tell all the 14 lecturers in the room I shouted, "Hey A good news for all of you" and again I said, oh nono, its a good news for me, its, my husband got transfer to Eluru." All of them know how much I was suffering because of lack of his presence in Eluru, this group of lecturers belong to the department of ARTS share everything with each other so they were sympathetic and understanding my situation in college.
That evening there was a greater narration of the story of what happened in the AEN office that morning. My husband told me like this, " Leela do you know what had happened this morning in this office in Eluru?, I went there to give my joining report after B gave his relieving report, the superintend said that there is no Head Draftsman post which is mine to work in this office,(Obstacle No.6) while saying that he wrote with his green ink across the GO underneath of it , that there is no HD post for me and he could not take joining report from me.
At that moment the Head clerk came into the room saw the GO and said, " sir , there is this post in our office, when you were on camp, there was a GO sent from Rail Nilayam Hyderabad, and he immediately pulled the GO from his files. Because the Superintend came to office that morning only after his long camp he did not know about the GO.
With this the superintend could not say anything, so he accepted the joining letter from my husband. After this work was finished and while B and Head clerk and my husband were talking about the Office work then the postman came with( Obstacle No.7) a Postcard for B from the man from Guntur, who was transferred to Ongole, in that he wrote he tried his level best to get this transfer in the previous years, as he needed it then, but he could not get it. Now they gave him this requested transfer this year, which he does not want now, so he requested B. not to take relieving orders in Eluru office, and he suggested that they both could go to Hyderabad and stop these transfers by 'managing things" there. (bribe giving)
When my husband was telling me all this , I heard him intently and said to him, " Hubby, I often had an idea before my conversion that my dad would do anything ,as he was very powerful as a Police officer, , in this case as an earthly father he might have helped us in one step or two steps, but not in so many steps, like this ..7 steps we overcame and win the victory.... oh yes we walked 7 steps with the Lord.... and it's wonderful to walk with Him."
Walking 7 Steps with God is wonderful , its a relationship with Him, He lovingly walks with us, through all Obstacles, numbering 7 in this spectacular story of Transfer, FAITH versus BRIBE. Thus the prayer I prayed with 4 questions In Vijayawada were fulfilling one by one. Especially the 4th question for Helper fulfilled thrice, First as Yesumani and my sisters-in-law ; next as Refrigerator, and third time by my husband getting transfer.
I never realized that there are still more promises to be fulfilled in His Great Plan for me on that night in Vijayawada, Railway Quarters. The HQ cult tried to involve in my personal and financial matters by diverting all my resources to be nullified by asking me to resign the job. But God showed them that they can not play games with me, by giving me Lecturer Post even in Vijayawada, they themselves asking us to tack charge of the little flocks in Eluru and also getting a transfer to my hubby in glorious way. When a person wanted to do the will of God, and seek His will in his life, no one can destroy him/her by their evil tricks or jealous looks. This had been proved once again in a wonderful way. The promise given on that night should be recollected once again here, it includes this sentence too--- Numbers 32:-^{24 "}Build you cities for your little ones, and folds for your sheep; and do that which hath proceeded out of your mouth."
Next Promise:

The HOUSE: Build cities for your women and children..."Numbers 32:24

At this juncture I must go back to our main story, leaving many important incidents that took place in my life in between. God had been so good, He was with me at every point of life. He chose a husband who was 'Good looking and God fearing' I lived with him 22 years of 'happy married life believing the wonderful guidance God had given to me, I did not try to see him before marriage, I relied upon Him, my Father in heaven, I saw him while I was giving wedding ring on wedding stage.This and some other things will be picked up in the course of my story, as it goes. Of course I submitted to the Amish church rules of marriage at that time. But God converted that traverse Justice into something beautiful wreath to wear upon.

Yet to be edited

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But now I resume back to those 4 questions at the back of my Bible, and about the wonderful answer I got in Numbers 32:24 Build cities for your women and children..."As I told you we were living in rented houses.The first one was given in rent by one of my students which was a beautiful individual house for rent for Rs200/ one year we stayed in it, later for the summer holidays we vacated it put the things in our relatives house, went to Vijayawada where his sisters were put in , where we had to pay the rent too. so after the summer holidays, as the financial burden was too much, my journal was going on and on with many sighs and tears, in the presence of God.So I had decided I should seek for a very less costed rented house. I sought for a thatched house for Rs. 60/ only one room it was so horrible.I thought ok because he goes to office at 6 am and I go away to college at 9 am we both would stay at home only in the nights, so the rest of R

mygodmystory

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

When God Guides you ----under editing

Peace in the Heart

Standing on the solid Rock

Whom to obey?

The HOUSE: Build cities for your women and children..."Numbers 32:24