I wonder how human mind plays tricks, in the same way in everybody's life.
Only difference is some people recognize them, and some do not.
here are some of my long lost desires which pester me so much .. all my life.
* I love to learn Hindi. for this I need to go to Delhi and stay some time with my friend Dr. Shanthi
* I want to see Rome and Jerusalem, Egypt which I promised my self when I was selected as an AirHostess in Air India, long long back.
* I want to learn peona since i Observed my teachers Miss. Virginia, and
Miss Helen, and Miss Fiche Thorn, our English Teacher from USA, used to play in our school auditorium, of Stall Girls High school at Guntur.
* I want to write a book and publish it. For which I started to write and publish AMMA VODI but stopped lately, for no reason. Only one reason was , instead of writing and publishing it every month, I thought of doing it in volume and finish it, which i could not do till now.
*Want to go hospitals and orphanages and render service to them with my hands rather than by giving money and forget about them.
* To attain doctorate in any interesting subject, may be in scriptures..?
Will I be ever could achieve these things
oh it seems like an unreachable goals in my life as I am going to complete 59 years this month, and I feel I am old and can not have that much of energy to do anything.
For years I'd wished to do these things... but I could never make the practical justification for doing them.
oh What was I going to do with these things at this age?
but why must everything always have a practical application? I'd been such a diligent soldier for years-- working, producing, never missing a dead line, taking care of my loved ones, my family, conducting election booths as presiding officer, etc., Is this lifetime supposed to be only about duty? Still I am doing my duties even now at this age, as Baby sitter to the children of my daughter here in Virginia, nothing brought me here to spend my precious 5 months of my last years on this earth, except that my duty towards my daughter drawn me here and complete my duty for her and her children whole wholeheartedly God willing.
In this dark period of loss, did I have any Thrill for learning Hindi other than that it was the only thing I could imagine bringing me any pleasure right now?
It's not like I was saying,at the age of 59," I want to become the principal for the great public school in New Delhi. " Studying a language is something you can actually do. . My children think that this desire of mine is hilarious. Did they not think that I am good for nothing, and could never learn driving a car or own a car all by myself? Well they may not have confidence in me , but I do have.. and I am gonna strive for it. Because I love it.Every word was a singing sparrow, a magic trick, a truffle for me. The words made me laugh in delight. I love this language since my teen age, I saw a number of Hindi films , sang number of Hindi songs, but never could carry on a conversation, though I can read Hindi sentences, and write the language.
umm this should be my next venture when I go home in the year 2012.God willing.
May be I would move to New Delhi and stay with that loving family of my friend Dr. Shanthi for a while.
