Taj Mahal, one of the wonders of the world was my dream. I watched a movie in my 6th class by name TAJ MAHAL, and that story captured me for years. Especailly the song
" jo vaada kiya woh nibhaana padega
roke jamaana chaahe roke khudaayee, tumako aana padega
tarasatee nigaaho ne aawaaj dee hai
mohabbat kee aaho ne aawaaj dee hai
jaane haya jaane ada chhodo tarsaana
tumako aana padega
yeh maana hame jaan se jaana padega
par yeh samajh lo tumane jab bhee pukaara
tumako aana padega...
ham apanee wafa pe na iljaam lenge
tumhe dil diya hai tumhe jaan bhee denge
jab ishk kaa sauda kiya, phir kya ghabraana
hamako aana padega.......
chamakate hain jab tak yeh chaand aur tare
na tutenge abb keh do paiman hamaare
ek dusara jab de sada hoke dewaana
hamako aana padega.......
It was a subtle sweet and melodious love song of a king for his beloved wife, it was clean, neat and harmonious. Which love we do not find now a days in any relations.
It was in my mind, all the time, devotion, and commitment, and love in between husband and wife
I had the deepest desire to see it in my life time , as it is in India where I am born and brought up all my life. I cannot think of love and life in any other way rather than this way.
But I could not see it till I am 50+.. I was sent to New Delhi to the Indira Gandhi University to
attend a seminar on HIV and AIDs people. Before starting my journey to New Delhi I made all the arrangements and Railway booking . I contacted my dear friend Dr. Shanthi in New Delhi and
requested her to put me on AGRA bus from N. Delhi to reach, Taj Mahal. I booked my return ticket from Agra to Vijayawada. And then to Eluru by the bus.
Dr. Shanthi was so sorry to send me to Agra all alone , for she could not accompany me on my
trip to Agra, as her daughters has examinations, to attend. She requested me if I could postpone my trip for next time, she and her family would take me in their car.
Never mind, I live alone and I travel alone, I do not fear of any thing, I told her, and insisted that I should go with out fail.
Usually things do not come so easily into my mind, I plan a lot, think a lot, in this process, sometimes there are many a times i cancelled my much waited trips at the last moment even. But I do not regret of those events. I have a deep notion in my life pattern, ' When any thing is in doubt, it is dirty' So when somethings even though I plan to do , I do not hesitate to cancel them even at the last minute, which puzzles many friends of mine and my family.
I have that still small voice in me, in WHOM I believe to lead me in proper way. some times this Still small voice comes so strong and would not allow me to go one step further.
People may come to conclusion that I am fickle minded, and confused and not able to decide anything. No , I do not think so, I lean upon Him, some times He tells me to go , and in the middle He would say NOT to go, and so on.
Should I mind the people's impressions of me? or should I mind of my own safety, which is given
guidance and directions, sometimes at the last moment.
This happens many times, especially in my journeys. Yes I depend on HIM and HE knows how to
lead me , so no problem.
The tourist bus from N. Delhi to Agra was in the early hours of the day. Mr. Sunder Singh , the highly qualified man, and highly positioned man, but the most humble man, who is the husband of my friend, Dr. shanthi doped me in the tourist Bus. Dr. shanthi was so unhappy to send me alone like this and that she could not provide any one for my company. I told her its not the problem at all and EMMANUEL is with me , his company is ok for me.It is more than any thing in my lonely travels, Often people ask me how can I live alone in my house, and how can travel alone etc, poor people they do not know that Emmanuel is my friend, and he does not leave me any time.
But it does not mean that I do not be afride to do certain things, all alone, ( never to stay alone but to travel alone now a days,) because of my shaky knees, fading stamina, Oh , I am getting old, it shows its traces stealthily, day by day.. many things I could do in minutes, now I find I can not do them very confidently, till I get this still strong voice within me.
So I am outwardly stupid, confused, and fickle minded. No problem. All that matters, to be is with Emmanuel, and his timings.
so Shanthi first thing she got information whether there are any Telugu people in the Bus, she found them and told them atleast dozens of times to look after me in the journey and entrusted me in thier protection. Smiling inside , and also grateful to her love and concern for me, I told her that every thing would be all right.
Because I know that.
There were 40 seats in the bus, but only 39 seats were filled, and my number was 39. lol. Imagine, I am utterly alone, all through the journey, not even having one single soul to exchange courtesies. as usual.
I believe God has a purpose to make me to live alone.
even in a tourist bus like this.
We reached Agra had spent lot time at different places, at last we reached Taj Mahal , my dream Taj Mahal, it was big and magnificent, there are some venders who would take your picture and give them immediately for 40 rupees. The above picture I got like that.
When we went near the Taj, we were asked to remove our shoes, it was blazing sun , in the middle of the afternoon, the floor was like bronze, bare foot made me suffer a lot. Any way went inside, and we were told to see where the queen was place, but we also were told that it was not the real coffin place but it was somewhere underneath. we were allowed to go around but only in restricted area, as expected we observed the architecture, and tried to admire, as most of us not able to bear the hot sun and heat wave, I made a round the Taj, touched the walls, and tried to feel those nostalgic feelings of my childhood. There I do not feel any way. Those loving thoughts of that beautiful song vanishing slowly from my consciousness. But I do not want to be disappointed, so I wanted to see the JAMUNA River , about which we read so much in the books in our youth.
The icy and sandy banks of the River, the imagination of the devoted lovers sitting there in the full moon needed to be sealed at least. so I went round that big Taj, and went back to see the cool river, oh, to my utter disappointment there was not a drop of water in it. The Jamuna was dried up, only sand drones, spread over to the ends of the horizon.
my feet started to shiver,, physically I am burnt up, no strength in me after seeing the Taj Mahal of my dreams, desolated and lonely like me. Once again I lifted up my eyes to look at the top of the Taj, which I could not from the place where I stood. I tried to see those white marbles described by the poets of India. No, those were not white, they were faded, and now they lost their shining temper, became wheat colored. I had a big sigh, in myself, I do not know the pain of Jahangir the great king who built this magnificient building , one of the wonders of the world, for the sake of his beloved dead wife Mumtaj felt this much pain in his heart or not. But I felt that pain in me, pain in every where, With this the wonderful colors of love and devotion, and zeal for something I cherished , in my heart, unknowingly , vanished like the birds in the windy desert.
I could not stand, or walk any more, my feet gave away, they started to tremble literally, and started to have big cramps, which I could not tolerate. I sat on the bench with tears pain in the heart and pain in the body.
My bus co travelers observed me sitting there with twisiting feet tears all over. They came to help me with bottle of water, and gave me to drink and sprinkled some water on my feet.
After an half hour, i pulled myself, and dragged myself, to the spot where the bus was parked. Sat, in side with mixed feelings, ...* if you have any feelings or comments on it plz do so)
)
